babylightningbug

Latest Posts by babylightningbug

  “Not All Who Wander”

Recreating scenes with Lego bricks

Pretending to swing a sword 

Planning to rewatch every time I was sick

Until I knew every word

Arguments over who

Was more like Arwen or Eowyn

Finding comfort in knowing you

Almost as much as we knew them

Slowly growing apart,

Moving, lost contact

Still holding you in my heart

My Lord of the Rings book barely intact.

Lewis Hamilton wins the British Grand Prix

eveeyones got it wrong your mid 20s arent for going to the club or partying or picking up new crafts. your 20s are for discovering how much more autistic you are than you thought you were in high school

can someone hire me as a lighthouse keeper. my grip on reality is soooo stable and i will behave so normally under conditions of extreme isolation. and i promise i wont try to fuck the light

screw it!!! im going to savor every moment!!! im going to appreciate the trees!! im going to live!!!

Hey I just wanted to say thanks, because idk why this didn't just occur to me, but I've been missing "family" meals, the kind of meals I get to make for people and sit down with people I love since I came out and had to leave my house, and idk why but you posting about having family dinners with your friends where you host them made me realize that like, that's something I can still do. If I don't have the people who will invite me over to eat a meal anymore I can always be the person who invites others over myself and idk, I just wanted to say thanks

this warmed my heart in ways i don’t know how to describe.

family dinner started because i’d get some friends over on tuesdays to watch supernatural prequel the winchesters and i’d make them dinner for their troubles. i was feeding like five people max. but then the show ended and one of my friends got a new job and had to move an hour away so we moved it to the weekend so she could still come.

and then i realized that cooking is actually a form of self care for me (let’s not examine too closely how my self care is still taking care of others, it’s been discussed enough in therapy). so we started inviting other folks. and family dinner went from five people regularly to seven. and then i’d have friends from out of town come and it’d be 15-17. and now it’s not unusual for a dozen people to show up at my house on a saturday night to drink and eat and make merry.

there’s a particular kind of warmth that comes from leaning against the entry to my dining room, glass of wine curled against my chest, seeing so many of the people i love sitting around my table as they laugh and bicker and eat a meal that i used so much love to make. food that i spent hours creating because they gave me the confidence and the desire to learn how to make new things. because the effort it takes for me to make pasta or gnocchi or sauces or broths from scratch is worth it. the hours i will spend standing over a hot stove as i make gumbo or chicken and dumplings or fried everything is worth it. the easy smiles and whiskey-reddened cheeks and raucous laughter and full bellies and warm togetherness is worth the trouble.

it makes me understand the last supper (you know, minus the foreboding of betrayal). there’s a divinity in making a meal to share with those you love.

i’ve yet to find a better way express my devotion than to say, “take this, all of you, and eat of it. for it is my love given up for you.”

because even though the darkness can be chasm-wide and canyon-deep, my love is wider and deeper. it’s the bridge over the consumption of it all.

when people sit at my table and break bread that my hands have tenderly prepared i see the point of it all. loving and be loved in return.

and sometimes that love is stored in poetic words and grand gestures. and sometimes, that love is stored in a stockpot full of soup. but they both accomplish the same thing at the end of the day. warmth and safety and care and devotion.

it’s love. plain and simple and small.

yeah i got that dog in me. full disclosure though, he is a goofy stray who constantly evades animal control’s attempts at capture bc he thinks it’s a silly lil game.

i looooove characters who are sacrificial lamb coded. characters who have never lived for themselves. characters born to be a tool, a weapon, a sacrifice, all of the above. a character raised by the heroes to save the world, at any expense, even their own health, even their own life. a character raised by the villains to end the world, at any expense, even their own health, even their own life. characters who are denied personhood so they can be used as tools instead. characters who never even had a chance to be people because they were shaped into something else from the moment they were born. characters who were born to die.

Maybe i should rewatch supernatural

"no worries" ah but that is where you are wrong. there are many worries

I’m not canonically autistic but it’s strongly implied

i am an ally to all embarrassing and uncool women forever and ever

Being silly together is my favorite type of intimacy.

it’s just. i see you in everything, ya know? i bend at the waist to get closer to every rock i see because each one is a potential gift for you. i examine every beautiful leaf and picture it on your nightstand. i point my finger at fluffy clouds and turn my head to share my joy. sunset orange makes me think of you. sunrise pink does, too. tall buildings and green grass hold bits of you. wind gusts and book pages whisper memories of you. everywhere. you’re everywhere. no matter where you are or how long you’ve been gone, everywhere, everywhere. everywhere i look i just see you.

i love that jensen ackles has become like. a well known and respected actor ever since he played soldier boy in the boys but i still see him pop up in social media all the time talking about bringing back supernatural. like he's committed. the spinoff didnt even do that well and he still won't shut the fuck up about doing another season or making a movie or whatever. i fear the deangirlism is fatal. he's like a musician on the titanic it's all or nothing he's sinking with this fucking ship dude

Why can't I be a professional blorbo thinker

grabbing myself by the scruff of the neck and forcing myself to at least skim read a longform post or piece of text that i just scrolled past despite thinking it sounded interesting because it's "too long" i will NOT contribute to my own attention deficiency and limit my general knowledge and critical thinking skills by needing information spoonfed to me in bitesize pieces to be able to digest it i will NOT

yeah no you gotta come pick up your man. yeah he’s suffering the mortifying ordeal of being perceived while in front of the hoes.

me and the girlies discussing motifs and themes

i am not at fault for being soft. you are at fault for being mean.

not enough secret gardens and hidden passageways and bookshelves that open to a mysterious library these days. get working on that girls.

i’m doing hot girl shit. *rewatches the same show/movie for the 87654th time*