Kinda Funny How I'm Obsessed With Him. Go Out Of My Way To Just See Him For Half A Second. Wish I Could

I'm so sleepy, I feel like I'm sick. Moving my body is hard. But I still have to cut myself for eating before I go to sleep.

Do I actually like him or do I wish someone would make me feel literally anyhting else else other than sonder, hopelessness , anger, dispear, misery or just emptiness??

I guess we'll never know.

I've managed to get fever 3 times this hot af summer. How does one even do that

i want to cut so bad but i left my blade at home. my only hope is my pencil sharpener, but i left my scisors back at the apartment aswell.

People think being lovesick is just so funny. Just a little heehee joke to toss around. They have no idea what it's like to feel this. To constantly crave attention, and the pain and obsession, especially when you don't get any. It's like my brain is on fire and most of the time I can't even say anything because people will just avoid me even more. They have no idea.

When ur eye make up turned out so nice and it stayed the whole day and would've stayed another if you hadn't started crying randomly when you planned to go to sleep early.

When you had started to kinda forgot about him but then see him again after a long time:

I’m at an awkward stage now where my body begs me to rot in bed, but I know better.

Still, I’ve been at that awkward stage for years now, and I know better.

I should shower, I should eat, I should become active, take my vitamins, take care of myself, because I know better.

So why is it that I know better, but don’t do any of that?

Ffs obviously my mother enters the room next to me just a little while before I planned to start cutting. I can't risk her walking in to me cutting myself. She asked me how I was and I told her so and so. And she told me that she misses the girl who would enjoy being sometimes and asked how she could change my current situation. I do put in effort to not show how bad I feel to my parents, I suppress my tears, screams and breakdowns, but I guess that's not enough. I have to start smiling, being happy and joyful. I don't know if I can.

Also now I'll have to cut myself in the school bathroom tomorrow which is like 2 times harder than at home, I wish I was good at cutting myself, but I can't do anything right.

Ngl him watching me from afar, keeping track of who I talk with, clenching his fists in jealousy, finding out as much information as he can abt me and yearning for so much more and finally ploting his way into my life would be so cute.