Winston’s Not A Gorrilla Tho Hes Like An Ape Or Something

passed out and had a dream that tumblr staff just quit one day without warning and the entire website was just like a basic screen of html code and people were posting things like “YOU FUCKING GUYS WHATS GOING ON” “WHERES THE WEBSITE” “WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO” and staff posted a youtube link where some teary eyed shirtless dude with no nipples explained that “you bitches don’t deserve a website. make one yourselves” so everyone unanimously decided to hold an election to decide who was going to be the king of tumblr and the election decided that some random middleaged man named Jinkle Fishwipe would be the new president of tumblr and there was some sort of live recording where it was revealed that Jinkle was literally just One Trout that someone dumped onto a podium and then it died. and at that point everyone in the audience took out daggers and started stabbing each other. and then i woke up

noticed my coworker was on tumblr so i told them “i like your shoelaces” and they said “never say that out loud to me”

deep-sea giant isopods group chat

iceopod_drip: who up scavenging the sea floor for nutrients⁉️⁉️ hmu if u can hang 🤙

🙋‍♀️5 💗3 🥳4

mostsexualmotherfucker: SO over the current food shortage in the gulf of mexico rn 🙏

🙏8 😔5 🤞2 🫂7

pass-the-detritus: Anyone else get pissed when you get compared to pill bugs? Stereotypes are so restricting… plus, pill bugs don’t even have pleopods! Smh

🙄7 ⬆️6 🤬3

DeadWhale joined the group.

👀12 😋8 🎉4 😏5 🙌7 😈2

Battle of Skandia is def one of his best books, the Will he warning the water hits me like a fucken bullet train every single time

Also consider:

- Halt telling Will he can do whatever the the fuck he wants to while training the Skandians to shoot

- The fact that the women and children aren’t just locked up somewhere and actually play a role in the battle unlike every other book/film I’ve read recently

- Actual good reason to use volleys instead of free firing

- Halt telling Horace not to give a shit about companionship when the Skandians are running alongside their horses

- Skandians straight up just keeping up with horses on foot just bc they don’t like riding them

underrated scenes from the battle of skandia

read this book in one sitting in a hotel hot tub… here we go

(every scene. it’s every scene)

- the very first page, when it takes Will a solid five minutes to figure out that the sound of dripping water means Thaw

- when Halt and Horace are heading to Skandia from Teutlandt, and Halt can tell that Horace is holding in a question, except Horace has decided not to ask the question, and Halt is going *absolutely nuts* because he wants to know what the question is

- Will tracking Evanlyn and the Temujai who captured her for hours on foot through the snow, despite being desperately out of shape, and he continues on by remembering everything Evanlyn’s done for him

- Halt arriving just in time to save will from the Temujai, and they’re both crying at the reunion. also Tug going batshit crazy when he senses Will in the vicinity and then refusing to leave his side…. yes these are tears in my eyes

- Halt: “I left what I considered a fair price” for the Temujai horses… the fair price being Absolutely Nothing, of course. also, he says this was two decades ago. also, Halt is thirty-six in this scene.

- when Halt and Erak scout the Temujai army for the first time and Halt shoots the Temujai scout from behind cover by picturing where he is in his mind!! what the fuck!!!

- when Halt and Erak escape from the Temujai army and Halt slaps Erak’s horse with his bow to keep it galloping and Erak is clinging on for dear fucking life

- when Halt and Erak return from scouting the Temujai army and Erak dismounts his horse by falling face-first into a snowdrift

- Will regaining his shooting ability, and Erak returning his double knife scabbard because he hoards everything he gets his hands on

- Evanlyn going nuts because she can’t help with the war effort, sneaking onto Slagor’s ship, being trapped there for eighteen hours, discovering an undercover plot, getting exposed as Duncan’s daughter and invoking Ragnak’s Vallasvow to kill her, and turning the fuckin tables on Slagor by exposing him in turn

- Halt dressing up as a Skandian in extremely oversized clothing and subsequently throwing up in the Skandian helmet

- Will and Halt recruiting and training a hundred slaves as archers for the battle, and Will demonstrating incredible leadership skills despite being?? seventeen??

- every moment during the battle, when the little plots and counterattacks that Halt has devised goes exactly to plan, including: Will’s first archer volley taking down an entire Ulan (group of sixty), Will facing literally fifty Kaijin sharpshooters, Horace being the ultimate shieldmate, and Evanlyn directing volleys like a badass. this trio is unmatched.

- also, randomly, POVs from FOUR temujai characters, including the intelligence colonel that exposes Will and Horace’s archers. honestly appreciated because they broke up the battle scenes and Flanagan actually did a fair bit of worldbuilding and characterization

- Horace and Will fighting back-to-back, and Horace tells Will to duck and he flips his sword behind him and stabs the Temujai that Will is fighting

- Evanlyn facing down the deputy general of the Temujai army and his personal bodyguard, not being the slightest bit afraid, and the moment before the downstroke Will throws a knife and kills him

- Halt: “there is not the SLIGHTEST chance Erak becomes Oberjarl” then Erak: “i’m the new Oberjarl” Halt: “i fuckin called it. reverse psychology”

- Horace being knighted by Duncan and appointed to the Royal Guard.

- when Crowley returns Halt’s silver oakleaf and Halt knows that he’s home at last.

your grandma laughs at my jokes and says that handsome young man is so much better than my worthless grandson

Falling over and girls spill out of my pockets

My dad was dealing with some mixed feelings so I told him "In therapy when something is too complicated to do a simple 'pro and contra list' we sometimes do an excercise where you imagine all these mixed feelings around a table in some kind of conference, letting each tell their bit and you leading the debate."

and my dad didn't really respond and just stared ahead so I kept preparing lunch. Until a few minutes later when he suddenly piped up: "I am having a bad time at the conference"

just another reminder for those who were still wondering - the part where the horse and human bodies meet is called the epicentaur

me and you are beast fiends for ever ^_^ *lunges for your throat*