AITA For Not Killing My Son’s Murder?

Ok, but like...

Damian being a stabby murder baby, BUT ALSO the quirky art kid.

Everyone at his school (he goes to in-person school, sue me) is TERRIFIED of him, and rightfully so.

One time he stabbed a classmate with a paintbrush after they knocked into his art table and spilled his paint across his canvas. Do you know how hard it is to stab someone with s paintbrush?

NO ONE goes into Damian’s art studio (except for Alfred because he runs the manor). Tim goes looking for the belongings that Damian steals from him in the studio. He comes out with nasty bruises every time.

But the thing is, Damian creates the most beautiful things! The rest family is astounded by what can create. How can Mr.Iwillstabyouifyoulookatmewrong paint such an elegant recreation of Titus' face!?

Everyone eventually stops questioning it.

the jazz-mandated spec ops gossip sesh 🥂

no capes! batfam, but they still stop crime just by accident

bruce wayne, drunk as hell, wanting to go home from a gala: hey dick, you can drive right? 14 year old dick whose experience from driving is a plastic kids' car: yeah sure i can

Part 9!

He can fix everything. He can duct tape it all into the fluffiest family bonding~

Part 1

Cows and Licorice

Ameice (America × Iceland)

Rating: Everyone

Prompt: Language

Wrote this for day 1 of rare pair week! @aphrarepairweek2021

There wasn’t a day that went by that Emil wasn’t amazed by his boyfriend. Between his charisma, intellect, and ability to do and say the most random things, there was never a boring day. For example, Alfred built a replica of the white house out of waffles last Wednesday. Emil was too impressed to be upset about the mess Alfred made in the kitchen. 

    One of Alfred’s coolest tricks is his knack for languages. English, French, Spanish, Portugese, you name it. He can speak it. Except for Icelandic…

    Emil doesn’t mind translating for Alfred, he actually quite enjoys it. There’s this satisfaction that he gets from having this ‘one up’ on his boyfriend. But of course, Emil acts like a moody teenager constantly. At this point it’s involuntary, he just approaches every situation with sarcasm. And so, to avoid “annoying you my dude” Alfred set out to learn Icelandic…

“... and after we come back from the restaurant and the carnival, I’ll give him the big surprise!” Alfred took a big breath. “So, what do you think?” Matthew sighed on the other end of the phone, “I think it’s sweet, but it seems like a lot of work. Also, Emil isn't really a “big plans” type of person. Don’t you think he’d just like to spend an evening in?” True, Emil doesn’t really like people. But he would love this surprise. “Aw come on Matt! He’ll love it!” Alfred was beaming. He really out did himself this time, this is going to be the best anniversary yet!. 

    Emil had on a pair of black slacks and a gray button down. Alfred had told him to wear something nice. He looked at himself in the mirror, “This is nice enough, right?” He shrugged, it doesn't matter what he wears as long as he thinks he looks good. 

    He heads downstairs. “Hey good lookin’! I haven’t seen you bust out the slacks in a while.” Emil blushes slightly. “You told me to look nice… wait… are you wearing that fancy cologne that Francis got you for Christmas?” It was Alfred’s turn to blush. “Yeah, I was saving it for special occasions.”

    The two headed out to this fancy restaurant downtown. It was nice and quiet, which Emil liked. On the way home, the pair stopped for ice cream. Alfred got some rainbow sugar-sugar ice cream, Emil got black licorice. It was late by the time they got back home. The two settled in to watch one of those cheesy Hallmark movies.

    When the movie ended, Alfred pulls Emil onto the back porch. “You have more planned?” He asks. Alfred flashes him that brilliant smile, “Of course! This is our fifth anniversary!” Emil smils, he loves this dorky man. “Close your eyes!” Emil closes his eyes. 

“Okay, you can open them.”

Emil gasps, Alfred to standing there with a bouquet of flowers. But they're not real flowers. Each flower is made of black licorice twisted and shaped into a flower. It's personal and sweet. Only Alfred and his family would do something like this for him. "I love it Alfred." Alfred smiles. 

Then, he says three words in Icelandic. Emil stops in his tracks and just stares at Alfred for a moment. "What?" Alfred repeats the phrase. It starts as a chuckle and escalates into loud, belly laughter. Alfred looks very offended and confused by Emil's reaction. Emil finally caught his breath enough to reply to Alfred. "Do… do you know what you just said" Alfred huffs, "yes! I said that I love you!" Emil laughs harder, "No Al, you just called me a cow." Alfred looks mortified, "what...I…I didn't mean too! Matthias told me that is how you say I love you." Emil smirks, "He lied." Alfred runs a hand down his face. "I'm so sorry Emil. I messed it all up." Emil put his hands on the side of Alfred face. " you didn't mess anything up. You planned a wonderful evening. This gift was so thoughtful, doesn't matter is Matthias who I am going to strangle later messed it up. I love all of it, just like I love you."

They kissed.

I love how everyone has weird nicknames for Tim. Point in case: Timberly

“wow it must suck being the only teen titans member without superpowers”

tim drake, with an unlimited number of memes: “are u kidding”

Batfam quotes as things my family has said

Steph: *playing Fortnite* Sheeeeeeeesh

Tim: Do that again and I'll chuck this Cookie Butter Latte at your head.

Steph: Try me b*tch

Batfam Nerf War...

Nerf wars are supposed to be fun! Right?

Usually they are! Until you take a family full of child soldiers, emotional constipation, and trauma; give them toy guns and tell them to go.

You've doomed yourself from the beginning!

Of course no one started this intentionally. It was just supposed to be a... joke.

Jason started it.

Because of course he did!

Saw video of someone rigging a Nerf gun and said "Bitch, I can do better". Jason proceeded to create a Nerf gun that shot Nerf darts like paintball.

Now that he had a demon Nerf gun, he had to test it out. On Tim.

"He won't be THAT pissed off."

Famous fucking last words

Tim gets hit ONCE and then declares war.

Now, I don’t know if anyone knows this about Timothy Drake, but the man is a literal genius. Who decided to use his smarts to create something that would blow Jason’s "weapon of mass annoyance" out of the water.

This man build a custom Nerf gun. That fucker leaves bruises.

Tim then builds a team...

I'll write part two tomorrow!

Batfam quotes as things my family has said. (Featuring Latino Jason)

Tim: *Doing duolingo* Hey Jay, how do you say glue in Spanish?

Jason: El Glue.

Tim: *types it into duolingo* *pauses* *glares* You're a bitch.

Damian in the Sons of Anarchy AU still speaks English like that but this time its Jason’s fault since he taught him to speak like a Victorian aristocrat because he was petty about being kidnapped and made a babysitter to his baby brother in a foreign country.