Perks Of Working At A University

this is going around twitter rn but im also super curious: please tell me your top four comfort movies that you’re always down to watch bc my friend thinks mine are ridiculous and now we’ve realised everyone’s version of “comfort” is hilariously different

Got tagged by @a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city . And I suppose I kinda look like the end result... if I had been born Asian instead of Latinx! 😂

Picrew

djarn's character maker｜Picrew

eng. below djarnのキャラメーカー 個人利用のみでお願いします。 私のPicrewへようこそ！ イラストを...

Tell Shonda you want more scenes of Nicola

https://chng.it/9W2rWwgjHY

Done! I don’t know how much better those deleted scenes are but fingers crossed this at least gets the message across that fans aren’t happy.

Kore Yamazaki : My Newest Idol

Yamazaki-sensei is a manga artist I really admire. I love the amount of detail she puts into her work - story and art, and how she can make even the most of the mundane seem magical. I haven’t admired an artist this much since Hayao Miyazaki.

And then I saw a photo of her and my admiration doubled.

Because it’s just so refreshing and validating to see a superstar of art not look like a glamorous hipster.

So many of the artists I admire look super well put together and almost all of them are thin. In fact, a lot of people I admire in the creativity fields are super thin and I guess I never realized how much that negativity affected me.

Feeling like I could never be as creative and successful as them because I’m not disciplined enough to put in the work to make myself glamorous and somehow that’s tied to my creative abilities and skill level.

An irrational thought, I know, but that’s how much the media has brainwashed me with it’s damaging messages of “if you’re not thin you can never be successful.”

I think it’s because it’s so rare for me to see pictures of any plus size artists and writers. And even then it’s even more rare to see anyone who has a face as round as mine.

So it was a thrill for me to see such a successful woman who looks a lot like me. And it’s especially gratifying to see a woman my age who doesn’t bother with makeup!

So thank you, Yamazaki-sensei, for being you, and inspiring the women who don’t fit the media mold.

Get to know me better:

Tagged by @a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city :3

Favorite color: rose red

Currently reading: Floriography-An illustrated guide to the Victorian Language of Flowers by Jessica Roux

Last song: Villain by Stella Jang

Last movie: Arsenic and Old Lace

Last series: Maya and the Three

Currently craving: Chicago deep dish pizza

Currently working on: a YA novel that’s based on the Marvel characters Cloak and Dagger, featuring my characters taking on the mantle as Cloak & Dagger 2.0

How Masking has Affected Me

I don’t remember much about how I acted during my childhood. 

I do remember being asked a lot if I was sad when really I was just thinking. I stared into space a lot, imagining stories in my head. 

I remember a few times people took advantage of me because I didn’t realize they had ill intentions (like when I went to a sleepover once and one of the girls said I had the perfect skin for a desert princess look. When she finally finished, and I got a look in the mirror, it was only then that I realized why the other girls had been laughing - because she had made me look like a clown - literally clown like makeup).

I remember it was hard for me to make friends. Especially when we had to move a lot and my so-called friends never kept in touch. I was always the last one to make contact, and I would wonder what I had done wrong that they didn’t want to talk to me anymore.

Then high school came around and I got into singing. I remember being praised by my voice teacher for my skills, despite having almost no training. She encouraged me to enter a competition. And while I was one of the better singers there, I didn’t place. Because all I did was sing. During the entire performance I didn’t move. Because I thought the whole point of being a singer and listening to singers was about the voice (I always found it distracting when people moved while they sang). So my teacher recommended I get involved in the local youth theater group.

It was there that I learned how to ‘act’. I even took a workshop in it. My teacher spent most of the time getting me to stop smiling whenever I was portraying anger (I think I might have picked that up from an anime I was watching at the time because no one I knew did that).

Then I went to college and had to do presentations for classes. My mom advised me to pretend like I was playing a character - like I did during the theater productions (because I was a good actor). So I did. And soon, the acting bled out into the rest of my life.

I did it to make friends. I did it to get jobs. I did it with my family so I could finally feel included.

Since college, I’ve had the chance to start over three times. And each time, though I told myself this would be the time where I would let myself be myself, I kept falling back into the Act. 

All smiles, all politeness, all the time.

And it is exhausting. 

Even though I now work in a fairly low key environment, where I don’t have to interact with a lot of people, I always keep the Act up, I’ve always got the Mask On. Because I constantly have to be on guard.

Now I think the Masking is finally getting to me.

Several times during the first few months of my new job, there were very stressful and sometimes volatile meetings I had to attend. And while I was able to hold it together during those meetings, the stress would build up and I would have meltdowns at the office (once to the point where I locked myself in a bathroom stall for twenty minutes because I couldn’t stop crying).

When we were all sent home for 18 months, it was such a relief. For the most part. The constant Zoom meetings tired me out so easily, even when I had the luxury of turning off my camera (which was a huge help).

I actually didn’t learn about the term Masking until about a month ago. I can’t remember how I came across it, but I remember when I did, I felt something click in place. I realized that’s what I had been doing this whole time. And then I realized that since that is what I had been doing, I actually had no idea how I would actually react to anything. Because of the constant masking, I had lost my Sense of Self.

Sure, I know what I like and what I don’t like (if presented with options and choices). But it’s hard for me to know if I’m laughing at something someone said because I actually thought it was funny, or if that’s just the Mask. I don’t know if I’m actually sad when someone tells me about a tragedy in their lives, or if I’ve been trained so well on how to react. I don’t have solid opinions because I tend to side with whoever I’m talking with.

And if I don’t know how I’d react to any given emotional situation, how do I know who I am?

Worse, how do I know if people like me for me, or the Mask? And does that mean I will never be liked and loved for who I really am?

Good friend of mine just got their art stolen and it’s being sold (without their permission, obviously). 

So if everyone would so good as to spread the word (and perhaps blacklist this site), it would be greatly appreciated! :D

STOLEN UNDERTALE ART ON ALIEXPRESS

PLEASE BOOST THIS 

Hey guys, I was just informed that someone has been taking undertale artwork (including my own) and selling tshirts on AliExpress. 

Here is a link to my picture: http://spunkytruffles.tumblr.com/post/132998269346/check-out-the-speedpaint-here (You want even more proof? there is a link below of my speedpaint) 

It’s not just my artwork they stolen too, apparently a lot of other artists as well, so if you wanna also report, then here is the link to this: http://www.aliexpress.com/item/New-1-PCS-Undertale-T-Shirts-Tee-Top-Round-Neck-Tee-Printing-Cotton-Free-Shipping-C077/32573521493.html?spm=2114.40010708.4.19.K0jrnB Never really had this happen to me before but it really does suck, especially since Tobyfox asked to please not sell tshirts and merch on places like this or anywhere. Thanks again guys for boosting and help

Leaving Fundamentalism...

...was hard for me. From birth, I was raised in a radically conservative family of Christians. But even at a young age, I didn’t feel connected to the beliefs I was spoon fed in every aspect of my life. 

I was made to feel guilty for not having blind faith. I was made to feel like I was a horrible person when doctrine was explained and it still didn’t make sense. I was made to feel shame for faking ‘my beliefs’. All for the sake of obeying my parents and being accepted by the only community I was allowed to be in.

But finally, after years of pressure and self doubt, I’m finally free.

There are still things I’m working on. I still am triggered and feel sick at the thought of entering a church or when I hear Christian music. I’m still trying to push aside the anti lgbtq+ thoughts I get automatically, even though I know the only reason I was against them was because I was told I was supposed to be - and without that harmful religion dictating my thoughts, there’s no reason why I should be against them.

And while I still have a ways to go towards a life where the trauma doesn’t affect me all the time, I can see the progress I’ve made already.

When I hear someone - like my family or random person - talk about Christianity, I now feel the same level of indifference towards it that I feel towards other religions with flawed beliefs/doctrine.

Yes, every now and then I still have that sense of dread that if I don’t believe in Christ that I’m going to suffer in hell for all eternity (such a wholesome thought that stems from a religion that says its based on universal love), but for the most part, now I can remember all those Bible stories and treat them the same as Greek myths. I can respect that someone’s Christian beliefs gives them comfort, but I don’t have to agree with them to be in a relationship with them. 

Finally, I’m free to be on the outside and look in with indifference.

Astro Ducktales

I just watched the most Anime-esq episode of Ducktales and I loved every minute of it! Granted, the only reason I loved it so much is because it’s a total ripoff of the original AstroBoy (a much beloved franchise of mine). But still; it was so fun to spot all the little Anime nods and see the animation direction made to emulate classic Anime cinematography. I really hope the Ducktales team had as much fun making this episode as much as I did watching it :3

Of all the traits I share with my cat, the one I find the most hilarious, because it’s unnervingly close, is the fact that he and I don’t like drinking plain water.

We prefer our water to be flavored.

Yes, he prefers his to be flavored with salmon and other ocean fish while I go for a neon syrup that makes mine taste like a de-fizzed orange cream soda, but that’s merely a minor personal preference between sweet and savory.