So Self Destructive - Blog Posts

txt ☆ˎˊ˗ kagepro snake of clearing eyes saeru like does no one think about how if marry resets everything to the Very Beginning saeru knowingly makes himself go through the entire Azami Thing over and over again “I don't want to let go of this despair because it's all I've ever known” vibes. Man. so self destructive still I honestly I don't think he realises how miserable he makes himself because to him Just “living” is “good enough” the state itself rather than the quality or what you make of it he never thinks about the quality of the life he's extending because in his head he's under constant attack not from the mekadan or anything like that but by the virtue of his very existence he doesn't really understand what “living” and “free will” actually mean though and so perhaps unknowingly he very rigidly sticks to the idea of the “monster” that's been ascribed to him he's invested a lot of time and energy into being right about the world and the way it works and seeing people like marry people who are ostensibly Like Him but find happiness in the world anyway makes him Mad I think “you're not supposed to have that. We're Not Supposed To Have That” “isn't it fantastic to be like a monster?” no it isn't and you know it but you're too scared of being wrong about the impermanence of happiness and human worth to try being anything else kind of ironic considering the whole possession thing actually. “I can pretend to be anyone else but I refuse to stray from this arbitrary “self”” why does he put so much stock into the qualities Humans assigned to him I'll never know I mean. I Do Know but still