Tw Suicidal Thoughts - Blog Posts

Nothing

I fr just wanna give up on life, man…

Might be part of something larger.

TW: depression, self-harm, suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, blood

Red. Red was a beautiful color. It wasn't her favorite color but there was something enchanting about it. The way it flowed down her arm into the sink, taking her pain and memories with it. She couldn't tear her eyes away even if those people were screaming at her. Red. Down her arm. Red. Down the sink. Red red red. Down the drain. It was the only time she felt okay. Though she had to do it often since the feelings didn't last long. The relief, the comfort she felt in her skin for once, how she finally loved herself in those moments, it was all too short. She needed more red. Enough to last longer. To last the rest of her life. It was the only way she'd ever be okay.

tw: suicidal thoughts mention

transcript under the cut

08/08/2023

I really thought about ending it all, all day today. Life feels unbearable and has been for so long.

At 19:30, [...] arrived by train in Porto and decided the first thing he wanted to do was treat me to dinner. He didn't even stop at his house first, straight from the station to mert up with me, just because.

So, with all that spontaneity and affection in the world , we walked around [...], ate kebabs, bought plushies to hug and browsed a bookstore. Not only he decided to buy The 7 Husbands of Evelyn Hugo just because I said it was good, I looked at this book, said I loved flowers and he picked it up to add to the other one he wanted. Only after he paid he gifted it to me, knowing I wouldn't accept unless tricked into it.

I have people that make life worth living, and they're capable of gestures of kindness and affection bigger than any of my doubts. I don't know if I'll enjoy this book or not, but it will always be a wonderful reminder of that.