Mc: Remember When I Told You About My Period?

I fully believe that Solomon and MC just shout ""Wizard Spells"" at each other whenever they're bored. They shout shit like "I CAST MANUAL BLINKING" "I CAST MANUAL BREATHING" "I CAST EYELASH STUCK IN EYE" "I CAST TOTAL TOUNGE AWARENESS"

No real magic is used but a few demon brothers witnessed a "Wizard Duel" between MC and Solomon and got effected by "manual breathing" and fully believe that they are actually casting spells.

Lucifer: What in the devildom are you all up to now?

Mammon: SHH! MC and Solomon are having a wizard duel.

Belphie: I thought MC could only use our magic? Who's magic are they using?

Asmo: Their own!

Satan: They don't have magic.

Beel: Thats what we thought too but look.

-cut to MC and Solomon on opposite sides of the House of Lamentation's living room-

MC: I CAST INSTANT BRAZILLIAN WAX

Solomon: Oh you son of a bitch- I CAST ITCHY BONES!

MC: I CAST KIDNEY STONES!

Solomon: I CAST ENDOMETRIOSIS!

Lucifer: This is ridiculous. These aren't real spells.

MC: I CAST MANUAL BREATHING

Lucifer: *starts focusing on breathing* Wait what

barbatos's villain outfit reminded me of doc ock and i've been wanting to try designing ik's spiderkid costume for a while, so here!

Solphisto ACTUAL marital divorce arc is the funniest thing. If you have the time could you please draw Solomon as that one shot of Peter B Parker cryinf in the shower 😭

"i miss my wife, spiderkid. i miss him a lot"

i really like the idea of ik and solomon taking a break from the villain-hero i'm-gonna-experiment-on-you thing so that ik can help him with his broken marriage sbfbffbfj

Also I love that when the stream got banned the whole chat was spamming

CAPTAIN???

Captain!!!!

Captain??!!!!

CAPTAIN!!!

So I’m on AO3 and I see a lot of people who put “I do not own [insert fandom here]” before their story.

Like, I came on this site to read FAN fiction. This is a FAN fiction site. I’m fully aware that you don’t own the fandom or the characters. That’s why it’s called FAN FICTION.

What if the Demons and angles in Obey me have never cracked their back, simply because they never needed to/can't? Like, what if that's like... just a human thing. Imagine one of the brothers complaining about their back hurting, and MC is just like "oh just crack you back," and the brother is like, "CRACK YOUR WHAT?! 😨" and MC has to explain what 'cracking you back' means. Or, Imagine Solomon just stretches, and there's a loud 'pop', and everyone just automatically assumes he just broke his fucking back 💀.

A very very dumb Apothecary diaries AU where Lakan checks in on Fengxian before he leaves finds out she's pregnant. She can't go with him or marry him yet but instead while he goes abroad to study she stays with Luomen helping him set up pharmacy after he's cast out from his family.

She and Lakan stay in regular contact through letters, both of them gushing over letters only for someone top look over their shoulders and see letter is only a move in go They're playing long distance each letter is just the next move. At least until Maomao is born the Fengxian includes scribble drawings Maomao does or hand prints...Lakan office and room are full all walls covered in them.

The two reunite and although they live with La clan and Lakan gets headship but they still visit Luoman and the visit Verdigris house (Madame still hastes Lakan but they send good business recommending them to high ranking officials). So Maomao still has her big sisters and still learns about medicine and poison from Luomen.

She still tests on herself , Lakan freaks out but Fengxian trusts her daughter just makes sure they have plenty of antivenom and antidotes ( Basically every room in the LA family state has an emergency draw for if Maomao has had poison again)

Maomao doesn't get kidnapped, she ends up in rear palace because consort Ah-Dou she can see that Lishu is struggling she can't intervene or protect her within her own court so she contacts Fenxian who she's met at functions other the years.

Ah-Dou- Fengxian you have a daughter correct. Is she as terrifying as you?

Fenxian: Of course

Ah-Dou: May I please request a favor?

Maomao enters Lishu's court not as a noble but as a lady in waiting (and the food tester, it's how she agreed to it)

Maomao: Do I really need to go into court I want to make medicine

Fengxian: You will be testing food for poison

Maomao:....deal

She of course see's the bullying in the court and instantly Nopes, she does totally overhaul terrifying Lishu's ladies in waiting and getting rid of them, she spends time around other servants and ends up recruiting other servants as new ladies in waiting ones who will actually care for and protect Lishu. Full big sister Maomao mode with Lishu.

She keeps an eye on other departments dressing as a maid while moving around to avoid suspicion and still see's the confrontation between Gyokuyo and Lishu and sends the messages with torn dress (She didn't get chance to change and couldn't go into their pavilions in her lady in waiting clothes)

She gets dragged in the room with other maids also, she kinda gets stuck and pulled in and meets Gyokuyo having to admit so sorry can't be your lady in waiting already Lishu's. Jinshi suddenly puts together about the totally change in ladies in waiting and promotion of other servants. Jinshi is very curious but Maomao is able to divert attention.

Gyokuyo still wants to see Maomao and so she moves between both her and Lishu and gets Lishu to spend more time with Gyokuyo the two getting along well.

She also helps Lihua as before and then she is basically going between 3 of them and the 3 consorts spend time together... Lihua and Gyokuyo figure out who Moamao is but they're not saying they want to keep Maomao around and also they are all shipping Jinmao and enjoying watching this soap opera.

The banquet happens but Maomao is of course Lishu's food tester not Gyokuyo's but none of the old ladies in waiting are there to bully Lishu and swap bowls so Moamao still gets poison. (She 100% tried to get to test food for all 3 consorts ... they didn't let her)

Lakan still trolls Jinshi because he's seen letters Ah-Dou and others sent Fengxian keeping her updated and is suspicious about Jinshi and his precious daughter. (Fengxian and Jinshi are planning the wedding already)

When Maomao is still dismissed after the poisoning is revealed and Jinshi is super upset and sulky until fancy banquet and high ranking personnel and then sees Maomao again as daughter of head of La clan...

Maomao: I suppose you are upset than I hide my identity

Jinshi:...

Jinshi:Yes very upset (he says hypothetically ignoring looks he is getting form the emperor and Gaoshun)

She still comes back to rear place (The consorts missed her so much... plus they have a betting pool... a lot of people are in it Fengxian has a board plotting moves so the 2 get together when she's bet...while Lakan is pouting in corner that no one deserves their baby girl)

(Light Novel spoilers

Lahan is raised as Maomao's brother and adores his sister, the two are chaos gremlins her making medicines and him plotting how to self and market them

He is also adored by Verdegris house the beloved little brother... also everyone is pretty sure he and Maomao are twins they know there was only 1 baby but... they're sure the 2 are siblings.

The madame also adores him both coming up with schemes for money and he happily does the accounting when they visit (they're sure he's her favorite)

When Jinshi sees them together before knowing they're related he thinks the 2 might be a couple, Gaoshun is face palming and despairing while the courtesans are losing it laughing)

As much as Yuu tried, she still ended up in trouble in trouble sometimes. Be it with Ace and Deuce, or just running late from acting as Crowley’s unofficial gopher, it was something. The punishments usually weren't that bad though, sometimes even relaxing.  

Like right now, it was a little bit of a trip down memory lane as she scrubbed the statues down on Main Street. It was odd, having the dreams that she did that painted the Great 7 in shadows instead of light, but it felt...right. Balanced.  

A story about a maid who would be going to a ball was the current dream cycle, though she didn’t get the feeling this one was going to relate to any upcoming overblots. While they didn’t happen as often, she occasionally just dreamt of things like this. While there was a lot to ruminate over, like the stepmother and Professor Trien, right now it was just a catchy little song sung by the fairy stuck in her head.  

“Put it together-” The King of Beasts statue wasn’t in bad shape at least, “and what do you got-” Just had to get the moss out of his eye, “Bippity Boppity Boo!” 

The eye blazed green, cracking open with a clap of thunder!  

Yuu fell, catching herself with her hands. Shit! Did she break it? Damnit, she couldn’t afford- 

Wait. It looked fine. Just a wet statue.  

“Maybe I just need to finish this up.” She muttered. “Lack of sleep must be getting to me.”  

The atmosphere had changed, the tension of a storm about to break open. As she finished the King of Beasts, she clocked her progress and ran, feeling like eyes followed her until she turned the corner.  

Malleus must be in a mood, she thinks, watching the dark clouds forming and the green smoke that seems to be spilling out the fence of Ramshackle. It isn’t the right shade of green though, more muted and not as...saturated? The gate creeks ominously and it doesn’t take her long to notice the figure sitting on the porch of Ramshackle.  

He is hunched over, a shawl tossed over his head that was once bright with color and design, now faded to grays, browns and darker reds like blood. His left eye is as green as the Diasomnia mage crystals, clear and unclouded, and the right faded as the green smoke around him. A gnarled staff is gripped in his hands, a gourd tied to the top with a handful of what might be rib bones along with some sort of dried fruit she thinks.  

This isn’t a harmless man, her instincts can say that much, but...he doesn’t feel like a threat. He could be. He’s choosing not to.  

“How can I help you?” Yuu asks, getting a bit closer. “I don’t think I’ve seen you before. Are you a teacher here?”  

He chuckles, making the pointed beard shake, but it’s not cruel. “I suppose that depends on you. I think you are in need of a teacher. And I am in need of a place to stay.” 

“What do I need to learn?”  

“Magic.”  

“Ha!” Yuu can’t help it, barking a laugh. “You are mistaken. I have no magic of my own.” 

“No, cub, you have magic, just not Wonderland magic. You have the Old magic, older even than General Lilia, the same as I. These teachers cannot help you, but I can.”  

He removes the shawl’s hood from his face, revealing a pair of brown lion ears and a mane that puts Yuu’s hair to shame. Even braided in parts to keep it out of his face, the long black hair stretches all the way down to his curved spine. A tail thumps against the dusty steps,  

“Afterall, you freed me, didn’t you?”  

It takes some explaining, a quick meal shared on her dining room table that feels even more rundown than usual with actual royalty sitting down. Thank the Seven that Grim was asleep beforehand, his new Spelldrive practices tiring him out in the evenings.  

“So, are the others...the same? Petrified?”  

“Yes, though you aren’t ready to free us all just yet. I was an accident, correct?” 

She flinches, nodding. “I mean, I guess? Sometimes I have dreams. Alternate tellings of the stories around here it feels like, or added details? Most of the time they follow an Overblot, but this one just felt like a non-threatening one. I don’t have these as often.”  

“Precognition is a dangerous magic, especially with no guiding tools.” 

“I dont know if-” 

“You dreamt of mine, did you not? Leona Kingscholar? The Phantom still was a part of me, drawn from my form and magic.”  

Yuu blinked, shrugging. “I mean, it didn’t stop it.” 

“No, but you were more prepared. You were willing and ready to accept Leona’s trauma and show compassion because you witnessed me make the exact follies and look at how that ended.” he huffed, taking a sip from his water. 

She hadn’t considered that really. It just felt natural, to show them kindness after all of it. But they were alike. Really alike. And the actions Leona had taken paralleled his perfectly.  

“Do you think if somebody had done so with you, you would have listened?” 

“Oh cub!” He laughed, and this one felt harsher. “I would not have. I was far too hardened. But Leona...he will be better.”  

“Well, I better try and at least get a bed ready for you.” She said, taking both of their dishes. “What do I call you though? King of Beasts is a bit of a mouthful.”  

He tilts his head, as if considering. She gets the dishes loaded and leftovers put away before he finally answers.  

“Taka. My Mother’s Son.” he says. “That’s who I wish to be now.”  

Yuu smiles, sticking out her hand.  

“Nice to meet you, Professor Taka! I look forward to learning from you.”  

For just a moment, he sees Simba, and Nuka and Kovu and Vitani. He sees Shenzi, Banzai and Ed. He sees naive and friendly and believes in him, for as little he has to offer, and still finds him worthy.  

He shakes her hand and hangs his stone heart to air out.  

Who is the lamb and who is the knife?

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