How Do People Keep Replying When Friends Ask How Are You? I Hate Being So Negative But Often It's My

@spacedocmom

Sometimes it feels like i am already dead. Not part of anyones life anymore. Locked up in my flat. Just a liability for my parents who dont even like me. Like a ghost who is damned to haunt this room, but still has pain and wifi.

like yeah. you're not a bad person just because you're disabled. but also you're not a good person for being abled. you're not a good person for being abled. it doesn't make you better than disabled people. you're not a good person for being abled. internalise it. it's not a reward. you did nothing to deserve this - because health is not something that people "deserve" or don't. it's something they have or not, for any number of reasons

went to my general practitioner and suddenly got diagnosed with post covid and cfs. after he had not taken my symptoms seriously in the past. after years of medical gaslighting. i mean i still think its mecfs but thats probably as close as it gets. which is so much better than nothing. nevertheless i don't really seem to feel much about it even after i've recovered for over a week from this draining excursion. just endless exhaustion

to me, the universal trust in doctors from people who haven't experienced medical mistreatment/neglect is akin to the trust that upper middle class and white people have in the police. they haven't experienced the mistreatment themselves so they assume it doesn't exist. they assume that every doctor or police officer is only in it for protecting people. they assume that the people who made the rules for these organisations are somehow all-knowing and know the truth about what is morally correct for society. the difference is that there actually is such thing as a good doctor, while there is no such thing as a good cop.

weird as fuck living in a culture where it's considered more impolite to speak up and defend yourself against someone treating you unfairly than it is for someone to be rude to you in the first place

i be checking my phone like someone cares about me lol

When abled people are involved, the concept of "doing it once in a while for a few seconds doesn't mean you can do it consistently on command like it's nothing" is easily understood.

For example, if someone is able to walk outside without a jacket in the cold to get the mail, everyone would easily understand that they'd still need a jacket if they were outside for a prolonged period of time. If someone is able to hold their breath underwater for a few seconds, everyone would easily understand that they'd still need an oxygen tank in order to stay underwater indefinitely.

But when disabled people are involved, that concept is somehow forgotten. You can stand for a few seconds? You must not actually need that wheelchair. You can socialize once in a long while if the conditions are exactly right? You must not actually struggle to socialize and any struggle you think you have is just fear and negativity. You can be physically active for an hour on a good day? You must not actually be too disabled to work. You have a lot of knowledge on a topic because it's a special interest of yours? You must be "smart" and any bad grades you get are because you're lazy.

Disabled people are not obligated to do everything that a non-disabled person can do. Stop treating us as though our bodies are the same. What you do normally can be detrimental and dangerous to us.