Things Have Happened.

I swear I'm trying to change whatever's wrong with me.

It gets hard when the happier I am the less ok I feel.

When the more I let myself hug my friends the more being touched makes me want to hurl.

The more I care about everyone else, the less I care about myself.

The less I let them hate themselves the more I hate myself.

I try to work outside in but It feels more like turning myself inside out.

Why is it so hard for me to like myself half as much as I love everyone else?

Why is it so difficult to care about myself yet so easy to take care of everyone else?

Why do I feel like I'm giving myself away

Why do I feel like they hate me

Why do I feel so hopeless

Why do I feel so lost

Why can't I feel anything...?

Please, for the love of god, let me smile and breathe at the same time

Let me actually feel all those emotions I was promised

Someone make me less selfish.

Some shitty selfies!

Pictures of an egg I painted on Easter a while ago! I realised that I hadn't posted these so I thought I'd do that😁

Doodles and poses of The Reaper, the Rabbit, and Her Conscience, cause it's been awhile since I've drawn them. It's so much fun to draw Lucy, which is obvious thanks to how often I draw her, in comparison to Dani and Luthier.

Is this a fucking Star fox reference??? Cause holy shit.

I'm making tuna casserole!!!

Update: it's not going great...

GUESS WHO WAS RIGHT ABOUT BERT AND ERNIE FROM SESEME STREET BEING GAAAY!!!

And my sister trys to say they were brothers, lol lol lol,😋🏳️‍🌈👬

Sometimes

The sun is just the sun,

Yellow is just yellow,

Books are just books,

Friends are just friends,

And none of it matters.

And other times...

The sun is warmth and life,

Yellow is joyful and bright,

Books are portals and light,

And friends are loving and kind.

Sometimes

You need to be told "It's not your fault"

Other times

You already know

Sometimes

You need to be told "Don't give up!"

Other times

You just dont

But maybe it's safer to be told

That things matter

That things can be good

That your efforts are not wasted

That all hope is not lost

That better days are coming

That you just need to keep running

That you might need a brake

That there's no blame to place

That you'll be ok

Because

We often forget the most obvious things

Humans aren't as perfect as we claim to be

We forget

And it's safer to be told again

"I love you"

"You matter"

"It'll get better"

"Its not your fault"

"Don't give up"

"You'll be ok"

There will be better days.

I got into a fight at school.

The other girl through the first punch.

But it made me realise that school's too much

For me to handle.

I just can't seem to take

When I make calmness break

In someonelse...

Or in myself.

Last week-

I think-

I had a dream

Where I was in love

And happy

And we were content

And calm...

In my head:

There was still calamity,

So I thanked you

For sailing in my storm with me.

Because I know

Some will still be angry

When I go back-

Just as when I leave

(again)

They can't forgive me

For last year...

For just-

Disappearing

From them.

I plan to tell them

This time-

Give my reasons-

And explain

That school

Is seeming

Like an unbearable strain

And I need a break

And a little concentration

Combined with motivation

To keep going.

But last night

...

No dreams.

Just the one nightmare

As my comfort and my company.

But because of it

I woke of lonely

And still felt empty

For a couple hours 'til

I remembered

That they(and you)

Were angry

At me

For leaving.

And I felt queasy

Even now, this evening.

And I know

That is was true, though.

But it scared me anyway

That she

Had wanted revenge

For what- I couldn't say,

After all: /she/ tried to punch /me/

I'd just wanted her to stop.

...

I guess I'll never really

Feel like I'm enough.

...

Any way, I remember

That in my dream

Everybody knew each other-

And all of you hate(d) me.

I guess dreams /do/ just mirror reality...

Just thought of this

When me and my sister's(I'm the youngest) were little, our mom loved to tickle us and the only way to make her stop was to hit her somehow, (preferably hard enough leave a bruise since she'd avoid you long enough for you to run to the nearest room with a door and lock yourself in)

Now, whenever anyone touches me, ever, I have to fight the urge to beat the shit out them.

I am completely aware that that's fucked up.

My reaction, not what my mom did.

Although I fucking hate being touched and I especially cannot fucking stand being tickled.

Who needs fight, flight, or freeze when you can just want to kill anyone you accidentally brushes you as they pass by??? - my brain