Another Super Cool Post For Keepsake 🩵

Affirmation: I speak words of love and kindness 🩵

~**~ Pinterest Inspirations ~**~

I have been overwhelmed lately with everything I realize I need to finish by the end of the semester, which is in 7 weeks. Sadly, my birthday is within the next 7 weeks, and I would hate to be stressed out on my birthday weekend. I was in a similar spot last year having to finish preparing for a presentation the night before my birthday. I wish it would've been different. And I so do not wish this fate upon myself again this year.

Another year, a better me.

It's time to change how I handle my schoolwork and life in general. No more hiding away or being frozen in place. I have to keep my eyes open no matter what comes my way and see it for what it is - a challenge I have been trained to overcome. It just gets a little scary when everything gets thrown at you at the same time.

03/25/2025

Tired school days pass by the quickest... Finally sitting in front of my laptop at 10pm to do more schoolwork (according to my planner), and once again, I wonder how my brain wandered off to a different space and time since 6pm.

Current mood 🙃:

Completed

✅ Doctor's appointment

✅ Classes

✅ Part-time job

✅ Food

✅ 30-min nap with my dog

✅ Randomly listened to an audiobook ad on YouTube for 1 hour...

✅ Clinic note

✅ New semester survey

✅ Check school email and reply

✅ Group project highlight

✅ Group paper section outline

To-Dos (still...)

⏹️ At least 1 hour of thesis writing

Venting: It's hard to not feel disappointed in myself for not working on any actual thesis writing in the past 2 days, especially when I keep telling myself that today is the day. I seriously just want my brain to not run away from my thesis because I feel like time is running out. I'm so exhausted both physically and mentally at this point that I just want to sleep for a whole day before doing anything. But I'm not sure if this is actually feasibly. I just feel so stuck in my brain right now that I just want to dump all my anxiety and fears out so my mind can shut up and do the actual work. Why is it so hard??? Ugh, and now I feel like I am not being kind to myself... But I really need to complain a bit. Life has been rough recently with school and it's not something that someone can solve for me.

OK ranting a little before I start...

I'm kinda sick and tired of people telling me all I need is discipline and consistency. Like you think I've never considered that??? That's what people say, like EVERYWHERE!

Has anyone thought maybe there is more to these two words? Or maybe there's more to people who consistently "fail" at discipline and consistency?

Before I make a tough decision every day - whether it is whether I should skip my class or what I want to eat for lunch - maybe I can stop and ask what my future self would like me to do? And then maybe I can finally be at peace when I choose to rest when I'm tired and enjoy my time with friends without feeling guilty.

04/04/2025

Had a full-day of workshop and I still have a few more to go... The day hasn't been that bad. Not until I realized how much I got charged for a recent imaging I had to do for my accident 🙃 They say US health insurance sucks, and I cannot agree more. I'm trying to stay positive and keep faith in the Universe, but it's hard when things like this happen. I don't know what more I can do. I don't know how I'm supposed to let go and surrender.

Completed

✅ Workshop ✅ Hangout with my friend ✅ Dinner ✅ Thesis work (30 minutes) ✅ Phone call with partner

To-Do

⏹️ Shower before bed

I woke up around 11am today and felt relieved knowing my doctor's appointment was finally scheduled for tomorrow. I haven't listened to Eric Nam in a long time, and this song spoke to my soul 🩵

What if I have everything right now And I'm missing what it's all about? What if being happy isn't what I thought? Oh What if more is never enough? - lyrics from House on a Hill by Eric Nam

Something that made me happy today =)

04/13/2025

Tapped out the past 2 days because depression is hitting me and I think I'm having pms. It feels really difficult to do anything when the end of the semester hits. Like there are so many tasks and assignments I need to get done, and I don't even have more time to do all of them. Ugh... why is life hard sometimes? Thankfully, I pushed myself to reach out to my friends and partner. I feel better today =)

Not sure if this happens to people or not, but I find myself starting something that gives me instant dopamine when I'm the most stressed/overwhelmed. Like this Friday, I told myself I needed a day to relax, and I ended up starting this 24-episode cdrama and y'all I'm on the last episode today... I'm so committed when the thing makes me happy and gets me hooked.

Anyway, I hope to continue updating my progress so I don't just give up. Thanks for giving me a space to feel supported and safe (even in the not-so-great times) 🩵

Completed

✅ Walk my dog ✅ Yoga (Haven't done it since the accident and it actually felt nice) ✅ Breakfast ✅ Watch Perfect and Casual (Such a simple and cute contract to love story! Definitely a rewatch when I need something wholesome and heartwarming💖) ✅ Clinic notes x4 ✅ Discussion post

To-Dos

⏹️ Thesis: revise section paragraphs ⏹️ Clinic report results x2 (hopefully I can get through more if I have the energy)

Let's trust that I will get through another day feeling at peace, relieved, and proud of myself 🩵

[End of day: 12:30am] I basically lost motivation after reviewing my advisor's feedback on my latest thesis draft... He wants me to revise my writing and add more details and find more updated citations. I feel like I just want to pull my hair out. I don't know how I'm going to do this, and I'm already exhausted at this point. I feel like giving up because this thesis seems never-ending... I wish I could just escape into the drama world and call it a day.

~**~ Pinterest Inspirations ~**~

I noticed myself living in fear whenever I started looking at my semester planner and seeing how many things I had failed to complete thus far. It is an overwhelming feeling that keeps me frozen and stuck.

I don't know if I can get everything done before the end of the semester. And right now, this is my worst nightmare. I have always succeeded in higher education and I think I have feared failure to this extent.

But my partner is right, I can do anything I put my mind to. This is not about whether or not I can do these tasks, it is the fact that everything needs to get done so what will I do now to make it happen. This is not about whether or not I have faith in myself and how hopeful I am about this situation or hopeless about the current misfortune, but what would the adult part of me do now to make things work out without minimizing my needs and suppressing my emotions.

This is a lot. It feels heavy like I am carrying bags of stones on my shoulders while climbing a mountain. But this time I need to face my fears like a responsible adult instead of running away from my troubles and avoiding everything.

I can do this. I WILL do this. 💪🏻

03/29/2025

Ugh March is almost over, and it freaks me out😵‍💫 I feel like this is the first time I don't know exactly how things will go and how I can get through with all my work and wrap up my semester... Maybe I've been here before, but every semester is a blur at this point.

Take it one day at a time, one day at a time. I need to keep repeating this to myself so I don't feel so terrified of the unknown that I run away from everything. Anxiety and stress are no joke.

Anime atm 😍: Earl and Fairy

Completed

✅ Video call with a friend

✅ Breakfast

✅ Surprise party for friends

✅ Watch repair (it took me a year to take it somewhere to fix lol)

✅ Lunch

✅ 1 episode of anime

✅ Group project 1 paper

✅ Rewatch Skip Beat ep 19 (iykyk)

✅ Thesis (1 hours 😊) - I FINALLY DID IT!! SO PROUD!!

To-Dos

⏹️ Group project 2 paper

⏹️ Pay bills

I'm not letting myself go to bed unless I work on my thesis for 2 hours. My phone is locked away, so I know I can get it done. It really doesn't have to feel like a struggle every single day. I have finished harder things in the past 😤

Me with my thesis: