I Just Had A Brilliant Thought:

Of all the traits I share with my cat, the one I find the most hilarious, because it’s unnervingly close, is the fact that he and I don’t like drinking plain water.

We prefer our water to be flavored.

Yes, he prefers his to be flavored with salmon and other ocean fish while I go for a neon syrup that makes mine taste like a de-fizzed orange cream soda, but that’s merely a minor personal preference between sweet and savory.

What part of...

... “I don’t want kids,” does no one understand?

Seriously, I am getting so sick of having to reiterate myself to people when I tell them I don’t want kids and they insist I’ll change my mind. 

I especially find it strange that they never ask about whether I want to get married (and they most certainly never think of the implications if I were to marry a woman - which for the record, I am straight, but I’m assuming that they’re assuming that even if I was gay I would find a way to have kids anyway).

It just makes me wonder if men ever have to deal with this or if it’s purely sexual stereotyping on women, even though we are in the 21st century.

So let me make it clear: just because I am a woman and I do want to get married someday does not mean I want to have kids.

Nor, in this advanced and liberated and non-apocalyptic (meaning there’s not a shortage of human beings populating the Earth) should it still be assumed/encouraged/pressured upon by women to have kids at all! In an age of casual sex, pro-choice, and lack of a zombie breakout, why is it that people assume that all women will want to have kids? (apparently regardless of whether or not they state they want to get married or what their sexual orientation is, as I mentioned earlier).

Personally, I don’t want kids. And to be clear, it’s not because I hate them. 

I actually do like kids and in my chosen field of work, I interact with a lot of them on a daily basis. But just because I like kids and I’m good with them shouldn’t mean that I automatically want any of my own.

For me, having kids would mean giving up all of my dreams. I have plans and goals and aspirations: for my art, my writing, and my career. 

I know myself well enough to understand that I put 200% of my energy into the things that matter to me. Which means for me, if I were to have kids, I would be devoting all of my time to them, leaving no room for my art, my writing, or my career.

And I don’t want that.

Which might sound selfish, but am I really being selfish to hypothetical kids that don’t even exist?

Yes, I want to create art and literature and environments where children can learn, grow, and be inspired by, but that shouldn’t mean that I need to have any of my own.

Somehow, it seems that declaring you don’t want kids is something that must be rectified by those around you (and yet, declaring you never want to get married isn’t as looked down upon).

Now, to be fair, most of the interactions I’ve had that inspired this was with generations older than me and primarily those people were from... certain areas of the country. But I’ve still had people from all over tell me I’ll change my mind and that just irks me to no end.

In conclusion...

I DON’T WANT KIDS AND IT’S WRONG OF PEOPLE TO TRY AND PRESSURE ME INTO CHANGING MY MIND!

So am I the only one who’s had this problem or are there other people out there that are just as fed up as I am?

How I show my age and political savvy:

Recently a coworker mentioned they were going to put in a notice of no confidence towards one of the mangers.

And I, in all my learning and wisdom asked: "That's a real thing?"

They were puzzled by my question so I clarified that: "I though the 'vote of no confidence' was a Star Wars thing."

Needless to say, everyone in earshot burst out laughing.

To be fair, it was pretty funny and I was laughing right along with them.

But in my defense, I was a kid when I first saw Phantom Menace, and G. Lucas ain't exactly one for accurate details, so I just assumed it was something he made up.

I gave this explanation to my coworkers and that just made them laugh more.

Favorite Sonic 30th Anniversary Moments 💙🦔💨

To the late diagnosed ASD community:

How many of you were misdiagnosed the first time?

How many of you felt that your assessor wasn’t taking you seriously?

What sort of tests did they do? What sort of questions did they ask? And did they make sense in relating to ASD, especially in adult women?

What did you do after the assessment when you were told everything seems normal? And that you were just experiencing mild forms of anxiety and showed slight traces of OCD?

What do I do when I've done so much research, heard so many stories from people in the ASD community and related to them so well, used their knowledge and experience to help me get through my daily life a litter easier, only to be told by a professional that I'm not Actually Autistic?

Why Aren’t There Youtube Videos for ‘How to Deal with Harassment in a Martial Arts Studio’ ? 

Because, quite honestly, there should be.

Some background, ‘real quick’.

I’ve actually been pretty lucky so far in all the places I’ve trained at. Though maybe because I’ve never been a grown ass woman training on my own before. Before this, I trained with my mom and sister, and it was during my middle school to high school years. I’ve been a white belt (level 1 newbie) four times now because we were constantly moving.

In my very first dojo, I was trained in both TaeKwonDo and American Karate by a Puerto Rican former military man. This man, my first Sensei, he was TOUGH. And he made sure his students, especially his female students, knew how to defend themselves. So he trained us hard, and he trained us to fight dirty (when it came to self defense in the real world. If you did any dirty fighting in the dojo, at the very least you’d be getting fifty fist pushups on the tile floor).

So even after bouncing from several other martial art styles and quite a dry spell, when I joined the TaeKwonDo studio I’m currently at, I was actually way better than a white belt. After all, I had been three belts away from earning a black belt in TaeKwonDo and American Karate at my first dojo. And my current instructor recognizes this and is quick to praise how quickly I’m picking the skills up again. I even managed to rank up to the next belt in less than a month!

I was really enjoying myself. After all, I had taken martial arts up again not for the prestige, but for the exercise and community. And even as an awkward kid, I always felt at my most confident throwing punches and breaking boards.

And then some twit showed up and had to ruin it.

This dude, we shall call him… Bob, enrolled about three weeks after I did. Right off the bat I could tell this dude had never trained in any martial arts before. The guy’s technique is very clumsy at best, and sloppy at worst. I don’t mean to disparage him. He’s only a white belt, after all. I don’t expect him to have a honed technique. Especially since he doesn’t seem to be taking the training seriously (or at least, as seriously as I am. My first sensei made sure I never threw a punch or kick that wasn’t peak form).

So what’s my deal with Bob?

In short, so many things. 

The long of it is that I’m starting to feel like he’s lowkey harassing me.

Since we’re both the lowest belts in the class (and we’re lined up by rank) we often end up next to each other during stretches/training, and are taught new techniques together.

(Quick question, if I dude is grunting during a workout next to a woman, is that a creepy gym guy move? Or am I reading into it too much? Because I feel like he grunts a lot when we’re stretching and doing situps/pushups next to each other. And I don’t hear any of the other men in the class grunting).

So besides the awkward grunting, he’s also given me a hard time for not being able to do a full situp, and even saying I didn’t do the require number of situps just because I finished before him (let’s see you do a full situp with double D cups on your chest, dude).

But the thing that’s been building up is his constant harassing me about going to the sparring classes.

At my current studio, you can decide how many classes a week you want to attend. I attend the two adult classes regularly (which, I might add, Bob does not). Then there’s an option to join one of the sparring classes for those who are interested.

When I first started martial arts, I was just a kid. I hadn’t even hit puberty yet, and was still pretty small. Sparing was for the older students who could be trusted to hold their punches back, or at least be more responsible in the event of an accident. My mom did some sparring, and she told me about how scary it was at first. And how she accidentally almost hurt one of the teen boys because they underestimated her and she didn’t have a good grasp on controlling her strength yet (I like to say I get my valkyrie genes from her).

Combine that with my base instinct to get physically violent when pushed to my limit. (Seriously, growing up, I used to bite kids who angered me). Needless to say, I don’t feel I’m ready to take on sparring until I know I have full control of my body. Right now, I’m still getting back into the swing of things; learning how to aim my punches and kicks, and getting a sense of my limbs' reach. I’m not ready to spar.

And this (insert your choice word for a cocky, delusional, disrespectful, creepy dude), has been harassing me about not going to the sparring sessions since he got here. Because he’s been going to these sessions and keeps asking why I’m not going.

Actually, he’s not asking. He’s guilting and harassing me. 

Because his pitch to get me to go, whenever I have repeatedly told him I’m not ready to go, is usually along the lines of: “You should come. I’m just a white belt and I’ve been going since I started. Why don’t you come-?” IN THE MOST CONDESCENDING VOICE IMAGINABLE.

Now, I regret being nice to him. I regret helping him go over katas/forms. I regret politely listening while he complained about the studio (that he’s attending with me right now) and how he might have to attend another studio just so he can learn punches (because this gift to the world didn’t read the sign on the front of the studio that says in BIG LETTERS how TaeKwonDo is known for its powerful KICKS). And most of all, I regret not shutting him down the first time he harassed me about not going to the sparring sessions.

We are NOT friends. He’s NOT entitled to an explanation from me about my personal reasons for not attending the sparring sessions. And he needs to STOP HARASSING ME ABOUT IT.

I spent most of last evening ranting about it to my mom and bestie, and then tossed and turned during the night going over rage induced fantasies where I do attend one sparring session, thoroughly kick him off his ass (with a few broken bones and at least a bleeding nose) - which doesn’t get me banned from the studio because the head instructor was on my side during this fantasy.

So to anyone out there that might have some words of wisdom: what do I do to get this @#$%^& to leave me alone?

My bedroom bookshelves:

The main reading collection

Closeup on my Thrawn collection

And my Darth Maul collection

(And in case anyone was wondering why I have shelves dedicated to SW characters, it’s because all my other favorite books are too obscure to have merch)

Tag Writing Meme

Was tagged by @a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city (and totally didn’t see it for reasons I cannot fathom).

“Rules: REPOST DON’T REBLOG! Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and interests you and I’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!”

(I have no idea what the difference is between Reposting and Rebloging, or exactly what an ‘ask’ is btw)

So I’ve actually got quite a few WIPs that I’m working on. Some are finished and just need editing, others have been outlined and I’m getting them down right now, and some are still just rough ideas that I want to do in the near future.

In no particular order:

Immortal Souls: Hand of the Sun Queen

Life of the Shadow Thief

The Little Princess of Light

Frost

Original Fairy tales

Reaching for Heaven

Luck Running Out

Captivated Captive

Beauty’s Beast

The Dragon’s Damsel

Tag: Anyone who wants to participate!

Discovering My Personal Style

Needless to say, it hasn’t been easy. Lucky for me, I was fortunate not to be influenced by outside forces: aka, the modern world in the form of public school. Because they would have attached stereotypes to me at best and bullied me at worst.

Before puberty, I didn’t really care about my style, because at that point I didn’t even know who I was. I didn’t have a firm grasp on what my likes, dislikes, personal goals and dreams were, and that was fine - it was normal. I was still learning about new things every day.

When puberty did hit and I suddenly started to care, things got confusing fast. For one thing, I went from being an elfin waif to a Germanic/Latina so full of curves the “teen” clothing section was not an option for me. So I turned to thrift store oddities and boys’ clothes… and growing my hair out to Sailor Moon anime lengths. Looking back, I think I knew I wasn’t going to be one of those people that strictly adhered to ever changing fashions, I wanted practicality and comfort, but all while still maintaining my femininity.

Those years, from my early teens to my early twenties, were hard on me, because I didn’t know who I was and what I wanted, so I lacked confidence in myself. Mid twenties weren’t all that helpful either. But between living abroad, working miserable jobs to save up for grad school and of course grad school itself, I didn’t have a lot of time and brainpower to stop and really reflect on what kind of styles felt like me.

And that was the missing piece I wasn’t getting for the longest time; what did I gravitate towards, what aesthetics brought me joy, what styles made me feel the most comfortable to be in my own skin?

Over the years, I think I picked up bits and pieces but didn’t put them together until recently. As a teen I wore boys’ cargo pants all the time. In my early twenties I had lots of tailored blouses. In my mid twenties I finally mastered some makeup techniques. In the past few years I’ve been on a 1940s-1960s vintage kick.

The result is what I think of as “Audrey Hepburn meets Evelyn O'Connell in the 21st century” (with a little Anazen originality thrown in).

So for those of you who are still trying to find your style, don’t feel pressured to do so. I didn’t know what mine was until I hit 30, and to be honest, it might change later! But right now, this is what I like and feel the most comfortable in. And for those that have found a style that doesn’t fit a stereotype; ignore the boxes! Especially if like me, you were worried about how your unique style would cause others to form false opinions of you before they got to know you. That’s not your concern, it’s completely on them. True relationships aren’t about what the other person is wearing.

We live in an age where it is ridiculously easy to experiment with an endless selection of styles and combinations, so it’d be a shame not to find a look that is perfect for you.

Tagged 10 Musics

Got tagged by the awesome @a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city to post the 10 songs I’ve been listening to constantly as of late (in no particular order):

1. “Chant” by Hadestown Original Broadway Cast Recording

2. “Say My Name” by Beetlejuice Original Broadway Cast Recording

3. “Ex-Wives” by SIX Studio Cast Recording

4. “Starlight Brigade (feat. Dan Avidan)” by TWRP

5. “everything i wanted” by Billie Eilish

6. “Light & Shadow (feat. Gemie)” by Hiroyuki Sawano/League of Legends

7. “Istanbul” by They Might be Giants

8. “Music Box” by MALINDA

9. “Dancing in the Moonlight” by King Harvest

10. “Youngblood” by 5 Seconds of Summer

So, basically, 30% Musicals, random Alternative Rock, and some random I don’t know what to call it xD

Tag to anyone who wants to participate :)