Awesome Girl With A REALLY Lame Crush. My Favorite

The way you draw fem vox and alastor is so pretty I love them

thank you!

Angy little critter ❤️🤭

This idea is AMAZING too

Nifty is Eve in disguise

This theory adds onto to a few other popular ones, that being Eve is Alastor's dealmaker under the guise of Lilith, and Eve is the cryptic "Roo." What I propose alongside that, is that she's hiding in plain sight among the hotel guests, and that disguise is Nifty.

Spoilers up to the season 1 finale below:

Evidence:

When you think about her in conjunction with the show's established themes it falls into place: Adam, the s1 antagonist is a misogynist who wanted Lilith's obedience. Eve will foil Lilith; while she's all about hating subservience and breaking chains, Nifty is a parody of the stereotypical 50s housewife, 'likes being forced' and spends her time cooking, cleaning, and obsessing over men. Eve was created from Adam's rib to ensure his next wife would lack the autonomy to rebel. Designed to be the epitome of Adam's submissive ideal, it makes sense Eve would choose a 50s housewife as her disguise, they resonate with her.

The old logo is her face / her and Lucifer's placement on the prime cover.

She collects little pieces of men because that's what she was made from / is enamoured with Pentious in particular because he's a snake. "never leave me again" <- double meaning alert. / "HATED THAT SONG" because she was never offered forgiveness so easily. Not even Charlie catching her in the trust fall is foreshadowing; unlike Lilith who had Lucifer, no one came to her side when she committed the original sin.

The all-female exorcists were made by Adam to serve him. Their masks have horns like Lilith and a missing eye like a cyclops. They're hybrid clones of the two wives that left him. Eve is the only character in the intro whose eyes we haven't seen.

Every large ensemble show has a mole arc and she's the only one with no established goals. It's always the one-note gag characters you should look out for.

There's no confirmation if Nifty made a deal with Alastor. I think Eve is the one who's got him 'on a leash' though he thinks it's Lilith. He lets Nifty follow him around and she plays up the fangirl persona to keep a close eye on him.

It's the perfect refuge in audacity disguise. Acting innocent in hell in suspect. Being an unhinged stalker raises no questions. Alastor himself says he has no idea what tf her deal is.

I made this theory a few days ago but I was delighted to see more evidence in the final episode. See this?

It's elaborate foreshadowing disguised as a gag. She's not just doing this for the funsies she is MAD mad. Vengeance!

Conclusion:

Whether this means she's the big bad or unlikely ally, I can't say. If it's the former, her goal is to be redeemed with the other guests and enter heaven so she can get revenge on everyone else. S1 leans heavily into heaven vs hell so it would make sense for the final antag to be a 3rd party wildcard who wants to burn both sides to the ground for failing her. Heaven casted her out, hell unintentionally doomed her to an eternity of suffering with the fruit of knowledge, then left her.

Nifty be Shifty.

When I was a kid, my mom was a judge and my dad was starting his solo practice, and they both worked full time. There were four of us kids between the ages of one and seven (the Just Us League) and no decent daycares nearby, so they hired a nanny.  She had three almost-adult children, and on days when she couldn’t work, one of her kids would substitute. The oldest kid was named Bob, age 18, and he had just finished army basic training when this all went down. Bob did not have the good sense god gave a rock. 

I have an older brother, Jake, who was seven; then me, Hellen, age five, then Seth, age three, and my little sister Gin would have been one. It was late August, and we were at our nanny’s house, though she was gone for the day. Bob was in charge.

Bob should probably not have been in charge.

Bob tried keeping us entertained with board games and tag and movies. Gin took a nap. Eventually he decided to get creative, and sat us down in the living room with a game and vanished into the garage. There was a smashing sound. And then some saw noises. And then some hammering. And then we saw him going around the house to the back yard through the windows, though we were too short to see what he was doing. And finally, he yelled to us to come out into the driveway. 

Jake and Seth and I trooped out. Bob had both hands behind his back. He stepped up to Jake and revealed what he had in his right hand. 

It was a wooden sword. It was clearly made from what appeared to be parts of a chair’s legs, cut down and nailed together. He presented this, and announced, “You are Sir Jake, the strongest knight!” 

He stepped up to Seth and presented what was in his left hand. It was another wooden sword, smaller than the first, also crudely made out of chair legs. He announced, “You are Sir Seth, the bravest knight!”

At this point, I was practically vibrating in place, waiting eagerly for my sword so I could use it to whale on my brothers, as god intended me to do. I was therefore understandably disappointed to be presented with the business end of a garden hose and told, “You are Miss Hellen, the Water Fairy!”

“No,” I said. “I want a sword.”

Bob was confused. “But you get water magic! Magic’s great!”

“No.” I repeated, holding the hose. It had a spray nozzle set to jet. “I want a sword.”

“Magic’s great. Magic’s better than a sword.” Bob insisted. “You’ll see. Wait here a moment.”

And then Bob ran around the side of house and vanished. 

We stood in the driveway. Jake and Seth poked each other with their swords. I spritzed them idly with the hose, trying to decide which of them would be easier to steal a sword from. 

And then we heard a quiet wooshing noise, and smelled smoke. 

We turned. As we watched, a line of fire rushed around the corner of the house, consuming a path of gasoline poured into the dry August grass. 

We paused and considered this for a few moments. I raised the hose and sprayed a jet of water at the fire. It went out. We glanced at each other. Then we took off running, following the trail of fire, spraying as we went. 

The fire led in a path around the house to the back yard. As we turned the corner, we saw Bob, clad in a bathrobe and holding a curtain rod, standing in the center of a large ring of burning grass. He cackled manically. “I am the FIRE WIZARD! Your puny swords are useless! Nothing but water magic can defeat me!”

I promptly blasted him with the hose. He spluttered. The fire did not go out. 

I turned the hose on the fire itself, spraying a section close to us so that it would extinguish. As soon as there was enough room, Jake charged forward, brandishing his chair leg sword with a battle cry. Seth, always happy to be included, followed. They ran into the circle and began beating Bob around the kneecaps with their swords. I kept spraying. 

Eventually, Bob the Fire Wizard was brought down and all the fire was extinguished. Seth and Jake continued to work on bruising Bob’s shins, and I quickly discarded the hose to lend my fists and extremely pointy elbows to the cause. Bob lay in the smoldering grass, probably regretting using such sturdy chair legs. 

Once we’d all tired ourselves out and lay panting in a heap, Bob decided it was time for the moral of the story. “You see, a sword is nothing compared to the power of a little girl with **magic**.” 

We thought about this for a few moments. Bob nodded wisely. Jake and Seth nodded back. 

“I still want a sword.” I said. 

Reasons I should have known I was aro, number 37573:

At 15, I realised I had an intense desire for a roommate. I imagined we'd be close friends, and hang out a lot, and have this morning routine and I would cook for them sometimes

But we'd also have different rooms, and there would be a distinct lack of codependency and absolutely none of that "weird romantic stuff".

I- a queer platonic relationship. I wanted a queer platonic relationship.

take it.

Subtitle: Everything I’ve learned so far.

*more added on bottom of list*

made for a friend but I figure I’ll post it if it’ll help anyone ^-^

Probably will add to this every now and then if anything new comes up.

All links marked as “❤”

Most link to written tutorials but some are videos. Scroll over links to see if it’s a video in case there’s a reason why you can’t watch them.

Also posted on Deviantart 

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❧ Super helpful tutorials made by other people:

The shrimp method (How to draw anything) ❤ 

Colour turtle ❤ 

Background composition ❤ 

Colour theory ❤ 

Perspective trix for the needy & lazy ❤ 

Step by step digital painting ❤ 

Action line ❤ 

Perspective tutorial ❤ 

All of these video tutorials ❤ 

All of these resources ❤ 

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❧ Human anatomy basics:

Hair ❤ 

Hair types ❤ 

Head ❤ 

Face ❤ 

Eye and eyebrow ❤ 

Ear ❤ 

Nose ❤ 

Mouth ❤ 

Chin ❤ 

Neck ❤ 

Shoulder ❤ 

Forearm ❤ 

Arm ❤ 

Hand ❤ 

Finger ❤ 

Back ❤ 

Breasts ❤ 

Chest ❤ 

Hips ❤ 

Butt ❤ 

Vagina ❤ 

Penis ❤ 

Legs ❤ 

Knees ❤ 

Feet ❤ 

Skeleton ❤ 

Body type ❤ 

Weight gain + loss ❤ 

Age ❤ 

Skin ❤ 

Average female face ❤ 

Average male face ❤ 

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❧ Quotes:

– 

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo

“If you don’t know what colour to use, use black” -Pablo Picasso

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“The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.” -Aristotle

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“The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.” -Pablo Picasso

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“Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here. Make. Good. Art.”  -Neil Gaiman

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“No one’s better than me. I’m not better than anyone. ” -Carlos Santana

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“Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.” -Pablo Picasso

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“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” -Vincent Van Gogh

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❧ Advice:

Loose grip = better for your hand & better precision while drawing.

If your hand hurts after a short amount of time drawing your grip is too tight.

–

Colour is a very personal thing. It has a lot to do with the way you see colours and the way you feel about those colours. So as much as things like colour theory are important, you’re the one choosing the colours,  you’re in control.

–

People who say things like “a poor workman blames his tools” really need to stop. Your tools make a big difference, there is no denying that. Anyone who’s ever tried Roseart crayons knows using them it’s like hammering in a nail with your bare hands, there are easier ways of doing things.

Of course this doesn’t mean you’ll draw better with more expensive tools but it does mean that if you don’t like using a particular pen/brush/software/etc there’s no use continuing to use it. It’s distracting, makes you feel worse about your art and you’ll be more likely to just not draw anything at all.

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Experiment that’s all. Just keep experimenting with things until you find out what you like. (guess that can also be life advice)

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You can always improve. This doesn’t mean you’ll never be good, it only means you can get better even if you’re an expert.

–

Okay let me use this quote as a start off point “The enemy of art is the absence of limitations.” -Orson Welles. This might sound counter-intuitive but it’s very true. Your brain can only handle a few things at once, if you’re told to draw anything you want you’ll most likely draw something like a cat or dog or a house, things that are very normal to you, things that you’ve probably drawn a hundred times before because when you’re faced with too many options you’ll most likely pick the simplest and most familiar things to you.

Give yourself limitations when you’re drawing. Before you draw start with a theme or palette (etc) to let your mind relax and boost your creativity. (of course you don’t have to do this every time you draw, just when you want to draw but have no ideas.)

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Write down/sketch your ideas as soon as you get them because chances are you won’t remember them. Not that you can’t change your mind about it later, it’s just good to know they’re there and you haven’t forgotten anything.

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If you feel like there’s something not quite right about your drawing, take a break. Come back to it the next day even. If you focus on something too long it messes with your judgement.

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You don’t have to show anyone what you’ve drawn. It’s your business what you draw so draw anything you want. 

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Chances are you’ll come across people who have no idea about anything to do with art but still tell you how to do it/ what you’re doing wrong. These people aren’t worth listening too. Ignore their advice.

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There’s no problem with learning from tutorials, absolutely none. It’s just one of the ways people learn. It’s the same with art classes or anything similar. If you learn from it then keep doing it, but if you’re not then don’t.

The best tip I can offer about tutorials is if you don’t like the art style of the person who made the tutorial there’s no reason to learn their techniques. Study artists who have art styles you like and figure out what it is you like about them. (their use of colours, emotion conveyed, etc)

And honestly if you’re a good artist and you’ve never used tutorials or been to art classes, good for you, but it’s nothing to be smug about and no one is a lesser artist for using them. 

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❧ Referencing:

I made a mini tutorial on how to reference here ❤ 

Here’s one on how to use them another way ❤ 

Also see 'Tracing vs referencing' ❤ 

also these are a couple great sites for references

Humans ❤ 

Animals ❤ 

Plants ❤ 

Objects + architecture ❤ 

Everything all together ❤  

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❧ Things that are really good to focus on and practice in your drawing:

-Light & shade ❤ 

-Wind ❤ 

-Reflection ❤ 

-Perspective ❤ 

-Movement ❤ 

-Composition ❤ 

-Emotion ❤ 

-Mood ❤

-Values ❤ 

-Texture ❤  

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❧ Warm ups and practice

If you don’t know about gesture drawing here’s a tutorial ❤ 

If you do, this site is good for it ❤  

Draw shapes, draw lines, draw random squiggles, whatever helps you warm up.

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❧ Possible reasons for artblock and remedies: 

-Stress. Sometimes there are certain times when stress is for whatever reason unavoidable. It’s a difficult thing to deal with and there can be a lot of different reasons why you’re stressed. Take breaks, try yoga or something that’s more of a workout like boxing if it helps, meditation, anything that helps you feel better is a good start. Try writing down everything that’s making you stressed so you can get more of a perspective on why you’re stressed and deal with the smaller problems first. Things like cleaning your room/house or fixing something that’s been bothering you can help a lot. There’s also this helpful list if you wants some more ideas ❤ 

-Depression. *groans* don’t get me started. Depression is a big deal and I have no idea what the best way to help it is. Maybe time. Maybe feeling useful. Maybe leaving your current life situation. Depression makes the simplest things difficult so the main thing to remember is to put your health before your art. Art will wait for you and be there when you’re ready, it always does.

There’s also this masterpost on depression if you’d like to have a look ❤ 

-Feeling inadequate. This might sound like a strange thing to say… It’s kind of a good thing. You are wanting to improve and that’s great. It’s safe to say everyone experiences this multiple times in their life at some point but what you need to keep reminding yourself is, if you know you love doing something then you’re on the right track so stick to it. 

-Feeling Un-motivated. Make an inspiration folder and go on a picture finding search to fill it with anything that makes you want to draw. Learning something new always helps for this as well so read/watch tutorials or someone drawing/painting. 

-Not having ideas. Surprisingly easy fix most of the time. Use a random generator like this ❤ or start some kind of art challenge to get you started.

-Boredom. (or being bored with the way you draw) Try using a different medium like sculpting or pixel art, anything you don’t normally do. Surprisingly changing your image can help as well so getting a new hairstyle/colour, anything like that can work.

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❧ Selling art:

Don’t under charge for your work. It doesn’t matter how much you love to draw, you shouldn’t have to under charge for your work. You’re not only charging for the piece its self but for your skills as an artist and for the time and effort you put into it. 

“So how much do i charge?” This question is one of the more difficult ones to answer. It can depend on the demand and the time it takes for you to make, etc. So this is just a basic list of things to ask yourself before you decide how much you should be charging.

-'How much time do I spend making it?’

-'How much am I willing to work for?’

-'How much do other artists charge?’ (not always relevant but something to consider)

-'What kind of customers will i get?' 

-'What is the customer going to use my art for?’ (if it’s for a personal thing it’s no problem but if it’s commercial and they’re going to use it on multiple occasions profiting from it, either charge more or work something out where they have to pay you each time it’s used)

Don’t worry if you realise you’ve been undercharging for your work because it’s part of the process of finding out what’s right for you.

If someone challenges you on your prices or says you’re charging too much remember this

“If you like what I do, this is what I charge. If you don’t want to pay it, you don’t have to buy it.”

Visual examples work better than descriptions. Show what you’re willing to draw and what kinds of commissions you offer with the prices listed. It can be laid out however you like. Here’s an example ❤ 

Additional payments. Something to consider is are you going to charge more per added character or for a detailed background anything else that requires more work than your set price.

Make a check-list for commissioners to fill out. Not always necessary but can be a good thing to have. Things like “character:  background:  outfit:  ” anything that you would usually ask them.

Some people might ask you to copy or trace something. I have absolutely no idea why people want something that’s traced but don’t do it. I promise you won’t like working with the client and you won’t be proud of your work at all.

Explain when you expect to receive payment. Either before you start, after you show them sketches or when the whole project is completed. In this case just do whatever feels right to you. But keep tabs on who hasn’t played because there are some people that think they can get away with not paying. (just something to be aware of)

There will be people who try to get things for free. Ignore people who say things like “I wish could have something like this but i don’t have money :( ” please, please, please don’t respond to these people with anything other than something along the lines of “Thank you, maybe next time :)” because the only reason they’re saying that is because they want it cheep or free. These people aren’t your customers, don’t worry about supplying to them.

Also along those lines, if someone asks you to do work for them for free and “maybe they’ll hire/pay you” if they like your work is bullshit. They’re conning you. What they do once they get your designs is tell you they’ve decided not to hire/pay you when they’ve actually stolen your design and get their designers to finish/alter it. DON’T TRUST THESE PEOPLE.

Have a paypal or something similar set up. This is completely necessary unless you’re working with someone face to face.

You can decide whether or not to work with someone. If whoever is commissioning you is making you feel uncomfortable or asking too much or is trying to make you do anything you don’t want to, you don’t have to work with them. It’s entirely your choice. 

Little bit more commission advice by someone else ❤

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❧ More stuff added by others: added by fruitncreme - What is talent? ❤ 

- Anatomy, Manga to realistic and perspective ❤ 

- Poses ❤ 

- Anatomy and proportions ❤ 

- Folds and wrinkles ❤ 

- Tips and tricks ❤ 

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❀ Hope this helped ❀

Feel free to add to this list if you have any other advice or tutorials you think would be helpful

What if they met before or during Act 1

*sob s*

THANK YOU. Finally someone says it!

I can’t even count the number of fics and hp theories I’ve read that completely ignore this fact. 

I honestly think the reason why so many people forget this is because the characters themselves never acknowledge it. And the fact that most of the people Harry surrounds himself are firmly entrenched in Magical Society. He has a lot of Pureblood allies and friends for example. I don’t think many of them understand just how deep discrimination can go. Nor do I think they understand the difference between being called a blood traitor vs a mudblood. It’s the difference between being sympathetic to muggles rather than actually being related to one and that shit matters. 

They associate anti-Muggle sentiments with Voldemort and the Death Eaters. In their minds, as soon as they’re defeated everything will go back to normal! Normal just being more subtle and unspoken discrimination that can be waved away by the few well-meaning but ignorant Purebloods, “Oh Sally from accounting said something to you? You must’ve misunderstood! I know her very well, she’s no Death Eater.” 

I’ve lost my point, if you can’t tell I’m really interested in the politics behind hp discrimination, I’m very sad that there aren’t more fics about it pre and post-Voldemort. But back to Tom. 

Another factor is the fact that Dumbledore canonically theorizes Tom had a gang of Slytherins following him called the Knights of Walpurgis (KoW) during school. I think that bit of canon is absolute garbage and I hate it because as you said: he’s perceived Muggleborn. I swear every time I read a fic with this ‘gang’ that isn’t a crack fic I want to scream. 

You’re telling me that this man worked in customer service for years voluntarily? When he had like 5 Sugar Daddies on speed-dial? Honey, please. Magic I can rationalize but KoW is just straight up unrealistic. 

Also, fun fact Dumbledore 100% knew Tom wasn’t a Muggleborn because of his Parseltongue abilities (or at least suspected). This man let Tom be discriminated against and did not say a WORD. Nor did he attempt to help find Tom’s family. And poor feral baby Tom probably didn’t tell another soul about his ability to speak to snakes during school because of Dumbledore’s reaction when he told him. 

Considering his Catholic upbringing in addition to Dumbledore’s response to learning about his in-built Snake Google Translate, Tom was probably like “Ok so the Magical world also has bad associations with snakes. Good to know.”

And then Tom probably found out Parseltongue was an indicator for Slytherin ancestry during the Chamber fiasco and flipped the fuck out. Because that meant his elitist-ass housemates were disrespecting him in what was essentially his own fucking house??? I’d be mad too if I went to school somewhere where the students worshipped the ground the founder walked on and used the founder’s beliefs to try and prove I didn’t belong. And then discover that I was related to the founder they would use as a reason to bully me? The audacity. I’d implode on the spot. 

(In answer to your last query, I headcanon that his hiatus from Britain was so he could re-brand himself. Tom Riddle was the bullied Slytherin Muggleborn. He had to disappear. Voldemort was the messiah-like cryptid who emerged from the shadows with all of life’s answers. He just needs your first born.)

Tom Riddle, aka, Voldemort was canonically perceived to be a muggleborn for many years before he found out about Merope Gaunt. Because only for muggleborns does a teacher visit the parents/guardian/orphanage. Harry was simply given a letter even though he lived in the muggle world, while McGonagall visited Hermione.

In the same vein, Dumbledore visited Tom’s orphanage to inform him about Hogwarts. 

where am i going with this?

the sorting hat put a perceived muggleborn in Slytherin. Don’t try to tell me that oh no, the sorting hat knows who or what you and your ancestors are. No it doesn’t. It reads your mind. it’s very much possible (and by that, i mean i’m certain) that the gaunts did not attend hogwarts.

He might’ve turned out to be a half blood, but at the time, he was considered muggleborn, both by magic and by himself-even though he hated the thought of it.

there are muggleborns in slytherin.

slytherin is cunning and ambition. not blood purity.

(also, i do not understand how people like the malfoys and the blacks and the lestranges and other blood purity fanatics followed a perceived muggleborn. like did voldy tell them that oh no, i’m a half blood? or was it because he was so charismatic that he made them forget that essentially, he was not a pureblood?)

Okay but consider this...

Lillith did not, in fact, order Alastor to go to the hotel or protect Charlie (per say)

In fact, she might have slapped the exact opposite order on the deer, because she knew what a nightmare he could be.

It would be inifinitely more fun to have her reveal that when she drops in for a visit.

"So you sent Alastor here to protect me?"

"My dear, I told him explicitly not to fucking come here in order to protect you. But he's a wilful bastard and I should have known better." Lillith sighed, rubbing her eyes.

"So why did you come here?"

"Why, pure spite and a desire for entertainment my dear. Why not?"

"...if that's true, why didn't you ask for my soul in our deal? I... would hope my mother would trade it for your own."

"She may have, she may not have. She could just force me to release it to her too, you know that's in her power."

"That didn't answer my question..."

Lillith laughs, "Darling, I think you actually endeared yourself to the Overlord when you fought that horrid mantis woman on television. He genuinely enjoys that level of chaos... and the fact he remained against my many subtle attempts to have him leave, means perhaps the stubborn deer might actually like you."

"Preposterous, it's mere entertainment..."

"Like Rosie? Like Vox? Are they entertainment? You let her hug you and didn't even try to bite Charlie once. Oh don't get steamed, deer, I'm just yanking your tail... it's not a bad thing to care for someone. And my-... Our darling daughter..." here she winked, having scryed the initial song battle between Alastor and Lucifer, grinning widely. The two were so similar when it came to theatricality, and yet, so different in terms of everything else. "here is just the sort of creature that no one but the bleakest of fools could fail to care for."

"...how dare you imply I have any emotions, you wretched diva." The tone was mock offence and joviality, and only Lillith's echoing laughter stopped Lucifer from defending her majesty's honour.

"Oh, you do, and I'm sure you're quite fawn'd of Charlotte, you antagonistic anachronistic ancient artifact." She bounces back, airily.

"Ho, I know one should never ask a lady her age, but I don't think there's a number high enough for you to provide in answer."

"I missed these little banter sessions, Bambi, it got quite boring without someone mocking my every waking moment."

"And your husband is a poor substitute for your cruel wit, Siren, and yet... we made do with what we had. Now, how are you here? I thought Adam's little nonsense kept you pinned in place?"

"I believe Niffty took the pest out on my behalf and snapped the threads binding me there. Do get her something pretty from Rosie's and put it on my account, I know the demonic doll will adore anything from her boutique."

"Hello, can I get a word in edgewise?" Lucifer has this too-cheerful grin on his face, waving his hand like an eager student aiming for the attention of the teacher. "Hi, your husband, hello. Quick question, what the fuck are you talking about? How do you know the bellhop? How is Adam involved in any of this? And again, what the FUCK is going on here?"

"Oh... did I not say, my love?" Lillith coos, a trembling note that she knew angels used between one another to help settle ffrazzled nerves. It was always a delightful amusement to see Lucifer's ruffled feathers settle. Intriguingly, the little ex-orcist does to, and then looks confused about it. "Why, I was trapped in Heaven with my boorish first fool of a 'husband', to prevent more 'rebellion nonsense'. I had to make a rather clever deal to help Alastor get back to Hell, and I technically own his soul... but we've been friends for decades, dear. You've met twice..."

Ah, that might be why Alucard was so pissed to be dismissed, Lucifer realises. Wouldn't be the first time he'd forgotten a face.

"Charlie was abooooout ten at the time, in terms of age, my dove..." Lillith prompts. "The television sinner was there too? Do you recall that?"

"...no. But a lot of those decades were a foggy mess." Lucifer admits, trying to work out how he forgot a guy with a tv for a head. Wait, he remembered the guy with a tv for a head. "Did the television have a yellow sweater on and I kept subtly asking how the fuck he managed to get it on given the neckhole didn't seem that stretchy?"

Audience applause played from the air. "That's the one. The secret was, of course, velcro down the back. He'll say he used his powers to put it on, but he didn't have that ability back then." Alastor explains. "I do believe it was a vaguely productive meeting, even if you were only physically present, your Lowness. Why, I recall we'd taught deer Charlotte at least four new swear words by the time we left..."

Charlie, whose eyes were wide as she Recalled Something, felt her mouth fall open. "Oooooh, so you're the ones who taught me to say [very long and complicated series of words that seem to be sending Lucifer into a state of rage as yet unattainable to sinners with every syllable]... right? I said that to dad when he told me it was bathtime and I didn't want to, and he had to go set something on fire before he came back to talk about 'good words and bad words'."

Vaggie looked horrified, and snapped a glare at the radio demon.

Alastor's grin was WIDER than it should be possible to get. "Are you telling me, my dear Charlotte, was that his Majesty's tantrum was the reason that half of pentagram city was burned to the ground shortly after we left that day? Oho, that's just... delicious."

"Well I shouldn't have said it..." Charlie agonised, "I'm sorry Dad. I mean, it was a while ago,but..."

"Oh, you're not to blame Char-Char... this fucker is." Lucifer launches for Alastor, whose tendrils are manifesting... and then a startled bleat escapes as Lillith yanks him practically into her lap by the collar.

"Hold, Luci, there was no harm done in the long run. And you know I found it hilarious, in the aftermath." Lillith waves it off. She turns to the Overlord trying to right himself. "And you, you terrible influence, I do hope you haven't taught our darling anything worse while I was away?"

Charlie, caught back on the bleat sound, is watching on with stars in her eyes. She blinks. "What? No, he hasn't... well, unless you count [a strange warbling static came out of her mouth as her lips moved in what seemed like words]?"

Alastor's ears went flat in shock. "I promise you I didn't teach her that... I had no idea she could even hear that frequency, nuch less verbalise it!"

"I heard you tell Vox he should-..."

"DO NOT REPEAT THAT!" Alastor just about begged as static spilled about the room. "Do you WANT your parents to reduce me to atoms?"

Charlie blinked. "No? It was a pretty creative threat, but it wasn't that bad..."

Lucifer was pulling at a mental thread from the conversation. "Hold on, can we back up to the part where the deer was in Heaven...? How did that happen?"

Angry static filled the room until it was oppressive. Vaggie clutched at Charlie's arm whilst also putting herself between Charlie and the Overlord.

"Enough of that..." Lillith murmured and tugged at an antler. She received an indignant noise that Alastor wouldn't ever admit to with a gun to his head. "They were going to find out eventually you overdramatic cervine... might as well out with it."

The ears pinned flat. "No."

"Fine, I will... this canibalistic mass-murdering psychopath somehow got accidentally redeemed whilst fending off angels during an extermination. I strongly suspect it was because, even though they had just been fighting to the death, he still put himself in the way of those who would have killed Vox..."

Charlie was flickering between shock, anger, confusion and something that looked like it wanted to be weepy and affectionate. Hopefully she didn't settle for the latter because Lillith and Lucifer would have to pin the deer in place to avoid Alastor throwing himself out a window to avoid the whole mess.

"You... you knew it was possible... and you didn't TELL ME?!" Charlie yelled, settling on Anger.

Alastor grins, "Well, you never directly asked, did you?"

Charlie steamed, then pivoted in the old Charlie Fashion (TM) to joyful. "It's possible?!"

Lillith also adds, "From what I have heard around Heaven, it may not have been the first time... they just keep it quiet. And... well, if someone gets up there who starts doing things like, say, eating Cherubs because they were furious they were trapped there... they usually just killed them off. Unless, of course, they had the Queen of Hell there who could convince them to try another way."

"You ate CHERUBS?! They're like CHILDREN?" Lucifer is aghast.

"They are infuriatingly too-positive little nightmares with no common sense or ability to accept anyone else's viewpoint. Yes. they were delicious."

"...well, okay they're a bit of an experience but eating them?!"

"Most of them are centuries older than myself, they had enough time to learn to back off. I warned them, they persisted, I got to try angelic veal..."

Vaggie looked like she wanted to throw up. "Don't. ever. say that phrase again."

"What, angelic ve-...?"

"You stop taunting my future daughter in law or I order you to let them pet your tail." Lillith warns. It's an empty threat, she was a major proponent of bodily autonomy (anyone who'd been trapped with Adam would be) but Alastor didn't need to know that.

"You wouldn't dare!"

"I would. Now, shall I continue? Lovely. We made a deal, with Adam cosigning because I was under his contract, to allow Alastor to return to Hell as a Sinner... with a few rules that the oaf created. Particularly the one around not raising an army against Heaven, and some poorly worded nonsense about not sharing the secrets of angelic steel and implying he should not be 'fucked with' which we took to assume meant no fighting the fool. Because he certainly made passes at both of us."

Lillith's mouth turned down in distaste. Alastor looked like HE was going to be sick.

Lucifer's expression flickered demonic. "If he wasn't dead, I'd kill him again..." After everything Lillith went through in the Garden, to be trapped with a man who could never learn from his mistakes, was blind to making them. Revolting.

"Didn't want to take the Dickmaster for a spin, Bambi?" he snipes, distracting himself with the casual patter of argumentation with the overlord.

"Why, your majesty, I was busy with your wife... although comparatively, I do have good time management skills, I suppose I COULD have managed if I tried..."

"You did WHAT?!"

Lillith was trying so hard to keep a straight face as she threw a pseudo seductive expression at Alastor. "Oh darling, he's not ready to know about that..." she purrs. She sees her husband attain an almost orange colouring. "We're joking, dear... I promise."

"Dad? Try counting to te-... fifty-seven." Charlie intervenes.

"One, two-... wait, why 57?" he says, colour settling again.

"Because the number was so unusual you'd get curious about it and drop out of your funk to ask."

"...you really are so clever, Char-Char, we really made something amazing when we created you."

"Daaaaaaaaaaad, please... not in front of Vaggie." she flushes.

"Unclench, your Lowness, your wife is aesthetically pleasing but we are but friends." Alastor shrugged.

"Because you liked Vox, right?" Lucifer was awarding himself a mental medal because he REMEMBERED bits of the conversation. Wasn't that sad?

Alastor snarled. "Hardly." Oooh, that seemed like a sore spot. Time to press.

"Didn't like you back, huh? Fair. I can't fucking stand you, and-..."

"Lucifer, leave it." Lillith said. It wasn't harsh or sharp, but it conveyed that she knew something about why the Overlord's expression had fallen behind that smile, even as he forced whatever emotion that meant back into a box and reasserted the mask. "It's complicated, and now is not the time for that conversation. Suffice to say, no one slept with Adam outside of his exorcists, but I did manage to get Alastor back to Hell as swiftly as I could in order to have him covertly assisting Charlie."

"How? If you wouldn't let him at the hotel, then how does that help?"

"Destabilise the Overlords, be more lenient about the souls on his chains trying out the hotel, spread information about the place in a covert manner that wouldn't get a target on you, so many underhanded things my dear. Though, I am glad he disobeyed... I hadn't realised how little you understood of management and staffing."

"Heh, yeah... it was the best we had."

"Charlotte, you could have ordered palace staff to come and help at the hotel, you were always too kind."

"Oh, I dismissed them when you left with Charlie..." Lucifer adds, sheepishly.

"It seems there is a lot I need to do in the interim, then." Lillith sighed. "Alastor, would you be open to helping me manage these tasks, even without the deal in place?"

"...I kept the last hotel together with magical duct tape and elbow grease, it's a matter of pride now to continue in the role." Alastor shrugs, as if unconcerned. The collar shatters with a snap of elegant pale fingers. "Thank you... now, what was it you needed seen to? I will need to schedule in a few hours to go and tear the Vees limb from limb, but outside of that, my calendar's quite open."

"Wait, we need to discuss everything we just learned! I have questions!"

"Later, Charlotte. Now is the time for action..." Alastor replies, radio dial eyes flaring, already planning on how he would prepare the Vees for dinner.

"How dare you talk to our daughter that way, Alastor, deer?" Lillith teases, tugging at his ear and laughing as he snaps his teeth at her fingers. "Oh, don't fight in front of Charlotte, she'll end up with a complex or something..."

"On top of her glaring daddy issues you mean?"

Alastor doesn't like the way Lucifer's expression goes from furious to cold, cruel delight in a heartbeat. "Well, it's on you to fix now as well, bellhop... seeing as you claimed her too. So, how about some..." the world seemed o slow down like a horror movie, "Family... therapy...?"

"...If you'll excuse me, I'm going to beg Vox to kill me."

Charlie leaps for him, "No, he's kidding!"

"So am I, Charlotte... do take a breath. Your parents are apparently comedians this afternoon, and I think we'd all best steer clear of them until whatever madness has swept over them, passes. Now, would you like to come and watch me dismember an overlord? You and Vagathat could even tag-team Velvette if you wished..."

Vaggie looks like she might pass out.

His ears flatten. "Ah, I believe I hit another slang term and I'm not going to like what it really means... am I?"

Lucifer curls half his wings around the Overlord, as one might companionably sling an arm over their shoulder if they were at comparable heights. Clearly having decided that he can torment the other better if he REALLY leans into this madness between them all.

He steers the deer towards the corridor as Lillith follows behind, unwilling to miss the fuss.

"Well, you're gonna love this, Al... husbando nuero uno, honey, deerly beloved, blood moon of our life..." Laying it on thick, but Al looked ready to claw his own ears off with each passing endearment. "...but tag-teaming used to mean fighting in tandem, and now it means-..."

The door clicks shut, but seconds later every radio in the c=vinciity blasts an air raid siren and something that sounds mysteriously like a clown falling down the stairs.

Charlie counts to ten, breathing hard.

"What the fuck is my life...?" she whispers.

Vaggie consoles her as best she can, tossing up if Charlie outweighed the insanity of her family enough to propose. She blanches, momentarily, imagining having to ask Lucifer and Lillith and Alastor's permission, before catching herself.

Sure just the first two, right?

Right?

But then she recalled the look in the royal couple's eye, and their infamous penchant for committing to the bit... and resigned herself to like, dragging a sinner home and offering it to the deer for his blessing. Or something insane like that.

"No matter what, I love you, Charlie..." she murmurs externally. "Let's go take a walk in the garden to calm down, okay?"

"...yeah, I could use fresh air after all this."

There'd be so much to talk about later, so much to ask... but for now?

Charlie needed cuddles and connection.

And, based on the sounds downstairs, someone needed a first aid kit or a priest... so they'd be taken the back staircase to avoid all that. The smoke alarms began to blare.

Vaggie tugged Charlie away from the choas just a little faster.

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no idea where this was going, it spiralled on me

it could be funny tho