Latest Posts by countthefighters - Page 3

I’ve lost so much of my fervor for life in such a short amount of time, and I was already grasping at straws for hope.

I find myself feeling so devastatingly numb and defeated, and if I don’t feel anything, I feel everything that’s wrong with me. Something happened these past few weeks, something set off something inside of me, but I have no idea what could have caused this.

I still love those around me, I will to the grave, however I am so exhausted. I’m trying so hard, and I’ve completely given up at the same time.

I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know

What I’d give to feel anything but this

I’m waiting for a savior that will never come

I wish Jesus was real so badly

I live for passion bro

Genuinely I love the art of passion with my whole heart. To love, or be so devoted to something that is makes your whole body light up with the spur of the soul, is so intimate and so, so beautiful.

For a long time I thought passion lied in romantic relationships, but as I grow older I realize that it is so much bigger than that. Romance is not even in the forefront of my passion. However, I do love passionately. I love my friends, I love my family, I love the arts, and I love them so, so intensely. My drive for life is simply my passion for connection, and learning more about myself and the world around me.

I love everything I think. And I am so grateful for the opportunity to be able to do so.

PASSIONATE AND CARING TEACHERS ARE THE CLOSEST THING WE HAVE TO ANGELS ON EARTH!!!!

some mr todd wisdom for the blr

“recognition vs knowledge” - mr todd

preaching about how our brain teaches us to recognize something and send out happy chemicals when we do and it’s the same ones that get sent out when you actually KNOW it. it’s one thing to recognize it’s a whole other thing to know it and be able to teach it. AMEN MR TODD AND MS FUNDY B I NEED AFTER SCHOOL PEP AND KNOWLEDGE TALKS EVERYDAY.

@countthefighters

No one was harmed in the making of this moment

all you need to do to understand me on a base level is read the lyrics to alameda by elliott smith

I NEED HIM SO BAD IDC!!!!!!

New Patrick Stump picture

This is my King

March 4, 1926 Journals of Anais Nin 1923-1927 [volume 3]

“I appreciate your concern. None of this is your fault. It’s me. It’s me and my head.”

— Virginia Woolf, from a letter to Violet Dickinson written c. January 1909

My friends gift to me a glimmer of hope occasionally; and when they do, all I can think about is how badly I want to see and know the adult versions of them. I think about how nice it would be to have an extra room, or maybe a pullout couch, at the disposal of any friend looking for a warm bed and an ear to listen. I think about them coming to my house just to ask for a cigarette, and to talk about their troubles while we sit on the porch. I think about how I’ll attend (and cry at) their weddings, and I think about how I’ll be with them through messy breakups, and all the inbetweens. I think about how I’ll have their favorite snacks in my cupboard, and how I’ll make sure there’s always an extra toothbrush for them. I think about how I’ll have toys stored away for their potential kids when they visit, and I think about how I’ll get to watch all of us grow up.

I often times think the only thing stopping me from ending it is fear, but I think a little harder about the people I love, and suddenly it feels like my heart is trying to claw through my chest, and grasp onto any hope for the future.

I want to be there to love those around me until I can no longer leave my bed, and my last breaths are be spent cherishing their names.

so insanely fucked up that i have to spend the rest of my life working like. ten times as hard to function as a normal person because of shit that wasn't my fault. wdym i have to spend the rest of my life medicated and in therapy just because my parents were mean to me and then died?????????????? like at what point is that shit worth it because i'm medicated and going to therapy and i still have absolutely zero hope for myself. nothing has changed except the fact that everything has gotten progressively worse and it's my fault but i don't know how to end the cycle i genuinely can't take this

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

“All this talk of getting old, it’s getting me down, my love”

UNWRITE THAT NOW!!

Am I even that mentally ill though lowkey

Like maybe it’s in my head

I don’t know if people actually read my posts anymore but I apologize to those who do

I am so jealous of those who have hope. I am so envious of those who continue to search for light when everything around them is enveloped in darkness. I wish I could see something in me that would make me believe in a future for myself. When I think about the future, it is nothingness. A void, an old, empty blackboard with no chalk to write anything new. I can’t see past falling asleep with the metallic scent of blood lingering, I can’t see past going to bed with sore eyes, I can’t see past waking up with nothing but heavy shoulders, and I can’t see past spending every waking moment aching. I am so scared this all leads to nothing. I am so scared that I will be nothing.

I feel like I am wasting every second of my life, I feel like I have dissected myself into nothing but a disordered mess, acutely aware of my flaws and bad habits, with nothing to rectify my sins. I feel like I’m just wearing down everyone and everything around me. My violence is slowly creeping its way to center stage, and everyone sees it. People see how destructive I am. I feel like I break everything I touch, a perverted Midas.

And this is all very selfish of me, I am sorry for this. Spilling over, asking for more. I always want more and more and more. I want too much, and that is my tragedy.

I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE

It’s actually devastating that I feel comfortable in anyone’s house but my own

I make myself fucking sick dude

I hate being in this body

What have I become

That one was too edgy for the blr my bad

Should of done it when I had the chance

It will haunt me forever

It makes me so insanely pissed that people care

I know it sounds stupid and self loathing and it is

But I don’t understand why people still stay with me despite how fucked up and neurotic I am

I feel like I do nothing except make my problems other peoples burden

Take this stupid fucking account for example

All I do is bitch and whine

I’m sorry you have to be around someone like me

I’m sorry that I hate myself so much that it bleeds out of me in every way possible

I wish I was different so bad

I wish I could be a better friend

I wish I could be a better brother

I wish I could of been a better son

I wish they didn’t die only knowing me as their daughter

I’m sorry that this is such a big part of me

I’m sorry none of this makes sense

I am in so much pain

I am slowly killing myself

I feel like I am just waiting to die

Hurt

more trisha stumps. she’s kinda my muse lol

My eyes sting from crying I just want to sleep

I’ll drink myself to death inside this prison cell

I transitioned from a girl whose lips couldn't move fast enough. to a boy who the dance floor didn't love

“There’s a special place in my heart for the ones who were with me at my lowest and still loved me when I wasn’t very loveable.”

— Yasmin Mogahed

“there is nothing here please go away”

David Lynch

i can't fall asleep, but i can't stay awake and my body is so uncomfortable to be in