Having Rules That Work For Everyone Is Always A Good Way To Frame Romantic Sexual Obedience

Oh my god being told to "Bend over and show me".... Like leaning over the counter or the side of the couch and spreading my legs a little to hold my ass and thighs apart so you can see what a mess I am? That right there makes my brain melt

Is it really, really gross and outside of many sub’s boundaries to be used as an ashtray?

Absolutely.

However, that isn’t the point of presenting this video as an instructional example.

This is an extremely good video for EVERY sub to watch on repeat as part of understanding what processing looks like.

There are a lot of kinds of processing, but processing disgust is one of the most important because disgust is one of the top obstacles a submissive is likely to face along their path of growth and development. (Pain processing, jealousy processing, humiliation processing, degradation processing, self acceptance processing, and obedience processing are a few of the other obstacle strewn areas where growth through processing is required for success.

This video/scenario gets to the very heart of a purposeful D/s practice. As a Dominant, I find watching a submissive accept their Dominant’s guidance and to then process through a difficult obstacle successfully to be incredibly arousing.

If your disgust reaction is too strong, you may need to watch it and desensitize until you can overcome your disgust and clearly see the power she manifests as she processes through being an ashtray. Dominants, watch the way he supports her through patience and clear communication. You can hear in his tone that he believes in her ability to focus her power and succeed.

This is what healthy D/s practice looks like. Study it and communicate with each other about how to accomplish this sort of processing success for the obstacles that challenge you in your path.

My good girl, my ashtray, I'm going to smoke my Cuban cigar, open your mouth, I don't want to see a tear fall, the consequences could be much worse, and remember to always thank me 🖤

The real journey begins when you accept that many of your daily life’s elements are secondary traits of your life.

You are a submissive who has a job as a ______.

You are a submissive who lives at ________.

You are a submissive who married _________.

You are a submissive who does ________ for recreation and exercise.

Etc… etc…

You can of course choose things that take precedence. Like, you are a mother, sister, friend, wife, etc… but the truth is that the higher you elevate your own self understanding to reflect that you are a submissive above other things, the more enjoyable your life will be and the less you will have to think about how your life as a submissive fits in with the rest of your life and rather to witness how all of your other life activities are an extension of who you are as a submissive.

The clarity of this, regardless of how you ultimately balance it, is essential.

The negotiations for what a sub wants really are the starting point for discussions.

Does the sub want to be owned?

How often do they want their state of being owned to be presented into their daily lives?

What nuances do they prefer for their own direct pleasure and what do they accept for the pleasure of their owner?

What does the sub need to experience and how often do they need to experience it for the ownership arrangement to be a fulfilling interest?

Do they want to derive their own direct or indirect pleasure from what they do for their owner’s pleasure? How often? In what mix of each? Is it every time they perform an act for his pleasure? Never? Half the time? Etc.

When they are not receiving direct pleasure how do they want to be made to feel while servicing their owner’s pleasure? Does feeling safe or feeling scared matter? Does feeling appreciated or discardable matter? Does feeling praised or denigrated matter?

Does experiencing certain traditionally “negative” social elements of service give them indirect pleasure such as feelings of objectification/degradation/humiliation/meanness/abuse etc… Do they require simultaneously supportive elements from your owner?

Aftercare is essential for both owners and submissives. Aftercare establishes a return to the relationship’s underlying grounding point. The neutral place where care for each other is the essential truth and from which each of you understands the roles you are choosing to play and can speak about them honestly.

Discovering what areas of life are and are not subject to ownership and submission is part of the journey. Sometimes there are things that you’ll want to add or remove. Trying things for a while and then shifting them to suit your goals as your experience grows and changes together is one of the most essential pleasures of practicing BDSM.

When I say I want to be a submissive little wife, this is what I mean:

I want to be talked down to, humiliated and babied.

I want to ask permission, be told no and have my wants controlled by my husband.

I want to be scolded and corrected and told how to behave.

I want to be put over my man’s lap and spanked like a child until I beg and cry.

I want to be owned and obedient in every sense.

I want to be his, to use and shape however he wants.

Oftentimes it is necessary for a submissive to find the point in their daily life identity, where it breaks apart so that they can be free of it.

This is generally experienced by the submissive as a/the starting point of the exploration of their submission.

Because this has to happen EVERY time they transition from daily-life-space into subspace, it is important to consistently answer frequently practice things that make the transition faster and easier.

Having specific activities (that are consented to in advance for maintenance) as activating triggers that their Dominant partner can control becomes an essential part of the submissive’s needed energy demands. Without it, finding one’s way into subspace is often encountered as a daunting or even impossible thing to achieve.

The essential key is having a consistent practice where consent and power is given over to the dominant partner to enforce for the purpose of maintenance. Maintenance to the access path into subspace. Not every maintenance event requires that subspace be reached, only that the energy of the pathway is being maintained in consistent, frequent, specific, and incremental ways.

The sub’s essential responsibility is to support letting their mind move toward or along the path of their submission. The path where down it lies more and more elements of their subspace. That is what they are to do during all of these maintenance events. That’s all. That is the whole point and full scope of the basic responsibility. Every maintenance activity should be chosen specifically to support this specific purpose.

Emptying away the daily-life-space from what fills the mind is the most common part of a maintenance practice. The specific verbal trappings / signs / systems / lexicon, etc… that support you in breaking that apart so you can move through it onto the path of your subspace will vary from person to person and sometimes from one activity to another, or vary between repetitions of the same activity.

Give Grace and allow the language and trappings not to become an obstacle. The deeper point is more important than the words used to describe it. Try your best to navigate around the words and let them go when the wrong ones are chosen.

For some submissives or activities it is more important for the language to be bold and for others it needs to be more subtle. For some it needs to be exaggerated/extreme and for others it needs to be more nuanced and realistic.

I will use maintenance spankings as the activity and here are some examples of the language that might be used to separate the daily-life-space from the path toward subspace:

I’m better when I’m empty headed

Spankings wash the day away

Bimbos don’t think

I serve my [Owner]

Brains are for [Owners]

[Focus on breathing and visualizing]

Owner’s [belt] reminds me what I am

Owner’s spankings help me see myself

Etc…

There can be a scenario that goes along with the maintenance spankings. For example, maybe you are perpetually auditioning for the part of your [Owner’s] good girl and Owner spanks you while discussing different, future subspace experiences or tasks to see whether Owner thinks you’d do well in that experience.

Etc…

Whatever it is, remember, the language itself isn’t the point. That the language is something you decided on because you at the time felt it would be supportive of your access to the pathway toward your subspace is the point. Sometimes the language will just be wrong, and that is true even if it worked well the last time. Don’t let yourself get stuck on that when it inevitably happens. Again, a maintenance activity like a spanking isn’t intended to send you into subspace. It could occasionally happen, but that isn’t its purpose.

So, empty your head, precious little one. Your owner has some places to remind you about. Places where your needy and wet. Places where the worship fills you with obedience and craving. Places where the pain becomes pleasure. Places where the disgusting becomes essential. Places where the more degrading humiliating it is the deeper your pleasure. Places where the idea of it coming to an end disappears because time has bent and the whole universe exists in what I allow your tongue to touch.

You are my brave and deeply appreciated wife.

Come, bend over while I begin reminding you of the pleasures that exist because of the focusing stripes of pain my belt brings to your mind.

Let your daily mind space melt away.

Become empty of all those things.

Enjoy the life of an adventurer on the path of your submission, and allow me to lead you on a never ending journey guided by your need to worship at my altar.

Let your mind go.

From reading all the incel toned “bdsm” blogs out there it seems some basic advice is needed:

Good submissives seek out and listen carefully to whatever things make their partners happy (and their cocks hard.) They learn to excitedly let obedience to the cravings that their partners have become the focus of their own arousal.

Letting it fill the full horizon of your mind is the nature of the experience a submissive should always strive for. Develop your arousal entirely within service to your Dominant partner’s preferred kinks.

Of course, in a healthy BDSM relationship the Dominant partner is also attentive to your interests and sexual triggers and will shape their own cravings by using YOUR sexual energy as an essential ingredient. This should at times be so deeply entwined together that the submissive cannot differentiate easily which energy and kinks belonged originally to the Dominant partner or to them. This blending and loss of self awareness is often a necessary element of healthy “relationship subdrop.”

Relationship supdrop is the idea that simply spending time being present within the relationship’s energy is a step into subdrop. This is the very first stage of development for a 24/7 D/s relationship.

The two partners at some point or another might simply look at each other and realize that their energy extends so deeply into each other that sometimes, oftentimes, it can be hard to see life as being anything else.

Begin in a place that deeply appeals to a sub to facilitate subdrop’s first stages and then any escalations into subspace makes it possible to introduce other harder to process kinks and also sexual elements of service to the Dominant’s preferences that would have met resistance if introduced at the wrong time. In this way the fact that they are the Dominant’s preferences becomes lost. Remember, as a submissive your primary focus is to fill your horizon with service to and arousal from your Dominant’s kinks and preferences. Once enmeshed in the elevation of an experience whatever the Dominant introduces, if done skillfully, will truly feel like it was a kink you held hidden away deep inside of you all along. In truth, given the interconnected reality of our existence using this tool to access the interpersonal psychology of your relationship with your partner is completely understandable.

A good girl wants to be used as the entertainment for partied.

She wants to be completely naked while fully dressed guests mingle.

She wants it known that at anytime the guests can fuck her. Any where they wish and in front of anyone they wish.

She wants the guests to carry on their conversations normally, fully ignoring her whimpers and leaking holes to whatever degree the choose.

A good girl will sit with legs spread awaiting any guest who may wish to grope, finger, or fuck her.

She is excited to be passed around and given from lap to lap as guests entertain themselves casually with her body.

She encourages her objectification and humiliation at whatever level the guest demands as they finger and fuck her with whatever their hearts and hard cocks desire.

A good girl spreads wider as a hand, a wine bottle or cock is fucked into her dripping wet hole.

A good girls gets off on the fact that she has inspired the guests to invent depraved games to use her in.

A good girl serves their widely varied kinks and gets off on the fact that they thought so highly of her and of her ability to find enjoyment in being of this kind of service to their sexual perversity and depravity that they chose her above all others to give her service to them.

A good girl accepts who she is.

A good girl asks for ever more opportunities to practice it.

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You are responsible for developing your own enthusiasm for and fulfillment of your practice.

Being worthy of the effort it takes from your owner to be your Dominant is one of the most essential things a submissive can learn about their role and responsibilities.

(This is also true of Dominants.)

Be so thankful that you not only have fun in the experiences you have together, but be so thankful that you show it by DOING THE WORK between experiences so that you bring real growth and supportive energy into the experiences.

🇨🇦𝛂♂