Today's Breakfast-

Grocery shopping today-

Zero sugar torani flavor syrup carmel and vanilla

Zero sugar coffee creamer pumpkin spice

More tea flavors

Canned pumpkin

Cinnamon

Lost 2 lbs since yesterday. Idk how that happened 😕 must be water weight. But hey, 2lbs is 2 lbs!

I fasted all the way untill supper. I drank some tea, slept, and went up to the roof and listened to a podcast by shrouded head and binge watched YouTube. It's not even dinner time yet. It's 6pm and I'll tidy up by 7pm and shower then I'll start on dinner around 8pm. The sky is nice and gloomy this evening and I feel so lonely, dispaired and hopeless... I wonder if ill ever not be lonely someday?

I'm down to more 2 more lbs today!! That makes for a total 9lb weight loss. So yes I AM losing weight! My coworker was right!

I guess my fasting is paying off. And all I do I just don't like food. That's all I do. I'm starting to absolutely despise food. It's gross and makes me feel bloated and fat. Ugh

But 9lbs is NOT ENOUGH. I'm aiming for 40lbs ugh 😑. The scale can't move fast enough but I know it's best if I just be patient and wait

When will I start to feel light and weightless? I'm desperate for that attention skinny brings and I will not stop till I get there. If I have to pay my mental health for it then that is the price I am willing to pay. I want boys to look at me, I want girls to envy me. And I want my family to take back every little negative thing they have ever said about me back. I will no longer be the fat freind, the fat sister or the fat coworker. Ha! They will all watch me get thin.

And I WILL get there. They will all see. Every guy that has ever ignored me will finally be forced to pay attention. That will make things right.

For now on- Listen up fattie

860 calories will be the MAX that I can have. ABSOLUTELY NO CHEAT DAYS. Fatties don't deserve cheat days.

I will have to drink 8 cups of water each day to prevent me from eating.

I WILL chew my food 25 times before swallowing.

I will take my protein powder and supplements daily

I WILL get plenty of sleep at least 8 to 10 hrs per day. Beauty queens need their rest.

Low calorie food list

**Food items should be weighed for accuracy

Tea- 0 calories

Water- 0 calories

Coffee medium roast/flavored 0 calories for flavored check the bag to make sure.

Arugula 5 calories per cup

Lettuce- 5 calories per cup

Egg whites- 18 calories per egg yolk has to be removed

Alfalfa Sprouts- 8 calories per cup

Napa Cabbage 13 calories per cup

Cucumber 16 calories per cup

Celery- 14 calories per cup

Radishes - 19 calories per cup sliced

Bok Choy- 20 calories per cup

cabbage- 22 calories per cup

Mushrooms- 22 calories per cup

Eggplant 35 calories sliced

Swiss Chard 35 calories per cup sliced Asparagus 40 calories per cup

Spinach 41 calories per cup

Summer Squash 34 calories per cup

Diet soda - 0 calories

zero suger coffee creamer 15 to 25 calories always check the package-

splenda - 0 calories

Im going to eat omad and give myself a healthy 800 to 1,000 calorie meal full of whole grain like rice or oats, veggies, fruit and protein 😋. I will eat my omad at work at 12am- and i will fast for the rest of the day. Which would be a lot more realistic than eating 500 cal a day.

I also need to fast at least twice a week where i go a whole day with out food. On days i fast i will drink lots of 0 cal tea and lots of water and vitamins. I wont do a fast 2 days in a row ill separate them by one day - so fast friday then break with omad sat then fast sunday

Reasons why im losing weight-

- So i can have better boyfriend(s)

- So i will be a gothic beauty

- so my knees wont ache (thats lame)

- it will be cheaper to purchase food

- i will be a "good girl" if i so lose weight

- i will be able to run

- i will be able to stand for a long time at concerts

- i will be considered cute for not eating so much

- i will be able to fit cute trendy gothic clothes and sweaters

- i can finally be able to go on long walks

- guys will finally stop feeding me fattening food to make me happy they will instead give me love and affection which is something i really need from them not fast food

-

Blueberry tea with splenda 0 calorie treat and bubble gum

I feel

I feel so gross and stuffed for eating that begal

At work tonight..and I'm trying to convince myself not to purge it up right now. I haven't purged since the age 18... I'm 23 now. But I feel so sick inside pit I don't want to throw up my vitamins I just took. I guess I'll just have start over the next day back at 800. Ugh I hate myself right now

Fear foods

Bread - enough said.

Peanut butter thick and Creamy about 200 calories per tablespoon

yogurt makes my stumach hurt also high in calories

any kind of chips- high in salt and super addicting 😅

ice cream way to thick and heavy on my stomach

full fat soda - way to much sugar and empty calories

steak full on choking hazard - way to much fat and high in calories also bad for your heart-

Egg yolks- high in calories and cholesterol