Thinking About How I'm Both Non-binary And Aroace Like I Made Only One Choice In Life And It Was "no."

What doesn't kill you flares up and tries again

I'm thinking about chronic illness and wondering if others can relate. And I'm thinking this might sound strange to able bodied people, but it's something I wish I had more help with. My brain fog won't let me phrase it well, but I still want to write it down.

i had a long flare there, something mysterious, left me w brain fog and migraines and fatigue for a few weeks. I'm sitting up today clearheaded enough to do some work and I'm struck again by how it's scarier to be recovering than really ill sometimes. Being really ill is horrible but it's simple and straight forward. When you feel better you're hit fully with what you missed out on and how far behind you are and trying to prioritize which part of life to pick back up with the little strength you have. N it could just be a fluke - maybe I'll be back in bed tomorrow - so if I pick something to do that can't be finished and important TODAY, if I can't pick the one single thing that's worth doing this one good day that mightn't come again, I will feel like such a fool! I'm trying to be excited to feel better, and I am excited, but there's something so simple about the acute phase... "I just have to endure" is so simple. "What if I never get better" is a simple fear. When I'm properly sick I can't even torment myself with what I would do if I felt better, because I'm too tired. "oh, I could see my friends, I could work..." but I'm too tired to want that. "If I was well again"... I can't even picture it when I'm really sick, so my life doesn't look so bad because I can't compare it. When your strength comes back, your wants come back beyond the immediate and it's overwhelming. The fears are more complicated. I have the energy to compare again, and it really sinks in how much time I've lost to this. It's like the difference between being a child and being a grown up. I don't miss being a child, I don't want to go back to that ever, but my life felt simpler then and I could kid myself (pun intended) about so many things. It's not nice that recovery is such an anxious grieving time. Especially since I never know how long it will last, I feel like I don't have the time or energy to spare feeling frightened and sorry! I should be grateful to feel better, i should be excited and grab the opportunity. But it is a grieving time and I can't help it.

im tired of people having these little nuances like i was talking about the word hate and i said “i hate nazis” and my friend was like hmm hates a strong word. for nazis ? no the fuck it is not. i could use stronger words too. i could curbstomp their sorry asses. i hate nazis and you all better hate nazis too

We all know that Halenthir has impeccable vibes, but no one can convince me that Haleth isn't a raging lesbian. Luckily, there's an obvious solution to this problem: transfem Caranthir. In this essay I will-

triggers for dysautonomia flare-ups ✿

these are some things I have noticed, either in myself or in other people, which tend to make symptoms of dysautonomia worse or even cause a flare.

environmental / external:

heat

cold

humidity

changes in barometric pressure

not meeting body's needs:

dehydration

hunger / low blood sugar

sleep deprivation

poor quality sleep

not taking breaks

other bodily-related stressors:

stress

exercise

being upright for too long

drugs / certain medications

raising arms above head

lifting heavy objects

squatting / bending over

strong emotions

standing up too fast

period / menstrual cycle

dietary:

caffeine

sugar

carbs

dairy

alcohol

fatty foods

artificial sweeteners

eating too much / too little

eating too quickly

actually no, we're not "dating". we're bound together for infinity. like the stars. so, fuck you, actually.

Reminds me of when I went to a Renaissance festival with a big wooden staff and I was so excited because I didn't have to worry about my balance so much. And then it still took me months to start using a cane even just at home

A reminder that if you didn’t need a mobility aid you wouldn’t be day dreaming and fantasizing about how they would help you navigate the world and that no matter how much internalized ableism you hold it won’t change your reality about your conditions and you SHOULD do what is best for you because no one will punish you more than yourself if you keep ignoring your needs

“Chronic illness warrior!”

Bro we were drafted

Rings of Power meme dump part 11!!

Edit: Oops meant to schedule this one. I guess there's two today lol. Also I can't count.

hi all, this is oddly specific but a friendly reminder to check up on your queer/trans friends with catholic backgrounds today!

the pope is dead. there are varying feelings going around this, but many of us are scared because pope franics was honestly relatively considerate of the lgbtq+ community (for a pope), and the next pope is not super likely to be, which affects way more than you'd think in some religious communities and households.

sending love to all 🤍