actually while I think about it, I want to give a shout out to every congenitally disabled person whose disability was not discovered until they were a teenager or adult, and spent their entire lives up to that point being told they were lazy, stupid, uncoordinated, or not trying hard enough
shout out to all of us who should have been helped from the day we were born, and instead were just made to feel like we were worthless for not being able to perform like our abled peers
I think we desperately need more focus on exorsexism/nbphobia & analysis of nonbinary place in society that doesn't just generalize binary experiences. It's very very exhausting seeing nonbinary things barely every get discussed UNLESS they can be grouped under transfem/transmasc issues.
& this is kind of hypocritical of me to say because I know that "nonbinary" is such an expansive term on purpose! and I like that! maybe we need different terminology because like both as someone who is equally a man and a woman (androgyne) & as someone who is agender+neutrois there are experiences I have that are not addressed by such binary-focused thinking. Even when people are inclusive of nonbinary people... you still rarely see discussions ABOUT androgynes or neutral people that center us and explore the ways we are treated AS nonbinary people. Like the ways that misandrogyny has made me feel scared of being androgynous & the feeling that androgyny is inherently ugly. The internalized distress of wondering if it's even possible to be transneutral when woman/manhood is so defined by community and there just isn't any of that for us (literally smth that caused a huge depressive episode a few months ago). The lack of awareness about alternative HRT/SRS. The lack of androgynous and neutral and third-gendered language for us to describe ourselves & our relationships. The way that a LOT of binary trans people throughout the modern history of the trans community consider/ed nonbinary identity ad a stepping stone towards binary identity, something lesser that you only do when you can't commit (hello biphobia!), AND as something that somehow makes you safer, you don't suffer as much- as if it's safer being physically androgynous around transphobes when it's your desired presentation- you arent as REAL. Literally transmeds will argue that exorsexism doesn't exist because it's all "just transphobia" and "not unique" (god that sounds familiar). The forced binarization of all of us & also the forced degendering of androgynes who are never allowed to be considered "real" men and "real" women. The idea that two transneutral people who present the same SHOULD be forced into the transmasc/transfem binary based on their AGABs because "that's all cis people see so it's what matters the most," which only serves to disconnect us from each other & silence us calling out the exorsexism we experience from those communities.
This got longer than I meant but tl;dr we deserve better methinks
Stop bills that don't protect
only discriminate
Hey so if you're a person whose thighs touch when you walk and you want to wear skirts, shorts, or swimsuits this summer without chub rub this is the quick guide from a fat person who enjoys wearing skirts.
For those who don't know, Chub Rub is a painful burn that’s caused by friction, which generates when bare thighs rub together during walking and running and is exacerbated by heat and sweat.
There are two main ways to avoid Chub Rub, broadly speaking.
The first one is:
Physical Barriers work by keeping your thighs covered in fabric so they don't touch and chafe.
Bike Shorts -Pro: Comfortable, stretchy, has pockets. Perfect if your skirt is longer than your shorts and not sheer. Super good in the winter. -Cons: Hot, almost never come in neutral or skin tones, so they’ll show up under anything sheer.
Bandelettes- Thigh bands that stay in place with a silicone strip. They can be cute, like garter belts, or simple. -Pros: Comfortable. Can be sexy, More discreet than shorts, Excellent choice if you want an exposed midriff. They stay in place all day. Easier bathroom access then shapewear or bike shorts. -Cons: No pockets. May not be wide enough to be effective for extra good thighs. Silicone bands that hold them in place can pull hairs and be painful.
Shapewear -Pros: Almost always come in skin tones. Shape the booty, slide really well. Cooler than bike shorts. -Cons: Extra difficult bathroom access, often high waisted and long so they don’t work well with short skirts. rarely have pockets.
The big con to this category is that you're limited in how short your skirt can be since for the shorts and bandelettes to work they need to be long enough to cover all parts of your thighs that touch when you walk. Depending on the shape of your legs, thighs, and your gait that could mean your shorts are pretty long. For me, I'd need my shorts to be almost knee length to be effective.
Knee length shorts under mini skirts aren't for me. Which is where the second category comes in!
The title says it all. These are various kinds of gels and stuff that you apply directly to your thighs to keep they sliding smoothly past one another without chafing.
The big pro of this category is that all the products are Invisible so they work with every fit, no matter the size of the thighs! They’re even useful when wearing swim suits. Just remember to reapply after you get out of the water. The cons are that some formulas can cause breakouts, and most will need to be reapplied several times throughout the day so you’ll have to carry it around with you. None of these specific brands gave me breakouts, but my skin is not your skin.
There are other anti chafing gels and creams and sticks out there, but these are ones I've tried and like very much.
Monistat anti chafing gel Lasts: 3-5 hours Invisible, cooling, feels great on the skin. Works even through high heat and sweat. I’m sensitive to textures and the powder-like feel of this stuff when it’s dry is amazing. I'm not sure if it's "waterproof" but I sweat in my thigh area a lot and this stuff really sticks it out like a dream. It lasts far longer then I do between bathroom breaks so I just reapply it each time I use the bathroom and let it dry on my thighs for a minute.
Megababe Thigh Rescue Lotion Anti-Chafe Stick Lasts: 3 hours The deodorant stick makes application easy and fast, It goes on smooth and feels fine! Comes in a mini version that makes it easy to keep on your person and reapply through the day. The big con is that this stuff melts kind easy on hot days. which makes a mess in your bag or pocket. It doesn’t do great with sweat and will need to be reapplied more often. It's unscented.
Skin Slick spray Lasts: 4-5 hours. This comes in an aerosol can so it’s not an option if you’re flying. Outside of that, it’s great. Feels nice and keeps your thighs cool. Goes on fast and easy, works well even when you’re sweating because it’s designed for sports. The best option for beach days.
To finish this post off here are some commonly suggested chub rub hacks i don't recommend and why. Deodorant- ineffective and if you use the wrong kind, it can actually make it worse. Baby Powder: Okay so this a mixed bag. Over all, it does work pretty well for a short time. And who can deny that there isn't much that feels better then a healthy sprinkle of baby powder down your shorts on a sweaty day. It soaks up your sweat and makes you feel cool and dry. The problem is that it doesn't work for very long before needing to be reapplied, by which time the previously applied powder is clumping. Not to mention it leaves white powder all over the place. I'll be honest, I often put this stuff in my bag when I'm going to be outside all day in the hot sun. At pride, summer festivals, hikes, camping, fairs, I always have it with me just in case. But I have to be a little desperate to bust it out because it makes such a mess and smells so strongly. It's a last resort.
The Chub Rub Patch- This is the absolute worst thing I've ever tried for chub rub. It's essentially a large band aid with no pad that you stick on your inner thighs. Throughout the day, the edges of these patches kept getting caught on one another and starting to peel and stick to my other thighs which gave me worse chub rub then if i had used nothing. I thought maybe I applied them wrong, so I tried them again the next day, this time taking care to make sure my thighs were clean and dry before applying. Same thing happened. And they hurt to take off. Like a band aid. They're single use, and pretty expensive. They come in one size, so they won't work for a lot of bigger thighs. These suck. They're ugly as fuck too. Do not use these things.
Body/baby oil- This is a very effective way to fry up your thighs. After a day of walking around you're thighs will look just like fried chicken.
Body Lotion- a move i've only ever seen attempted out of real desperation. This is a bad idea. The lotion rubs in so fast that you won't get ten steps before needing more. If you're chub rub is bad enough that you're trying this hack, it's time to find a pharmacy and get some Monistat anti chafing gel. I once saw a woman at a pride tie two trash bags around her thighs and it worked better then lotion.
Happy Summer Everyone! And don't forget sunscreen! Especially if you have dark skin because dark skinned people are significantly more likely to die of skin cancer in the USA and Europe then light skinned people. Even if you don't think you'll burn that day, you're still being irradiated by the sun!
Every time there's something about "straight passing" couples being not experiencing homophobia then bi people get pushed further away from their rightful community. Also this idea that trans men can perfectly pass and gain all privelages of a cis man.
People really need to take a good look at how much emphasis they place on the supposed "privelages" that someone who appears more cis and straight or male has over other LGBT people.
"Passing" in any way is entirely conditional and can be taken away the instant something slips or a stranger scrutinizes you enough. Walking on eggshells and hoping you aren't found out and risk facing violence is not this great privelage you may think it is.
Remember the trans panic defense? That realizing a sexual partner is trans is used as a defense to murder them? So they "passed" until they didn't, and it actually led to them being killed. Passing did not protect them.
Also there's this idea that any couple that appears to be man + woman will never get clocked as queer. That they can never be queer. That bisexuals don't have the same level of queerness as a lesbian woman or a gay man. But they do. They can be flamboyant, butch, femme, anything that any other queer person can be.
Ableism and fatphobia spin around in circles. Can't say this enough.
Many people gain weight after becoming disabled/chronically ill due to being forced into a less active lifestyle, and losing weight becomes harder and harder when physical activities become more and more challenging. We get put on medications that have weight gain side effects. Some of us women go into premature menopause, which also leads to weight gain and slower metabolism.
The next fatphobic ableist who tells any of us to diet and exercise owes my dog a femur to gnaw on.
Hi- er, this is my first-ever writer's strike, how does one not cross a picket line in this context? I know how not to do it with things like Amazon and IRL strikes, but how does it apply to media/streaming?
Hi, this is a great question, because it allows me to write about the difference between honoring a picket line and a boycott. (This is reminding me of the labor history podcast project that's lain fallow in my drafts folder for some time now...) In its simplest formulation, the difference between a picket line and a boycott is that a picket line targets an employer at the point of production (which involves us as workers), whereas a boycott targets an employer at the point of consumption (which involves us as consumers).
So in the case of the WGA strike, this means that at any company that is being struck by the WGA - I've seen Netflix, Amazon, Apple, Disney, Warner Brothers Discovery, NBC, Paramount, and Sony mentioned, but there may be more (check the WGA website and social media for a comprehensive list) - you do not cross a picket line, whether physical or virtual. This means you do not take a meeting with them, even if its a pre-existing project, you do not take phone calls or texts or emails or Slacks from their executives, you do not pitch them on a spec script you've written, and most of all you do not answer any job application.
Because if this strike is like any strike since the dawn of time, you will see the employers put out ads for short-term contracts that will be very lucrative, generally above union scale - because what they're paying for in addition to your labor is you breaking the picket and damaging the strike - to anyone willing to scab against their fellow workers. GIven that one of the main issues of the WGA are the proliferation of short-term "mini rooms" whereby employers are hiring teams of writers to work overtime for a very short period, to the point where they can only really do the basics (a series outline, some "broken stories," and some scripts) and then have the showrunner redo everything on their lonesome, while not paying writers long-term pay and benefits, I would imagine we're going to see a lot of scab contracts being offered for these mini rooms.
But for most of us, unless we're actively working as writers in Hollywood, most that isn't going to be particularly relevant to our day-to-day working lives. If you're not a professional or aspiring Hollywood writer, the important thing to remember honoring the picket line doesn't mean the same thing as a boycott. WGA West hasn't called on anyone to stop going to the movies or watching tv/steeaming or to cancel their streaming subscriptions or anything like that. If and when that happens, WGA will go to some lengths to publicize that ask - and you should absolutely honor it if you can - so there will be little in the way of ambiguity as to what's going on.
That being said, one of the things that has happened in the past in other strikes is that well-intentioned people get it into their heads to essentially declare wildcat (i.e, unofficial and unsanctioned) boycotts. This kind of stuff comes from a good place, someone wanting to do more to support the case and wanting to avoid morally contaminating themselves by associating with a struck company, but it can have negative effects on the workers and their unions. Wildcat boycotts can harm workers by reducing back-end pay and benefits they get from shows if that stuff is tied to the show's performance, and wildcat boycotts can hurt unions by damaging negotiations with employers that may or may not be going on.
The important thing to remember with all of this is that the strike is about them, not us. Part of being a good ally is remembering to let the workers' voices be heard first and prioritizing being a good listener and following their lead, rather than prioritizing our feelings.