Curate, connect, and discover
*The squad is over at Narcissa's house*
Lucius: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
Narcissa: ... N-No...
Narcissa, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
Lucius, motioning to her kitchen: Three, I thought!
Bellatrix: I see a-
Narcissa, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
Lucius: Oh, well I-
Narcissa: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
Narcissa, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
Regulus: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!
Severus: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?
Narcissa: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!
Narcissa: I am a woman who owns four ovens...
Narcissa, louder and way too happy: I am a woman... who owns FOUR OVENS...
Narcissa: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...
Lily, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!
Narcissa:
Lucius: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!
Narcissa:
Narcissa, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM A WOMAN WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS
ScatterPatter incorrect quotes generator
Sirius: What time is it?
Remus: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out
Remus: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*
Severus: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING
Remus: It’s 2 am
*******************************
Remus: Severus, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!
Severus: Well of course I have.
Severus: Have you ever tried going mad without power?
Severus: It's boring.
******************************
Remus: What is your biggest weakness?
Severus: I can be uncooperative.
Remus: Okay, can you give me an example?
Severus: No.
*****************************
Severus, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!
James: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.
****************************
Remus: WHY. why did you give Sirius a KNIFE?!
Severus: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe.
Remus: Now I feel unsafe!
Severus: I’m sorry.
Severus: ... would you like a knife?
***************************
Sirius: Hey, Remus? Can I get some dating advice?
Remus: Just because I’m with Severus doesn’t mean I know how I did it.
**************************
Severus: sirius and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us
Remus: *Sighing* What did Sirius do?
Severus: he chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...
Sirius: Who wants a steering wheel?
*************************
Severus, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Remus, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids
Sirius: what the fuck are you guys doing?
Severus: playing systemic oppression
************************
Severus: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.
Remus: You were flirting with Sirius.
Severus: So what? He's my boyfriend.
Remus: You asked him if he was single.
Severus:
Remus: And then you cried when he said he wasn't.
***********************
*Severus is cooking*
Remus: Any chance that’s for me?
Severus: It’s for James. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need him on my side.
Sirius: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.
**********************
James: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?
Remus: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Sirius?
Sirius: Probably “road work ahead”.
Severus: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.
*********************
Severus: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.
Remus: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.
Sirius: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?
James: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.
********************
Severus: Why is Remus so sad?
Sirius: he took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes
Severus: And...?
Sirius: he got James.
*******************
Severus: You wanna see how hardcore I am?
Severus: *punches wall*
Severus:
Severus: Take me to the hospital.
******************
Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Severus*
Severus: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.
*****************
Severus, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball!
****************
Severus: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.
***************
Severus, about Remus: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.
Sirius: Are we stealing them?
James: New or used?
Severus: Wonderful responses, both of you.
**************
Severus: *Screams*
Remus: *Screams louder to establish dominance*
Sirius: Should we do something?
James: No, I want to see who wins.
*************
Severus, setting down a card: Ace of spades
Remus, pulling out an Uno card: +4
Sirius, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you
James, trembling: What are we playing
************
Severus: How did none of you hear what I just said?
Remus: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.
Sirius: I got distracted about halfway through.
James: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.
***********
Severus: Tonight, one of you will betray us.
Remus: Is it me, Severus?
Severus: No, it’s not you.
Sirius: Is it me, Severus?
Severus: It’s not you either.
James: Is it me, Severus?
Severus:
Severus, mockingly: Is IT mE Severus?
**********
Sirius: Why are Severus and Remus sitting with their backs to each other?
James: They had a fight.
Sirius: Then why are they holding hands?
James: They get sad when they fight.
*********
Severus: Dammit, Remus!
Remus: What?! It wasn’t me!
Severus: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Sirius!
Sirius: Not me either.
Severus: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?
James: *whistles*
********
James, banging on the door: Severus! Open up!
Severus: Well, it all started when I was a kid...
Sirius: No, he meant-
Remus: Let him finish.
*******
James: Everyone, synchronize your watches.
Remus: I don’t know how to do that.
Sirius: I don’t wear a watch.
Severus: Time is a construct.
******
Severus: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!
Remus: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD
Severus: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING SIRIUS WITH ME
James, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.
*****
Severus: Remus, I'm sad.
Remus: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay.
Sirius: James, I'm sad.
James, nodding: mood.
****
Severus: Listen, I can explain...
Remus: You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000?
Sirius: You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000!
James: You guys are getting paid?
***
Severus: I just ended a four year relationship.
Remus: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?
Severus: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.
*Sirius and James fighting from across the room*
**
Sirius: Truth or dare?
Remus: Dare
Sirius: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room
Remus: Hey James
James, blushing: Yeah?
Remus: Could you move? I’m trying to get to Severus
*
Sirius: Yo is James sleeping or dead?
Severus: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts.
Remus: Yeah, so did I.
James: Okay first of all, fuck you-