Found Some Screenshots Of The Notes I Made Half A Year Ago. Half A Year Ago I Went Through My Worst Heartbreak.

The moment of enchantment: a rainbow in the valley beneath us

light academia this dark academia that; there is one real academia and it’s made of rubber dusts, papercuts on fingers, oily hair that hasn’t been washed in a week, big yawns, used up highlighters, dark eyebags, missed deadlines and piled up books

241228

song of the day: sticky- tyler, the creator

about halfway through priming for my courses. i was a little disappointed with the poor quality of the notebooks at the store but at least i have something to write in now.

also planned out my new years which helped destress.

sadly didn't get 100% completion in the horror game i wanted to finish: it is about 2 hours long and i must replay it for the zero deaths run. maybe i'll finish it in a few months.

research: didn't get any writing done today but since the base structure is already there, i just need a little more information and edit. i hope to finish it tomorrow but it will probably take a few days, realistically.

tomorrow's goal: finish priming for my courses and get started on calculus review (didn't get the best mark last semester). bake cookies? go swimming.

it's really shocking and sad to think that i only have a week left with my family before i go across the country and back to being totally alone. but i'm enjoying the time i have now which is all that matters.

2025

really shocking that it's 2025 already. 2024 was a journey of both self discovery and self annihilation, one that made me realize many harsh and beautiful truths about myself. i have learned a lot and look forward to using my knowledge this year. i will strive to protect my peace, find solace in silence, and taking things one step at a time, either forwards or backwards, all in the name of progress towards ambition.

One thing that has made me a much more well-adjusted person is a clip I once saw of Hank Green saying that anyone can be in amazing shape as long as being in amazing shape is one of their top three priorities.

(This is obviously a generalization that isn't true for everyone. But it is true for most people and I'm proceeding from there.)

This "top three priorities" framing has genuinely reduced my tendency toward jealousy and self-comparison a lot. Now when I feel envious of someone’s spotless, aesthetic home, I think to myself, “Having a spotless, aesthetic home is probably one of their top three priorities. It’s definitely not one of mine, so I shouldn’t expect my home to look like that.”

Or when I see an influencer with a body that takes a ton of work to maintain: “Maintaining that body is obviously one of her top three priorities, because it’s her livelihood. My livelihood is my brain, so I’m never going to prioritize my body like that.”

It also helps me to identify areas that I actually DO want to prioritize more. I realized in recent years that my envy for my friends who prioritized writing more than I did was NOT going away, so I started to prioritize writing more. (Not top three, but higher priority than it has been in the past.)

heart (n)

a hollowed thing. the size of a fist. made up of multiple layers of tissue, each peeling away as their part is played. the center of the circulatory system, the controller of life. essential. beats sharing, taking. made of glass-blown sculptural imperfection. a tapestry. woven stories, of spools of thread. stained in all the wrong places. an actor, one that cannot lie. a symphony of movement. yet to be tuned, a hesitant metronome. moderato, a drum hit 2.5 billion times, the ending note being all that the audience remembers.

sound the drum and let the act begin

250129

13/100 days of productivity

song of the day: spartacus: ballet suite no. 2:1. adagio of spartacus and phrygia- aram khachaturian

woke up late and had to skip my biology lecture. went to my next lecture and headed to the library to do work. wifi went out campus wide when i was submitting my research application so i was struggling to connect to my data for two hours.

academic: finished my biology pre lab. attended a networking event with some professors and had a fun time with my chemistry professors.

tomorrow: biology post lab, physics problem set, physics pre lab, review for chemistry midterm.

240131

15/100 days of productivity

wasn’t feeling very well today after running errands and having labs all day. still went to my evening tutorial but sleeping early tonight.