Crystalbrain-magik Rectangle NFT 1/1

crystalbrain-crack rock on a scale 1/1 NFT on opensea.io

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crystalbrain...

ok, so teh thing about music is that crack rock doesn't get 2 much mention as far as i know. it's fucked u know, some drug that's this powerful, and it got liek no mention. when i was a little crystalbrain, everyone was smoking crack. liek teh news was always sayin "hey, there's all these ppl smokin crack"…of course they tried 2 paint it liek only black ppl smoked crack becuz this scares white ppl, but there were white ppl smokin crack 2, not teh least of which was ronald and nancy reagan whom i have shared many quarter rocks with. yeah, they had teh best microwave money could buy in teh white house, and that muthafuckah was so good at cookin' rock that when teh lighter hit teh crack it sounded liek a sparkler. yeah, i've mentioned teh legendary crack rock that george bush pulled out of that sonuvabitch, but what i want 2 talk 2 u about today is musicians and crack rock, and teh serious lack of songs about smoking cocaine in rock form when it was at its height. yeah, there's some stuff by nas, a few mentions here and there in music, but 4 somethin that was so important 2 teh history of teh world, u would think that there would be more that would be devoted 2 such a sacred rock. no, when someone talks about a rock on a song, its usually an engagement ring or somethin i guess, not a rock of cocaine. or maybe ROCK N ROLL, which is NOT about smoking rock cocaine and rolling on ecstacy, as disappoiointed as i was to find this out.

thats why i made this NFT: i wanted 2 show how crack rock could be musical. on this motherfucking NFT we have a musical scale, and its motherfuckin got a lot to say namely the words, "C R A C K" and "R O C K"…how do u play this on the piano? well see, u pick up ur crack pipe with a rock in it, get up on teh keys, and start dancin' around like a crazy dude while applyin' a flame to ur rock. there is some leftover devilry from when i was talking about the crown prince of saudi arabia and how he just doesn't seem to get crack smoking liek george bush or saddam hussein or something, and thinks he's some kind of cool machivellian edgelord…anyways, it left an impression on my mind, and so we have some COCAINE in an upside down five pointed star lol. is this proper? of course, there is no way that cocaine can be used that isn't proper: in the nose, in coca tea form, in a syringe, as freebase, as rock, in a damn enema, and any other motherfucking way u can think to use it. maybe as eardrops? eyedrops? the sky is the limit 2 this incredibly versatitile substance.

CIA document on me

eye stoled this from the CIA:

ABSTRACT: A preliminary investigation of "crystalbrain" has yielded some interesting data, the most pertinent of which is that "crystalbrain", aside from various hedonistic behaviors, is an indeterminate entity. Indeed, it claims to be many things but its ultimate nature is an "undefined" mystery, as is implied by its association with "undefined label", an anonymous collective of an unknown number of artists who make noise music and digital art. It has its own origin explanation involving various obscene scenarios which defy reason, but which it passionately insists are indeed true. "crystalbrain" has a preoccupation primarily with various stimulant drugs, such as "crack" cocaine and methamphetamine, which it brags about consuming. Whether this consumption is a fact of an actual entity named "crystalbrain" is a mystery, but the descriptions given by it of its consumption do provide a glimpse of someone with at least passing familiarity with said stimulants.

"crystalbrain" claims to be an interdimensional being, as if it could slip in and out of reality facing no consequences for its actions by erasing its past in what it calls a state of "enlightened stupididity [sic]". whether this claimed ability is a fabrication on the part of "crystalbrain" is not known, but we have seen little evidence of it. Given its reality-changing nature, however, it would make sense that we would not see any evidence of the phenomenon if it were indeed true. "crystalbrain" has claimed to do many things that are illegal besides consuming drugs, including theft of government property, assault on police officers, and murder. "crystalbrain" also claims the ability to control other peoples' minds so that they do his bidding, even having claimed to have turned armies to his side in alternate realities.

crystalbrain-trump micropenis

undefined label NFTs

crystalbrain NFT: crystalbrain-trump micropenis

An NFT on undefined label by crystalbrain

ok, donald j. trump just doesn't understand teh whole CIA thing, which is that we have constant, orgiastic, cocaine-fueled man-on-man sex orgies. we didn't know why, but evenentually we figured out why donald trump has no fuckin gay sex with us: he has a very, very, very small penis. eye think that trump paid stormy daniels money 2 say that his penis looked liek toad from mario kart becuz this is actually a compliment compared 2 the reality of trump's incredibly small penis. it is really small, at first i thought i was looking at a clitoris but it was not the case becuz there was a nutsaq underneath it, and it was liek just a tiny little dick with two gigantic balls that apparently maek him act even dumber than me. he was really bitchy about cocaine acting all holier than though about it but we eventually got his ass to do a line. he wouldn't smoke crack becuz his two gigantic manballs made him a testosterone filled racist but since cocaine is for rich ppl he thought, we were able 2 convince him 2 at least try it. all i gotta say is that donald trump out-assholed everyone, every CIA agent was completely baffled as 2 how someone could be such a grandiosose asshole and i for one did not want him near teh cocaine again. he didn't know how 2 be a world leader, becuz he couldn't handle his cocaine.

so anyways, he doesn't listen 2 our coke-addled advice and then the fucker turns on us and tries 2 get rid of teh legislature we control, leik hello? we're teh CIA, we were on to your ass the second u wouldn't show us ur penis, did u not know that we used interdimensional superpowers 2 keep u from overthrowing our cool little circle of rich cocaine heads? u think ur a real machivellian but ur not realistic enough, ur just leik a really dumb schoolyard bully who's mad cuz he got a D minus on a math quiz and his dad fucked him in the ass as punishment. seriously, what can i say that hasn't been said about u? oh, i know, u call hentai "japanese cartoons" but these are actually sex demons that ur penis will never experience.

because its too fuckin' small.

crystalbrain-liquid hollow rainbow NFT 1/1

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crystalbrain-liquid hollow rainbow 1/1 | crystalbrain-liquid hollow rainbow

The mysterious art of crystalbrain...

ok, so the thing about this is that it sprungung right out of my heart liek an alien from alien or spaceballs jumping out of my solar plexus like just fucking bursting out of my chest like explosive diarrhea except its rainbow colored. are u with me? i am talking triple-dribble 3-point shooting, michael jordan slam dunking this shit right into your eyeballs liek bugs bunny in that movie space jam. what the fuck do u mean i'm crazy? naaaahh…

but this really did sort of come together like double double toil and trouble in a shitpot stew of rainbow goodness that just totally creams itself with a big nug of color that comes at u like an atom bomb of bliss.

so what do u think??? are ur ETHs ready???

more crystalbrain biography

part 4…

having accomplished his goal in upperercutting a train into teh sun, crystalbrain continued 2 go and accomplish superhuman feets of power, and he used a fake body 2 ascend 2 teh stars in an alternate reality. the only thing about this was that the planets he discovered were interweb planets made of superstitition, not actual dead rock and frozen gas planets liek in what he thought reality was. this was ok with him, even though he now had 2 deal with a bunch of dead philosophers hanging out with hallucinations of greek gods. apparently this was ok, but he did not feel right, and decided 2 leave the solar system.

this was an unfortununate choice however because there was just liek a dark void with liek nothing in it except ads for penis enlargement pills and porno, and so he drifted through lots of videos of people doing really nasty stuff with all kinds of orifices and things leik that until he reached heaven, where everyone was high on crack due to the CIA. he knocked on the door and this dude just started talkin about how he was fuckin high as fuckin hell and that they had so much crack 2 smoke and they never ran out in heaven. he picked up some free rock and decided 2 leave and was sent 2 get a tour of hell…

in the 1980s everyone in hell was doing coke but they had moved on to meth, and all these dictator dudes and CIA agents greeted him in hell. it was ok he guessed, but they were totally spun out of their mind and masturbating furiously while staring at the porn void between heaven and hell. the pope's ghost body had just come across the void and had picked up a rock from his dealer in heaven but he went down 2 hell 2 get some nice crystal, but the problem with hell is that they had 2 synthehesize the meth using rituals with lost souls. not wanting 2 be one of these lost soul dudes, crystalbrain decided 2 go convert 2 buddhism and went 2 visit gautama buddha, who was completely stoned as hell on marijuana in a state of nirvana (which according 2 some ppl is the same as samsara (witch means that the illusion and libereration from illusion are teh same i guess i dunno)).

crystalbrain received much wisdom from buddha and using super mind powers destroyed heaven and hell and returned 2 earth in a state of nirvana (which meant he was listening 2 nirvana on his headphones). he then laughed at how even tho he was dumb he could grasp teh basic fact that everyone was dumb because they believed in stuff. but then he smoked a bunch of crack and meth and things started 2 suck again for him because of delususional thinking.

part 5…

crystalbrain after his de-enlightenment deicided 2 go 2 a bar, but this was not really satisfying as the bartender was not happy when he took out a crack pipe and started smoking a rock on a barstool. crystalbrain will never forget the look on the man's face as "don't bring me down" by electric light orchestra or some shit was playing on the jukebox and he said that he was going 2 call the police. this started an argument which ended in crystalbrain picking up a bottle of jagermeister and smacking it over teh head of the bartender, and since crystalbrain was a superman he ended up slicing the bartender from the top of his head down to his nuts. he realized that the police were going to arrive but doo 2 him being a paranoid dude he decided 2 smoke a huge rock of crack so he could run away faster. unfortunately his lighter wouldn't light at first and then he just kept hitting the crack pipe over and over again. when teh police arrived he realizized that he had forgotten to run so he had to fight the police and so he picked up two bottles of liquor and threw them at the police and they hit two of the motherfuckers straight in the face with excessive force, decapitating them.

now he realized he was a cop killer but because he had superpowers he didn't care about being arrested so he started imitating donatello from the teenage mutant ninja turtles with a pool stick and shoved it so far up the ass of a cop that he was impaled on it. then, since he was being repeatedly shot, he used his special wound healing powers 2 suck the bullets into his mouth and spit them at the cops, killing them liek that bad guy in the movie the mask (he was a fan of this movie i guess). so there was a bar full of dead cops and since all the cops were dead he stole a cop car and tried 2 take it 2 a chop shop to sell it for parts so he could get money 2 buy more crack. however, the guys at the chop shop had heard that there was a reward for his capture so they pretended liek they were going 2 strip the car for parts and then went and called the cops, who this time showed up with a huge basketball-sized crack rock they had seized from a guy who was working for the CIA.

they told him if he cooperated he could have this huge rock and so he went to the police station. however they didnt hand him the b-ball sized crack rock, so he got angry and used telepathetic mind-control powers 2 have the cops line up to suck his dick while he had the handcuffs on. what happened next was all a blur for him, but when he got the rock he realized he didn't have a crack pipe big enough 2 smoke it in, so he tried 2 think of a glass tube that was tapered at one end so he could take a hit off of it but he couldn't think of anything that existed liek this. he broke his handcuffs. so while he was getting his dick sucked by the cops he had the bright idea of shooting the crack rock with a shotgun and thus breaking it into many pieces, which he put inside of a crack pipe one at a time and smoked. anyways he got so high that he grew a pair of wings and his dick split into two serpents which entwined themselves like a caduceus (which is that symbol that is incorrect but used as a symbol of medicine even tho its for the god hermes or something). anyways, since there were now two dicks that he had he had two cops sucking them and he was flying through the air until he decided to drop them in the grand canyon, and thus he made his escape.

to be continued…

part 6:

crystalbrain sat on top of mt. everest and meditatated while freezing his ass off. he used awesome fireball powerz to surround him leik a dude who had read too much new age crap. but he knew he had crossed a line where he could never go back 2 that reality again. so he entered an alternate universe where that had never happened and did extremely large amounts of various drugs while sucking his own dick in a yoga posture. "wut do i do now?" he pondered, as all of his crimes were magically erased by his state of nirvana. nirvana's "scentless apprentice" played on repeat in his mind becuz he lieked that song. he spent a month as a painting on a wall and his eyes would follow ppl as they walked by, which some ppl noticed and were creeped out by.

he felt lonely; everything he wanted was gone with a stretch of his middle finger. he had no need for work, had tried every drug, had even authored a very badly written book on esoteric homosexual intercourse that was never published. this was the limit; no one could stop him from doing anything he wanted 2 do. he pondered this for a while and the more he pondered the less he lieked life. all of the cops he had killed were alive and well, all of the people who stood in his way had never met him and had no cares for anything. he was marvelous, a true wonder of perfect stupididity, enlightenenment, power, and destruction. there was nothing left to do except maek fun of people, which was just mean but he did it anyways for a while, especially on twitter.

he thought of people in unfortunate positions, liek the worst possible situatation where everyone was so completely fucked by what they thought reality was and he would come in 2 maek fun of them. he would walk among them as one of them, inhabit their bodies, look through their eyes, and at the last second, he'd save their asses and everything would be great again. this was teh hope ppl had, that their problemz could be solved by some dude from virtual reality just crashing in liek a messiah or antichrist or christ or final avatar of vishnu or what the fuck ever, but he would just be there, laugh at their problems, inform them that they had an inaccurate understanding of things and needed enlightenened stupidity to save their asses, and he would provide this with extreme prejudice by waving his dick around liek a magic wand and making reality better.

to be continued…?

crystalbrain-l'anus de cristal

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crystalbrain-l'anus de cristal 1/1 | crystalbrain-l'anus de cristal

The mysterious art of crystalbrain...

ok, sometimes i don't know whether somethin is a mouth or an anus, but this really looks like a big anus in the sky i guess. liek maybe its made of crystal, liek etherealeum? i don't know money, i'm not too rich so i try to use cryptographickalcurrency to buy myself a demonburger at burger king. i hear a lot about a merge which is somethin crystalbrain just tries to be cool and work with, because he's a smooth criminal liek that but not liek michael jackson having kids over for sleepovers because eww forget that. i suppose if u wanted to hear something intelligent to say u could say that money is shit. actually that might not be intelligent, but money turns everythin to shit i guess, including the internet, but i need it to buy a demonburger at burger king or maybe a venus fly trap burger at some other burger joint.

this is definitely some cool shit because it is made from crystalbrain's biography being turned into a kaleidoscope which ended up looking like a crystal anus. there was a lot of tweaking (not that kind of tweaking) and then it looked more anus-like, and then a gradient was put on the background. are u with me? be birthed like a turd into whatever lies beyond, maybe a golden toilet or somethin, i dunno.

crystalbrain-bull mitosis

[1/1] nft on zora.co (eth)

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crystalbrain-bull mitosis 1/1 | crystalbrain-bull mitosis

The mysterious art of crystalbrain...

ok, so i feel like there is a strange, strange, eerie thing about this...like a god of bullshit or something is trying to reproduce his profits after putting his sperm in a bullshit egg. is this acceptable? we have become a society of bullshit, it's not hard to imagine that bullshit itself could be a subject of art. but this isn't just any bullshit, this is a really cool looking fractal representation of bullshit which begs to be traded among investors like the nest egg of a dude who bet all his money on TwatCoin or whatever shit people came up with. Is this acceptable for us who have to live with the financial fallout of a dude with like zero ethics sticking his dick in the ass of an obscene bull? I do not know. What was I even talking about, i have like seventeen psych meds to turn loose like ballerina dancers in my neurons, so pardon me while i take a chill pill. i guess you could say that i have a love-hate relationship with bullshit. it sometimes seems like our universe is made of bullshit, but it is not so, it is only the job of the bullshitters to make u think this so they can make u drink like, mandrake tea or something like that. are you still with me? i'm not still with me...bullshit has won this round.

crystalbrain-seaweed75 NFT 1/1

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crystalbrain-seaweed75 1/1 | crystalbrain-seaweed75

The mysterious art of crystalbrain...

ok did u ever see the matrix, i guess it was a movie? there was a lot of green digital shit goin on like a bunch of zeroes and ones fucking together in a black void of weird shit, it was a good movie. but imagine seaweed; if you get possibly vegan seaweed u can cover the sides of ur sushi with it, so its like a bunch of motherfucking sushi-sandwiching green-stuff. but if u look at seaweed in the matrix maybe it would look like this. why make art about seaweed?? i dunno, there's lots of renahsahns dudes who made like bowls of fruits for dollars by the new class of people created by money changing i guess. so i guess if u can make art about fruit of the loom or whatever u can make seaweed matrix art.

but oh know something is kinda fucked up about this art; no its not jpeg corruption, there's some fucked upness to this picture, and u can rest assured that it is not ur braincells being sodomized by seaweed in the brainus but some actually really intentionally fucked up stuff. like every post i must ask what the point is about all this? and i asked myself this and i didn't get a good answer but instead of feeling despair and putting a bullet in mah brain i decided to post this and tell u about the angst i feel in not having a good reason for this existing other than…

…i need to pay for the demonburger to eat at burger king which is teh flesh of demons i guess but its plant-based demons so whatevs.

crystalbrain-web spider 1/1 NFT on OpenSea

OpenSea

crystalbrain-web spider - crystalbrain-web spider | OpenSea

ok so this is some real motherfucking shit dropped down from god's asshole like an asteroid of feces. it says "web" and it could be constru

ok so this is some real motherfucking shit dropped down from god's asshole like an asteroid of feces.

it says "web" and it could be construed as a web, i guess. but its motherfuckin' got a spideer on it! yes, spideers are par for the course for crack-smoking interdimensional reaganites. i mean every time we'd see one at the white house reagan would push a button and dudes would come up with these fuckin hoses full of bug killer yeah? and then we'd get to see a spideer die a horrible death. whut are my cocksucking, cunt-kicking thoughts on green spiders? i say those motherfuckers are radioactive and i don't want them uraniuming up my shit, capeche? even if u bring in some plutonium-proof suit or some shit near me just keep the motherfuckin green spider away from me, do u understand?

i haven't even addressed the question of "why" there's a green spideer there, what the punctuation marks are doing on it, and what the fuck the point of this all is. i guess the point is that green spideers are kind of like pop culture, and they can grow on u liek a cancerous tumor. see we get in ur head with pop culture, we're not jacking off or joking that we've got lotsa shit we need to control ur minds with, and that's our green spidierman. peter farker, spidier man.

see, back in the the 1980s we had a bunch of shit we could use to get people to be cool with us doing things. we had tv, radio, the music industry, the media. they pumped out this notion of some super-dude called a superman or some shit and it was cool like a college campus in antarctica. but then some people didn't liek this superman, and that is what we need teh motherfucking green spidiers for: to hunt these people down and turn them into peter farkers to our cause of money-making.

crystalbrain-space NFT 1/1

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crystalbrain-space 1/1 | crystalbrain-space

The mysterious art of crystalbrain...

ok, so i don't understand this. there is space, and it's melting, but it ain't liek heat that's doing it; no it's more running liek paint that got wet, just drippin around liek a woman in a bikini from the water i guess, do u know what i mean? why is p in brackets? if u take the p out, it says sace, which might be a word but if it is i'm too dumb 2 know it. i got an idea: i trained my brain how to read from the names of produkts i saw on the shelves in the grocecery store, so don't put brackets in stuff because it confuses me. i know, i know here's something to chew on: why r u lookin at me liek that? do u think i talk liek this and actually went to school instead of smoking crack with the janitor while he tried to teach me greek philosophy?

i have an idea: this image is the result of image manipulation, liek i'm taeking another image i made & i said "i don't liek this shit" & decided to make something better ok? and when the colors were all runny and drippy i was finally satisfied and said "ah hah! this is good!" and why is it good? becuz it took me 6 days to make this & i rested on the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th day, which gives u a week where you work for six days and rest for four, ok? that's really what i got 2 say about that and if u don't liek it u can kiss my my brainus.