I Die From Suffocation For A Little While Every Single Time I Am Confronted With The Plethora Of Regrets

No it's not escapism it's just that every night I stay up reading until I can't keep my eyes open anymore so that I don't get the time to overthink about reality.

i love that post thats like “never trust how you feel about your life after 9pm” that shit changed my life. every time i feel bad i look at the clock and i’m like Aha It’s 10:26 PM You Cannot Fucking Fool Me

i hope you pursue what you love in 2021, supported and surrounded by people who are so happy to have you in their lives. i hope you realize that we grow from failure, and that the lessons you learn will benefit you so much. those bumps along the roads, the sad days, the doubting, things not turning out just the way you imagined they would - they will happen, and it will be okay. you’ll face it, you’ll survive, grow, and you’ll make a wonderful year for yourself, regardless, or indeed because of that.

when you're super tired and wanna go to bed but you still have some stuff to do but also it's only like three things so it's not that many so you sit down for a second and accidentally activate scrolling paralysis and now you are stuck

united states of america* but yeah please i know way too much 😭😭😭😭

you know what, i know too much about america. social media is so american-centric i could probably tell you more about there than my home country. i would like to forget some information about america please. i would like for someone to say “I am from Oregon” and for me to reply “haha is that some kind of herb?”. please erase america from my knowledge. thank you

My To-Read list is infinite. This is ok. In fact, this is how it should be. There will always be more books I want to read than I will ever have time for. The part of me that likes to complete things is frustrated by this, but I’ll just have to content myself with finishing book after book.

I have three modes of reading

Dont read

Read a 500 page book in a day

Read only fanfiction until my eyeballs drop out of my skull from exhaustion

Idk if this is common knowledge, but since I’ve been seeing a lot of celebration at the return of zlibrary, I want to make sure that everyone knows that pirated books can destroy an author’s career. If you are pirating works by indie authors who are in Kindle Unlimited, Amazon considers that a breech of exclusivity agreement and can shut down your account. Forever. You can’t get a second account. And they won’t pay out the three months of earnings they owe you.

Traditionally published authors have also been struggling to get contracts, advances, and publisher support, and this shit can ruin it for them too. For the love of god use a real library. Get a KU subscription. Ask an author if they’ll send you an arc! Wait for a sale! Keep pirating your D*sney movies or whatever but there are so many ethical, cheap/free options for books. You are not hurting The Man, you’re hurting someone who is just trying to pay their bills.

so yesterday i obviously did all my internship work and i was also able to plan my essay. havent written it yet however thats what weekends are made for. i did my portuguese test, (mostly text comprehension problems) but i didnt manage to finish my math set of problems. gonna do it today.

and i did a little of my excel course :D

yesterday was a nice day. hopefully today will be better!

i made a decison as well; wanna try to use my rest time while working or studying to learn something new or getting better at some other skill. like practicing chess or drawing. maybe give another shot to morse code. the thing is, when i have a pomodoro session, which i like because is the way i track my time, and it ends, during my break i usually decide to watch 10-20 minutes of an episode of a tv show or something. but its extremely hard for me to stop! and then get back to work! ive been trying for mooonths. i use an adapted version of the animedoro method and its just not really working for me because i have a problem with limits. so maybe i should stop and only watch tv shows during my free time. gonna try today a skillmodoro or whaterver name ill come up with today and tell you in the future if it has been helping me. if it doesnt work im not sure what im going to do :/

another thing i wanna try in the future is posting pictures of my desk, notebooks, etc. a goal for the short term future :)

day 3 / 15th of september / Thursday

today i woke up feeling so much better. since im still feeling sick i decided to skip today's lecture but im gonna get some studying done so i dont use my time on tiktok and netflix :P

things i need to get done today:

internship work

math problems for college applications

portuguese test for college applications

write an essay for college applications

things i want to get done however it doesnt really matter if i dont do them:

excel course

see ya laterrrr <3

god i hate knowing i have stuff to do it's like bearing a curse