Oftentimes It Is Necessary For A Submissive To Find The Point In Their Daily Life Identity, Where It

The instructions are back!

CW: light degradation, some name calling, praise mixed with degradation. Not a hypnosis file!

I tell you what I want you to do each day of this week and how long at a minimum you should edge, and how you should do it. I won't ruin the surprises. You'll have to listen. As always, my messages are open, and I enjoy hearing from you. Have fun, and get edging!

The Fake Dom Problem

How submissives are misinformed, misled and taken advantage of by people pretending to be a "real Dom".

I'm writing this, because I know from experience that there are many so called 'fake Doms' out there. These are (mostly) men who pretend to be a dominant in the BDSM culture, often claiming having lots of experience, while in reality they are simply men looking to take advantage of (often) young and inexperienced submissive females, who make an easy target to be taken advantage of due to their submissive nature.

A couple of things that usually stand out with fake Doms, is that they quickly assume the "dominant" role, or at least, what they presume to be the dominant role. Very often they'll have the submissive female refer to them as 'Sir' or 'Master', sometimes even from the start, even though no consent has been given, and the "Dom" knows little to nothing about the submissive in question.

They'll often quickly continue with online role play, start asking submissives what clothes they are wearing, or demanding they do as they tell, because they are the "Dom", and they (incorrectly) assume a submissive must always tell whatever a Dom tells them to do. This often leads to submissives being incorrectly informed, taken advantage of and being misled, sometimes even abused.

Often these are just men looking for sexting, or online role play, and have little to no experience or knowledge about BDSM or being a "real Dom". Some of them might simply be looking to get themselves off, or sometimes are just looking to score nudes from their victims.

A real Dom however will never start demanding things from a submissive, until consent has been given from both sides. A real Dom will never ask you to call them 'Sir' or 'Master', until you both have agreed upon it, and preferably not until you both know something about each other, what both of your desires and limitations are.

A good Dom will always first try to get to know a submissive first, to try and understand their needs, desires and wishes, as well as their limitations, current circumstances and hard limits. This is of key importance, not just to built trust, but also to prevent crossing the line and leaving the submissive with a bad experience.

So please, be careful when you meet a new Dom online. Make sure you get to know each other first. Don't send pictures until you feel comfortable. And my personal opinion would be, not to send any nudes or sensitive material, until you have both personally met each other face to face, so you know that he or she is the real deal and not a fake Dom.

Don't let yourself be fooled or pressured into things because some online Dom tells you to. A good Dom respects your limits and respects you. I know this might sound weird for those submissives that crave to be humiliated and degraded, but only someone who respects you can truly humiliated and degrade you the way you want to. After all, if there's nothing to be respected, there's nothing to humiliate or degrade.

If you have any questions, want advice or just want to talk, my DM is always open.

Let's create a safer and better place for both Dom's and submissives, with less fakers and more real people looking for the real thing.

Please share this!

@dominantbimbotrainer

Do you actually have kids? You said you don't want any more. How do you manage your relationship dynamic around having a family?

Yes we do. We make sure we keep all dynamic stuff away from the kids, and just have to wait until they’re in bed or not home to do anything sexual. It makes it harder and it puts limits on what you can realistically do but we make it work.

Your body must be rested and fed if you wish to be a pervert.

This is actually a too often undiscussed topic.

A lot of people don’t understand the importance of very fully draining every possible drop of cum from a partner. (I think this mostly stems from a lack of anatomical understanding of the orgasm.)

Yes, an orgasm can come and go creating a flash of climactic pleasure, however if the various glands/organs involved in orgasm are not drained there will be a persisting feeling of pressure and incompleteness of the orgasm that lingers with varying intensity depending on the amount of fluid left un-ejaculated in the glands and tubes of the reproductive system. For a truly complete orgasm experience to be achieved, the cock has to be continuously and intensely drained CONSIDERABLY beyond that first few waves of initial orgasm.

Getting to that point via vaginal or anal sex can be difficult especially if the vagina or asshole is not still a very tight sleeve around the cock during the orgasm. If you want to really give the best orgasm possible, it can sometimes require manual or oral stimulation to drain the cock after an orgasm from vaginal or anal sex. With oral sex getting to a well drained state of pleasure requires ongoing effort to draw all the cum from the cock, usually as a hybrid of oral and manual efforts.

This eventually leads to a state where the pleasure from being so well drained tips over and overstimulation forces you to tap out. If you are not frequently draining your partner until they tap out from overstimulation then you should try this more often and talk about it to see which your partner enjoys more.

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As an important and related tangent thought:

A lot of men (like myself) are attuned to their partner’s energy when orgasming and if the orgasm started from oral sex, if you reject swallowing and/or negatively react to having his cum in your mouth it is experienced as a deeply dysfunctional type of rejection. Experiencing this deep rejection is related to the partner not deriving sufficient personal enjoyment and pleasure from making their partner cum that their pleasure state doesn’t allow them to overcome whatever their aversion to cum is, and then this diminishes their role in the connection made during orgasm. It is replaced by a sense of them simply performing a perfunctory/indifferent/mechanical action for the orgasming partner. This feeling can be very emotionally disconnecting for the person who is cumming. It isn’t necessary to always drain every drop down your throat, but making a conscious effort to show enjoyment of having the opportunity to swallow some of their partners cum is encouragement that will lead to that partner being less hesitant and more excited about cumming when you do it in the future. Orgasms will be easier to elicit if you establish a sincere track record of being enthusiastic and thankful for their cum.

needing to suck him dry while he's writhing and moaning

A good example of an entry-level severity, no-count paddle spanking

An after bath spanking for a naughty girl to make sure she pays attention at work.

This is an excellent example of why it is important to edge in relationship to a practiced behavior such as being spanked.

Edging as part of training a behavior intentionally conditions an arousal trigger in connection to being spanked so that you begin to subconsciously crave the spankings in a way that causes you to sincerely present yourself in a way that a girl who has not engaged in that conditioning, simply can’t.

Certainly a perforative presentation can be made by any submissive, but the sub’s behavior stemming from sincerity, arousal, and genuine craving is what a Dominant with interests like myself feels excited and compelled by.

Edging with spankings serves an additional purpose beyond simple conditioning, also. Edging allows the nervous system to be hijacked in a way that takes the pain of an experience, in this case spanking, and redistributes the relationship you have to experiencing that particular type of pain into a pleasure center rather than a recoiling center.

This is, in part, why real training protocols are a trust exercise as much as anything else.

10  things a Dom expects a sub to know without being told

1. He needs to be the priority. Make him your priority regardless of how horny you are. A true Dom/sub relationship extends beyond sex into all other aspects of the partnership.

2. He has emotions and needs them acknowledged. The internet (and Tumblr is especially egregious in this regard) has created the toxic stereotype of the Dominant as this calm, cold, unemotional Olympian figure who is always as in charge of himself as he is of his submissive. Accept that your Dominant is human, and it is only normal, and that he will occasionally have a moment of weakness, or self-doubt, or — horrors! — shedding a tear.

3. Know him better than others. If your Dominant is having emotional difficulties, or even something as “insignificant” as a bad day at work, you should be sensitive to that, just as he needs to do likewise for you. It’s a mutually-caring relationship after all.

4. Let him control things (including you). That is his responsibility. Yours is to obey.

5. Abide by the rules. Your Dominant constructs various rules, tasks, rituals, etc, for a purpose. That purpose may not always be obvious to you. It doesn’t have to be. Trust that he knows what he’s doing. If you’re not willing to put in the work, then you should do some soul-searching and evaluate how deep (or even genuine) your submission really is.

6. Remember that he is yours. This is always reciprocal. Just as he expects your total devotion and commitment and fidelity, you have the right to expect those things from him. To be clear, this is not the same as taking your Dominant for granted. Just as he has to earn those things from you every day, so you also have to earn them from him every day.

7. Appreciate the work he puts into you, and let him know that you appreciate it. Being a dominant (especially in a day-to-day rather than sporadic relationship) is hard work. Let him know how much it means to you that he considers you worthy of all that work and direction and energy.

8. Be mindful of your respective positions in the D/s relationship. He is your Dominant. Can you be affectionately playful and impish? Yes; any Dominant who doesn’t  relish such from his submissive on occasion has some significant self-confidence issues. Sarcastic or willfully bratty? No way.

9. Give the same respect you get. If he shows you that, despite the way your relationship might look to the vanillas, he holds you in the highest respect, then return that  respect. If you come to the conclusion that he does not hold you in the highest respect, you might want to reevaluate your relationship and possibly move on.

10. Above all else: he expects your submission to be whole and complete and without reservation, save for those things that the two of you negotiate as equals before you offer him your submission (and renegotiate from time to time as the relationship evolves). You don’t get to submit just when you’re in the mood. There are no half-measures.

And on the flipside

10 things a sub expects a Dom to know…without being told

1. She needs to be the priority. She doesn’t want to compete with others. If every woman is hot, she’ll find it hard to stand out….and she needs to stand out.

2. She has emotions and needs them acknowledged. Probably more than you bargained for.

3. She needs you to know her better than others do….if her friends notice she was in a slump, you should notice first.

4. There are some things some of us just can’t physically do…don’t expect her to do something just because your last sub could or you’ve seen another sub do it. Not every sub can take a dick all the way down her throat.

5. Don’t compare her. She’s her own individual. She’s unique. That’s probably why you chose her in the first place. She may not be the hottest sub or have pics of her pink parts spread out for the world to see. But she goes out of her way to be the best in your eyes. Show her that she is.

6. Let her control things. ( wait, don’t let your heads explode here). If you’ve delegated certain chores to her…give her the control to do them. If they are getting done, does it really matter that they weren’t done in the exact way you would’ve done them?

7. Enforce the rules. All the time. Not just when it makes you feel Domly. After all, she’s in this D/s relationship because she needs the structure of the rules. She might sigh or grumble… but rules are partly why she’s here.

8. Remind her she’s yours. Every day. Even if you haven’t collared her, she’s given herself to you. She wants to hear and see that you own her. (Example: a hand full of hair while firmly kissing her will remind her of that…and get her wet in the process ;). )

9. Appreciate the submission she gives you. It takes more for some to submit than just the act of doing what they are told. She might find that she has to submit herself every day.

10. Be hers. Just as she is yours. Let her know that you aren’t just a Dom…you are HER Dom.

These are two separate blog posting yet fitting for one. That way everyone that needs it has both  to understand both sides of the coin. 

One more time,

Feminism is the inherent truth that any woman who wishes to submit to a man has the right to do so and that she has an inherent, constant control over the state of that consent.

Anyone who pretends Feminism isn’t the platform on which consent is built is simply an abuser incapable of earning the consent of a woman’s submission.

Tumblr blogs are a public facing platform that is not an in-community space, and it is important (especially in today’s world of glorifying the idiocy of small men’s misogyny resulting from their inherent lack of competency and self development as men) that more effort be put into establishing a framework for successful community rather than solely exercising the escapism of in-community sexual fantasies.

Remember:

The first consent you must obtain is your own