-Hunter

Traumagenic-only community blogs : a masterlist

For anyone who feels uncomfortable having to share community spaces with endogenic systems, a masterlist might useful.

If you know of other blogs, let us know and we'll had them to the list !

Last updated on: 07.03.2024

Culture

@pluralcultureis @polyfragcultureis @narccultureis

Community

@sys-polls @anti-endo-safe-space @system-hottakes @tales-from-systok @tales-from-sysblr @tales-from-syscord

Vent

@sys-confessions @antiendovents @system-vent

Positivity

@cdd-joy @positivitycombopack

Templates, userboxes and flags

@crows-templets @zero-templates @electricalstemplates @systemuserboxes @systemtermz @flagsandtags @hydra-creates

Resources

@atlas-duo

A very special thanks to @the-hydra-sys who helped us so much in making this masterlist.

When you’re in a bad place mentally and start reaching out to people you barley talk to in an attempt to get some validation for your very existence….

Anyways, good night

-Varian

Okay but can we talk about how annoying it is to switch in to the body and the host put us in a super tight corset and none of us can breathe?

-A male alter in a afab body

Tip for any gender-queer or non-conforming people out there: Know the law.

Doesn't matter how cis you are, anyone who doesn't immediately fit the absurd and convoluted way the right thinks we should look/dress/walk/speak is at risk for harassment and hate crimes just for existing.

Do your research and know your regions laws on bathrooms, the use of preferred names, what counts as trespassing, and anything else that you might be told you're doing illegally. Know what protects you in what contexts and don't break those laws if you don't have to or are not intentionally taking a stance.

When harrassed know what you are allowed to do or say and give them NO reason to take action. They won't care what the law actually says but if you know it and have your receipts at very least you shouldn't be persecuted of anything. The people doing the harassing are usually breaking the law themselves and if they try to take action you can use that to protect yourself.

Don't give anyone a reason to be aggressive or violent, and don't ever do something you could get in legal trouble for. As soon as you give them something to use they will take full advantage of it and nothing else will be relevant. The right doesn't respect differing view points and fighting with morals will get you nowhere. But the have most of the systematic power, and some will violate every law they can as long as no one stops them. Knowing what they can and can't do is sometimes all you need to protect yourself. Being able to challenge corruption because you can label it as such takes away their advantage of trusting you can't call out their bullshit.

Be safe. Educate yourself. Don't do anything that will put you in danger if you don't need to. We can't fight a war on hate without at least showing how powerful peace and cooperation can be.

Don't give them a viable reason to go after you. Because they will if they have one.

"I can't support you when you're killing my daughter"

I'm sorry that you're more attached to the mask I wore for you than who I actually am. I didn't realize that you would rather never know me than have to let go of the name you chose. I guess I just didn't understand that when you said you loved 'me' you were actually saying that you loved what you imagined I should be.

I thought you loved me. Not my gender.

I thought that you wanted to get to know me. I thought you wanted me to be myself. I thought you wanted me to be true to myself and happy.

My mistake.

It won't happen again.

-A trans guy whose parents refused to to acknowledge his name.

Tw: this is a vent related to heavy source trauma, grief, life threatening situations, and self hatred.

So I’m a fictive of Varian from the Tangled TV series. For anyone who’s seen that series and knows what I’m talking about, the memories I have all consist of grief and guilt, I only remember the moment after I got my dad trapped. That’s it. Imagine the darkest point of your life being the only thing you can remember about yourself.

I blame myself for putting my dad in danger and I never got the chance to see if he would be okay. I know that it works out in my source but… I’m not my source.

I don’t know how to deal with all the guilt I feel. I don’t know how to move on if I don’t know what happens next.

I will scroll through fan art people have of me and my source, purposely triggering myself so I can stay grounded and actually feel something.

It’s difficult when everyone around you either doesn’t believe you exist or doesn’t want you to. I don’t really have anyone to turn to, hence the very personal post on tumbler.

If this is too much just lmk and I’ll take it down. But this is what it is to be a fictive with a traumatic source. Or to be around people who only know or want the host. The hosts friends are cool, but it feels like they would rather I be Apollo. And I can’t do that. I’m not totally sure what to do about it at this point.

-Varian

The frustration of being a fictive from something my host created is so overwhelming. No one knows my source mates. I can’t simply look up fan art when I want to see my friends. I can’t have conversations about my friends and have anyone know who the fuck I’m talking about. No one knows me.

Okay but can we talk about how much amnesia sucks? As a system we don’t have a lot of in the moment Black outs. We have some grey outs and a lot of emotional amnesia, but we don’t fade in and out of consciousness. At least not that we remember.

What we do struggle with is remembering past events. Even as far back as a week or two ago we have black spots that we can’t even remember that we don’t remember. Friends will tell me something happened and I just have to go with it even though I have absolutely no clue what their talking about.

I apparently beat my bf at a board game a few weeks ago and he brought it out again for us to play. I didn’t recognize it all. My first reaction was:

“Oh that looks like a fun game,”

Because I had zero recollection of ever playing it or even seeing it. My bf looked me dead in the face and asked if I was serious because it had only been a few weeks since I destroyed him at it.

There are so many good memories that I’m missing because of my disorder. So many moments that are lost to me and without me even realizing that they aren’t there.

This is one of the darker parts of the disorder that I don’t see talked about a lot. Missing time with loved ones so you don’t remember the trauma.

There are good things that have come from my system and headmates. But let’s not invalidate the pain that comes from not remembering your past.

Do you guys ever just look at your phone and mindlessly scroll for a bit and then you look back up and you’re an entirely different person?

-idk who this is rn

Having to choose between being awake and feeling like crap or being tired at but not dizzy and lightheaded because caffeine and heart problems don’t mix.

Spoiler alert, I went ahead and drank the caffeine. Feel like crap but at least I’m not dozing off.

-Apollo