Im Really Just An Abandoned Dog At This Point

trying not to get attached

he is like the sun, always bright and exuding warmth. he made me realise I must really be the moon, because oh dear god, I'm always eager to follow after him

Things I'm good at :

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• feeling like a burden and bed rotting

I used to do personality tests a lot, looking for something to tell me who I really am, an answer that's satisfying.

People would describe me and it never felt real, but who was I to dispute it?

I never felt like I knew who I was and every description of me, from golden admiration to scathing hatred, never felt like it was me.

"So you're a people pleaser? Let's flip this around. You're a person too. Please yourself."

Actual quote from my coworker today. And man did that hurt.

I don't feel like I exist in reality if no one notices me. But relying on people's approval is never a good idea.

Michael Cunningham, "The Hours" // Anne Sexton, "The Touch" // Charles M. Schulz, Peanuts and Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me—The Smiths // F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender Is the Night // Kelsey Landsgaard, A Soft Wrongness // J. D. McClatchy, "THE DIALOGUE OF DESIRE AND GUILT" // Marina Tsvetaeva, from notes // Yves Olade, Belovéd

Remember that you do not have to honor your father.

Remember that if your father did not treat you with respect, then he does not deserve your respect.

Remember that you deserve a father who loves you, and it is neither your fault nor your shame if you don't have one.

i need to pull a boy close by his belt loops and kiss him so hard he sees stars