from the moment i met you, i knew that you would change my life. to explain the love and the pain and the grief we’ve gone through would take years.
i read somewhere, that there is a day in the year that is always a catalyst. a day where you hit rock bottom for years on end. mine is november 9th.
i know that you love me. it’s palpable.
what would’ve happend, if i didn’t walk into that bar? if i didn’t see your face? if you didn’t steal glances from across the room all night? if you didn’t walk up to me with your crooked smirk? if you didnt leave to get a rose from the convenience store 3 blocks down? if you didn’t ruin my life?
i barely survived being everything but your lover.
i taste you, on my tongue. i taste us, on my tongue. i taste tragedy, on my tongue.
you’ve ruined my life. i will say i love you until i am hoarse. i will kiss you until my lips are raw. i will cry for you until i cry a river. i will hold you until my arms can no longer hold themselves up. i will miss you until the sun sinks into the sky for the final time.
today i watched a video from my ring camera of you smashing my potted plants. the ones you gave me.
someday this same version of me will come sprinting back to my memory. only then will i see that her heart is out of her chest and she’s beginning to bleed out.
for once, my mind is quiet.