To acknowledge the Monster is to say
It is here,
That it has been here all along;
It is to stand in the dark with a terrible thing
Hoping it does not devour you.
To be hopeful is to be terrified
Of anything otherwise;
It is to hold on
To withering threads of optimism
As the likelihood of the unfavourable
Gets the guillotine ready for your head.
To scream Monster is to say
Here stands a terrible thing
That scares me;
You cannot simply
Take the elephant out of the room
And throw it under the bus,
You know?
To be scared is to admit
You have something to be scared of
And something to be scared for.
To draw a monster and ask yourself
What makes one,
Is to ask yourself what you consider
Dreadful enough to be called inhuman.
To tell stories of your childhood
Is to say it is long gone;
It is to acknowledge
Childhood pushed you off the cliff
And ran away.
It is to say you have been
Free falling ever since,
Trying to grasp at things
That do not stay.
To have an inheritance
Is to say that
Everyone in the family is dead.
To scream Monster
Is to stand in the dark beside it
And say you know terrible well enough
To know what a Monster is.
To say you are here
Is to realize there was a time
When you were not,
That there will once again
Be a time
When you won't be here;
It is to say you don't know
What time is anymore.
To be alive
Is to be terrified
(All the time)
And hopeful,
Even if the guillotine
Is getting ready
For your very execution;
It is to turn the lights off
And sleep in the room
With the Monster
And pray like hell
It does not kill you.
- A.G.
There are moments
Bad and hard to comprehend, mismatched;
I do not know how to
String together an entire good life
Or a person
Out of so many broken things.
What I mean is
The Cat gets pissed
And he yells
He’ll smash the Dog’s skull
And there is so much rage in his body.
I do not know
How to tell the men
This fury is not something to be proud of,
To carry or pass on.
There are children who have shrunk themselves
And swallowed their own being
To fit into houses filled with so much rage:
Children who are too loud or too dumb,
Children who will never be enough,
There is no time;
Children who would rather
Sleep on the streets
Than be here.
Children who cut out parts of themselves,
Make themselves smaller, be appropriate,
To belong here.
Children who rebel,
Grow tired of waiting, grow weary;
Grow up
And then cry for their mothers,
Gulp their own tears.
Children sitting on floors
Of good houses
And full families
And have never been more alone,
More annoyed at themselves
For not seeing all the good,
For noticing the wreckage,
For not smiling through their own slaughter.
Children who move out
And do things they weren’t sure
They wanted in the first place.
The Cat screams and scratches everyone
Trying to help him,
The Hamster yells of how her life was ruined;
The Parrot bites me, claws at the Cat and
Keeps breaking things, so many things,
Screams of his entrapment.
I am small:
A rat in a big world,
I have never been alone.
God declared guilt the day his image
Ran away from Him-
Grew red with fury,
Grew up, up, up, up;
Until he covered the sky.
Eve was not the one who brought damnation or sin, no,
God named sin the day
Someone disobeyed him;
Who is god if not a living thing?
Eve came in a storm shock,
Came a reminder for God
That one day
Thou shan't be
The Judge,
The Jury and
The Executioner;
Thou shan't be the harbinger
Of all this fury.
A woman carved herself a piece of sin
The day she walked out of obedience,
Walked out of being a mere accomplice to a man.
In an act of trust, Eve reclaimed herself;
Don't you get it?
Lilith ran away from the disgrace of submission
And God named her fallen,
Named her a demon,
Named her evil;
Wiped out the first injustice
From memory.
What is so bad about morality?
To know the good and evil;
The first humans bit into the apple
And the apple grew them a conscience-
Grew the thought that there was a body.
Grew the feeling of all of this being,
Being here,
Grew the thought that they were here.
The Garden shut its gates
And the humans wandered off;
The first act of foolishness will perhaps always be trust.
Eve trusted the serpent,
Adam trusted Eve
And God trusted something human.
A.G.
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Capturing the dread that visits as your Birthdays approach.
sometimes i still think about not being here, see all the futures in which i have ceased to exist. then my brain goes into survival mode and tries to find me all the things i will definitely miss, things i will not be able to do if i am not here. and i find it really dumb. all the things i will not be able to do if i am not here? bitch try everything! if you are not here, you have ceased to exist, as in, the real world no longer contains you as a person who is real and living and breathing. you're just burnt ash or like on your way to become fossil fuel for the generations to come. but does that faze you, not being here at all? sometimes the answer is no. but then i find myself overtired, fresh out of a long shower standing in front of the mirror in my fluffy bathrobe midst a daydream, dancing shittily to silence while brushing my teeth thinking of not being here and then losing that train of thought to all of the ridiculous things i could do if whatever i am doing does not work out and i am kind of content.