All You Do Is Lie And Deceit

im a black hole

keep ur distance

as i suck you in

hard to escape

my eclipse

mistaken bliss

I try to refrain from writing my bad thoughts, but goddamn sometimes I hate myself. Sometimes I hurt and I don’t know why. Like my heart is collapsing and my blood is desperately trying to run. Like my stomach is squeezing and the air doesn’t want to leave my lungs. It would be so much easier to die. To lay down and never get up again. I feel so weak and heavy but I’m so uncomfortable sitting still. Everything is spinning and god knows I’m sober. I try to scream but I’ve never wanted help. I’m a man and I have to be strong. I’m not allowed to be any other way. I really am alone. Nobody cares enough. Or maybe I care too much.

I wish I was never abandoned.

I wish that the people that said they loved me stuck around.

I wish I had a father growing up.

I wish I was strong enough to fight back when I was a kid.

I wish my friends were actually my friends.

I wish I could cry.

I wish I could talk to the only person that ever showed me love, but she’s gone.

I wish a lot of things, I even wish I could just disappear.

All these wishes yet all I can do is move forward. Fuck wishes, fuck a shooting star, fuck a birthday candle, fuck prayers, fuck a fortune cookie, I don’t believe in any of that shit. I’m no longer wishing.

Now stfu and put on that smile and act strong until you are. I will succeed. I will win. I will survive. I’m so angry that I’m going to beat all the odds just to spite the world. A big fuck you for making me go through this shit. This big bag of shit. And I’m only here to set it on fire. WHATEVER IT TAKES.

fuck off. if you have money to waste on blaze you have money to donate. if you have money to waste and to blaze you have money to donate twice.

Honestly you’re completely right. I really don’t have the money to waste for things like this. I would rather donate to something useful. In my mind I thought that spreading knowledge or awareness would be more beneficial, because if I can change just a few people’s minds, then that itself is going to promote just as much change as would a donation. I would say somewhat even more valuable. Sure if I donate somewhere I can help feed someone or house someone, which I definitely want to do. But if I can shape the minds of the future, then maybe we have a fighting chance at survival in general. And you don’t know me, and I don’t know you. You don’t know what I do everyday to help my community. I’m no president, no spokesman, I’m just a normal human being just as much as you, that wants good things to happen to the people in their life. And if you don’t want that, I’m sorry. Thank you for expressing yourself, I’ll take your words into consideration. Good luck to you.

how do i explain?

what do i say?

you’re in my thoughts

got a headache

i’m still awake

i cant escape

leave me alone

but don’t stay away

i was too scared to tell you i loved you

too late it seems

too late it seems

Fail fail fail

Try again

Fail fail fail

Try harder

Fail fail fail

What are your regrets

Fail fail fail

Till the altar

Where there’s a meaning,

there’s an author,

And they experience all that they wander

Spread your wings,

a jump little farther

And fail fail fail

No longer

laughed at

for my pain

fake smiles

helps a while

but nothing

stays

the same

i can truly see the beauty in everything. even the ugly. even the impossible.

i love it when it rains

reminds me of the days

you helped me thru my pain

but it never went away