Latest Posts by countthefighters - Page 4

My stomach is sick this feeling is back and last years patterns are haunting me

Can’t complain about being shot when you’re the one who pulled the trigger

sun bleached flies - ethel cain

Adam: *speaks* Lawrence: 🙄🤦‍♂️

SAW (2004) dir. James Wan

i'm miserable but everything also feels beautiful

I feel like the way I look causes people to take me less seriously

I was talking to my sister about how awful I’ve been feeling lately and I started to get so upset. I know when I get upset it upsets her so I couldn’t bare to look up at her, but I was kind of joking about how I feel like if I was a dog they’d put me down because of my quality of life, and she didn’t laugh or anything. She just sat staring out the window, and then asked how that makes me feel.

Aughhhh I wish everything was gentler

Värmland, Sweden (December 22, 2023).

noah jupe as otis lort in honey boy (2019) dir. alma har’el

I need to put down the cup 💔

We all make mistakes just some of us bigger and worse and scarier ones than others

Currently bashing my head into the wall

Guy who watched Rocky Horror one time:

MODESTY IS A FACADE!! PROFESSIONALISM IS A SCAM!!! EVERYONE GET SEXIER AND GROSSER NOW!!!!!!

My mother, was God before I knew what God was

My father, was an angel, abandoned, fallen, blood still smeared on his ivory wings

I tend to forget that God seemed to forge the fall of Satan

But I am reminded when I find feathers painted with maroon in the corners of my mind

How long do we have before the love starts to rot?

Do you always have to look your lover in the eye when you twist the knife?

Was the gun pointed at his temple or yours?

Wish I could be committed to literally anything

I wish my friends knew just how beautiful they are

At my birthday party I got a little too high at some point, and I was sitting on the couch while everyone else was on the floor of the living room and I felt so lonely. I don’t know why, my friends didn’t do anything wrong, but I was hit with such a profound wave of grief.

It’s like my body realized I was growing up.

One thing about me is I see my memories very vividly, and certain emotions trigger specific memories, and they play in my head like personalized films. When this weird isolating grief hit me, I saw this like montage of previous birthdays from when I was a kid, and I saw the town I grew up in, and the way it used to be. Parents calling for me, missing teeth, grass stained knees, sun kissed shoulders from swimming, blowing out candles, everything. It was a lot. And I wished I was somewhere else for a moment, but I wasn’t exactly sure where I wanted to be instead.

Idk if this makes sense but I really did have a lovely birthday, these things just creep up

I’ve felt so ill lately in so many different ways 😓

I need a break

My birthday makes me quite sad and I wish it didn’t cuz I’m lowkey crashing my own party

Is it normal to miss people the way I do

I’LL MISS THE COMFORT OF THE WORLD OF MY MOTHER AND THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD / LOVE MUST BE FORGOTTEN LIFE CAN ALWAYS START UP ANEW

RAGGHGHHGGGHBBHHHHH

Inhale warmth

Exhale ecstasy

So exhausted ):

what are you waiting for? someone to grant you permission? the perfect and permanent emotion? a shooting star to magic away every problem you have or ever have had? alright, wait away then. but no one is going to live your life for you while you wait to become someone else

I don’t even have words for what is going on inside me anymore. Sore? Exhausted? Worn? Helpless? I don’t know. I just know whatever I’m feeling is too much to bear on my own. I feel like an omen, I feel like I hold everyone back, and I know by expressing these feelings it creates some sort of truth within them, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I am feeling so much, and I feel like I’m nothing but a liability. I feel like everything I say just makes things infinitely worse.

Everyone is rightfully tired of my shit I wish I could curl up into a little ball and shrink until I disappear

Sobbing in public again fml

I don’t know what to do I’m so scared of everything

I hate almost everything about myself I just wish I was normal I don’t want to be seen I don’t want to talk I don’t want to feel weak anymore. I don’t want to be pitied I don’t want sympathy I just want to be free. I just want to feel okay