A Typical Day

It’s funny, the way I imagine JayBart working. They aren’t one of those cute couples/friendships who get each other gifts and shower with affection. No, they call each other assholes and get into arguments about seemingly nothing, they find pleasure in each others discomfort and even more so if they are the ones to cause it. They fight over the remote and kick each other off the couch, chase each other around when the other goes to far with the playful taunts. Point out each others weaknesses but know when to call it quits. They aren’t cute or fluffy or something to coo at, they’re so much better than that. They’re just two people with asshole/sarcastic personalities that trust each other and will most likely wrestle on the living room floor in their form or affection.

Also this? This called me out cause you can guess who’s who in this scenario.

Hey, y’all. I’ve got a question.

Why the everloving FUCK is there a Slade x Robin week on A03?! Why are there people in the fandoms promoting pedophilia on a large scale level, like it’ll catch on? FUCK NO. Don’t do that shit! Pardon my language, but FUCK.

no thoughts, just bart allen.

inaccurate Batfam quotes #22

The Batboys have a traditional game that helps 'train' them to always stay on alert, even when they don't expect it-- even at inoportune times... That's at least what they told Bruce so he'd let them play it.

Jason, jumping on the couch: The floor is Lava!

Dick: Jumps on the Chandelier

Tim: Climbs a bookshelf

Damian: Mounts Batcow™

Bruce: Sighs heavily, pulling his legs onto the chair he was already on

-absolute silence-

Dick, already on his aerial ropes: The floor is Lava!

Jason: casually climbs kitchen counter and continues to eat chips while reading

Damian: Climbs on his bed but decides that's not good enough and climbs on top of the canopy

Tim: Casually stands on the bathroom sink, flipping through research like nothing happened

Bruce: Grunts and simply sits in his office chair

Tim, looking around to see everyone lounging in the cave after a particularly long mission: The floor is Lava.

Damian: Jumping onto Bruce's back "Sacrifices must be made father."

Dick: Cartwheeling onto the Batmobile

Jason: Lay's on the ground completely monotone I'm suffering.

Tim: Shrugs and Joins him

Blue Beetle: is anyone here good at lying?

Impluse: yeah I’ve been faking stuff this entire time

Blue Beetle: like what?

Impulse, realizing he can’t tell Jaime he’s faked his entire personality because that would require a whole lot of context:...being straight

Blue Beetle:...okay so Bart can’t lie, Robin you do it

Tim Drake

Putting the annoyed in paranoid since the day he was birthed

I'm writing Jaybart one-shots that absolutely none of you asked for but I'm going to post them soon anyways.

I think it would be funny if the speedsters claimed Duke as their own. Barry hears "light manipulation powers" and is like "Oh! So he's one of mine then :) thanks for looking after him Bruce, but I've got it from here :)"

Bruce is like no, you don't have it actually, he's just a meta, not a speedster, hey, give him BACK-

Meanwhile Duke is having the time of his life because speedsters are so much less intense??? And actually talk to each other most of the time? And AREN'T nocturnal (thank God)??? Duke's still a Gotham vigilante, sure, but he can get used to living in a city that isn't cursed. And help with his photokinesis because, as it turns out, it's very similar to some speedster traits. He appreciates Bruce’s help with everything non-powered, but it just feels nice to have this part of him actively cultivated by people who get it.

Like, sure, sometimes Bart can't bear to wear anything that covers his neck and talks at superspeed about unimaginable horrors of the future he came from with tears streaming down his face and a pained smile. Sure, some days Wally doesn't stop moving, dipping in and out of the Speed Force, because he says feels like if he stops, he'll fade away. Sure, every now and then, Barry can't bring himself to run because he fears that his speed will overwhelm him if he does.

Duke isn't perturbed. Just because it's a different flavor of trauma than the one he's used to doesn't mean he'll forget the basics. Speedsters talk a lot, eat a lot, and smile even more, but he can deal. Iris is amazing and kind and brave and warm and yeah, he cries a bit when she asks him what he's wearing for the family photo.

Duke shuffles nervously, "You know, you don't need to be so...nice to me. I get it if you don't want the kid your husband, nephew, and grandson took on as a joke."

Iris looks at him, smile utterly fond and tinged with mild confusion, "Duke, I'm not doing this because they like you- or, rather, it does play a part in it. But you're an amazing, kind, brave young man, and we're honored that you chose to stay."

"...oh," Duke's eyes are watering a bit. It's probably allergies—he didn't have any in Gotham, but he isn't used to fresh air yet. Not emotions. Nope. Not him.

"Yeah, oh," Iris says, giving him an amused glance, "now, the picture isn't going on the Christmas card because we aren't that white, but it'll be up on the mantle, if you don't mind."

Gotham's underworld whispers, it asks, "what did the Bat do to turn away his newest Bird?"

Gotham's upper class mutter with false sympathy, "did Brucie manage to turn away another one of his children? It really is a pattern with him, poor boy."

Dick's happy Duke is finally branching out to other heroes and not staying in the little Gotham-bubble. Tim reassures Bruce that it's just Duke growing up, and that he'll come home eventually like they all did.

Maybe it's because Tim and Dick both trust their speedsters with not only their lives, but their family's own as well, but they're unbothered by Duke choosing the Flash as his favorite hero.

Damian hates being the only kid constantly in the house again, so he overcompensates by loudly going to the Kents whenever he can.

Duke didn't even abandon them; he still lives in the Manor and goes to school in Gotham. He just spends most weekends and a night or two during the week in Central. He assumes nobody cares because nobody complains to him until one night at dinner when he mentions that Wally wants to take him for a week-long trip at the start of summer break, and Damian slams down his fork.

"You aren't going," Damian seethes.

Duke raises an eyebrow, looking to Bruce. Bruce looks pained. "You've been spending a lot of time with the Allens lately, Duke."

"Yeah, 'cause they're cool."

"Oh, so we're too incompetent for you, Thomas?" Damian snaps accusingly.

"Woah, woah, woah, I never said-"

Tim groans, having being bribed to attend Sunday dinner, "can we not do this now? I promised I'd help Kon with something before patrol."

"I agree," Dick cuts in, "just let Duke go-"

"HE'S NOT GOING!"

"Old man, just let the kid go," Jason sighs wearily, eyeing Damian, "it's just a week. I'm sure you'd enjoy the peace and quiet 'round here."

Duke throws his hands up in the air, "thank you!"

"Been a lot of that lately," Cass mutters, poking at her food. So she's not all that excited another one of her little brothers is growing up. Can you blame her?

"Oh my God," Steph says, realization dawning with a near-wicked grin, "are you guys jealous?"

"I am not so juvenile as to-"

"Jealousy is a strong word-"

"Yes," Cass says.

Duke finds it absolutely hilarious that they're jealous of what is essentially just hanging out at a friend's place and with his family.

"They could've just told me," Duke rants, incredulous.

"They're Bats," Wally wiggles his fingers in a vague motion, "not communicating is their thing."

"Not me this time," Dick says cheerily, "take care of my little brother, West."

"Or we'll break both your legs," Tim adds.

Barry mock-salutes, "yessir."

Note for the DC fandom: Bart isn’t Wally’s protége (or Barry’s, for that matter). He always worked with Max Mercury, or Jay Garrick, if Max is unavailable.

I see this happen a lot in YJ98 fanart, where the Core 4 is shown with their mentors, and it bugs me. Barry was kinda dead during the 90’s, and Wally really only worked with Bart when the situation called for it, they didn’t hang out much (neither are mature enough to deal with each other for extended periods of time).

Smaller gripe, but Kon also didn’t spend a ton of time with Clark. That’s mostly because Superman has this long track record of accidentally being a terrible father. It’s more of a gripe than anything, as Kon usually trained under Psimon or the Guardian (as he doesn’t really have Kryptonian powers, just tactile telekinesis).

when i was a young boy *tips fedora* m'father