Applesinterest - Apple

It starts as a harmless poke to my shoulder. Never a serious matter for when I turn to question you, you respond with a bright smile and remind me that it is all friendly.

Your fingerprint begins to stain my shoulders and I turn to inquire your motivations. Quickly I am shut it down cause it’s nothing serious, just a nudge.

Times pass and the skin that you torment is bruising, the pain pulsates although out my body.

Your hand is tainted crimson with my ooze but still you address me with a smile, after all it’s just a nudge.

You burry your way through my skin and uncover the most fragile parts of my being. The foundation that I am built on is disrupted by your omnipotent presence that chips away at me.

I garner up the courage to question your antics as my bones begin to splinter.

But there is no body to restore me, I am spoilt beyond recovery.

you are eating me

your presence was never acknowledged,

at least i never really cared

you depicted me as an angel

gave me flowers and sweets

regardless of my public labels

you still choose me

but i never cared

until i learned that you were gone

the guilt i was now forced to bare

left me alone in desperate despair

you light was only shone

when i gathered in unknown

reminiscence comes in waves

wishing to reciprocate what you gave

sorry i could not care

now you are eating me

Just as he is dead to me, i am to him. His stubbornness has buried our love.

Im back after a break but I missed you guys </3

Maybe this is my best

God I hate her

Please, may she be the end of me.

I don’t want it any other way

Jane O. Wayne // Kate Jacobs

00:54

14 oct

It’s all on me

The Air that cloaks me is so still. I’m out past midnight and im scared. In a run down government funded hospital with floors that remind me of myself- so deeply dented and dirty that there exists nothing to cleanse it.

The low hum that the vending machine sings is accompanied with random outburst of the intercom calling for a doctor. This is a place of pain, a medium in which sickness and dread gather.

She tired to take her life. So soon, is all that I thought. Although she is physically alright, there is this distant pain that stings me- what if I had not answered the phone.

I hate to say it but she has proven them right, she is weak. But I only hate myself for thinking such and dread the fact that such thought occurred about my beloved.

I thought I would be able to catch up on sleep, but here I am seated on a steel cold bench waiting for the patient and her companion to come out. I don’t even know what they are doing to her. But I do hope she is not in pain.

Am I selfish for wanting her to stay? Yes…

But then again I think if she truly wanted to leave she would have by now. Her calling me gathered the fact that she still has hope, without hope she would be past that point.

But oh man, am I tired. Since she has not lived up to the expectations now I must. This is not words that have been directly communicated but rather suggested and installed throughout my youth.

I don’t feel much, I usually don’t when traumatic events happen, and it truly scares me. Why is that I am unable to process my emotions on that moment. It is only much later that they flood my mind and slash my skin.

Why it will never be me

I think one of the hardest relisations is that i will never be anyones favourite. Ive learned to let go of all of my crushes simply because they will always be overwooed by the next girl. It isnt even a case of me being hideous but rather how odd i am. I dont listen to their music, i dont have a alcohol problem ( halfjoke :/) and am more of a “soul crushing devotion” person.

Media is always teaching us to be ourselves and to be authentic but the moment one embodies themselves it falls into categories of pick mes or flat out annoying. Its just awful.

I wish i could be likeable and relatable but everything i do is labeled as weird… i would rather be uninteresting.