Chaewonlover - Angelcakes.coo

get out of my feed i beg

do you guys ever feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with you? I constantly feel like I'm too much, or not enough. I'm too fat or too thin, too loud or too quiet, too little or too big, too young to feel the way I do, old enough to know better, I care too much or not enough and it hurts

maybe when spring makes its way into the seeds of trees, it will plant one into my mind too. one that will cleanse my soul of everything that is sadistic and destructive about me.

the seed will bloom into a beautiful flower that is nourished by the affection of the sun, beaming on the body i try to deplete of its forces day after day. the scent of the pollen will inspire in me a new kind of love for myself that is lost in the covers of my bed.

i desperately need this flower to stop my body from withering away as my mind starts to reach new lows i’ve never seen before.

this disorder is fucking ruining my life

gym bros undereat and call it a cut and nobody bats an eye, i undereat and society.. society says i have an ed

I gotta put me first

hunger is a measure of when you should eat not how much you should eat.

hello universe i am reaching out to you to lock me in an apartment in nyc with no food and just a clingy cat to lounge with on the living room floor all day long

or am i supposed to get a job

i immediately get humbled anytime someone mentions how they haven't eaten anything all day long bc whoopsie they forgot

like i have to deliberately ignore the hunger and they don't even have to think abt it like goshh

once summer comes i don't think i'll feel as trapped inside with my ed and actually live a fulfilling life outside of being the thinnest I can be.

this disorder is so lame ngl the only thoughts running through my head are preparing for a beach body like omg get a life

REASONS TO KEEP GOING:

so when it’s the first of january, you no longer have to make “lose weight” a new years resolution

because you have been craving your dream body for way longer than that high calorie, greasy food you’re craving right now

because as much as people try to deny is your worth is tied to that number on the scale.

because of how many summers have already gone by and you’re still saying “next summer”

because thin is beautiful. thin is classy and elegant. thin is chic and feminine.

so that you look good even if your fashion sense lowkey sucks. why? because skinny is the outfit.

because that 11 year old little girl deserves the skinny future she dreamed of.

because you owe it to yourself to go through life in a beautiful, fit body

because if you’re actually honest with yourself, fat doesnt fit your aesthetic does it?

because you dont deserve to complain about having to start over when its you who keeps giving up.

because you actually have potential and you’re just wasting it all by allowing yourself to be fat