Low Key(holding)

Teasing in T&D or Chastity Play!

A girl doesn’t feel like playing all the time and chastity gets sort of ruined if you let him out every time you don’t feel very frisky. On the other side of the spectrum, simply ignoring him while in chastity is actually the most cruel, effective punishment for a locked man who is not behaving or who is constantly breaking your rules.                                           

So what do you do to get through the dead spots (for me it’s mostly if I’m really tired, stressed or busy) without being neglectful? After three or so years of playing this game with my wonderful husband, I’ve observed the following about the two of us and extrapolated it to apply to everyone since everyone else is exactly like us, I’m sure.                                           

Part of the magic of chastity play is that the male, who usually has the higher sex drive, is “playing” 24/7. He’s eating, sleeping, going to work, everything really with his penis locked up. Any stray sexual thought quickly reminds him about the game he’s playing. His keyholder probably has a lower libido but that’s okay because she just has to give him the occasional nudge to keep him at a full simmer. A little bit of attention on the days when you just don’t feel very playful will keep him happy and from feeling neglected until you’re a little more enthusiastic and ready to turn the heat up to a full boil.

Here are some of my tips for low maintenance chastity play. I try to make sure I do some combination of these every day when the nub is locked up. They take hardly any time, and I know they make him feel loved. They’re little things that get magnified in his mind by the cage.                                           

Fondle his balls every day. Ideally once in the morning and once at night. No matter how busy or tired I am, I can always find two minutes in bed to do this. I don’t even have to remove the CB. Our sleep schedules are a little different. He’s a night owl and I’m a morning person, but that doesn’t stop us. When I’m going to bed I just whisper in his ear that I want to see him in the bedroom. He never says no! I fondle his poor trapped balls for a few minutes (two to five is plenty) and then say good night. He can go back to his computer after that. If I feel like kissing a bit, I can do that, but if I don’t I just tell him to lie there and keep still while I “play with my nub” I wake up before he does in the mornings too. But he never seems to mind if I wake him up by playing with his balls! Again, just a few minutes. Enough to get a groan or two out of him and then I go take my shower or get my breakfast.                                           

Remind him of his situation. Of course he already knows he’s locked up and you have the key, but reminding him lets him know you’re thinking about him. You haven’t forgotten about him, you’re just waiting for the right time to make use of him. I’ll walk by him in the kitchen, give him a quick squeeze in front and ask “how is my nub doing? Still all locked up?” Or I might just say “being a keyholder is fun.” Or “Aren’t you lucky to have such a fabulous keyholder?” I’ve noticed that the more out-of-the-blue the comment is the bigger the impact it has on him. If he’s not really thinking about sex or expecting me to be thinking about it, mentioning his chastity jolts his libido into high gear.                                           

Take possession of his (your!) nub. Get in the habit of referring to his cock and balls as yours. Kiss him and ask “how is my nub doing down there?” Or while sitting on the couch fast forwarding through a commercial with your Tivo, casually ask him “Are you taking good care of my nub darling? One of these days I’m sure I’ll want to play with it.” If you get in this habit, then just a few words here and there add to his excitement and keep him happy and horny.                                           

Turn routine requests into chastity play - for example talk about it in terms of ‘points’ . Instead of asking him to pick up a gallon of milk on his way home, text him “Your keyholder wants to you pick up a gallon of milk on the way home.” Or say “a neck rub would earn you some much needed nub points.” Creating the fantasy that you are holding his release hostage to your whims is pretty powerful. Keep it fantasy and don’t abuse it (very much). Back rubs and foot rubs are nice even when I don’t feel very amorous, but they’re still physical things and he really likes it when I tie them to his chastity.                                           

Take chastity seriously. Don’t leave the key laying around or act like it’s no big deal if he gets out before you’re ready to release him. Do surprise “inspections” to make sure he’s still locked up. Ask him if he’s tried to get out, or tried to get at the key without permission. Use a no-nonsense manner to let him know it’s important to you that he only get out of his chastity device when you want him out. Every once in a while mention you’d someday like to get a more secure device. That keeps him from starting to doubt your commitment to the game when you haven’t seriously teased him for a while. Remember that’s he’s committed 24/7. The whole idea is he can’t check out of the game until you let him, so reminding him that you’re still in it helps.   

Muse about the length of his lockup. Sometimes I’ll tell him that I’ve decided to let him out the next weekend, then the next night tell him I’ve changed my mind and I don’t know when I’ll let him out. Sometimes I’ll tell him I’ve been wondering how long I should leave him locked up and just leave it at that. Tell him how you are noticing the benefits. No further information, just that I was thinking about it. I’ll ask him if he thinks he could go six months, or a year. If he asks if I’m planning to keep him locked up that long, I’ll just shrug and say “maybe.” It’s another verbal tease that takes very little energy from me but amps him up.                                           

None of those things take much time or energy from me. They’re easy to do on days when I’m stressed or tired or just not feeling very sexual. And they keep him feeling loved and cared for. I’ve really gotten into the habit of doing them. So much that I usually keep doing them even when he isn’t locked up. That’s not really a problem, but if he wakes up to my hand on his balls and he’s not locked up, I’m not getting out of bed without finishing what I started! Of course that just makes his lockups even more delightful for both of us.                                           

More Teasing Ideas                                           

The big changes that you must make in yourself to make a chastity relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself.                                           

Teasing does not need to be a time-consuming activity.  There are almost an infinite number of ways that you can tease him, both  physically and verbally. Every woman needs to develop her own style.  You can keep things fresh by continuing to experiment. It may seem like a  lot of work sometimes, but he will shower you with attention. The  hardest thing will be getting that much attention again.                                           

There are some basic teasing ideas in the 101 article above. Find more low maintenance examples for how you can tease him here:                                           

Be physical, give him lots of kisses and hugs throughout the day. Grab his crotch.                                           

Ask him to give you a full-body massage.                                          

You can wear sexy clothes around him, for example miniskirts, yoga  pants or whatever clothes he really likes. When you’re home you can walk  around just in your underwear – I promise you he won’t be able to take  his eyes off you!                                           

Conversation takes very little energy and allows you to increase his  arousal without having to do anything. Telling him what you like about  his predicament, letting him know how much you appreciate what he has  done to become a better spouse, partner, friend, and lover. Let him know  how his being chaste turns you on, if seeing him struggle to get erect  entertains you let him know. Maybe you find his penis cuter when it’s  all small and locked, or you enjoy his not being able to touch himself,  whatever it is communicate it. You should also not forget that all  those things that used to drive you crazy like porn and ogling young  girls can now be used against him. There is nothing like knowing that  the chastity tube is really biting as his favourite eye candy passes by.  The beauty of a good chastity device is that not only does it prevent  him from getting an erection and masturbating but that the device is  always working for you, and you should let him know how happy it makes  you.                                           

You can tease him about his lock-up time, for example you could say  things such as “it’s so hot that you can’t touch your penis, I don’t  think I will ever let you masturbate again”, “your penis looks so sexy  when it’s locked, I think I’ll keep it like that for a bit longer”,  “these balls don’t look full enough yet, let’s wait a bit more” – and  then when you finally let him ejaculate you can follow up with “oh not  much came out, I think next time you need to wait longer”. Remind him  that he’d better be good if he wants to be unlocked.                                          

Play around with his locked genitals whenever you get the chance.  For example, when he sits next to you, simply squeeze or slap his  balls. When locked, he will want his balls 'slapped’, not'stroked’. Use a flat hand and start slowly, building up intensity. Even better, use a bonger (massage ball with handle) or riding crop. Tell him at the start you want to reach 100. This is great teasing play because it takes a couple of minutes max and then you can say goodnight!                                          

Or you could give him a very frustrating “blowjob” with the  chastity device still attached – teasing him orally while locked will  drive him crazy like nothing else.                                           

Pinch / twist his nipples. Men’s nipples are almost 5x more sensitive than female nipples. With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity further. You may have even noticed they stiffen or harden more quickly or for longer than usual. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!                                           

Give a man an orgasm and he’ll forget it in a moment – deny him the  same orgasm and he’ll never stop thinking about it. You can unlock him  and allow him to masturbate or give him a handjob – however, at any  point (especially effective just before he is about to finish), you can  “change your mind”. Kindly tell him “let’s save it for later” or “that’s  all for now”. You may find that you have to ice down his penis to get  back in the tube!                                          

Tell him to go down on you while he is locked in his chastity  device. 

Low Key(holding)

Levels of Orgasm Control and Chastity - A Guide for 'Vanilla' Keyholders

There are many different kinds of orgasm control. The chastity/denial/control dynamic exists on a spectrum and - as you will see from the countless resources online - there is no one 'right answer'. I've had a large number of DMs requesting variations of the blog posts that I have put out there so far - many of which ask for a 'watered down' version that they can take to their significant other as a way to start the chastity / orgasm control conversation. The most interesting questions are from more typically 'vanilla' wives and girlfriends who have clearly been sent my blog by their husbands / boyfriends and are at a loss to find ways to make this dynamic work. So this article will be a very basic guide to a 'gentle' start in this space to see if you and your partner can make it work.

Starting Out

In most cases in this dynamic, the man has initiated this conversation. First off - well done to him for plucking up the courage to tell you about his desires and fantasies. He's probably been thinking about it for ages and it's healthy to have this openness and vulnerability in a relationship.

Secondly, the most important thing to remember, is that he is proposing that you take the reins in terms of your sexual play. This is crucial, because if you truly take the reins, it means that you don't have to do exactly what he is proposing. You can, and should, put your own spin on things.

Teasing, denial and chastity are all essentially about orgasm control. This means that you man is saying to you that he would like you to take charge of when and how he orgasms. It's as simple as that. If you choose to participate and make this part of your play, this should be the starting point of all of your decisions. So, I'll say it again: "This is about you taking charge of when and how he orgasms."

Again, Why Does He Want This?

I am not going to spend much time on this question, as there are other posts and many resources about this online. However, the cliff notes:

"Not orgasming" for a long period has a profound, often positive, impact over a male's hormones and headspace.

Giving you control may be a turn on for him.

It spices things up in long term relationships.

Some men use it to break habits like masturbation / porn.

It helps a lot of men focus more, exercise more and sleep better.

It's sexy and fun to have you in control.

etc.

There are many benefits for you as the female, but again, these have been outlined ad nauseam. More cliff notes:

No pressure on you for sex

However, you get sex when and how you want it.

Cages look sexy

You set the rules

You can often 'redirect' the male's sexual energy into other things like service, massages, exercising and more.

etc

The Spectrum of Orgasm Control

Here is an opinionated view on the 'levels' of orgasm control you can choose from (or blend) if you and your man decide to give this thing a spin.

All orgasm control dynamics operate under the premise that your man is simply not allowed to orgasm without your permission. Should it be during sex, play or even him masturbating, he must wait for your express permission before he goes over the edge.

Chastity cages often play a role in this spectrum because they serve as a constant reminder and/or partial barrier that the male's choice to orgasm is no longer his own.

1. Not Locked

Here, the male does not wear a chastity cage and is free to touch, pleasure and edge himself at will. He is simply not allowed to come.

This is the simplest form of orgasm control for you as there's no cage component, but, interestingly, it's extremely difficult for him, as it relies purely on his evolution-proven, questionable sexual self control. It requires Buddha-level quantities of zen for most males to not sneak an orgasm while unlocked after 2-3 weeks of denial.

In my view, a major benefit of using chastity in this dynamic is that it is impossible for him to get hard while locked. This reality really keeps his erotic urges in check.

2. Self-locked

Here, you say to your man that you encourage, or are happy, for him to wear a chastity cage during his denial periods, but the locking and management thereof is purely up to him. There is no need to communicate about the lock ups, and the male is using this on his own accord to help control his desires.

This is a good place to start for couples beginning their chastity play which you both get the hang of things, and is also often a landing spot for those looking only for the lowest admin play.

3. Sometimes Locked

Here, you as the female will be more active in the lock up process - primarily by instructing your male to lock up for a specific period of time. You will decide the parameters for when it will be locked on, and when it will be removed, and the male is not allowed to unlock without your permission. In most cases here, you will actually physically keep the key, aka become the 'keyholder'.

This is probably the most 'standard' version of chastity that is practiced by couples, as it is more collaborative in nature. The male may be locked for portions of each month, 'every now and then', for trips, for events like 'Locktober' or 'No Nut November' or for randomly timed durations decided upon by the keyholder.

This is most 'active' version of keyholding as you will be steering the decision-making here. It's also potentially the most fun as there is an uncertainty and anticipation on the part of the male which is hugely exciting for them.

4. Default Locked

In this situation, the expectation is that the male is locked unless there is a clear exception in the form of agreed instances where he can be unlocked - like doctor's appointments, cleaning, certain sports, or airport security. Or, of course, if you want him to be unlocked for sexual reasons. There no need to define a lockup period, because there is no a 'period', per se. He's locked and can only unlock for pre-defined reasons or emergencies.

This is a more intense version of chastity for the male, but is significantly easier for you as the keyholder, as you don't need to set or manage lock up or release periods.

When Default mode is on, you will allow your man to unlock for his doctor's appointment, and then he will relock when it's over. You may unlock him for sex, but as soon as it's over, he will refit the cage immediately. No need for discussions or negotiations, and no questions asked.

Locking Pragmatics

Some keyholders are fans of dealing with the cage all that much, and enforce their keyholding by telling their man to lock themselves and present them the key.

Some keyholders really enjoy this little ritual, and like doing the cage fitting themselves.

Some keyholders want to avoid having their man touch or even see their unlocked penis at all, so will have their men bound and blindfolded at all times when the cage is unlocked.

Again, this is a spectrum. Pick and choose.

I'm Super 'Vanilla' - Where Should I Start?

Short answer - wherever you like.

But my recommendation? I would start in the 'Sometimes Locked' space. Let your man do the locking up part. Try it for a couple of weeks per month - maybe something like the first two weeks of the month are 'locked' weeks. Get a sense of how things go, what you like and what you don't like.

If your man tries to talk you out of your suggested lock up period, or tries to 'top from the bottom', then remind him that you will do this by your rules or not at all. Trust is everything here, and remember that it's ultimately about having a good time.

Expand your Knowledge

Read some other articles or blogs about some of the ins, outs and practicalities.

Communicate, tease, be selfish, have fun!

That was her gift to me… 🌹

Ruined Orgasms

What is a Ruined Orgasm?

I guess the biggest misunderstanding about ruined orgasms comes from the word “ruined”. It has a negative connotation. It suggests something unpleasant or unfinished. It's also often called a "touchless orgasm", which is more accurate I believe.

"Ruined" is simply inaccurate. A perfectly “ruined” orgasm is still an orgasm! It will feel profoundly different, but it will always be WONDERFUL – especially if you use it as a way to prolong your lovemaking! Males have been giving themselves orgasms for many years, but one thing that it is basically impossible for them to do is give themselves a "ruined orgasm". This, among other things, is what makes it so mind-blowing.

The basic concept is very simple, in theory at least. Let’s say that his point of no return (the precise moment, no matter what happens, once reached, the body gives the “kick-off” and inevitably triggers the orgasm) is very precisely seven minutes, then you must stimulate him for just under seven minutes (and not a second more). At that moment, release his nub and absolutely stop all your stimulation. As long as he doesn’t receive physical stimulation, his orgasmic reflexes will lead him straight to a ruined orgasm. Mission accomplished!

The key to a ruined orgasm is to find the right moment to interrupt the stimulation. Instead of “letting go at the last second”, you can stop much sooner. The goal is to leave him on the verge of orgasm, as if time were suspended, for as long as possible before his body triggers the ejaculatory reflexes. If you do it correctly his semen should just flow effortlessly drip down along his straining nub.

Do you see that “floating” moment, the time it takes for the semen to flow without caressing it? If so, congratulations, you’ve done it!

Benefits of a Ruined Orgasm

If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more, even though he just ejaculated. Ruined orgasms are great when you want to give him an orgasm but still leave him horny when you lock him back up. Or, if you plan to have an all-night love-making session but you are afraid that he will cum to quickly, you can start your evening with a touchless orgasm.

He will experience no 'refractory period' after a ruined orgasm. Whereas a normal orgasm causes him to lose his erection and enter what  is called the “refractory period” where he is no longer motivated to  have sex, a ruined orgasm has the opposite effect – it causes him to  stay hard, fully aroused, hyper-energized, and HIGHLY motivated.

His recover period will be MUCH quicker, and if you have sex after a ruined orgasm, he will last must longer too!

Most of the benefits of a long period in chastity (for you - i.e. motivation, energy, increased oxytocin etc) will not be lost after a ruined orgasm.

How to give a Ruined Orgasm

I'll start by saying that there is no 'one right way'. But this is what I like to do...

SETUP:

Tell him to lie down on his back.

Ideally, restrain his hands behind his back, or tell him to lie on his hands. Most males can't be trusted to not touch their nub at the crux of the ruined orgasm! Tell him he is at no point allowed to touch his (your!) nub. Throw in a blindfold for fun, if you feel like it.

Tell him you are going to give him a ruined orgasm, and that he should not cum until you tell him he can.

TIP: If you don't feel like direct skin contact or don't want any 'mess', tell him to wear tight lycra shorts or swim briefs, and then stroke him through the fabric, rather than have him completely naked.

PROCESS:

With your male on his back, take one hand (i.e. my left hand), and grip his balls and pull them away from his body until his penis is pointing up at almost 90 degrees.

With your right hand's index finger, stroke upwards (from the balls to the tip of the nub) slowly and deliberately. his most sensitive part is the area on the underside of his nub just before the tip. Stop just short of this area. It's much harder for a male to orgasm with an upward stroke as opposed to a downward one.

Keep this motion up for a while. Don't speed up - slow and steady is what you want, so that you don't drive him over the edge too quickly.

Every 10-15 strokes, slowly rub the sensitive area a few times, or gave a few circles along the head of his nub, and then to go back to the slow upward stroking motion.

If you feel his balls contract, or his nub twitches, let go with both hands immediately. Tell him to not cum - "no cumming... don't cum yet". Or you can ask him to announce when he is getting close. When he says "I'm close", let go with both hands. Count to 20, and then pull his balls away again and start with the slow upward motion.

Eventually (or soon, depending on the lockup period!), even letting go completely will cause him to go over the edge. Don't stimulate him at all at this point. The cum should ooze gently from the tip of his nub and down the shaft - no spurting, no major twitching... a perfectly ruined orgasm.

ADDED EXTRA: The second you see any cum being released, tap / slap his balls with the flat of your hand for 20-30 seconds or until all of the cum has been released. Be careful not to touch the penis at this point, only the balls.

Tell him to clean up and re-lock his nub immediately.

Bravo - you've done it!

As mentioned, everyone does it differently, but this is a basic 101! Trust me, he will be begging you for more in no time!!

Pro Tip: If your male is caged and you don't wish to unlock him for a ruined orgasm, use a vibrator or vibrating massager and simply place it on the base ring of his cage, underneath his balls. The vibrations will eventually bring him to the point of orgasm. Ensure he tells you when he is close to climax. At this point, stop the vibrations and cease all contact. If you time it right, his cum with leak out of the front of the cage in a perfectly ruined orgasm.

The problems with chastity

(Taken from Chrissy B’s blog, but worth repeating!!!)

If you are into male chastity, it isn’t hard to find lists upon lists of the benefits of male chastity. As someone who loves the game of chastity there are some very serious side effects of chastity that some men experience that they don’t tell you about on those lists. Instead of a fun and kinky game, it can get dark and bitter FAST. This happens when chastity is done wrong.  What I say won’t apply to every situation or person. But if you are new to key holding, this might help you.

But first some highlights of the proven benefits of male chastity:

1. His desire for you will skyrocket

2. His libido doesn’t crash

3. Male masturbation is evil and this stops it

4. He’ll stay faithful to you

5. He’ll be more helpful around the house

This is the top 5 but you can easily find more. But we are here to mainly discuss the basis of every problem with chastity right now.

IGNORING HIM RUINS EVERYTHING

Yep. If you want chastity to work it means a lot more sex. A LOT more! But it isn’t the traditional type of sex. It is talking and tasks and receptive sex on his part. If as the key holder chastity is some kind of sexual oubliette where you throw your partner and forget about them then you are begging for problems and pain. The benefits of chastity only happen when you replace what you have taken away from him, with something more enticing than orgasms. And remember, that for most guys, they are biologically wired to do almost anything to cum! Mother Nature dedicates whole parts of the brain to sex and desire (for most all people) so you are working with some strong bio-magic. Be aware of what you are getting into. It has the power to raise sexual skyscrapers you didn’t know were possible but it can also ruin and destroy people and relationships. You know the phrase…. “With great power there must also come – great responsibility”.

So on to how we make those benefits a reality.

If you lock up his dick and then expect him to just start doing more house work you are a fool. Taking away a joy in life isn’t going to make someone more helpful. And it is just an abuse of the kinky relationship. Kink is about fun, house work is about necessity;

Now, how to do it right.

If you are in a male chastity relationship, make it part of the fun. Be explicit about what you expect and why. And tell him often…. more than that…. even more than that… Yes, daily, hourly. Whisper it in his ear, text him, email him, phone him at work….You get the idea. And then give him reasons to do more chores that relate to chastity. Trade time out or release for the floor waxed. Or he doesn’t remember the dishes and it is a ruined orgasm for you. You get the idea. Whatever your style looks like, use it. But for the sake of all that is kinky, play with it! Don’t ignore it. Don’t make them wait in silence for a someday. Follow through on what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it. And if that is more than 24 hours away, you are doing it wrong. An inconsistent or forgetful key holder is a bad key holder. And bad key holders make very bad chastity boys.

Now, how to do it right.

Use your words. Make a role-playing game out of it. Talk to him, often (see above) about how you love the power over his orgasms he’s given up, Talk to him about his poor denied cock or how you look forward to your next pegging session! You know your man and what buttons to push to make him excited. Use it. And use it often. If he isn’t getting to play with his dick then you need to play with his head. And far more often than he ever played with his dick. Whatever you do, help him remember why he made a vow to you and why you are worth the chastity.

How to fix this?

Welcome to the reoccurring theme of a fun, positive and kinky replacement. You are locking him up and taking away the right of orgasm. And like anytime someone locks up a natural animal you become responsible for their care and maintenance. You get to control when, AND HOW, he releases. It could be never. In that case, you have to find a suitable replacement that is applied at least as often as what you are taking away (i.e. masturbation… which can be multiple times a day for some guys). This replacement could be submissive acts, kinky words, edging, pegging, etc. And then the occasional ruined orgasm or miliking or prostate release. Whatever you do, make it fun (even in an evil way) and make it very frequent. And if it doesn’t result in frequent releases (kinky talk, submissive tasks, etc.) then it has to be as frequent as his normal masturbation schedule (if not more so).

DO NOT IGNORE HIM. Don’t forget him. Absence DOES NOT MAKE THE HEART GROW FONDER. Constant teasing and torture and playing and edging and whatever other fun kinky things you do will. If it is done often it WILL make his libido skyrocket and bring out the fun, kinky side of him. He may get super submissive. He may beg. Plead. Claim he’s dying. :-) But he won’t be mad, depressed, and violent or feel forgotten. He will feel loved, owned and played with.

In the end, chastity is an awesome game so long as the key holder doesn’t take a fire and forget approach, or the ‘absence will make the heart grow fonder so if I forget to play with him one day, two days, a week, two weeks, he’ll really be ready to play when I do finally grace him with the merest crumb of play time’ approach. If you do that, it will backfire spectacularly. Chastity can do all those wonderful things the blogs say it can. It can make your man feel, and be, much more submissive. He can find a renewed spark in you. He can feel loved, cared for and not shamed for wanting to play with the person he loved. So long as you don’t ignore your role and don’t forget to play more often than the activity you are replacing (his desire to orgasm) then it will work beautifully and you will have a husband others only dream of!

The Taboo of Male Chastity

Male chastity is one of those things that is often judged before being understood. Just the idea of locking a device onto a males sex organ, so he can’t get an erection or play with himself, often turns both genders off the idea. It’s like looking in on a bdsm scene for the first time without any knowledge that it’s consensual and being creeped out. However, the taboo is created only out of misunderstanding of what it actually is, and what it actually does.

Male chastity, in it’s most basic sense, is abstinence. It’s just a device that aids a male to remain abstinent for his partner while giving her the authority to decide if and when his abstinence ends.  So chastity combined with her authority, just makes abstinence more fun, it makes it something difficult to endure, resulting in much deeper intimacy. It’s also something that trains him to overcome all of his lust, and focus his attention not on his selfish desires, but on hers. It makes chastity the perfect tool for developing a sex life that works both ways and creates a very satisfied female partner, and a very happy attentive male.

The honor system can work, but generally it takes a lot more work, and many more accidents along the way. Tease and denial without chastity is definitely possible, and can be a lot of fun. However, chastity does add an extra dimension, because it is a device that is wrapped around his genitals, and grips him gently all day long, reminding him often of his sacrifice for her. It serves to keep her on his mind, which makes him automatically more romantic, more chivalrous, kind, thoughtful, and overall, far less argumentative. His sexual release being conditional upon her approval, keeps him in constant devotion to her.  This can really show the difference between the honor system, and using chastity.

The idea that chastity is unsafe and unhygienic is often a concern that puts many off. When done right, and when fitted properly, a male can pee, and keep clean, with minimal removals. This might take a bit of time to get used to, but the better the fit, or even a custom device, and hygiene is not a problem. Neither is safety, because once it fits right, it will not deter him from doing any activity, including swimming, going to the gym, or riding a bicycle. One major concern is that it shrinks the penis over time.  This is a myth that can never be proven because the penis cannot shrink, just like it cannot be enlarged. The reason for this is because the penis is not a muscle, it is a sponge that fills with blood. After a while in the cage, it gets used to only being able to fill with blood a small amount, and like a sponge, it conforms to the size it’s allowed. Many instances on the internet show a submissive’s penis getting progressively smaller using chastity. This is true only to the extent that he keeps wearing small devices and never allows for a full erection.  Once the cage is removed, after a few days or weeks, the penis will naturally begin to grow back to its usual size. So yes, it can shrink it, but only if it’s never allowed to grow to its normal size.

Chastity is meant to be fun. It’s really not meant to be a method of sexual denial. It’s meant to be a tool that helps a male deny himself for her. Most males lack the self control, and after a few days, the temptation gets too great and results in gratification. Chastity can really help with this, where the temptation is removed simply because the device reminds him that he’s not allowed to give in to temptation. It becomes a great tool for helping a male conquer lust and develop self control over his own sexual urges. This helps him become a better man, and have more respect for women in general, especially his partner.

Male chastity actually has a long history, and if you look back in time, men have used chastity for hundreds of years. They understood the power of sexual energy, and how it can be used for spiritual exploration, and enhancing and nourishing the physical body for endurance in all things. Many athletes to this day practice abstinence and use their sexual energy to help them win over the competition. Men have also used chastity to bring sexual energy upwards through their body, to cleanse their body of negative energy and old habits, as well as to give themselves multiple, non-ejaculatory orgasms extending throughout their whole body. There is a whole lot men can learn from their sexual energy when it’s directed in ways beyond ejaculation. Chastity teaches submissive males this, and it brings them much more in touch with their body, and as a result more in touch with their partners.

When a couple within a female led relationship can see beyond the taboos of male chastity and try it for themselves, then tend to never go back. There is a huge following now, a new trend that is rising, because of male chastity. The benefits speak for themselves, and the more males come in touch with their bodies, the more they understand about their partner creating harmony. It’s worth trying, even for fun as an experiment, just to attempt to understand it.

Many males fear that going into chastity, and giving up that much control, means that sex will occur less often, but that’s not true at all. Chastity actually sexually charges the relationship, and helps her to develop her own desire, which is something few women ever do. To really explore her desire, and know it’s okay, guilt free, and encouraged by her partner to do so. This sexual charge, combined with her desire, means there will likely be a lot more sex. It’ll just be a different kind of sex, which a submissive male will come to love. He may not get let out of his cage each time, but he’s going to discover the true value of giving pleasure. It will cater directly to his submissive desire, which will bring him deeper into subspace, that alone will automatically be more powerful than a sexual release for him. He will come to love that depth of subspace, through giving pleasure, far more than being released from it. It will make him crave to give pleasure even more.

Eventually he will reach a point where he craves to give pleasure, more than his own sexual release. He will feel naked without his chastity device on, as a symbol of his submission to her. In the end that’s all chastity becomes, a symbol that he is dedicated to her, devoted to her, and loves her without any selfishness. It’s a beautiful symbol and many female led relationship have discovered it’s beauty, and have incorporated it into their lifestyle and never look back.

The Art of The Ruined Orgasm Last night I gave my husband a ruined orgasm. A ruined orgasm is when you stop providing stimulation to you man’s cock when he starts to cum or right before he starts to cum, thereby ruining his orgasm. The man may feel a brief moment of pleasure but then it immediately vanishes leaving him frustrated. I have to admit that I get a thrill from seeing his desperation and it is even more thrilling that he thanks me afterward. He is like a puppy dog that is always happy…always wagging his tail no matter what I do. Some may consider this cruel, but even he enjoys when I ruin his orgasms because it is another form of control that he gets to experience. To him a full blown orgasm is a very special privilege that he only experiences on a rare occasions. Denying his orgasm keeps him feeling submissive and controlled. He craves this feeling and enjoys the mental game. The thrill and arousal that I experience from his ruined orgasm is only a part of the reason I do it. I also consider the ruined orgasm a powerful tool for controlling him and keeping him obedient. The biggest advantage of a ruined orgasm is that it allows the man some release but avoids the post orgasm “slump” that most men experience after an full orgasm. The slump I am referring to is when the man loses all energy and loses interest in sex and pleasing the woman. After a ruined orgasm, many men do not experience the slump or it is very brief. My husband will often remain hard after the ruined orgasm. His level of horniness remains high as well. Another advantage of the ruined orgasm is that it is one more tool to add to your bag of tricks for teasing and orgasm control. You can tell your man that he is allowed to orgasm and then at the moment he is about to orgasm or as soon as it starts you release his cock. Incorporating this into your T&D keeps your man guessing about what to expect. Not only will it be a mystery of when he can orgasm but now he won’t even know if it will be a full orgasm or ruined orgasm. Ruining his orgasm also prolongs his denial period. He gets some release but not a full orgasm. Therefore you can prolong the timeframe of when he is allowed a full orgasm by slipping in a few ruined orgasms. One final benefit that I would like to point out is that it can be used as a punishment. If your man has been naughty or simply not meeting your expectations, you can announce that the next orgasm (or next 2, 3, etc.) will be ruined. Now that I covered the purpose of the ruined orgasm, let’s go over some methods of how to ruin the orgasm. As the title of this blog indicates, it is more of an art than a science. There are many techniques and approaches to the ruined orgasm. You can get very creative with it. Each person is different and as you get to know your man’s reactions, you can adjust your techniques to maximize his teasing. The most basic approach is to stroke his cock and then at the moment he first spurts you release his cock and let it twitch and spurt on its own. He will experience very brief pleasure at the first spurt but then once you release and there is no friction the orgasm becomes ruined and he is left frustrated. This is a good way to introduce him to the ruined orgasm. In my college days I would often do this with guys. Back then I did it more for teasing then orgasm control. It was a bit cruel I guess but I loved it. Funny thing was, the most guys would want to come back for me. I think they just never experienced a girl that paid so much attention to their cock. lol. Another technique is to release his cock before he starts to cum. This may take some practice because you have to anticipate when the orgasm is coming. If you spend a considerable amount of time teasing your guy or if he has been denied an orgasm for a long period of time, this becomes easier to do. With my husband, I will often bring him to the edge of orgasm over and over again, stopping before he has an orgasm. I will do this for 30 or more minutes. Usually by then he is mush and can barely control himself. If I decide to go the ruined orgasm route, I will lightly stroke his cock with one or two fingers. It literally twitches and bobs as he tries to hold back his orgasm. At this point, if I gave him permission to orgasm, I could stroke with one finger and then he would shoot. I prefer to tell him to try not to orgasm. I enjoy seeing him struggle. He eventually gets to a point where he can’t hold back. The fun part with this is that I can do a stroke or two and then watch his cock as he struggles to prevent his orgasms. There have been times when I have stroked his cock and then watched him struggle for 20 or 30 seconds and then he spurted without me touching him. That is art! It is beauty to see him struggle and work so hard to please and obey me. It is also a power rush to know that I control him so much and that no matter how hard he tries he can not stop me from giving him an orgasm. What a mind fuck for him! In these situations I don’t feel that it is fair to punish him for having an orgasm without permission. However, I usually give him the disappointed look and tell him how weak he is. The variations (both mental and physical) you can apply to the above two techniques are endless and that’s what makes is fun. Some variations to experiment with:
Announce the ruined orgasm ahead of time or surprise himTell him to try and orgasm while you tease him or tell him try not to orgasm while you tease him. Imagine the fun of him trying to orgasm only to have you pull away at the last second and leave him with nothing. Do this a few times and then send him over the edge and let go.Use your hands, mouth, tongue, panties, feathers, etc. to tease him. One of the most interesting videos I watched was a woman that held her man’s cock straight up and she very slowly licked from bottom to top until he spurted.Make him ruin the orgasm himself. This is a good test of his loyalty. Will he let go before he spurts (bonus points for him), at the first spurt (good boy), or will he push the envelope and hold on a little longer after he spurts (bad boy. Punishment time!).Combine with anal pleasure. Stimulating the prostate will cause his cum to leak-out more. Some women use this technique regularly to “milk” their man so that he can go very long periods without a orgasm.Experiment and have fun with the variations. I think it is great to always keep him guessing as to what will happen next. I want to share a ruined orgasm experience that I had with Thomas that absolutely drove him crazy for days afterwards but it has literally taking me over two weeks to write this post because I have been busy so I will share that experience in a follow-up post.

8 years ago my husband told me he wanted to try chastity. I thought ‘that’s a little weird” but it also turned me on a bit. Once I got over my hang ups, I learned I loved locking him up! Why?

1) more frequent orgasms - every weekday morning after the gym and a shower, I have my husband give me an orgasm using his mouth, hand or vibrator. This has really kept me motivated going to the gym and that’s just my morning workday routine!

2) a faux dick - my husband has a strap on to wear when I’m in the mood to get fucked but I’m not ready to unlock him. The desperate effort he puts into those hips when he fucks me while caged is intense & the orgasms are unreal! One tip for the strap on, put the dildo in hot water first to get it to around 98.7 degrees for a more natural feel.

3) sex - when I unlock him and we make love he knows that he cannot cum before I do. Our love making is passionate and raw. After I orgasm, he will ask me if he can cum when he’s close. If he’s been really good, I’ll let him. Other times I’ll say ‘no’ and tell him to go lock back up. It’s so sexy to have him melting in my hands and lusting with desire for me after I deny him an orgasm.

4) handjobs - I love to unlock him and blindfold him so he’s not looking at me. I’ll grab the oil and rub his dick. I start slow with gentle strokes then move to faster, firmer strokes. I love listening to his breathing and watching his body moving with pleasure. I also love how hard his cock feels as I’m stroking him. When he tells me he is getting close, I remove my hands and let that feeling of about to cum go away. Then I’ll start again to bring him to the edge 2 or 3 more times. Many times I will stop before he cums and snuggle up to him, laying on his chest, listening to his breathing become less heavy and watching his erection go away. Then I’ll tell him to go lock up. The sexual power of doing this without an ejaculation keeps his hands all over me for days and days. I love that sexual control over him.

5) Rules - a popular question I have been asked on my Tumblr deleted account is if guys are allowed to ask be unlocked or to ask to cum? Some wives will say, ‘no’ they can’t ask and will extend the time to be locked. Others will say ‘yes’ because they want to hear him beg and they may or not release him. The rules should be clear. My husband has only asked to be released 2 times. Both went like this. Him: can you unlock me? It’s been so long. Me: [sad face] No. Sorry. [smirk] But now you’ll be locked up for 2 more weeks for asking.” I think I made myself clear - I decide. Another rule for my hubby is that he has to go to the gym at least 4 days a week for me to consider unlocking him, otherwise I will add more time. He’s lost just over 10 pounds and his starter 6-pack abs really contrast with his steel cage! Make sure he knows your rules and expectations either by your words or actions.

6) don’t let it get stale (teasing & denial) - if you have your man caged, you already love being in control. Do you know the most effective way to fuck with a man after locking him up? A constant effort to make his dick hard in the cage. That means teasing and it melts their f-ing minds! Wear revealing things. Brush your ass against his cage when you walk by. Tell him things you would do to him if he wasn’t locked. Grab his cage and tease him that his dick can’t get hard. The more you tease, the more rewards you get in the form of attention!

7) blurred edges - Do you have some chores that need to be done? Are there some habits you’d like for him to break? Is there a kink that you want to try out? You would be very surprised at what your husband is willing to do for you once he’s been locked up for a while, you just need to ask or tell!!

I edge my husband because...

(A great list, even though not written by me) I edge my husband because:

It’s what his body wants, whether his mind knows it or not

It’s more pleasurable for him to be edged and denied than for him to cum – simple biology

I can do this every day, and he’ll stay aroused and excited every time

He makes the sexiest noises when I edge him

I love watching his mind go numb with pleasure

He gets so stiff and hard for me, I can’t resist touching it, and I want him to stay that way as long as possible

He stays in a hypersexual state, always eager to pleasure me any way I want

It arouses me to see him lost in bliss

Edging him is so easy, and it gets easier every day I do it

I want him to be happy, and he’s obviously happy when he’s on the edge

I love that he trusts me with his most intimate, natural reflex, so I trigger it as often as possible (or almost-trigger it!)

He fucks me so hard after I edge him for a few days – he’s like an animal, I fucking love it!

He thinks of me all day and texts me the sweetest things

He works hard, doesn’t get enough respect, and deserves to “zone out” for a while in my hands or mouth

It makes him dream about me, so I’m part of literally every moment of his life

And more, and more… Source: http://healthysexymarriage.tumblr.com