/srs Btw - Blog Posts

idkmaniwantgoodfanfics

1 month ago

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i’ll never be a f1 driver, never be an actress from the 2000s, never be on the set of tvd, gossip girl and pll, never be a victoria secret angel in the 2000s, never be a teenager in the 2000s, never be a singer in the 2010, i’ll never be able to learn the whole history of the world, i’ll never be able to know all the secrets about space, i’ll never be a celebrity, i’ll never be an influencer in LA, i’ll never be a kpop idol, i’ll never be famous, i’ll never be able to know everything about the world, i’ll never know the impact i have in this world, i’ll never be able to experience teenage love, i’ll never be able to know what it’s like to sneak out with a friend group, i’ll never be able to experience life as i’ve fantasied.

i’ll never know anything outside of my corner of the earth, i’ll never be able to escape the never ending cycle that is life in this corner.

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I have to live with fomo from things i’ll never experience

fomo from seeing friends being friends

fomo from seeing people able to be themselves without shame

fomo from people not knowing what it’s like to overthink every movement

fomo from girls who don’t know what it’s like seeing ur skinnier friends being hit on while ur in the background

fomo from seeing just how much girls can do when they’re pretty and skinny

fomo from not being famous

fomo from having to experience life through others since i have none of my own

fear consumes me that i might end up being a mother who lives through her child. who ensures they experience everything I couldn’t while trying to experience it for her.

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i hate this chronic fomo i’m never able to shake off

what if what if what if what if

what if i chose my friends differently

what if i didn’t like this but instead that

what if i lost the weight earlier

what if i changed myself to fit in earlier

what if i just paid more attention

what if i just kept going

what if i end it all

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end the fomo, end the what ifs?

would they care?

would they cry?

would they say i was a kind soul?

would they say i could’ve achieved great things?

would they remember me in a year?

or would i end up like another trend that’s only relevant for a few months and everyone goes back to normal?

would people see my ghost in things that remind them of me?

would people wish they could hear one last joke? see one more smile?

would i relieve the burden of my family or add more?

would i finally be at peace?

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