Having Bpd And Also Being A People Pleaser Is So Weird Because I Will Hate Someone When They’re Not

the heart dropping and breaking feeling in your chest + an indescribable amount of rage immediately when you feel even slightly jealous <<<<

I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning

It breaks my heart knowing there are so many beautiful souls out there questioning their worth because someone they loved made them feel unloveable.

trying to empathize w/ your mom and understanding the hardships she went through and how much she loved you

vs.

remembering

I’m hoping for an outcome like this :)

they tell you about school and they tell you about work and they tell you about taxes and responsibilities and ideals you have to reach. they don’t tell you about baking chocolate cookies from scratch at the ungodly hours of 11 at night and sitting on your kitchen floor while watching a home decor competition show while you get to munch on a cookie that tastes like the hot chocolate you used to make when you needed a reason to live as a teenager. they don’t tell you about getting to eat another cookie while you think about capturing this moment in a mason jar and shipping it through time to your younger self who gets scared so easily by school and work and taxes and responsibilities and ideals. your younger self who wonders if there’s still comfort, still good things, and if you get to claim them for yourself at some point or if comfort is always a question of dependence. they don’t tell you about that, when for years we do nothing but dream about moments like these

People are only nice at the beginning. They would make you feel like you're the sweetest, most gorgeous human being in the world. Make you fall in love with them. But once they get complacent, they take you for granted and start neglecting you. Your heart starts breaking every day. It becomes constant. You get frustrated and disappointed. You start doubting then hating yourself. Then you start acting crazy and needy because they make you feel like shit. They blame everything on you. Like it's your fault they neglected you. From there, the relationship just becomes more and more poisonous to the both of you. You end up being traumatized.

sometimes life feels just terrible and that's how I am tried to get over it today