The Ache Against The Wind (original Version Circa 2023)

omg i’m speechless (/positive). i never expected my housewife hannibal fic to receive all the love it has which still blows me away nearly one year later. i’m so happy to hear it resonated with you and i hope one day you get your happy ending. i also love any of sourweather’s fics too btw <3

i love sourweather fics coz i read one where hannibal in his injured state forces himself to become useful for will. even in pain he cooks, bakes, cleans, and does all the chores out of regret and fear that everything he did to will would finally urge him to leave him forever. which was understandable so its realizing that he couldnt undo the hurt he did to will and he finally succumbs to it by serving will anyway he can and when will realizes this he tells him its okay and he chose this and he doesnt have to prove anything so they both become vulnerable and they pledge heartfelt promises of forever and not hurting each other again and i think i deserve this kind of ending

edit: oh my god i think what i read was actually shrike by coffeeintherain not from sourweather lolll

coffee's first fics circa 2023

when i first started writing fanfiction in April of 2023, i wrote so many of them (even a 52k word fic) on my notes app before i found my savior google docs 😭 i didn't want to add these to the vulnerable Hannibal fic rec list because i was still getting the hang of writing when i originally posted these. but i figured i'd repost them anyway because there can never be enough vulnerable Hannibal fics imo. these all take place post-fall. ratings range from mature to explicit.

burn with need (5k words):

touch-starved Hannibal busting a nut for the first time in three years. tender bathtub hand job.

past the point of greed (3k words):

Hannibal is overwhelmed from having unrestricted access to food for the first time in three years. *cw: eating disorder and vomiting.*

drowning beneath familiar depths (6k words):

A loud noise triggers Hannibal's childhood PTSD.

Aging Rust On A Brittle Heart (2k words):

Hannibal panics when Will leaves unannounced.

One of my weird headcanons that I feel like sharing:

Hannibal has a stuffed animal of Mischa’s that he purchased or made himself for her, and that she cherished very much. He somehow managed to keep it through the chaos following her death and his time in the orphanage, maybe by hiding it somewhere and retrieving it later. He keeps it with him all his life, the only thing of hers not buried in a grave. He can’t bear to look at it too often, but if he goes too long without seeing it he gets paranoid that it’s gone, disappeared like everything else that ever mattered to him.

how is it so cold when summer is right around the corner? i feel like i'm in an igloo and my heated blanket just broke 😭

Hannibal brainrot is eternal.

Tell me why I was just listening to "love story" by Taylor Swift and when the bridge came on, my mind went straight to season 3 Hannibal waiting for Will in the BSHCI

I got tired of waiting, wonderin' if you were ever comin' around

My faith in you was fading...

Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone

I keep waiting for you, but you never come

Is this in my head? I don't know what to think

​

What's your favorite horror movie?

Idk maybe when Will rejected Hannibal and Hannibal hesitated for a second before leaving as if he was debating whether he could insist some more but he decided it wouldn't change a thing

me rn because you get me like no one else.

everything you said, specifically:

whereas, the speculative lens asks, "if we treat this character as real, how might we explore their motivations, contradictions, and inner life?" (aka pretty much the whole point of fanfiction!)

but let's take a step over to the speculative lens and consider that same line. it opens up an avenue for writers (and whoever) to explore Hannibal's vulnerability, psyche, and all of his contradictions in a way that feels authentic to our own human experience, EVEN IF it isn't aligned with the show's narrative goals.

instead of taking Hannibal's assertion at face value as a definitive truth, we get to explore how and why this idea that he's free from external influence would play into his own sense of self, as well as his carefully curated public persona.

both of these lenses are useful and good! they can and should co-exist with one another! and i think we all pretty seamlessly shift between the two lenses depending on whether or not we're in the mood for a larger thematic exploration or looking for an opportunity to personalize, empathize, humanize (etc.) the story in ways that the original narrative simply couldn't.

you are so right. fanfic authors are allowed to explore a character's vulnerability and possible trauma if it interests them. fanfics don't have to be cut and dry and stick to canon. i need some oomph to my angst and hurt/comfort.

if writing about a vulnerable version of Hannibal is wrong then i don't want to be right. i'm reading Hannibal Rising and it sheds light on how Hannibal's childhood was in fact impacted by what he went through. ignoring his trauma (something major that shaped his childhood) would make him the same as any other serial killer. Hannibal's childhood experience makes him unique and there is nothing wrong with exploring how that could possibly impact his day to day life as an adult. i'll be pondering and writing about Hannibal's vulnerability until the day i croak.

hey so can we talk about how characters in fiction are not autonomous individuals, but tools crafted to explore themes and provoke emotional/intellectual responses?

and more specifically, maybe also include how reducing Hannibal's actions to mere "evil" obscures his symbolic role as a disruptor of societal norms?

and maybe, MAYBE (if we have time), then carry the conversation into how focusing solely on Hannibal's morality erases the show's intended commentary on human behavior, repression, and connection?

please?

"self-indulgent this" "self-indulgent that" bitch this aint a master's dissertation, indulging in all the lil tropes and quirks that make you tick is the point

there is no better feeling than getting kudos from my tumblr moots & tumblr followers on my second AO3 account designated for my dark fics. i wanna wail "omg hi, guys, i'm so glad you enjoy my darker fics, too!"

unfortunately, some people are very much against dark fics to the point they harass writers of dark content, so i keep those fics separate from my main account, but please know ily and am kissing you all on the forehead whenever i see you've left a kudo or a comment. people who can enjoy very different flavors of writing are blessings in fandom. <3

maybe one day, i'll post the link here if y'all are interested in reading them! feels a bit daunting tbh. fandom spaces have changed so much since i was a kid and the rise in purity culture / want for censorship on fanfic (literal fiction; nothing real at all) is something i never thought was necessary even as a kid when i found ff.net and then AO3 years later as a young teenager. i remember reading my first dark fic on AO3 when i was like fifteen.

i never assumed or thought the author condoned what they'd written. (that is literal common sense); do authors of published books / screenwriters of movies or shows condone the dark things they write? most certainly not; it's written because every aspect of human life is interesting to explore; even the ugly / taboo parts of humanity; take, for example, horror movies where characters are murdered in brutal ways, like "sinister" (2012); or movies that portray someone being sexually assaulted; or movies / tv shows based on published books, like 'flowers in the attic' & 'game of thrones' / 'a song of ice and fire'; those contain dark fictional explorations, and mainstream media doesn't think those writers condone what they've created because we understand it's only a work of fiction and an exploration of how people have behaved all throughout history, even if it is uncomfortable to read or watch; taboo topics are interesting to write about because it is so far removed from what we're taught is an acceptable way to behave in society; writers of dark fanfic don't condone what we write about; it's a simple exploration of a topic, and if certain people cannot differentiate fanfiction from reality, then they probably shouldn't be reading fanfic at all; especially if they're going to harass writers who write about topics they don't agree with being written, because it is entirely fictional and not a condoning of those behaviors; there are tags and warnings on AO3 for a reason and people pushing for censorship are doing more harm than good. most young people nowadays weren't in the trenches on ff.net being blindsided by shocking turns of events like non-con, assault, etc. (which couldn't be tagged because there is simply not an ability to do that on ff.net), so they don't realize what a blessing AO3's tagging / warning system is. they just see content they don't like, which they can literally scroll past (and also exclude with filters), and scream "ew, censor it! because i don't like the fact that it was written, even though it is no different than movies or books or tv shows portraying the same themes."

when i read a dark fic for the first time at fifteen, i never thought the author was deserving of my judgement, hate, etc. because i knew it wasn't real at all. i was only reading words on a screen. when the content started making me feel uncomfortable, i simply stopped reading and i never considered leaving a disparaging comment because i'd willingly clicked on the fic after reading the tags and warnings. i really shouldn't have been reading that type of content at that age, but it'd piqued my curiosity. then i realized dark fics weren't for me at that time, but it was not the author's fault when i chose to read it. and i reminded myself it wasn't real and moved on with my life. i really wish that line of thinking returned in fandom spaces.

sneak peak incoming!!

"I've missed you very, very much as well, sweetheart. And do you want to know who else has missed you—just as much as I have?"

It seeped back into Will's heart once again: that near foreign emotion in relation to another human being… invading with a welcome and all encompassing surge of warmth, of affection, of something far more potent than endearment… in the wake of bearing witness to a wrinkle of confusion knitting itself in the center of Hannibal's forehead.

Love. Fondness. A tender-hearted sense of possession.

It weaved between every arc of bone, nestled itself inside every crevice of muscle and soft tissue as if forever destined to reside there—a silent singe to Will's soul. Leading to a thumb smoothing over the creased skin in light-handed, circular motions. Leading to Hannibal's abortive, heart-wrenching flinch. Leading to quiet, ceaseless murmurings of reassurance until Hannibal's expression slackened, second by second, into silent understanding, into a resemblance of tentative trust—trust Will would not dare take for granted.

"Winston, Buster, Max, Jack, and the girls, Ellie, Harley, Zoe. Do you remember who those names belong to?" Will asked, voice soft and ever patient.

Nodding, Hannibal's sharp canines peeked out, scraping over the plump surface of his bottom lip. He was feeling doubtful, once again. Will understood even before Hannibal's jaw slackened in preparation to speak, voice wobbling and filled with caution. "They've missed me, too?"

I have so many thoughts about regressed Hannibal ♡

How do we feel about Hannibal regressing at the cliff house because he's so overwhelmed with being in Will's presence once again?

Because I'm already 6k words deep into writing a fic about it 😭 I've never taken this long to write a fic before (started in late January), but I think I might be cooking something up