I’ve Never Wanted Something As Badly As I Want You. I Want To Cradle You In My Arms And Lock You Away

I hate how i have no brainpower in the evenings, the worst thing is that I have no self discipline aswell. I'm just a disgusting pile of useless and self sabotaging flesh.

I took a nap during the day and now I can't sleep. I'm so bored and just want to sleep, but I Literally can not fall asleep.

It fucking hurts so much. I need to sleep, but how can i

NOOOO!!! A GIRL IVE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS WITH OVER THE MONTHS JUST TOLD ME SHE HAS AN ED. NOW MY BRAIN WILL AUTOMATICALLY START SEEING HER AS COMPETITION, START HYPERANALYZING EVERYTHING I AND SHE DO AND SAY AND ITLL START TO SPITE HER FOR BEING SKINNIER THAN ME.

mentally a living corpse

It's Friday night and I'm crying over things that will never change. I can't can't fucking cut myself since my dad is in the room next to me.

I just wish is wasn't myself. I wish I had a different mind, a different body, a different existence. That I didn't exist at all

I cant bring myself to do anything. I have so much to do, but I don't do anything. It feels like I'm incapable of everything. I just want to not exist anymore. Just not be.

Ffs obviously my mother enters the room next to me just a little while before I planned to start cutting. I can't risk her walking in to me cutting myself. She asked me how I was and I told her so and so. And she told me that she misses the girl who would enjoy being sometimes and asked how she could change my current situation. I do put in effort to not show how bad I feel to my parents, I suppress my tears, screams and breakdowns, but I guess that's not enough. I have to start smiling, being happy and joyful. I don't know if I can.

Also now I'll have to cut myself in the school bathroom tomorrow which is like 2 times harder than at home, I wish I was good at cutting myself, but I can't do anything right.

My brain is my biggest enemy. I'm randomly sitting in school, not even hungry and then out of a sudden BOOM!! An extremely strong urge to skip the rest of the school day to go and buy junk and then just spend my day eating. I can just feel common sense flowing out of my mind, but I must resist lol

Just did my first cut of uni. Now I'm gonna play farm frenzy whilst trying to not burst back into tears. Hopefully I'll be stable enough to call my dad back after a few games.

When ur eye make up turned out so nice and it stayed the whole day and would've stayed another if you hadn't started crying randomly when you planned to go to sleep early.