The Fact That I Can Never Have Him. That I Will Never Be Even Able To Be Loose Acquaintances With Him.

I wish I wasn’t who I am. I feel like in my heart I’m disgusting

Seeing him makes my head hurt with desire. I don't know why, but I want to bleed on him, tie him to me in way that he can't erase from his mind. I hate that a part of me even wants him to cut me. Him gently caressing the area before, holding my hand with his other hand, whispering sweet and reassuring words whilst quickly wounding me so I could taint him with my blood. After I'd just wanna lay with him, no words would be needed, I'd just wish to admire his skin painted with my blood.

So hard to choose eating well so that my mind could actually focus over starving and romanticizing my misery.

But since I'll binge when I do the latter I'll be fat and disgusting either way.

I cant cope with having to go to work. Maybe if I could do some physical work outside, but only places available are customer service. I can't cope with having to work as a server or a cashier till I get my degree. How do people do it, why do people do it. Why do they live.

I am such an overeater that sometimes when I go to the toilet at night I half consciously grab a slice of bread from the kitchen.

Today when I came back from work I found a half eaten slice of bread next to my pillow. I don't even remember taking it from the kitchen which makes me wonder how many times have I eaten during the night that I have no clue of.

I'm so tired. I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up

My mom said, "Does anybody else in the world know it's your birthday?". And like yeah she didn't mean to upset me when she said that, it was rather a half sympathetic thinking out loud. But go damn that hit hard

I cant bring myself to do anything. I have so much to do, but I don't do anything. It feels like I'm incapable of everything. I just want to not exist anymore. Just not be.

i’ve never wanted something as badly as i want you. i want to cradle you in my arms and lock you away forever. let me take care of you, baby.

Maybe one of the reasons I feel so much younger than I am is because I am stuck in the same place where I was when I was much younger. I have grown, gotten new experiences, changed as a person. But at my core I am still a little girl who just keeps wishing they wouldn't have to exist anymore.