Hotch, Finding A Bunch Of Knives Every Time Emily Is Somewhere : What's That ??

Emily : I just want someone to take me out

Spencer : Like on a date or with a sniper ?

Emily : Surprise me.

Morgan, running in Hotch's office : SOMETHING CAUGHT ON FIRE

Hotch : FUCKING DAMNIT EMILY !

Spencer : Emily is on vacation ?

Hotch : ..Oh yeah. I forgot.

Emily, on her vacation : Why do I feel like I'm in trouble suddenly ?

Tara : Are you a top or a bottom ?

Emily : I'm a threat.

JJ, from across the room : She's a bottom.

Emily : What will you do if I was kidnapped ?

Hotch : I'll let them keep you.

Reid : And me ?

Hotch : Nothing. I'll wait 30 minutes until they let you go voluntarily.

Rossi, finding Reid laying face down on the floor : You okay ?

Reid : I'm depressed

Rossi : Lol me too

Rossi : Wait no, hi depressed, I'm dad.

Rossi : No- What's wrong ??

Emily : I'm a "Or what" and a "bet" deadass bitch, because I think I'm untouchable.

Garcia : If I blended Red Bull, five hour energy, monster, coffee and hot Cheetos into an energy smoothie, would it kill me ?

Tara : I mean, only if you die.

Garcia, getting the blender : Imma do it

Rossi : Garcia nO-

Morgan : What's the word for when hands are bisexual ?

Reid : ...Do you mean ambidextrous ?

Rossi : If we put Reid and Emily in a room, who would come out crying first ?

Hotch : The room.

Morgan : UNSUB AT 3 O'CLOCK !

Morgan : ...

Morgan : ..Nevermind, it's my shadow.