Touya Angst - Blog Posts

Update:-

I'll update the story "Done with life or nah" when I have time. I was only thinking about doing a short ending but then my brain exploded and I kept on going until it- more than I expected. I'll be updating the good ending first because my brain is focused on that one. Not sure when but sorry for the late update in advance. Thank you for the support ✨

In case any of you haven't read it yet, I'll link it here❣️

it lives where i live

part 2 is here! this was a difficult one to write because there’s so much i want to say and i have no idea how to say any of it. but this is an important one and i hope you enjoy it :)

wc: 3.4 k. cw: angst, unintentional self-harm (touya scratches himself in his sleep), injury (scratch), blood (scratch), reader is not well mentally, gn reader, no pronouns used 

read part 1 here

There is a warmth against your cheek when you stir, creeping up to heat the skin of your forehead as you stretch and squirm—fighting the lure of just a few more moments of sleep. Blinking slowly, you study the beam of light peaking through the sheer curtains—the way the little refraction cuts through the otherwise dark of your room.

For a moment, in the light, you forget.

But when you roll to your side—away from the light, looking to the door—you feel everything with a force that leaves you breathless.

Despite the weight of it all, you push up off your bed to sit, head hung a little as you take in a few deep breaths. The house is quiet, but you didn’t expect anything else. Your eyes burn a little, and you wait for the tears to come. When they don’t, you sigh—there’s nothing good to come from crying, anyway.

You stand and move to the door, opening it quietly and distantly wondering when you started moving around like an intruder in your own home. There’s a heat that comes with the thought—it curls in your stomach, slithering around the other feelings you’ve been holding there, and you shove it down, down, down, because you don’t want to be angry at him. Because he’s been through enough.

You don’t listen to the thought that tells you: so have you.

When you walk down the hall, the bathroom door is open, and Touya’s bedroom door is not. He must have woken up before you, if he slept at all. You don’t imagine you’ll see him today—at least not during the day. You fight the urge to hover outside his door, ear crammed to the wood to try to hear him breathing.

Keep reading

In Another Life

dear rue, don’t hate me 🥺 @rueclfer full fic to the angst drabble i wrote the other day, which can be found here; angst drabble

synopsis; he’d never be yours in this life, but maybe in another he could be. (dabi/touya x reader)

cw; angst, allusions and mentions of character death, fem!reader imagined but not exclusively stated can be read as gn!reader, quirkless reader, mentions of endeavor (yes i consider this man a warning), i think that’s all

word count; 1.7k

please don’t use, copy, or steal my writings thank you and enjoy 😊

“fuyumi invited me to dinner this weekend. she says everybody will be there. your mom, natsuo, and shoto. i think he might also be there, she didn’t say but i could tell by the look on her face. i told her i’d think about it,” you sit on the uncomfortable plastic chair in the bland white room.

the only sounds are the beeping and the raspy shutters of the life support machine that is keeping touya alive.

“do you think i should go?” you're silent as you wait for him to answer. fuyumi had told you that you would be the only one to visit him today, meaning he’d be able to answer you if he wanted.

“that’s up to you.” his voice is raspier than you’ve ever heard it before, you know it’s because he’s burned his vocal cords beyond repair.

“i don’t think he likes me very much. he always glares at me,” you explain and watch the roll of his eyes as he lets out a scoff.

“i’m serious, he never liked me as a kid because i’m quirkless. i’m pretty sure it’s still the same. i know he only puts up with me because your mom forces him to since i’m friends with all of you four.” you assume the garbled sound that leaves him is a laugh and it makes you chuckle in turn.

“i miss those days,” he sighs and you smile nostalgically, as a kid you’d go to his house after school some days and nearly every weekend to play with him, fuyumi and natsuo. 

you were their neighbor and the same age as fuyumi who you quickly became friends with, and grew incredibly close to touya. so close that you developed a crush on him at five years old, though you’d never admit to it.

“yeah,” you sigh while looking over to the machine encasing him, “me too.”

it’s been almost two weeks since you last went to visit touya, work has been keeping you busy lately and you’re finding it hard to make time for him.

you have tomorrow off and have made the plans to go see him, fuyumi already knows and is making sure nobody else will go see him so that you can have the whole day with him.

it’ll be nice, you think, to see him and spend an entire day without having to worry about leaving if his family shows up.

you love them you do, but sometimes it’s nice to just be with touya. 

“you should tell him how you feel,” fuyumi’s voice sounds from your phone as you make your way into the facility where touya is.

“does everybody know?” you groan out, stepping to the check in desk and writing your name down.

“everybody except him,” fuyumi laughs, “you’ve been in love with him since we were five it’s not hard to miss.”

you scoff, of course it isn’t. it’s not like you hid it, but admitting it isn’t as easy as it seems. you have no idea whether he feels the same, and the fear that he might not make it out of the facility is what keeps you from telling him.

“i’m just scared yumi, what if he doesn’t feel the same?” you pause to take a breath as you enter the elevator.

“what if he does?” she responds,

“ok well what if he doesn’t get better? i don’t want to get my heartbroken,” you explain through a heavy sigh.

“and what if this is the push he needs to get better?” she’s always been the logical one.

“i’ll think about it, but i’m here. i’ll talk with you later,” you say your goodbyes as you approach his room.

you smile as his eyes flicker towards you when you enter the room.

“i know you can’t have any but i brought soba to eat. figured it might cheer you up a bit since it is the day before your birthday.” he rolls his eyes and scoffs as you sit in the uncomfortable plastic chair.

“i’m sorry i haven’t come to see you, works been keeping me busy.” you sigh and take a bite of the soba you brought.

he only grunts in return and you sit in silence for a while.

“will you be here tomorrow?” his voice startles you out of your thoughts.

“i might come after your family, i don’t want to be around your father.” you explain and he makes a humming sound.

the silence stretches another few minutes before he coughs violently, you’re by his side immediately to check if he’s alright.

“are you okay? i mean obviously you aren’t but i fuck i’m bad at this.” you ramble on and he chuckles deeply, or at least he tries to.

“i’m as good as i can be.” his eyes meet yours and you feel your knees weaken. his eyes were always your favorite.

“do you want me to go?” you ask, he gives a slight shake of his head.

“just sit with me for a while.” he whispers and you do. 

you spend the rest of your visit rambling to him about the last two weeks and he listens in silence, giving an answer here and there.

he’s asleep by the time your visit is over and you smile softly at his sleeping form.

you stand to leave, leaning over the machine to get a look at his face.

“goodnight touya, i love you.” you whisper and gather your stuff to leave.

you miss the twitch of his eyelids as you walk out.

you see him the next day for his birthday, surrounded by his family. and although his father is there too, you’re able to manage being around him for touya.

it’ll be another week before you can see him again, so you enjoy the time you have today.

the night of his birthday, you dream of another life.

in the dark of the night, when the people sleep and the city is quiet, on a rooftop under the clear sky, two figures sit and watch the stars.

“if you had the chance to go back and redo things, would you change anything or keep it all the same?” a whispered voice carries in the wind, a chill running through his veins.

there’s a soft humming sound that filters in the air, an acknowledgment of the question and his head tilts as he processes your words. the stars blink at him in anticipation, silently awaiting his answer.

“i don’t know.”

his voice is meager, afraid to speak any louder and scare you away again. but it’s clearer than you’ve ever heard it before.

“do you?”

such a simple question yet the answer is anything but.

he draws in a breath at your silence.

“i think i would change one thing.”

a pause, he turns to look at you.

“i’d fighter harder not to lose you.”

he smiles softly and gently tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. you continue to stare at the sky, afraid it’ll all disappear if you move.

“y/n… you lose me no matter what you do.”

you sigh and his touch is gone just as quickly as you felt it.

glancing to where he sits, you choke back a sob, he’s already fading as the light from the sun starts to rise.

“i know.” you feel like you can’t breathe as the words force their way past your lips.

he smiles. it’s broken.

“i’m sorry.” your heart breaks as he speaks, you’re starting to forget what he sounds like, it’s been so long.

“i love you.” you reach for him, hoping, no praying, that you can touch him, feel him one last time before he slips from your grasp again.

“i know.” he never says it back and you know it’s because your brain can’t imagine what the words sound like on his lips, never having heard them before, even if you confessed while he was alive.

not even your dreams can bring you solace as you watch him fade completely, your body jolting upright in the sweat soaked sheets you lay.

the tears are steadily streaming down your face, you do nothing to stop them as the sun crests over the horizon and the light sneaks into your room.

“why’d you have to go?”

there’s no answer. there’s never been one, but you’ve always known his motivations.

“i had another dream of you last night,” you sit cross legged on the grass, the wind blowing softly in response to your words. as if filling the silence in place of an answer.

“this time we sat on the roof watching the stars, like we did when we were kids,” you sigh, the tombstone across from you reading touya’s name.

‘dabi’ is written in smaller letters beneath, your idea as you knew he would’ve liked that over touya but his father insisted on using his given name.

it had taken fuyumi, natsuo, and shoto just to get him to agree, but you knew touya would be happy wherever he was.

“i told you i loved you in this one, before it ended the same as the others. with you fading away as the sun rose, and me jolting awake with tears streaming down my face.” it’s just you visiting him today, and somehow it feels better than visiting him in the facility.

he passed away after his birthday, a couple days before you had the chance to see him again. you got the call from shoto, fuyumi too distraught to be able to tell you.

hearing the words from shoto’s monotone voice made it hurt worse than you imagine hearing it from fuyumi’s voice would’ve.

“i still can’t believe you’re gone. it’s been a year now, it feels like just yesterday you were turning twenty-four,” your voice shakes as your arms wrap around yourself.

“i never thought there’d be a time where i was older than you,” the tears don’t come as quickly anymore but they still come.

“i miss you so much touya. why’d you have to do it?” you plead as if the stone would provide an answer.

you sigh heavily and stand, dusting yourself off to leave.

“i love you,” the wind that blows is warm, a gentle caress around your body and you imagine it as his arms wrapping you in a hug. a silent i love you too, his final comfort to you.

your eyes blur as you leave, you don’t visit him again after that.

Blue

Dabi angst fic, not really proof read, doesn’t contain any strong topics aside from strong hatred.

Cold. Cold was all you felt, a feeling you had almost forgotten. Forgotten how cruel it was how it was as it enveloped your bruised and beaten body. Snowflakes fell from the dark, chilly sky as wind weaved through the buildings.

Sitting atop the snowy ground you were leaning against the hard mossy brick of the LOV building a shadow cast along your face as you held your body together despite the pain from the burns and bruises. With labored breathing you raised your head to look at his face. Turquoise eyes stared back, the way they looked at you made the snow beneath your feet feel almost warm in comparison.

You had predicted this day long ago and knew it was only a matter of time before it came. You had played your role for the league you had performed admirably, it earned you praise among them. Now that you had done your part you were to be disposed of because you were no longer of worth.

You knew this was coming, you knew you wouldn’t be around for too long, you were almost hyper aware of it. Yet you cracked just a bit, you let yourself smile a little too genuinely at his snide comments and rude remarks, relished a bit too much at the feeling of his rough and burnt skin. Relaxed a tad bit more than you should have at the familiar burnt smell from him.

Doomed from the beginning, you knew that you were and no matter how many heinous crimes you committed, no matter how much blood you covered your hands in... You found yourself to be unable to rid yourself of the human feeling of love despite society seeing you as no longer human.

Though on this snowy day in January, you remembered why you should have ridden yourself of this emotion. Giving a cold-eyed appraisal of the situation, he stepped forward though you could not bring yourself to even uselessly try pushing back farther into the wall. Your body ached and started to go numb starting from your legs. The wounds ached a bit more when he squatted down to your eye level.

You knew you were fighting back tears finally met with the despair of death you both had cruelly tormented others with. His hand reached out to caress your face, his touch was disgustingly gentle, quite different to the harsh and hot hands he had beat you with just a few seconds earlier.

Staring back at him with red watery eyes you were sure you looked pathetic for someone who was infamous for being such a cruel and powerful villain. Everything you had once felt for the black-haired man before you were nothing more than a wistful memory. All that was left was a very bitter feeling that seemed to bubble over in the moment. Gathering what little strength you had left you spat at his face the glob landing on his cheek, his eyes flashed for a split second with amusement.

The hand he had placed on your cheek swept over a wound to collect the blood which in turn made you hiss in pain. “You really don’t know when to knock it off do you?...Always hated that about you, you know?” His croaky voice that you once enjoyed filled you with nothing but abhorrence now, your eyes were no longer teary, instead they stared into his cold ones with malevolence.

Not that you cared anymore but you still found yourself searching for an inkling of emotion in his lackluster eyes, but you found nothing.

The slightly warm palm that had been held to your cheek without moving much had begun to heat up slowly but surely. He started talking once more his tone casual not befitting the current situation at hand “hey you had that really dumb nickname for me...What was it again...Oh...Blue.” It was a nickname you had given him when you first joined the league, and you did not know his name.

Everything you had done led right up to your demise but what you regretted most was letting that emotion even if it was just a little. You should have known a man like himself lost the ability to love another long ago leaving only the hollow shell where a soul once resided. Perhaps it would have made this moment less bitter, perhaps if he loved you in return, it could have been bittersweet.

His hand continued to heat up while his other hand stroked your hair. It was in an almost mocking manner like he was trying to comfort his partner after a grueling day. Even as his hands heated up to an excruciating degree he did not cease his action.

Oh, how you resented him.

But oh, how you resented yourself more for being a fool.

His vile smirk was the last thing you saw before your body went up in a hot flash and your vision was taken over by one color.

Blue.