I Edge My Husband Because...

I edge my husband because...

(A great list, even though not written by me) I edge my husband because:

It’s what his body wants, whether his mind knows it or not

It’s more pleasurable for him to be edged and denied than for him to cum – simple biology

I can do this every day, and he’ll stay aroused and excited every time

He makes the sexiest noises when I edge him

I love watching his mind go numb with pleasure

He gets so stiff and hard for me, I can’t resist touching it, and I want him to stay that way as long as possible

He stays in a hypersexual state, always eager to pleasure me any way I want

It arouses me to see him lost in bliss

Edging him is so easy, and it gets easier every day I do it

I want him to be happy, and he’s obviously happy when he’s on the edge

I love that he trusts me with his most intimate, natural reflex, so I trigger it as often as possible (or almost-trigger it!)

He fucks me so hard after I edge him for a few days – he’s like an animal, I fucking love it!

He thinks of me all day and texts me the sweetest things

He works hard, doesn’t get enough respect, and deserves to “zone out” for a while in my hands or mouth

It makes him dream about me, so I’m part of literally every moment of his life

And more, and more… Source: http://healthysexymarriage.tumblr.com

The problems with chastity

(Taken from Chrissy B’s blog, but worth repeating!!!)

If you are into male chastity, it isn’t hard to find lists upon lists of the benefits of male chastity. As someone who loves the game of chastity there are some very serious side effects of chastity that some men experience that they don’t tell you about on those lists. Instead of a fun and kinky game, it can get dark and bitter FAST. This happens when chastity is done wrong. What I say won’t apply to every situation or person. But if you are new to key holding, this might help you.

But first some highlights of the proven benefits of male chastity:

1. His desire for you will skyrocket

2. His libido doesn’t crash

3. Male masturbation is evil and this stops it

4. He’ll stay faithful to you

5. He’ll be more helpful around the house

This is the top 5 but you can easily find more. But we are here to mainly discuss the basis of every problem with chastity right now.

IGNORING HIM RUINS EVERYTHING

Yep. If you want chastity to work it means a lot more sex. A LOT more! But it isn’t the traditional type of sex. It is talking and tasks and receptive sex on his part. If as the key holder chastity is some kind of sexual oubliette where you throw your partner and forget about them then you are begging for problems and pain. The benefits of chastity only happen when you replace what you have taken away from him, with something more enticing than orgasms. And remember, that for most guys, they are biologically wired to do almost anything to cum! Mother Nature dedicates whole parts of the brain to sex and desire (for most all people) so you are working with some strong bio-magic. Be aware of what you are getting into. It has the power to raise sexual skyscrapers you didn’t know were possible but it can also ruin and destroy people and relationships. You know the phrase…. “With great power there must also come – great responsibility”.

So on to how we make those benefits a reality.

If you lock up his dick and then expect him to just start doing more house work you are a fool. Taking away a joy in life isn’t going to make someone more helpful. And it is just an abuse of the kinky relationship. Kink is about fun, house work is about necessity;

Now, how to do it right.

If you are in a male chastity relationship, make it part of the fun. Be explicit about what you expect and why. And tell him often…. more than that…. even more than that… Yes, daily, hourly. Whisper it in his ear, text him, email him, phone him at work….You get the idea. And then give him reasons to do more chores that relate to chastity. Trade time out or release for the floor waxed. Or he doesn’t remember the dishes and it is a ruined orgasm for you. You get the idea. Whatever your style looks like, use it. But for the sake of all that is kinky, play with it! Don’t ignore it. Don’t make them wait in silence for a someday. Follow through on what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it. And if that is more than 24 hours away, you are doing it wrong. An inconsistent or forgetful key holder is a bad key holder. And bad key holders make very bad chastity boys.

Now, how to do it right.

Use your words. Make a role-playing game out of it. Talk to him, often (see above) about how you love the power over his orgasms he’s given up, Talk to him about his poor denied cock or how you look forward to your next pegging session! You know your man and what buttons to push to make him excited. Use it. And use it often. If he isn’t getting to play with his dick then you need to play with his head. And far more often than he ever played with his dick. Whatever you do, help him remember why he made a vow to you and why you are worth the chastity.

How to fix this?

Welcome to the reoccurring theme of a fun, positive and kinky replacement. You are locking him up and taking away the right of orgasm. And like anytime someone locks up a natural animal you become responsible for their care and maintenance. You get to control when, AND HOW, he releases. It could be never. In that case, you have to find a suitable replacement that is applied at least as often as what you are taking away (i.e. masturbation… which can be multiple times a day for some guys). This replacement could be submissive acts, kinky words, edging, pegging, etc. And then the occasional ruined orgasm or miliking or prostate release. Whatever you do, make it fun (even in an evil way) and make it very frequent. And if it doesn’t result in frequent releases (kinky talk, submissive tasks, etc.) then it has to be as frequent as his normal masturbation schedule (if not more so).

DO NOT IGNORE HIM. Don’t forget him. Absence DOES NOT MAKE THE HEART GROW FONDER. Constant teasing and torture and playing and edging and whatever other fun kinky things you do will. If it is done often it WILL make his libido skyrocket and bring out the fun, kinky side of him. He may get super submissive. He may beg. Plead. Claim he’s dying. :-) But he won’t be mad, depressed, and violent or feel forgotten. He will feel loved, owned and played with.

In the end, chastity is an awesome game so long as the key holder doesn’t take a fire and forget approach, or the ‘absence will make the heart grow fonder so if I forget to play with him one day, two days, a week, two weeks, he’ll really be ready to play when I do finally grace him with the merest crumb of play time’ approach. If you do that, it will backfire spectacularly. Chastity can do all those wonderful things the blogs say it can. It can make your man feel, and be, much more submissive. He can find a renewed spark in you. He can feel loved, cared for and not shamed for wanting to play with the person he loved. So long as you don’t ignore your role and don’t forget to play more often than the activity you are replacing (his desire to orgasm) then it will work beautifully and you will have a husband others only dream of!

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curioulsy

2 years ago

Introducing Male Chastity Play

My name is Ella, I am 36 years old and I work for an insurance company. My husband, deliberately not named, is 37 years old and works as a senior engineer. We have been happily married for 12 years, with two daughters, and I am created this site to share my experiences and advice for Tease and Denial and Male Chastity. (If you are not married, please mentally replace husband with boyfriend when reading this website, it all applies just the same.) As you are reading this website, I am assuming your husband or boyfriend has told you that he wants to try something called male chastity play with you, or you have heard about it somewhere and have suggested it to him. Either you have found this website through a search engine, or you have been sent the link. Your first reaction probably was surprise. Why would he want chastity? What does he want me to do?

Step 1: relax! When you read through these paragraphs (I kept it short, I promise!) you will understand why chastity is a fun, exciting idea for the two of you to try. You may find it’s simply that - a fun game to spice things up in your sex life. You may also find that male chastity brings a new closeness and renewed desire to you as a couple. Before you continue reading, make sure you have nothing else planned for a little while and that you are not distracted by anything. Relax, take your time, and try to be as open-minded as you can.

To get started, I recommend reading this 101 article. You will need to make notes - digitally or on paper, as to do this properly there are some things you need to choose and then write down.

After this 101, I do recommend you read through subsequent articles linked here, as there is more detail on some key topics, and the more you know, the better you will be at this!

But… First, what is male chastity play?

Simply put, the man uses a so-called chastity device to lock his penis, and then he gives the key to his partner, making her what is called a “keyholder”. Chastity devices are sex toys made of plastic or metal that lock around the penis, making it impossible for him to masturbate or get an erection. In chastity play, the keyholder (you) has the power to decide when to unlock the device and when to allow him sexual pleasure. That can be five times a day or five times a year. The ‘game’ of it is the transmission of ‘power’ regarding his sexual pleasure.

You may not typically be the ‘dominant’ sexual partner in the relationship, but in chastity play it is essential that you assume this position - even if you are just acting or role-playing initially until it becomes the norm. He is not giving you inanimate metal keys - he’s giving you possession to his sexual release and the position of power. Enjoy it! Embrace it and take charge.

I have always felt that being well informed about something enables you to do it well. There is a lot on the internet on chastity, and there are several internet forums and chat rooms which seem to start up and die down as people move around. I have communicated over the years with over two dozen wives who keep their husbands locked. I have met several of them in person and the one thing they all agreed on was that the benefits of chastity for their husbands were incredible. It may amaze you, as it did me, to find out that so many men and women use chastity as part of their relationship, really more than you could imagine. There was a Canadian newspaper article in 2019 stating that 6% of men are caged with the key given to their wife. This just goes to show that male chastity is less rare than you probably thought and there is a lot of it being practiced, probably by some of your girlfriends.

There are two major types of chastity - ‘play’ and ‘lifestyle’. Play is relatively short term and used as part of sex play and diversity. Short term, in my view, falls into the category of 2-week to 3-month lock ups. This is where most couples’ chastity journeys start. It’s vital that the first lockup is at least 2-3 weeks, and is 24 hours a day for that period. Read why here. No 'nighttime only’ or 'daytime only’ - the lockup period must be erection and orgasm free.

Even in short term play, chastity has to be a 24/7 thing. 24/7 is the foundation; it is the most positive/enjoyable/effective because the cage is a constant reminder about the power exchange. Most of the day, the male will forget about it and only be subconsciously aware that anything is different. However when they do get a tingle of sexual excitement - for whatever reason, Boom - they are reminded that their erections (and more importantly, sexual release) belongs to you. That’s what’s fun about Tease and Denial (T&D). Life goes on as it always has, employment, financial, family issues and decisions are all still there. But it’s a little secret you two share - a fun, slightly ‘naughty’ way to mix up the relationship’s ‘sexual dominance’.

What are the benefits of Male Chastity?

The motivation why a couple would want to begin with male chastity play is straightforward: It is simply a sexual fantasy or sexual experimentation to mix things up. With the dramatic rise in popularity in chastity play over the last five years - with story arcs in mainstream media (Californication), articles in The Independent, Cosmopolitan, Vice…), it may have piqued their interest as something fun to try.

he large global movement called “Locktober” is practically everywhere, and is an entry point for many males and females who want to experiment in this way.

Or it is a matter of circumstance that allows for a different style of sexual ‘play’ - long distance relationships, work trips or other reasons where vanilla lovemaking is limited/not possible.

For males, chastity play can be very VERY exciting. For the male, chastity play is about having a relationship where male orgasms are limited but erotic heat is abundant. As part of the game, he is giving up something that is a very standard part of a male’s life, his freedom to masturbate. Young men have an abundance of testosterone, so masturbation doesn’t seem to interfere with their pursuit of young women. However, as men grow older masturbating usually translates into the husband losing sexual desire for at least a couple days. Male masturbation can create an emotional barrier in relationships and allows a man to remain somewhat disconnected in a very selfish and self-serving way. Chastity puts a stop to the masturbation and works in many ways; it changes his mood, demeanor and libido.

Males in chastity will almost always have increased energy. Noticed he hits the gym more? Trimming the body fat? Need less sleep? More productive? Yup. Other changes will likely happen too. He will be more focused and task-oriented. Most importantly it changes his desire to please you. This is because as he continues to build up his sexual energy that he no longer has the ability to release as he pleases, he will divert that energy towards pleasing you - especially if he has asked you to be his keyholder, rather than you coming up with the idea to keep him locked. His non-stop offers of massages and oral sex are a very welcome side effect of the redirection of his sexual energy.

What do I actually ‘do’ as a Keyholder?

Chastity is just that, chastity. There is no need to entertain other kinks your husband may have if you don’t want to. In fact, it is likely that your husband doesn’t even expect you to do anything more than hold his key. Just be yourself and do what you want. It doesn’t have to become a time sink and your life doesn’t need to revolve around your husband’s desire for chastity.

As counter-intuitive as it might sound, when you take away a man’s erections, orgasms and his ability to play with his cock whenever the mood strikes, he finds it very arousing. Chastity is a huge turn on.

The sexual frustration a chaste man feels is intense, so intense he experiences a euphoric high from the change of control. That is why a guy becomes super-focused on his partner and the extreme arousal coupled with sexual frustration is what makes the chastity game so much fun for couples to play. The more aroused a locked male stays, the more he likes it. Teasing is what keeps a guy’s arousal at high levels.

Being a keyholder involves:

1. Holding the keys and controlling when and how release takes place (see links) 2. Setting and communicating your keyholding rules at the start of the first lockup. 3. Teasing - to keep arousal in peak state throughout lockup.

Let’s look at some of this in more detail.

Teasing

You don’t have to be an expert at sexual teasing or spend loads of time learning how to become one. Chastity with teasing keeps the arousal and positive energy / endorphins / oxytocin at ideal levels. Chastity without teasing will lead to frustration and grumpiness - pretty soon the game will be up.

So, teasing is essential to keep your husband’s arousal peaking, but there are plenty of simple ways to do that which don’t require a lot of time. It’s important to remember that you and not him will be the one making the (bedroom) decisions once he is locked. There are no fixed rules how often you should test him, unlock him or let him ejaculate, and chastity does not need to change your everyday life, certainly not outside of the bedroom. I would suggest you give it a try and then just go with the flow.

Teasing Ideas

So how do you do ‘teasing’? I don’t mean making fun of him. We’re not in middle school. I mean turning him on, only it’s teasing because he can’t get hard, let alone have an orgasm. It’s the ultimate cock tease and it makes chastity play so much more satisfying for you and your man.

The great thing about male chastity play is how little effort it takes you, as the keyholder. My ideal teasing effort is 2-5 minutes a day, or every second day… mix it up. Make it a rule that he is not allowed to ask for it. In bed at night, roll over and tease for a bit. Then say goodnight. Other nights - do nothing, say nothing. That is half of the fun - for you and for him! Look at the list below and jot down some of the ones that appeal to you…

Some simple teasing ideas: 1: Non-physical - Talk about it: Talk about his chastity cage. Tell him you like how it looks, how tight it must be, how full his balls look… Ask him to show it to you as a 'cage check’ at random times… The simple act of talking about it will drive him crazy! Men are hilarious. - Choose his underwear for him. Tell him to wear a particular color, or tell him to wear the tight white ones, the compression shorts, swimsuit… or no underwear today…whatever. You’re taking control, and that’s hot. - Tell him to sleep naked every now and again - Even wear some sexy outfits and parading around will drive him crazy!

2: Physical - Play with his balls. Even while locked, his balls are exposed, unless you have a full chastity belt where the balls are locked too. With his cock locked, his balls become infinitely more sensitive. Stroke / tickle to start, but then squeeze and pull. Then slap. Start slowly and build up the slapping in intensity, and tell him to tell you when to stop. Then start again..! Women are way too gentle with balls in general - most makes prefer far more rough play than they let on. Let him guide you if you are unsure.

- Play with the Cage: while most cages do a great job of making erections and orgasms impossible, playing with his cage is a great way to tease him. If it’s an enclosed cage (better in my view) then he will not be able to feel anything at all if you are stroking it - but he will imagine it and it will blow his mind. Any exposed parts will become hyper-sensitive, so touching them or poking/licking… you name it - will drive him the best kind of crazy.

- Kissing: It’s the fastest way to turn him on and he’ll never turn it down. Even though he knows his cock is going to ache because it can’t get hard, he loves to kiss. For added heat, hold his cage / balls while kissing.

- Body contact: Make him worship your body – This is an absolute must when he’s locked up. He craves your body. He craves you. Have him worship it. Have him kiss you all over. Have him give you a massage.

- Nipple play: men’s nipples are almost 5x more sensitive than female nipples. With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity further. You may have even noticed they stiffen or harden more quickly or for longer than usual. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!

- Shower with him: Ask him to rub lotion on you or whatever you prefer. Being locked naked with you in the shower will blow his mind. - ‘Have and Hold’: If you want to unlock him as part of teasing, a fun one is to make him stand next to the bed or across the room, and unlock the cage. Once the cage is off, he is not allowed to touch his cock. He will almost certainly get hard. You carry on with reading or whatever you were doing and tell him to inform you when he has gone soft. Make the odd comment and watch to see how easily you can make him react. As soon as he is soft, tell him to relock the cage.

- Anal play: You may know that men have a P-spot near their prostate which is similar to the female G-spot, although most hetersexual males never use it. My husband is not into anal play, so I don’t have much experience there, but there are some incredible resources out there if it’s your cup of tea!

- Finally, if you want to play with his cock while unlocked as part of teasing, I’ll drop some notes on the ‘Release’ over here. Focus on edging and the touchless release (if you really want to give him a treat). Remember - teasing means no cumming. A little bit every day or every couple of days will form the foundation of your chastity play!

Basic Keyholder Rules

At the start of the first lockup, you need to set rules. Writing them down and send them to him on email or text message is the easiest. That way he has them at all times. And send them to him at work while he’s locked and you will really get him squirming! Or you can inform him in person. These are your rules and are not a discussion - he has asked you to be the keyholder, so he must play by your rules or you call the whole thing off.

The most typical rules for keyholders are as simple as this:

The Wife can choose the chastity device.

It’s not called a cock or penis or whatever when it’s locked. Come up with a name for his locked cock. Tell him that is what it is called from now on. The most common name is 'nub’, so feel free to use that. And it’s 'your’ nub, your balls etc, not his. Make sure he gets that right.

The Wife will hold the keys to the chastity device and will not make them accessible to the Husband.

The Wife decides when the Husband will be unlocked, allowed and erection, or allowed release. Separate the concept of 'unlock= orgasm or'unlock=erection’. In most cases it’s none of those.

The Husband will not ask for release and there will be no discussions about chastity unless the Wife brings it up. Infringements can be extending lockup or some other forfeit ;)

Chastity play will not intrude into the Wife’s daily life or restrict her own sexual satisfaction.

The couple will give chastity a try for at least 3 months. First timers should lockup for 3 weeks at least and then evaluate / discuss. The keyholder does not have to (and should not) tell the planned release date. Keep him guessing.

That’s it: give it a go!

Give it a shot! You don’t have anything to lose, it may add a new level of intimacy to your relationship, and you will have a lot of fun doing it. I promise. Show your love to your husband, have sex freely and frequently, tease him, be playful and enjoy each other. The only thing you need to do is control is his ejaculations. Getting comfortable with male chastity can be challenging at first but it won’t be long until it becomes a normal everyday component of your relationship. Having talked to many women, the most common regret was that they didn’t start male chastity much earlier!

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curioulsy

4 months ago

Who’s in?

317 notes View Post

curioulsy

3 months ago

Low Key(holding)

Levels of Orgasm Control and Chastity - A Guide for 'Vanilla' Keyholders

There are many different kinds of orgasm control. The chastity/denial/control dynamic exists on a spectrum and - as you will see from the countless resources online - there is no one 'right answer'. I've had a large number of DMs requesting variations of the blog posts that I have put out there so far - many of which ask for a 'watered down' version that they can take to their significant other as a way to start the chastity / orgasm control conversation. The most interesting questions are from more typically 'vanilla' wives and girlfriends who have clearly been sent my blog by their husbands / boyfriends and are at a loss to find ways to make this dynamic work. So this article will be a very basic guide to a 'gentle' start in this space to see if you and your partner can make it work.

Starting Out

In most cases in this dynamic, the man has initiated this conversation. First off - well done to him for plucking up the courage to tell you about his desires and fantasies. He's probably been thinking about it for ages and it's healthy to have this openness and vulnerability in a relationship.

Secondly, the most important thing to remember, is that he is proposing that you take the reins in terms of your sexual play. This is crucial, because if you truly take the reins, it means that you don't have to do exactly what he is proposing. You can, and should, put your own spin on things.

Teasing, denial and chastity are all essentially about orgasm control. This means that you man is saying to you that he would like you to take charge of when and how he orgasms. It's as simple as that. If you choose to participate and make this part of your play, this should be the starting point of all of your decisions. So, I'll say it again: "This is about you taking charge of when and how he orgasms."

Again, Why Does He Want This?

I am not going to spend much time on this question, as there are other posts and many resources about this online. However, the cliff notes:

"Not orgasming" for a long period has a profound, often positive, impact over a male's hormones and headspace.

Giving you control may be a turn on for him.

It spices things up in long term relationships.

Some men use it to break habits like masturbation / porn.

It helps a lot of men focus more, exercise more and sleep better.

It's sexy and fun to have you in control.

etc.

There are many benefits for you as the female, but again, these have been outlined ad nauseam. More cliff notes:

No pressure on you for sex

However, you get sex when and how you want it.

Cages look sexy

You set the rules

You can often 'redirect' the male's sexual energy into other things like service, massages, exercising and more.

etc

The Spectrum of Orgasm Control

Here is an opinionated view on the 'levels' of orgasm control you can choose from (or blend) if you and your man decide to give this thing a spin.

All orgasm control dynamics operate under the premise that your man is simply not allowed to orgasm without your permission. Should it be during sex, play or even him masturbating, he must wait for your express permission before he goes over the edge.

Chastity cages often play a role in this spectrum because they serve as a constant reminder and/or partial barrier that the male's choice to orgasm is no longer his own.

1. Not Locked

Here, the male does not wear a chastity cage and is free to touch, pleasure and edge himself at will. He is simply not allowed to come.

This is the simplest form of orgasm control for you as there's no cage component, but, interestingly, it's extremely difficult for him, as it relies purely on his evolution-proven, questionable sexual self control. It requires Buddha-level quantities of zen for most males to not sneak an orgasm while unlocked after 2-3 weeks of denial.

In my view, a major benefit of using chastity in this dynamic is that it is impossible for him to get hard while locked. This reality really keeps his erotic urges in check.

2. Self-locked

Here, you say to your man that you encourage, or are happy, for him to wear a chastity cage during his denial periods, but the locking and management thereof is purely up to him. There is no need to communicate about the lock ups, and the male is using this on his own accord to help control his desires.

This is a good place to start for couples beginning their chastity play which you both get the hang of things, and is also often a landing spot for those looking only for the lowest admin play.

3. Sometimes Locked

Here, you as the female will be more active in the lock up process - primarily by instructing your male to lock up for a specific period of time. You will decide the parameters for when it will be locked on, and when it will be removed, and the male is not allowed to unlock without your permission. In most cases here, you will actually physically keep the key, aka become the 'keyholder'.

This is probably the most 'standard' version of chastity that is practiced by couples, as it is more collaborative in nature. The male may be locked for portions of each month, 'every now and then', for trips, for events like 'Locktober' or 'No Nut November' or for randomly timed durations decided upon by the keyholder.

This is most 'active' version of keyholding as you will be steering the decision-making here. It's also potentially the most fun as there is an uncertainty and anticipation on the part of the male which is hugely exciting for them.

4. Default Locked

In this situation, the expectation is that the male is locked unless there is a clear exception in the form of agreed instances where he can be unlocked - like doctor's appointments, cleaning, certain sports, or airport security. Or, of course, if you want him to be unlocked for sexual reasons. There no need to define a lockup period, because there is no a 'period', per se. He's locked and can only unlock for pre-defined reasons or emergencies.

This is a more intense version of chastity for the male, but is significantly easier for you as the keyholder, as you don't need to set or manage lock up or release periods.

When Default mode is on, you will allow your man to unlock for his doctor's appointment, and then he will relock when it's over. You may unlock him for sex, but as soon as it's over, he will refit the cage immediately. No need for discussions or negotiations, and no questions asked.

Locking Pragmatics

Some keyholders are fans of dealing with the cage all that much, and enforce their keyholding by telling their man to lock themselves and present them the key.

Some keyholders really enjoy this little ritual, and like doing the cage fitting themselves.

Some keyholders want to avoid having their man touch or even see their unlocked penis at all, so will have their men bound and blindfolded at all times when the cage is unlocked.

Again, this is a spectrum. Pick and choose.

I'm Super 'Vanilla' - Where Should I Start?

Short answer - wherever you like.

But my recommendation? I would start in the 'Sometimes Locked' space. Let your man do the locking up part. Try it for a couple of weeks per month - maybe something like the first two weeks of the month are 'locked' weeks. Get a sense of how things go, what you like and what you don't like.

If your man tries to talk you out of your suggested lock up period, or tries to 'top from the bottom', then remind him that you will do this by your rules or not at all. Trust is everything here, and remember that it's ultimately about having a good time.

Expand your Knowledge

Read some other articles or blogs about some of the ins, outs and practicalities.

Communicate, tease, be selfish, have fun!

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curioulsy

1 year ago

That was her gift to me… 🌹

406 notes View Post

curioulsy

8 months ago

Teasing in T&D or Chastity Play!

A girl doesn’t feel like playing all the time and chastity gets sort of ruined if you let him out every time you don’t feel very frisky. On the other side of the spectrum, simply ignoring him while in chastity is actually the most cruel, effective punishment for a locked man who is not behaving or who is constantly breaking your rules.

So what do you do to get through the dead spots (for me it’s mostly if I’m really tired, stressed or busy) without being neglectful? After three or so years of playing this game with my wonderful husband, I’ve observed the following about the two of us and extrapolated it to apply to everyone since everyone else is exactly like us, I’m sure.

Part of the magic of chastity play is that the male, who usually has the higher sex drive, is “playing” 24/7. He’s eating, sleeping, going to work, everything really with his penis locked up. Any stray sexual thought quickly reminds him about the game he’s playing. His keyholder probably has a lower libido but that’s okay because she just has to give him the occasional nudge to keep him at a full simmer. A little bit of attention on the days when you just don’t feel very playful will keep him happy and from feeling neglected until you’re a little more enthusiastic and ready to turn the heat up to a full boil.

Here are some of my tips for low maintenance chastity play. I try to make sure I do some combination of these every day when the nub is locked up. They take hardly any time, and I know they make him feel loved. They’re little things that get magnified in his mind by the cage.

Fondle his balls every day. Ideally once in the morning and once at night. No matter how busy or tired I am, I can always find two minutes in bed to do this. I don’t even have to remove the CB. Our sleep schedules are a little different. He’s a night owl and I’m a morning person, but that doesn’t stop us. When I’m going to bed I just whisper in his ear that I want to see him in the bedroom. He never says no! I fondle his poor trapped balls for a few minutes (two to five is plenty) and then say good night. He can go back to his computer after that. If I feel like kissing a bit, I can do that, but if I don’t I just tell him to lie there and keep still while I “play with my nub” I wake up before he does in the mornings too. But he never seems to mind if I wake him up by playing with his balls! Again, just a few minutes. Enough to get a groan or two out of him and then I go take my shower or get my breakfast.

Remind him of his situation. Of course he already knows he’s locked up and you have the key, but reminding him lets him know you’re thinking about him. You haven’t forgotten about him, you’re just waiting for the right time to make use of him. I’ll walk by him in the kitchen, give him a quick squeeze in front and ask “how is my nub doing? Still all locked up?” Or I might just say “being a keyholder is fun.” Or “Aren’t you lucky to have such a fabulous keyholder?” I’ve noticed that the more out-of-the-blue the comment is the bigger the impact it has on him. If he’s not really thinking about sex or expecting me to be thinking about it, mentioning his chastity jolts his libido into high gear.

Take possession of his (your!) nub. Get in the habit of referring to his cock and balls as yours. Kiss him and ask “how is my nub doing down there?” Or while sitting on the couch fast forwarding through a commercial with your Tivo, casually ask him “Are you taking good care of my nub darling? One of these days I’m sure I’ll want to play with it.” If you get in this habit, then just a few words here and there add to his excitement and keep him happy and horny.

Turn routine requests into chastity play - for example talk about it in terms of ‘points’ . Instead of asking him to pick up a gallon of milk on his way home, text him “Your keyholder wants to you pick up a gallon of milk on the way home.” Or say “a neck rub would earn you some much needed nub points.” Creating the fantasy that you are holding his release hostage to your whims is pretty powerful. Keep it fantasy and don’t abuse it (very much). Back rubs and foot rubs are nice even when I don’t feel very amorous, but they’re still physical things and he really likes it when I tie them to his chastity.

Take chastity seriously. Don’t leave the key laying around or act like it’s no big deal if he gets out before you’re ready to release him. Do surprise “inspections” to make sure he’s still locked up. Ask him if he’s tried to get out, or tried to get at the key without permission. Use a no-nonsense manner to let him know it’s important to you that he only get out of his chastity device when you want him out. Every once in a while mention you’d someday like to get a more secure device. That keeps him from starting to doubt your commitment to the game when you haven’t seriously teased him for a while. Remember that’s he’s committed 24/7. The whole idea is he can’t check out of the game until you let him, so reminding him that you’re still in it helps.

Muse about the length of his lockup. Sometimes I’ll tell him that I’ve decided to let him out the next weekend, then the next night tell him I’ve changed my mind and I don’t know when I’ll let him out. Sometimes I’ll tell him I’ve been wondering how long I should leave him locked up and just leave it at that. Tell him how you are noticing the benefits. No further information, just that I was thinking about it. I’ll ask him if he thinks he could go six months, or a year. If he asks if I’m planning to keep him locked up that long, I’ll just shrug and say “maybe.” It’s another verbal tease that takes very little energy from me but amps him up.

None of those things take much time or energy from me. They’re easy to do on days when I’m stressed or tired or just not feeling very sexual. And they keep him feeling loved and cared for. I’ve really gotten into the habit of doing them. So much that I usually keep doing them even when he isn’t locked up. That’s not really a problem, but if he wakes up to my hand on his balls and he’s not locked up, I’m not getting out of bed without finishing what I started! Of course that just makes his lockups even more delightful for both of us.

More Teasing Ideas

The big changes that you must make in yourself to make a chastity relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself.

Teasing does not need to be a time-consuming activity. There are almost an infinite number of ways that you can tease him, both physically and verbally. Every woman needs to develop her own style. You can keep things fresh by continuing to experiment. It may seem like a lot of work sometimes, but he will shower you with attention. The hardest thing will be getting that much attention again.

There are some basic teasing ideas in the 101 article above. Find more low maintenance examples for how you can tease him here:

Be physical, give him lots of kisses and hugs throughout the day. Grab his crotch.

Ask him to give you a full-body massage.

You can wear sexy clothes around him, for example miniskirts, yoga pants or whatever clothes he really likes. When you’re home you can walk around just in your underwear – I promise you he won’t be able to take his eyes off you!

Conversation takes very little energy and allows you to increase his arousal without having to do anything. Telling him what you like about his predicament, letting him know how much you appreciate what he has done to become a better spouse, partner, friend, and lover. Let him know how his being chaste turns you on, if seeing him struggle to get erect entertains you let him know. Maybe you find his penis cuter when it’s all small and locked, or you enjoy his not being able to touch himself, whatever it is communicate it. You should also not forget that all those things that used to drive you crazy like porn and ogling young girls can now be used against him. There is nothing like knowing that the chastity tube is really biting as his favourite eye candy passes by. The beauty of a good chastity device is that not only does it prevent him from getting an erection and masturbating but that the device is always working for you, and you should let him know how happy it makes you.

You can tease him about his lock-up time, for example you could say things such as “it’s so hot that you can’t touch your penis, I don’t think I will ever let you masturbate again”, “your penis looks so sexy when it’s locked, I think I’ll keep it like that for a bit longer”, “these balls don’t look full enough yet, let’s wait a bit more” – and then when you finally let him ejaculate you can follow up with “oh not much came out, I think next time you need to wait longer”. Remind him that he’d better be good if he wants to be unlocked.

Play around with his locked genitals whenever you get the chance. For example, when he sits next to you, simply squeeze or slap his balls. When locked, he will want his balls ‘slapped’, not'stroked’. Use a flat hand and start slowly, building up intensity. Even better, use a bonger (massage ball with handle) or riding crop. Tell him at the start you want to reach 100. This is great teasing play because it takes a couple of minutes max and then you can say goodnight!

Or you could give him a very frustrating “blowjob” with the chastity device still attached – teasing him orally while locked will drive him crazy like nothing else.

Pinch / twist his nipples. Men’s nipples are almost 5x more sensitive than female nipples. With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity further. You may have even noticed they stiffen or harden more quickly or for longer than usual. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!

Give a man an orgasm and he’ll forget it in a moment – deny him the same orgasm and he’ll never stop thinking about it. You can unlock him and allow him to masturbate or give him a handjob – however, at any point (especially effective just before he is about to finish), you can “change your mind”. Kindly tell him “let’s save it for later” or “that’s all for now”. You may find that you have to ice down his penis to get back in the tube!

Tell him to go down on you while he is locked in his chastity device.

2K notes View Post

curioulsy

6 months ago

Low Key(holding)

Levels of Orgasm Control and Chastity - A Guide for 'Vanilla' Keyholders

Starting Out

Again, Why Does He Want This?

I am not going to spend much time on this question, as there are other posts and many resources about this online. However, the cliff notes:

"Not orgasming" for a long period has a profound, often positive, impact over a male's hormones and headspace.

Giving you control may be a turn on for him.

It spices things up in long term relationships.

Some men use it to break habits like masturbation / porn.

It helps a lot of men focus more, exercise more and sleep better.

It's sexy and fun to have you in control.

etc.

There are many benefits for you as the female, but again, these have been outlined ad nauseam. More cliff notes:

No pressure on you for sex

However, you get sex when and how you want it.

Cages look sexy

You set the rules

You can often 'redirect' the male's sexual energy into other things like service, massages, exercising and more.

etc

The Spectrum of Orgasm Control

Here is an opinionated view on the 'levels' of orgasm control you can choose from (or blend) if you and your man decide to give this thing a spin.

Chastity cages often play a role in this spectrum because they serve as a constant reminder and/or partial barrier that the male's choice to orgasm is no longer his own.

1. Not Locked

Here, the male does not wear a chastity cage and is free to touch, pleasure and edge himself at will. He is simply not allowed to come.

In my view, a major benefit of using chastity in this dynamic is that it is impossible for him to get hard while locked. This reality really keeps his erotic urges in check.

2. Self-locked

This is a good place to start for couples beginning their chastity play which you both get the hang of things, and is also often a landing spot for those looking only for the lowest admin play.

3. Sometimes Locked

4. Default Locked

This is a more intense version of chastity for the male, but is significantly easier for you as the keyholder, as you don't need to set or manage lock up or release periods.

Locking Pragmatics

Some keyholders are fans of dealing with the cage all that much, and enforce their keyholding by telling their man to lock themselves and present them the key.

Some keyholders really enjoy this little ritual, and like doing the cage fitting themselves.

Some keyholders want to avoid having their man touch or even see their unlocked penis at all, so will have their men bound and blindfolded at all times when the cage is unlocked.

Again, this is a spectrum. Pick and choose.