And Maybe Real Success Looks Like

One of life’s greatest pleasures is taking a shower and lying under a fan butt naked…

While I’m on the subject, I want you guys to learn this…

Did you know that how you talk to yourself alters your DNA?

The way you speak to yourself, your thoughts, emotions and inner dialogue—impacts your DNA through epigenetics. Negative self talk raises cortisol, triggering genes linked to inflammation, aging and diseases. Conversely, positive self talk activates genes for healing, resilience and longevity. Chronic stress and emotional trauma can alter DNA expression and even be passed down to future generations.

This also applies to what you hear. Negative words, insults and toxic conversations increase cortisol, rewiring neural pathways to make stress a default state. Constant exposure to negativity, whether through people or media, can impact gene expression.

Just how stress harms DNA, gratitude, affirmations and meditation can rewire it positively. These practices lower stress, trigger DNA repair, and activate genes for immunity and anti aging. Consciously shifting self talk can change your biology. "It is not that easy!" Yes, it is.

Research suggests binaural beats and solfeggio frequencies influence brainwaves, promoting focus and emotional balance. Mantras, prayers, affirmations can impact cellular structures, proving sound vibrations affect genes.

How long does this take, you ask?

Immediate (Minutes to Days): A single thought can raise or lower cortisol almost instantly.

Short Term (Weeks to Months): 6–8 weeks of daily gratitude, mindfulness, or affirmations can shift gene expression.

Long Term (Months to Years): Consistent mental reprogramming strengthens immunity, reduces disease risk, and slows aging.

Your thoughts shape your body at a genetic level so choose them wisely.

I’ve recently discovered that doing self care/maintenance tasks is way easier when you personify the rambunctious/unproductive thought patterns in your brain, especially when you make them fictional characters.

example: if anyone asks, I’m not going to clean my room, I’m helping Ink clean his room because he’s having a bit of a time right now.

works wonders.

A Secret History, otherwise known as what the fuck Richard

(the last few bullet points will be talking about CSA so if that triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, don't read this)

Hi pookies, sorry for being awol, I've been prepping for finals, as well as annotating a secret history, and I had some thoughts I felt like sharing.

first of all fuck Henry

Bunny being the one to say " to live forever" is the definition of being doomed by the narritive

there is no version of the story where bunny lives, and by him being the one who says that, is in a way a challenge to Henrey

Richard opens the book by claiming to be a good liar, and in every situation where he lies he does it horribly is the funniest thing ever

Henry was a budding serial killer, and I think that by the simple fact of giving poor Charles those pills

I also don't think Bunny was as bad as the group made him out to be. Richard is obviously a self-admitted unreliable narrator, but I really don't think Bunny was as bad as they were making him out to be

sure he was probably really annoying, but the week before his death I don't think he was being purposely antagonistic but acting afraid

and in a sense when Richard found out about the murder, that was bunny signing his death certificate.

i think Henry was always going to kill Bunny, he was just waiting for a good enough excuse

when Jullian left Henry started decompensating like a serial killer, and that's why he lost control when talking to Charles

and while it is clearly the best choice to send Fransis to the police, Henry tells Charles to go because Charles is easy to manipulate

i think Fransis is obviously disalutioned by Henry from the beginning of the book, while Charles and Richard were still drinking the Kool-aid

Camilla is obviously romantisized by Richard, and I think that in all reality he probably viewed women in a simmular way Bunny did

in Camilla's descriptions she is often barefoot, and he makes note to mention that during the act of the murder she wasn't present

he also compares most women to Marion a person he thinks is too stupid and girly

people forget how physically imposing henry is, by Richard describing him it almost infantilizes him, in a way.

he is physically imposing which made him look odd, but he lifted camila with great ease, and lifts weight despite is limp

i think he hurt camilla by pulling out her hair, and hurting her wrist

i feel bad for bunny because while he was teetering over the edge he must have been so afraid

richard and henry could have been the same under slightly different circumsances

camilla is not as oblivious to things as people belive she is, obviously she is a victim, but the narrative implies that she is for lack of a better term, not completely innocent

she is a victim of her circumstances, but not completely innocent

richard clings to the group because they are every thing he wanted to

henry killed himself to achieve some fucked up version of godhood.

fransis is the most complex character because by the end of the book we feel bad for him despite taking advantage of 2 of the other characters in the book

he is also clearly in love with Charles but yk

CSA TW BELOW

okay so i think its pretty clear that Charles is a CSA victim

he very clearly has an eating disorder, and a alcohol problem which Fransis exacerbates by getting him drunk and hooking up with him frequently

not only that but he is really dependent on his friendships and is constantly paranoid that they are talking about him, but needs constant reassurance like a child

but also when bunny is making digs at the group, he starts talking about the preversions of the catholic church, i don't think that group cared, nor do i belive that any of them are particularly religious, but I do belive that Bunny was making a dig about Charles being molested by a preist

and if that's the case than his ultimate outcome makes the most sense,

that also makes sense why he would frequently sleep with camilla and fransis

feel free to message me so we can chat about it... this book has recently become my greatest obsession, or we can chat in the comments.

(8.27)

today was my first day of classes, and it went well, my professors seemed cool. unfortunately, I am taking a 8am three-hour math class, and I am already slightly overwhelmed, but while I was in class I had a few post ideas so there is that! i wish I had more to say but I am suffering from food poisoning so I cannot offer much but I promise I will be more succinct in the future! anyway pls interact if you want, tell me how the start of your semester was!

I will succeed. Not immediately. But definitely.

when i say "romanticise the ordinary" i don't mean "hide all aspects of your life that do not fit under some kind of aesthetic" but rather "strive to find beauty in all the little things because i promise you, happiness can be found everywhere"

practical writing advice

part 2

avoid writing in bed if you can. writing in bed is the mind-killer. writing in bed is the little death that brings obliteration. you may think "but i can write AND be cozy" you will get sleepy so fast. 98% of the time when i try to get a nighttime writing session done in bed i go to sleep. maybe 70% of the time if it's an afternoon writing session. also it fucking kills your wrists.

STRETCH before writing. stretch as many parts of your body as possible ESPECIALLY YOUR WRISTS! i have chronic tendonitis in both of my arms from not doing this and it is manageable but it is Not Fun!

plug your phone in on the other side of the room. better yet, plug it in and leave it in another room. better yet, power it off and leave it in another room. "i'll just check one quick thing" do not underestimate the power of the doomscroll.

do a warmup. look up writing prompts (i like one-word prompts or prompts that focus on a general theme as it's easier to integrate into my writing style), set a timer for fifteen minutes, or ten, or five, and go ham. make it shitty or incomprehensible, as long as you make it. create a dump document for all your warmups. i currently have two novels in the works that started as one of these fifteen minute little warmups.

pick your background noise ahead of time if you use it, and look for something long. i listen to 3-hour-long silent hill ambient mixes on youtube dot com.

take breaks. around every 45 minutes, as i'm noticing myself begin to lose focus, i get up, grab a drink, get my blood flowing, and give myself some space to breathe.

sometimes i sit down to write and i think "every atom in my body is averse to doing this right now. i would rather dance barefoot on a bed of nails than open my laptop and start typing." and you know what i do? i go do something else instead. don't force it! it will become a chore.

that being said! write as often as possible. try to write every day. try to write at the same time. don't beat yourself up if you can’t, BUT the more often you write, the more often you'll want to write.

if you're stuck on a scene or a page or a chapter, go back to the last place where you felt like you knew what you were doing and start writing from there. keep a copy of your other writing in case you want to reuse it or refer back!

i don't know if this is something that will be helpful for other people but i start mentally preparing myself for my writing session a few hours ahead of time. i will say to myself, "today, at this time, i'm gonna sit down and write that scene where mina walks out on her book club, and it's going to be awesome and i'm looking forward to it." then, by the time i actually begin, i basically have the whole thing written out in my head and can just put it down to paper. it's a good way to at least kickstart the session !

ok thanks bye

meals i eat on a $50/week grocery budget

I am a PhD student living on a stipend of under $18,000 per academic year, and I have a grocery budget of $50 per week to feed myself and my dog. I typically buy groceries once a month, where I spend under $200 at Costco, and fill in the gaps with $50 or less at Fred Meyer (a PNW Kroger brand) or Walmart (the bane of my existence). The final prices average to $50 per week.

The first trick is to look for building blocks you can buy in bulk instead of thinking about recipes individually. Spices, canned goods, meat, produce. Costco and Sams Club are good, but take advantage of the bulk prices and lack of member fee at Smart & Final instead if there’s one in your area.

If you're buying spinach and tomatoes for pasta, think about adding other salad ingredients to finish off that spinach package. If you're buying a package of shredded pork for sliders, consider using the leftovers for street tacos.

I also try and utilize all my leftovers. If I only need a small portion of a red onion for a recipe, I'll use the rest to make pickled red onions and try to think of something that will use them in the next couple weeks. A lot of my dog safe produce waste—strawberry tops, cucumber ends, carrot skins—go to my dog as an easy reward. (Reminder that if it’s rotten and you wouldn’t eat it, you probably shouldn’t be feeding it to your dog, either.)

The second trick is to utilize your freezer. Freeze produce close to it's expiration date, find a recipe for it where the texture won't matter. Freeze meat until you're ready to use it to prevent it dying a sad, stinky death in the hidden depths of the meat drawer. Sometimes I'll cook an extra big batch of something with the intent of freezing half of some of the components to be used at a later time (the chicken in the pita pockets is the same as the chicken in the meal prep bowls, but I don't like having them in the same week). I also keep a few backup meals in the freezer just in case I get Big Sick and don't feel like cooking for a while.

The third trick is to reject brand loyalty. Your new lord and savior is "what's on sale" and "store brand". As someone who regularly had access to both the high price and budget options of the foods I like, there are plenty of types of food where there's no discernible difference in quality between price points.

The building blocks I keep in my house are:

Chicken breast.

If you don’t like handling raw meat (or don’t have the equipment to cook it) I highly recommend the Costco rotisserie chicken instead. It’s a large chicken and it’s under $7 for the whole thing (at least where I live in AK) and it’s already cooked! There’s plenty of meat on it and if you’re into DIY stuff you can use the carcass to make your own chicken broth.

Ground beef (I like 85:15)

Broths/stocks (i like to keep beef, chicken, and vegetable on hand)

Eggs

Rotel cans (there is more than one flavor and I find them convenient)

Canned pumpkin purée (I keep this on hand year round to give to my dog in the event of digestion issues, but it has plenty of other uses)

Tomato paste

Black beans (they're cheaper dried and bagged, but canned is fine if you dont have the time or energy for bean prep)

Chickpeas (they're cheaper dried and bagged, but canned is fine if you dont have the time or energy for bean prep)

Lentils (split lentils are more expensive but they cook way faster)

Onions

Carrots (these double as dog treats)

Garlic

Sweet potatoes (also can be dog treats) or russet potatoes when sweet potatoes aren’t in season

Parsley (I have it growing in my kitchen)

Basil (also growing in my kitchen)

Cilantro (additionally growing in my kitchen)

Green onions (growing in my kitchen)

Butter, margarine, olive oil

Flour

Baking soda and baking powder

Brown and white sugar

Noodles (whichever shape is on sale when I'm buying)

Top ramen packets (for the stove)

Sandwich bread

Bread crumbs (I make these using the heels of bread from my sandwich bread or leftover buns when the meat to bun ratio doesn't add up)

Single serving oatmeal packets

Rice (I buy the 10 lb bag from the grocery store which lasts me about a year...)

Oat milk (it's shelf stable to reduce food waste)

Coconut milk (also shelf stable)

Vanilla yogurt (big tub)

Greek yogurt (big tub)

Frozen fruit mix (these double as dog treats)

Most of the building blocks are purchased in bulk when I can. I will get a new package of whatever is running out when necessary. My entire spice cabinet is the store brand spices (almost, there've been a few fancy spice gifts recently). You can get nice herbs and spices from Walmart's Great Value brand. My food is no less delicious for it.

Breakfast:

Oatmeal. I get mine in the bulk 52 pack from costco and eat two packets at once. I would get the big canister instead, but I’m not very good at flavoring them when they come that way and it generally just makes me sad instead

Currently (sept 2024) working on big canister DIY oatmeal and overnight oats. Will report back when I manage something that isn't terrible :)

Store brand bagel with store brand cream cheese (Philadelphia is eggspensive)

Eggo waffles+peanut butter. I get the bulk 72(?) pack from costco, because they're leagues better than store brand toaster waffles and also significantly cheaper than buying freezer waffles of any kind in any smaller package. Make a little sandwich+enjoy.

Outside Breakfast: This is what I eat if I'm going to do Outside Work, like field sampling or ice climbing or hiking to the top of Mt. Healy

I Live In A Place Where Fruit Doesn't Grow Smoothie: utilizes yogurt, plant milk, frozen fruit mix. If I end up with extra I put it on a lick mat for my dog.

Breakfast tacos: utilizes egg, and leftover produce and leftover tortillas from taquito, quesadilla, or pulled pork taco recipes.

Home fries and egg: utilizes potato, onion, egg

Leftovers Egg Sandwich: utilizes egg, leftover meat (like lunchmeat or other thin sliced meat) and leftover produce or sauce, and leftover bread

Lunch:

Greek chicken meal prep boxes: utilizes chicken, greek yogurt, rice, onion, garlic

Chickpea and lentil roasted red pepper soup+grilled cheese: utilizes chickpeas and lentils, sandwich bread (vegetarian/vegan)

Black bean quesadilla: utilizes black beans, onion, cilantro (vegetarian)

Black bean taquitos: utilizes black beans, onion, garlic, cilantro, rice (vegan, requires a blender/food processor)

Chicken sandwich + roasted red pepper soup

Sausage pasta: utilizes noodles, onion, garlic

Pita pockets: utilizes chicken, yogurt, cilantro

Smashed chickpea avocado sandwich: utilizes chickpeas, cilantro, rotel (vegan!)

Dinner:

Chick(en)pea Curry: utilizes chicken, chickpeas, rotel, onions, garlic, cilantro, rice (omitting chicken makes it vegan)

Mac and cheese: utilizes noodles, breadcrumbs (vegetarian)

Mom's goulash: utilizes onion, garlic, ground beef, noodles,

White chicken chili: utilizes chicken broth, chicken, onion, garlic

Fire sick soup: utilizes chicken, carrots, garlic, onion, chicken broth (SPICY)

Magic sick soup: utilizes chicken, carrots, onion, garlic, veggie broth

Darn Good Chili: utilizes ground beef, tomato paste, black beans, onion

Sheet pan chicken fajitas: utilizes chicken, onion, garlic

Coconut ginger carrot soup+garlic bread: utilizes carrot (vegan)

Chicken tortilla soup: utilizes leftover chicken from sheet pan fajitas, onion, garlic, chicken broth

Moms meatloaf: utilizes ground beef, rotel, breadcrumbs, egg

Carnitas tacos: utilizes rice, black beans, onions, cilantro. I commit the crime of buying the preshredded pork from Costco, because I hate shredding meat by hand and don’t have a mixer to do it for me. I like to pair this with a mango peach habanero salsa. (SPICY)

Pumpkin pasta sauce: utilizes noodles, onion, garlic,

Snacks:

Vanilla yogurt + granola: both of these are store brand. Walmart makes surprisingly decent (and decently priced, at that) granola

Veggies + hummus: I eat most of my veggies raw like this. Costco sells bulk hummus but I don’t love how much extra packaging their produce comes with. If time, energy or prep space are a problem for you, you can buy precut veggies but let it be known that those no longer qualify as a budget item.

Tortilla chip + salsa/guacamole: costco sells all of these items in bulk at very cheap. One 3 pack of guac and a tub of salsa gets me through one whole bag of tortilla chips.

Ramen + egg: this is what I eat when it's too late for lunch but too early for dinner and I'm starving

Granola + chocolate chip: I guess this is just a deconstructed granola bar but it’s a 3:1 granola:chocolate ratio

Other stuff:

DIY spices

Fancy herb butter

Sweet potato dog treats

Non-Budget items

Coconut brownies (spruced up Ghirardelli box brownies, recipe stolen from a professor at my university)

Dads Goulash

Lomo Saltado

I don't currently feel like doing the math for these, but I do actually only spend roughly $50 a week on groceries. (Currently the underlined ones are the ones I have a full linked recipe posted for, which I work on in my spare time).

Additional notes: I don’t really do the whole calorie counting thing, but I do try to eat at least one serving of a food from each major food group a day as a way to naturally enforce variety and balance out my diet.