Julianradwildlife

I don’t even have words for what is going on inside me anymore. Sore? Exhausted? Worn? Helpless? I don’t know. I just know whatever I’m feeling is too much to bear on my own. I feel like an omen, I feel like I hold everyone back, and I know by expressing these feelings it creates some sort of truth within them, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I am feeling so much, and I feel like I’m nothing but a liability. I feel like everything I say just makes things infinitely worse.

I hate Christmas

I was talking to my sister about how awful I’ve been feeling lately and I started to get so upset. I know when I get upset it upsets her so I couldn’t bare to look up at her, but I was kind of joking about how I feel like if I was a dog they’d put me down because of my quality of life, and she didn’t laugh or anything. She just sat staring out the window, and then asked how that makes me feel.

Aughhhh I wish everything was gentler

Maybe I do need to chill out

i wish and i wish and i wish but it will never make things return to the way they used to be. i can wish all i want, but it will never be enough. i wish for the same thing every time: to be special to someone again. i know i shouldn’t tell you because now it won’t come true, but i think i was doomed anyway.

My stomach is sick this feeling is back and last years patterns are haunting me

What is my deal

Having to think about things I’ve been avoiding should be illegal…

I don’t want to think about the love I’ve neglected lalalalalalalaalaaa

My most shameful secret and deepest desire is simply this: I want more than anything to be beautiful.