Sometimes When I Had A Student Intern, I’d Bring Them To Court And Let Them Sit At The Counsel Table

Nobody told me 30 year olds were wrinkly and unenergetic. Some people write 30′s like they’re geriatric (not OP, more directed at the anon). Maybe my social circle is just rowdy, but half the fifty-somethings I work with can drink me under the table and get up for a run in the morning while I’m hungover-ly pouring Bailey’s in my coffee.

Also I look better at 34 than I did at 24 (as do a lot of people), because I have a sense of style and enough money to pay for a nice haircut/makeup. Honestly, who let me out of the house dressed like a goth at Woodstock when I was in college?

Which is a lot of words to tell anon not to worry about hitting 30. You’re never too old to be a bad bitch.

How would the brothers react on their (human) mc stressing about getting older? Mc isn’t as adventurous as before and has some wrinkles. Somewhere near 30?

JWSJSJSJ HOLD UP YALL THINK 30 IS OLD ???? DAMN... Man.... I guess half of my followers are basically in the grave, sorry guys. I'll prepare the funerals.

THE BROTHERS to MC worrying about getting older

Lucifer:

For a while, he will just brush your worries off and think its a phase. Maybe he hasn't loved you right lately? He will put a day aside, if not then a few hours, to just thoroughly love you and your changing body. It's in this time that you can get him to fully understand your worries. He'll take your hand and kiss it, reminding you that that's just part of being human and no matter how old you get, he will still cherish you.

Mammon:

He noticed, of course. The slight change in your appearance over the years and how you seem less energetic. He won't tell you but he's been thinking about the inevitable and although he knows it's still long before that, it just becomes more real with your own worries. He'll silently curse your fragile human being and spill his worries out in a heated argument that started over nothing. How dare you be human! That was the cruelest joke of all. He struggles with it too, but maybe you can lift each other up.

Leviathan:

The fact that he even has someone to love like that is amazing and so he avoids thinking about the negative. To him, this is a dream that should never end and when you get worried about that it just reminds him that this isn't a dream and it could end. He'll become whiny and needy, holding you close in fear of you going way too soon. Sure a few wrinkles arent the end, but they're the beginning of the end. He'll be sure to keep you close until then and remind you of why hes with you in the first place.

Satan:

Hes guilty of messing with that a bit. Your lack of energy forced him to use some "energy boost" spells and he is quick to offer something against the wrinkles too. Theres nothing wrong with getting old, he says, but theres something wrong with you getting old. He cant change fate, but he can try to keep you as youthful as possible on the outside with magic, if you want. Regardless, he will love you until you take your last breath. You changed him for the better and the least he can do is keep you filled with love and comfort throughout your life.

Asmodeus:

He starts freaking out FOR you. This is not just beauty gone wrong. This isn't just something you can fix with concealer. This is real. And it reminds him on how very mortal you are. He might shut down and avoid the topic at all costs. If he doesn't notice it, its not real, right? But he knows he has to accept it at some point. He just isn't ready to yet. So please, MC, take the creams he gives you and cherish every little bit of energy you have. Make him feel better while he tries to make you feel better.

Beelzebub:

Hes actually so calm about it at first. He holds you and tells you thats just life, that you're still beautiful to him and that he could still eat you up no matter what. But slowly.... As he lays awake at night through another hunger session, he realizes that time truly is really short and you have maybe 60 more years at best, 30 more at worst. Time runs different through him. Time is irrelevant to him. Having to think about this makes him anxious and he doesnt like it. Is there nothing he can do but to make you feel comfortable?

Belphegor:

Your worries will be ridiculed for a time because much like his twin, he thinks you still have so much time, right? But soon he'll lay awake at night and look at your sleeping form. You have changed.... Grown older.... And that's scary. Is he just supposed to lose you like he lost Lilith? He'll be angry with himself and his father for you being human, knowing thats not really your fault. He'll remind you every day how much you make him feel. And hopes that you feel him too. Don't worry about the details, he'll hold you anyway.

“Justin Bieber”

I am dying. I am deceased.

Also, petition to call our gluttonous one Clyde from now on. It makes me think of the big Clydesdale horses, which absolutely are the Beels of the horse world.

Old trend, but I let my Mom guess the brother's names

I gave her a tiny hint, "they don't have Japanese names."

My two current game obsessions.

INJECT IT RIGHT INTO MY VEINS

Another random Twitter doodle, Satan as Louis from AfterL!fe!

Y’all can go sit in the corner with my husband who used to steal my lighter and now steals my juul AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.

(jk my forgiveness can be bought in those cute bic lighters with pigs on them)

I'm that annoying friend that steals everyone's lightners too!! *insert spiderman pointing to other spiderman meme here*

YAAAAAY LIGHTER THIEF FRIEND!! 😂💖

As a fellow married Obey Me! player, I can confirm that nothing is worse than forgetting to turn the notification sound off and hearing Lucifer yell at you when you’re chilling with your spouse. Husband: “I don’t know what kind of hentai you’re watching, but you are not allowed to make fun of my browser history ever again.”

Today in reasons I’d like to be buried

I got it for both PS4 and PC, and the PS4 version is way smoother for some reason. Still love it.

Also I’m really disappointed I don’t get cyber enhanced genitals, at least not to the point I’m at in the game. :(

Gonna be loosing my life to Cyberpunk2077 as soon as it downloads, can't wait 😂🤘🏻 hahaha

I assume they are talking about the Vesper necklace from Crave, which vibrates (although I don’t know how well it functions as an actual vibrator):

However, I think it also looks a lot like this necklace which I happen to own and can confirm does not operate as a sex toy:

Geometric jewelry like that was very on trend a couple years ago, so I’ve got a couple things like that. Not sure why you wouldn’t be able to find other examples (answer: the vibrator necklace is funnier).

BiTcH wHaT

And if you’re really worried about stress eating or being unhealthy during the pandemic, you can do better things than shit yourself silly after drinking whatever diet tea you saw on Instagram. Besides the fact that they don’t work, a lot of diet programs you find on social media will either harm you (because they’re extremely restrictive or call for taking some unregulated supplement containing hell knows what) or your wallet (because when you order a program they’ll steal your credit card number or sign you up for some autoship mess).

Go for a walk, do some yoga, play with a dog, make something healthy but tasty, like an omelet with veggies or pancakes with fruit (yeah, I love breakfast food, come at me bro). Doing these things might not even make you lose weight, but they will make you feel good.

Or engage in my favorite form of self care, dousing yourself in Vaseline and sliming around the floor while you play at being a slug.

You don’t owe it to anybody, at any time, and especially not during a global pandemic, to be a certain size or shape. You are making it through an unprecedented disaster and that makes you a certified fucking badass.

I love you all and I support you in doing whatever you gotta do, you rock star.

Diet companies will be hitting hard this year. Be prepared to hear repeated sentiments of “It’s time to get rid of that Quarantine 15” and “In these hard times, commit to taking care of yourself with healthy living and weight loss.”

This rhetoric is going to be everywhere. And due to the nature of modern advertising, the vast majority of it will be coming from people online who just look like they’re trying to share some good advice with the followers that they love so much. You’ll barely be able to see the money getting thrown at them from the weight loss industry.

Don’t reward them for using these manipulation techniques - Buying their products and losing weight isn’t going to make your year any better, or erase the stress of the pandemic, or be the first step in self-care.

Please please please see these ads for what they are - A way of preying on your insecurity and trauma in order to make money.

I feel like I need to bring this post to my therapist so we can work out why I am solely attracted to moody daddies.

Oh no, they’d get along perfectly. If anything, Lucifer comes to him for advice.

Lucifer: I like someone what should I do?

Jumin: Hmm, have you considered locking them away? A cage would be preferred—

Lucifer: *taking notes* ...And of course, I don’t embrace my feelings. I let this emotion fester and die.

Jumin: *nods* Obviously.

oh god, they bond over wine and music and then bounce ideas off of each other on how to deal with emotions without actually dealing with them 💀

Yes Belphie get that sizzurp we are getting TRASHED

Lucifer: Simeon is throwing a party. He wants to know your favorite sodas.

Mammon: Fanta is good.

Satan: I don't drink soda, I'll just have juice.

Beelzebub: Please don't make me choose.

Belphegor: Carbonated Nyquil

Lucifer: ...

Mammon: ...

Satan: ...

Beelzebub: Belphie nO