*stomping Out Cigarette*

I live for passion bro

Genuinely I love the art of passion with my whole heart. To love, or be so devoted to something that is makes your whole body light up with the spur of the soul, is so intimate and so, so beautiful.

For a long time I thought passion lied in romantic relationships, but as I grow older I realize that it is so much bigger than that. Romance is not even in the forefront of my passion. However, I do love passionately. I love my friends, I love my family, I love the arts, and I love them so, so intensely. My drive for life is simply my passion for connection, and learning more about myself and the world around me.

I love everything I think. And I am so grateful for the opportunity to be able to do so.

i feel so gross. so rotten, i almost feel dead in a way. it feels as though i’m not living, merely drifting through my existence. i haven’t cleaned my room in weeks, i haven’t done any of my assignments, i haven’t been reading, i haven’t been writing, i just haven’t been able to do anything for weeks now. i’ve been getting angry with my friends and the people i love the most, and it’s never justified so i swallow it. but i feel so cruel for being irritated by those i hold so close. i am so scared. i am so, so scared. i should be better, and i am in some areas, but overall things haven’t improved much for me internally. i don’t know. i just feel so separated from everything and everyone.

feeling like people do not like me as much i as i think they do

i know if you don’t like yourself is manifests and blah blah blah

but it just kind of feels like my self hatred is a stab wound and i can’t stop the bleeding and everyone around me has to wipe up the blood and i just watch as it stains their clothes and it feels like i’m frozen

whatever i don’t know i’m sure it’s not nowhere near as deep as i’m making it

i just wish i wasn’t the one initiating almost everything in my relationships

do you ever get tired of bearing the weight of the universe inside you? do your ribs ache from the internal cosmic explosion? you are such a beautiful, precious thing my dear

catching myself lying again

the reality of my impurity bleeds through the screen of my irreproachable facade

is this who i really am?

i always forget how much of a hell getting up in the morning during the cold months is until im trying to get dressed taking frost damage like ough augh ugha oagh uagh

If you feel like you’re ugly and lame just lie to yourself. Like say “Ohhhh my goddd I feel so awesome and sexy haha I am the most goated transvestite in this room rn” three times in front of the mirror and then you’ll feel better

am i too much or not enough? because i feel like i only ever seem to be one of the two.

i feel like i’m subpar in everything in every way; and i know that almost every person on this damned earth feels the same,

but i can’t seem to shake the feeling—or belief rather—that at the end of everything there’s nothing.

at the end of everything all i have is me. and i guess that’s a reality i have to accept. it is true for everyone that we only have ourselves at the end of the day, but i’m so scared that no matter what i'll always end up alone