Eating Disoder Trigger Warning - Blog Posts

“you're so funny” thanks! ive been on a diet since i was 13

I don't get how some people can eat whatever they want and not feel guilty about it......

age: 23

height: 157cm

weight: 44,5kg

goal weight: 39kg

fave foods: rice cakes with hummus, bulgur, lentil salad, tomato soup, cashew nuts, haribo gummies

interests: horror movies, black camel cigarettes, green apple/creamy tobacco vapes, books (by nabokov, bukowski, guy de maupassant, burroughs, baudelaire, mieko kawakami, virginia woolf…), dogs, bunnies, vanilla scents, juicy bomb lipgloss, philosophy…

music: the smiths, deftones, radiohead, depeche mode, velvet underground, soundgarden, boy harsher, david bowie, sky ferreira, the doors, gorgoroth

HEY YALLL IM BACK FR YHIS TIME AYY im so fat rn I gained all the weight back so im gonna be back on track rn im 57.2 kg (disgusting) but anyways yes im gonna lose 7kg and starve until Sunday so ya

Hello guys I’m back 🙏🙏 finally I’ve been eating like a pig lately I’m like 55.9kg rn how do I lose 5 kg in 3DAYS 😭😭 anyways fr im back 😈😈

Hi guys sorry for being a big fat liar and not being active i promise ill try to be more active anyways i got 25 days to lock in before school bro

Heyyy guys I’m back!!! I’m gonna try to be more active on here anyways I need to lose 15 kg!! Like asp (I’ll give myself a month or less but anyway ya!

Meanspo In comments pls 🫶🏼🫶🏼

Hey guys im back and im going to start restricting again. I don't care about being beautiful I just want to feel light and thin!

Im gonna-

-Count my calories and weigh out my food 1,200 for me MAX

- Drink lots of water and decaf tea with splenda

-Take a multivitamin daily and extra vitamin c

-Add a protein shake supplement to my diet

- Fall out of love with food. It's gross and it weighs me down

16oz water

24 Oz cup of decaf lipton tea - 2 tea bags, 8 splendas and zero sugar coffee creamer

24 Oz cup of decaf lipton tea - 2 tea bags, 8 splendas and zero sugar coffee creamer

Morning tea with a little cream

Tomorrow I will start taking pictures of my foods that I eat and post them to my account. Even if I drink a cup of water.

Help me stay motivated!!

Jusy want to say the hunger gets easier to ignore. I can now go a whole day with out eating and it's easy for me. Now I drink plenty of water, Zero cal tea and nap alot. Also watching YouTube keeps me from snacking.

This is great!

So I broke my 24 hr fast today but.... I definitely stayed under 1000 calories and that makes me happy 😊

I'm down to more 2 more lbs today!! That makes for a total 9lb weight loss. So yes I AM losing weight! My coworker was right!

I guess my fasting is paying off. And all I do I just don't like food. That's all I do. I'm starting to absolutely despise food. It's gross and makes me feel bloated and fat. Ugh

But 9lbs is NOT ENOUGH. I'm aiming for 40lbs ugh 😑. The scale can't move fast enough but I know it's best if I just be patient and wait

Today I am going to fast once again for 24 hrs. All I will allow myself to have is water, some vitamins and a nice hot shower. And I get to binge watch YouTube!

My fast will start at 7am and ends at 7am tomorrow morning. When I go home tomorrow morning I'll have soup and some veggies.

The clock starts now!!!!

Things are gonna start getting tight around here-

This is my plan to lose weight-

I will eat only what is on my safe food list

I will eat no more than 500 to 600 calories per day - I mean it this time

I will take a multivitamin and eat some protein powder

I will drink lots of water

I will not worry about the pain of being hungry as hunger just means I'm losing weight. And it means I'm burning fat

I will stay away from my trigger foods

I will purge if I eat to much food or if I go over my calorie intake

I will distract my self if I'm hungry. I want to lose weight.

I'm gonna weigh myself daily as well when I wake up from my nap

My coworker said it looks like I'm loosing weight!! She said my tummy and back are looking a little smaller. I didn't know 7lbs was enough for people to start noticing. Then again me and them work like 10 and half hours with each other in a small room. But I'm proud never the less.

Things are gonna start getting tight around here. I'm gonna really restrict my food intake as I really want to keep losing weight. I donot care how I get there. All I know if I have to lose 40lbs as fast as possible.

Tonight I broke my diet and I ended up purging. I feel numb and empty. I haven't purged since I was 19 years old. I'm 23 now. I purged up so much my head aches and I the trash bag I used weighed so much. All I kept thinking was that I WILL get these 40lbs off of me. I will, I will and I will.

I played some of my favorite music to ease my anxiety while purging. I feel awkward 😕 I can't believe I'm purging again....

NEW UPDATED SAFE FOOD LIST

Tea

Coffee

Splenda

Fruit

Vegtables

Pop corn

Zero sugar torani coffee syrup (0 cal)

Diet soda

Diet energy drinks

Soy milk

Eggs whites (only 18 calories)

Zero sugar coffee creamer 15 calories per table spoon

When I go home I'm gonna throw away all the foods I shouldn't be eating. The fatty chicken, the oatmeal, pasta. And what else I'm not supposed to have.

I WILL GET THINNER. I don't care HOW I get there but I will get there. Fuck being obese

I fasted all the way untill supper. I drank some tea, slept, and went up to the roof and listened to a podcast by shrouded head and binge watched YouTube. It's not even dinner time yet. It's 6pm and I'll tidy up by 7pm and shower then I'll start on dinner around 8pm. The sky is nice and gloomy this evening and I feel so lonely, dispaired and hopeless... I wonder if ill ever not be lonely someday?

Went for a morning walk and while drinking some pumpkin spice low cal coffee and then I had some pumpkin chai tea with a freind. I guess today I was craving something sweet (which I always crave) . The world was so still and quiet waking up this chill morning and it's nice and grey outside too. I wish it were more gloomy but it's not.

Recently I have fasted for a full 24 hrs - after that I gave in and rapidly ate some pizza (again) so I had a horrible stumach ache, gas and bloating. I feel terrible as I lack will power and self control. So today will be different. I'm gonna be good and fast untill supper time (let's see how long my will power will last)

Oh and the scale is down 4 more lbs so I'm doing good losing weight but I fear it's not fast enough. Oh well I'll just have to be patient and take the best of what I can get.

Fuck today is gonna be rough. I'm already feeling shaky and nausea due to the fatty sugary foods I ate. I'm also starting to realize that I don't deserve kindness as fat whore. I should be grateful for whatever kindness someone does to me and having sex is a luxury for me. It's a miracle anybody really wants me.... but I know I can redeem myself through fasting and food restriction.

Well I fasted for one day and it went pretty well. I went to work as usual then got home and got some rest. I got called into to work so that helped as well. I don't want to give in and order pizza like last time again. I want to continue to lose weight. So far I'm down 7lbs from where I started (no I'm not posting body stats there's pervs on here )

And ways thinking about going on another fast soon as my first day was a success. Surprised to step on the scale and be down 7lbs. I'm tempted to eat but I know that's not the right thing to do. Pretty soon I'm gonna purchase myself some protein powder to put in my iced coffee (gross I know but I NEED protein to stay full)

My goal in life would be to survive on 500 calories max. Which is something I'm working towards....

Ugh... I have to be honest I ended up binging on fast food 🙃. I ate a whole pizza and some cinnamon sticks and I feel like such a fat cow. Oh well tommrow I will be be fasting the whole day to make up for it.

God I fucking suck.... stupid bitch why did you have to give In? Did I really need that fucking slice of pizza? No the fuck I didn't.

Im going to eat omad and give myself a healthy 800 to 1,000 calorie meal full of whole grain like rice or oats, veggies, fruit and protein 😋. I will eat my omad at work at 12am- and i will fast for the rest of the day. Which would be a lot more realistic than eating 500 cal a day.

I also need to fast at least twice a week where i go a whole day with out food. On days i fast i will drink lots of 0 cal tea and lots of water and vitamins. I wont do a fast 2 days in a row ill separate them by one day - so fast friday then break with omad sat then fast sunday

Reasons why im losing weight-

- So i can have better boyfriend(s)

- So i will be a gothic beauty

- so my knees wont ache (thats lame)

- it will be cheaper to purchase food

- i will be a "good girl" if i so lose weight

- i will be able to run

- i will be able to stand for a long time at concerts

- i will be considered cute for not eating so much

- i will be able to fit cute trendy gothic clothes and sweaters

- i can finally be able to go on long walks

- guys will finally stop feeding me fattening food to make me happy they will instead give me love and affection which is something i really need from them not fast food

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