And Then They Did

thinking so very deeply about that one lady who got so mad at me for beating her on duolingo that she BLOCKED me. like i didn't even know you could do that on duo of all places

just watched Grian's video from yesterday where he ends it by saying that Cleo is gonna return any second now, but also Cleo just tweeted that they're still a hundred thousand blocks away, which results in the hilarious mental image of permit office!Grian standing in front of a nether portal for fourteen hours, occasionally looking at his watch and saying "aaany second now", entirely unmoving.

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that pistachio completely sealed in its shell is scared and alone, like a miner trapped by rubble. you need to free it by any means necessary. get the gun from your dad's cabinet

same is true for trans men! (unless you get top surgery)

trans women r literally so cool theu get tits AND a prostate?? i thought only markilpler could do that

i mean to be fair? him saying that it's actually kyrptonian sounds kinda made up, especially when he first becomes a hero and there are literally no other people from his home planet around. and even with his powers, you could theoretically say that he got them from some sort of freak accident like some other heroes in the universe

Lois: “What does the S stand for?”

Clark, desperately trying not to crack up and solemnly defend the Kryptonian symbol on his chest which just so happens to look JUST like an S: “It’s not an S.”

Lois:

Tim: Here’s a list of suspects I’ve put together so far.

Bruce: Tim, your name’s on this list.

Tim: I don’t remember where I was last Friday night, Bruce. Therefore, I have no alibi. I’ve been tailing myself for the past three days.

I WAS TODAY YEARS OLD WHEN I DISCOVERED JASON CAN JUST FUCKING SUMMON SWORDS???????? WHY DOES NO ONE EVER MENTION THIS???!!?!?!!!

Pie Prank Gone Wrong

Beast Boy (holding a cream pie): This is going to be so funny! Cyborg you want in on this?

Cyborg (sipping coffee from a distance): I'm not getting involved. I may be half-machine, but I'm not stupid.

Beast Boy: You're no fun dude. I bet when he gets hit with this pie he'll laugh.

Cyborg (doubtful): Mm-hm.

The door to Titans Headquarters slid open as two men entered, and Beast Boy immediately splattered the pie right into Jason Todd's face. Roy Harper took a few steps back, a mix of amusement and concern on his expression, while Jason stood there, pie still covering his features, unmoving and silent. Cyborg nodded, having anticipated that this was bound to go wrong.

Cyborg (holding up his coffee): Jason, good to see you!

Beast Boy (covering his mouth): Oh shoot, sorry dude! That was meant for Nightwing. Still funny though, right?

Jason wiped the remnants of the pie from his eyes, Roy Harper took a few more steps back, stifling laughter.

Jason (seething): That's real funny, man.

He forced a fake chuckle, still dripping pie filling.

Jason: Roy, can I see your bow and arrow, please?

Roy (hands over his bow): Sure thing!

Jason (still smirking at Beast Boy): You’ve got ten seconds and then I shoot you with these arrows. As a prank!

Beast Boy: You're kidding?

Jason: 10, 9, 8, 7—

Roy (chuckling): You should turn into a bird; this is not going to end well for you.

Beast Boy: On it!

In an instant, Beast Boy transforms into a hawk and flew out the door just as Jason finished counting down.

Jason: 1! Time to hunt!

Jason bolted after Beast Boy, a determined grin on his face while the animal changing hero flew away. Cyborg took another sip of his coffee while staying seated.

Cyborg: I was just here minding my own business.

Roy: Smart choice.

Dick was the last to be adopted, Jason became the black sheep post-resurrection, Tim made himself Robin, Damian was dropped in Gotham after ten years of being kept secret, Cass possesses killer instincts that run counter to Batman's philosophy, Duke is a meta whose parents are still alive (albeit jokerized), and Steph has zero legal connections to the Waynes. All of the batkids have reason to believe they're the only one Bruce doesn't want around and Bruce is unaware of the problem because they don't vocalize it not just out of the usual emotional constipation, but also a deep-seated fear of being proven right. In this essay, I will—