I Just Wanna Go Home And Cry While He Holds Me In His Arms

if you don’t think this is modern romance you’re a fool

i’m sorry i might be wrong but.. he sends me memes 🥺👉👈

some people are so tall and beautiful and here I sit, 5′4 and resembling a shrunken mountain troll

Me: this is great!!! I finally have time to write! I can make some progress!

Me:

sooo my friends have been making plans right in front of me and not including me for a while and they keep talking about it all the time when i’m around and the whole crew is invited except me

so far they planned holidays and movie nights, some in a few days, some in a few weeks

and i know i sound kinda angry or jealous or anything but honestly i just feel worthless and it hurts to see i’m not wanted and it’s just proving me right, i’m not important and they’re better without me

Someone had drawn a basketball court on my table in biology class today

Also yesterday there was a pumpkin on my history table

Wth is going on in this school, students don’t have anything to draw on

The Gray Day

I decided that today would be a gray day. It’s not a white day because things are going wrong; but it’s not a black day because I found a way to get better. However, this implies that I hurt someone. I don’t want to, but I’ve been destroyed a little more every day for more than a year. I believe in Love, I really do. But many things went wrong. Maybe it wasn’t real Love and this might explain why it makes me feel this way; or maybe was I too young to be happy with all of this. Whatever the reason is, I decided that I wanted to stop. It’s getting too hard for me. Fortunately, I’m feeling better with myself than I used to, so I haven’t thought about self harm or suicide to end my pain. I think I have to let him go. He doesn’t want to, but we have to. I know myself, and if I stay, I will force myself to do things that hurt me, that make me unhappy, that disgust me, and a few others. I don’t want this to happen, I don’t want to fake smiles or feelings, or make him believe I’m happy with us. Truth is, I was happy in the beginning, when I thought it was forever. But now I’m thinking about the time I still had a choice. Because I feel trapped, I can’t make my own decisions. He tells me to go to bed early and he knows when I don’t, he calls me all the time even though he knows that phones that ring and vibrate are unbearable for me. He has ‘crisis’ when he gets mad and yells at me because I don’t help him. I can’t do anything without receiving lots of messages and calls from him. Together, we stopped cutting ourselves and we got better, but now he’s pulling me down with him while I’m trying to fly. I know that this sounds selfish and I guess I am, but I can’t do this anymore. I wanna be able to do whatever I want without having to justify myself, I want to spend entire days without hearing my phone, I want to meet new people and do what I want with them without having to justify myself, I want to be free. It’s been several hours now since I’ve put my phone on plane mode and I know he’s probably trying to call me, he’s sending me messages, telling me he’s crying and he’s gonna hurt himself. A few hours earlier, I had an idea. I’m gonna write a letter, since we’re all in quarantine, because that’s the only way I can tell him without using a phone. I will write that I can’t do it anymore, that it’s over, and that I need my independence back. I will gather all our things, all our memories, and give them back to him once the quarantine will be over. I’ll delete all our pictures, block him on every social media because I know he won’t leave me alone. And then I’ll tell my ‘best’ (only) friend what happened and we’ll never talk about this again. After all of this; I’ll be able to accept myself as I am, not as I ‘should’ be, and I’ll be there for people that need me, for the ones I lost contact with, and I know I’ve made enough efforts to be able to go talk to people I don’t know, for I’m feeling way stronger than I was. Tonight; I am writing thid on Tumblr but I’m not expecting any reader. I thought I’d just let my mind write this and then I’d post it. If by any chance, someone is reading this, I hope you’re doing okay, and that my text might be a bit useful (pretty sure it’s not tho). I wish you the best.

me taking forever to reply to both my crush and the toxic person i hate

My mood about the new tour ♪♪

something’s making me very sad about my crush

he’s very popular and handsome, so most people know him and most of his friends are also popular and all so you either like them or you’re a nerd (you see what i mean)

so every time i hear compliments about him, it’s like ‘you’re so handsome’, ‘you dress so well’, ‘you look so cool’, ‘your clothes look great’ and all

but as soon as you start talking about his personality, all you’ll hear is ‘he’s shallow’, ‘he doesn’t even have a personality’, ‘he only has looks’, or even ‘he’s dumb’

i don’t think i ever heard anyone making a compliment about his personality or his interests, not even his friends

whenever he makes a post on instagram, he easily gets hundreds of likes and about 100 comments in no time, everyone telling him he looks fine and he’s handsome, girls asking him to marry them, this kind of stuff

if he asks people to tell him something random in his story, everyone will tell him he looks good and he dresses well

and imma be honest, it’s true, he does look good, he’s very handsome and he dresses well; but he’s not shallow, he’s not here to just look good and shut up, he’s not superficial

the first time i heard about him was when he randomly texted me for the first time and we started talking; we had a lot of long and interesting conversations about so many things... beyond his looks you’ll find his interests if you just try to care about it.

he’s very cultured because he believes it’s important, he listens to pretty much everything, even traditional music from countries you forgot about, he enjoys learning new things, especially about our society and the way it works (here and in countries no one ever talks about), he loves music, plays guitar, he’s very funny and open-minded, he wouldn’t disrespect you, he’s very fun to be around, he likes to hang out and talk about literally anything, he’s the opposite of a fake, he’s real and you won’t feel embarrassed or out of place if you ever get to talk to him; if he knows what you’re talking about, he’ll give you his opinion and if he doesn’t, he’ll be interested and he’ll ask you about it, he definitely isn’t dumb, he’s also very talented especially when it comes to music

i wish people would just try to understand him like he’s always trying to understand how the world works; everyone loves him for his looks but no one cares about his interests, this is so unfair..

i’ve been talking to him for months and he always respected me, showed interest, helped me and supported me; he showed me kindness and a beautiful smile even after i said the most embarrassing things to him

i just hope he’s doing ok, i don’t want this to make him feel bad but he does know about people calling him shallow and superficial; i think he told me it was making him feel kinda sad because it’s not true

he deserves the world, not a bunch of fake people

i just thought i’d write about it because i noticed it quite a long time ago and i find it very unfair 

They said they were working on something new so they did ♪