This Man Needs More Attention - Blog Posts

It's not your fault (Baek Yoonho x Gn reader hurt/comfort)

Request: Nope

Pairing: Baek Yoonho x Gn reader (married)

Synopsis: After the Jeju Island Raid, as the guild master, Baek Yoonho has to keep going. However, as his partner, you see the cracks.

Tw: SPOiLER FOR S2 OF SOLO LEVELING, brief mention death

Notes: We need more fanfic with this man.

Coping the loss of someone can be different for everyone. For Baek Yoonho, as the White Tiger’s guild master, work was for him the easy way to trying to forget what happen during the Jeju Island raid. Of course, at the end, the threat was killed thanks to Sung Jinwoo and his shadow and the world was safe again.

You remember the blur of emotions when you saw your husband coming back home alive after seeing him deeply wounded by the Ant monster. It was a mix of relief and happiness that quickly turned into pure sadness as Yoonho dropped the bad news: Min Byung-Gyu has been killed during the raid. His best friend is dead. You cried so much that day, in the arms of Yoonho, who tried to stay strong for you but you felt his body shake and saw his eyes with unshed tears.

Some weeks after the raid, everything went back to a sense of normality. The grief was still there in both of your hearts but as a guild master, Baek needed to keep going without failing his teammates. Filling his time with more paperwork every day, it was now a regular pattern for your husband to come home late when you are already asleep. You only saw each other in the morning, however his growing eyebags didn’t get unnoticed even if you don’t have his sharp perceptive ability. Understanding the situation, you are not mad at him for it, on the contrary. You know that Byung-Gyu’s death took a toll on Yoonho, what was worrying you is the fact that he doesn’t want to talk about it, that he is keeping everything for himself, carrying this burden along with his charge of Guild Master and S-rank Hunter. You need to help him; he was there when you were grieving, so it’s your turn to show that you are here for him.

One night, when you were already in bed like always, you heard the entrance door open and recognized the footsteps of your husband around the apartment. You heard him coming toward your shared room, enter it slowly to not make any noise to not disturb you (even if you were not sleeping) and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower, washing off the day at the guild. When Yoonho came out, he was wearing a simple white tee-shirt and his boxer and quietly slipped under to cover, his back turned to you.

You heard his sight of tiredness, making your chest ache a bit in your ribcage. It’s now or never. Softly, you moved toward your husband and your arms went around his torso and waist, one hand on his beating heart, your head in the crook of his neck, spooning him. It was rare for you to be the big spoon but this time it was what he needed. Feeling his body tense a bit and then relax a bit in your hold, one of his hands gripped the one on his heart.

“Did I wake you up? I’m sorry sweatheart.”

“No, it’s okay.”

A heavy silence fell between the two of you. You can actually feel the tension and exhaustion in his entire body.

“Tiger?”

He hummed at the nickname. Before speaking, your hold tightens and you think about the right word to say:

“I…I know that loosing someone is hard, especially Byung-Gyu, and I know that I’m so far away from what you are going through but I just want to let you know that…That I’m here for you. As a listener, as a friend, as your partner...It worries me to see you building a shell around you when you are hurting. I can see it and I want to help you…like you helped me. You don’t have to be strong with me, I’m just Y/N, your partner… So please, talk to me so we can share your grief, so you’re not alone in this, I’m here for you, my love.”

Yoonho didn’t answer right away, making you worry that your choice of words was not correct and that you just upset him more. What you did not except, was for him to bring your conjoined hands for a soft kiss. His body was still stiff and he was still not facing you but you felt with the gesture and the shaking of his hand, a small crack on the wall he builds around his own heart.

“I saw him again after his death.”

Your eyes widened at his confession, but you keep your mouth shut.

“Hunter Sung resurrected him as a shadow to heal hunter Cha from a fatal wound, which he did. It was real, he was real. But you know that he always hated violence, always hated fight, that’s why he was a healer… Why he retired before the raid.”

You nodded your head, showing that you are listening and quickly you sensed what was going on inside his mind.

“When Hunter Sung let his shadow go, as I asked for respect of his choice, he…he smiled at me like he knew what I was thinking, like he wanted to tell me that-“

His body was shaking now and Yoonho tried to stop the sob that wanted to come out. Your heart broke at the sight and you usher him softly to turn over and face you. When he did, you saw his eyes were filled with tears that were threatening to spill. Placing a hand on his cheek, you finished his sentence.

“That it was not your fault.”

Those simple words were the final straw for his tears to roll slowly. Grief and guilt are not the best combination for someone like your husband, when the death of his comrade is affecting him so much.

He was fully crying in your arm now, sharing his pain with you and letting go of all the emotion he kept for himself. And you were her to welcome it, tightening you grip around him with both arms, mumbling words affection and slightly tracing circle on his back to sooth him. The two of you stayed like that for a long time until his tears dried out. When your eyes locked on each other, it was not the S-rank hunter that was looking at you but your grieving husband. You wiped the remaining tears off and you placed a soft kiss on his lips.

“You are not at fault for his death.”

Yoonho was ready to argue but you cut him off, wanting him to listen to you.

“He knew the risk when he chose to be in this raid like you or Jong-in. Death and Hunter will always be tied together.”

“He was retired when he decided to come for the raid, and because of what? Because of me, because I told him that I was going to Jeju Island!”

“But he chose for himself.” you looked at him with understanding and fondness. “He could have just let go of this idea and go back to retirement but he didn’t, because he was an amazing hunter, because even if he hated violence, he wanted to help as much people as he could. He wanted to help you like always when you were a team. I know it’s not fair and I know that it hurts but the smile he sent you was not for you to feel guilt about his death but for you to remember him for his determination and devotion.”

You smiled at your husband with only sympathy and gentleness in your eyes. He sighs shakily and brought you in his arms this time, his forehead on the center of your collarbones.

“I was a shitty husband for the past few weeks, huh?”

“No, you were just grieving and in pain and that is completely fine Tiger.”

“When are going to stop using this one?”

You chuckled teasingly: “Never.”

Yoonho shook his head, a small smile on his lips. With your arms around each other, he finally found a place where he does not have to be strong all the time.

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Thank you so much for reading this, I really hope that you liked it! :)

Sorry again for my grammar errors, English is not my first language :)