Latest Posts by decaffeinatedpeacetragedy - Page 3
2023 Bucket
This is a bucket. Anything you don't want to take with you into 2024, feel free to drop it in the bucket. I will be burning the contents (with Hellfire) at exactly 11:59pm on New Year's Eve.
You don't have to type anything, at all. Just reblog the bucket and your intentions will be known by the universe. Or the bucket. Or whatever you like.
Hunting...
"homosexuality is unnatural! there's only two genders! it's a sin-"
I'm sorry, have you seen NATURE???
and there's so many more species than this that exhibit homosexuality, varying genders, etc. SO! MANY!
it's very much a natural thing. it always has been. unfortunately, while homosexuality is found in many species, homophobia is only found in one
ALSO THE ARTIST IS HUMON, FIND THEM AT HUMONCOMICS.COM!! was so sure I had included that but apparently I forgot, so sorry!
Millennial Battinson and Generation-Alpha Dick Grayson:
Bruce, trying to introduce a nine year old Dick Grayson to Nirvana, which is totally age-appropriate and not at all irresponsible: Music is important to me. It helps me express myself. Keeps the darkness within me from consuming my soul.
Dick: oh ye I like music too!!
Bruce: Hn. What do you li-
Dick, twirling around: ~We don't talk about Bruno, no no no~
Bruce: who is bruno
-
Bruce, seeing that Dick is sad: Do you want to watch a movie?
Dick: Aladdin!!!
Bruce, grinning a little tiny bit: Okay. *puts on Aladdin (1992)*
Dick: This isn’t Aladdin, this is a cartoon.
Bruce: *short-circuits*
—
Dick, leaning against Bruce as he works on a case: Can you get me a Pop-It?? Everyone at school has them!
Bruce: a what
Dick: A pop-it!! It's a fidget toy with little bubbles you can pop in and out! My teacher said I would probably like one.
Bruce: Okay? *hands Dick his credit card*
Dick, going on his iPad: Okay thankie!! I'm getting the unicorn.
Bruce, looking over Dick's shoulder: ...willyougetmeonetoo
Dick: Do you want a dino one?
Bruce, vibrating: yes
—
Dick: Everyone at school has Pokémon cards except me :(
Bruce: *stands up, exits Batcave, returns ten minutes later with shoebox full of Pokémon cards*
Dick: 🤩
Bruce: Do not lose my first edition Charzard.
—
Dick: Bruce you stink
Bruce: so do you
—
Dick: What’s for dinner?
Bruce: Delivery. Alfred is busy.
Bruce and Dick, in tandem: Chicken tenders.
—
Dick: *angery* >:-(
Bruce: What's wrong?
Dick: ...Everyone at school made Mother's Day cards and I had to do a coloring page instead.
Bruce: oh
Dick: >:-(
Bruce, shuffling, eyes fixed on the ground: Do you...want to go get ice cream? Alfred always got me ice cream on Mother's Day.
Dick: ...okay, Bruce. Let's go get ice cream.
Bruce: *grins, still not making eye contact*
Dick: And then we can watch Encanto again?
Bruce, who has every single line to that movie memorized and who has had the goddamned Bruno song stuck in his head for three (3) months: Sure. We can watch Encanto again.
Little acrobat Dick Grayson seeing his new lanky, 6’1 foster dad for the first time and immediately labeling him as Climbable TM:
He likes riding on his shoulders everywhere because it gives him a good view of the street.
Sometimes, he’ll ask for a piggy back ride, forget he needs to carry his own weight halfway through, and just dangle his feet while choking Battinson with his strong little arms until Bruce frantically taps out.
He’ll braid Bruce’s hair when he gets anxious in public. That leads to Battinson carrying around those colorful rubber ties in his pocket at all times.
Dick just forgoes asking Bruce to grab something, drags him to the right spot to stand, then climbs him like a monkey.
When Dick becomes Robin, he will “steer” Bruce using his bat ears while riding his shoulders. (“Just like Ratatouille! I’m the chef, and you’re the pasta guy.”)
Someone sees Bruce in public at one point from the front, wonders where his kid went cuz he was right there just a second ago? then Bruce turns 90 degrees, and there’s Dick clinging to his back like a cuddly little parasite.
This does not stop when Dick gets older. Bruce just gets stronger.
I GIVE YOU a totally real list of viral photos of Battinson with his newly adopted son, Dick Grayson, that took Gotham by storm
Bruce crossing the street with a rosy-cheeked Dick Grayson dutifully holding his hand, Dick somehow found the camera and is waving to it excitedly (this is the first ever photo of them together)
Dick balanced perfectly at the top (and I mean on top) of a jungle gym while Bruce looks stressed out of his mind, pleading for Dick to get down before he hurts himself
Dick doing the exact same thing a month later but this time Bruce looks completely unfazed, sipping a coffee like it’s just a normal Tuesday (the photos are regularly paired together as a popular meme template in Gotham)
A selfie of Bruce and Dick making stupid faces at the camera that Dick turned into his class for one of those “About Me” posters you make in 3rd grade
Dick asleep in Bruce’s arms after a fancy dinner party, they’re wearing matching suits, Bruce is kissing his forehead :(
Bruce and Dick propped up against a wall, sharing a packet of fruit snacks in an empty room next to the charity gala they’re supposed to be attending
A plethora of photos of Dick climbing on top of Bruce at inopportune moments (à la this post)
Including a press conference.
And an investors’ meeting (bring your kid to work day)
Bruce standing outside of Gotham Elementary holding Dick in his arms with matching scowls on their faces. A mother and her son have been cropped out after the boy shoved Dick, and the mother refused to make him apologize. (It almost got physical. The mom has since quit the PTA.)
Bruce and Dick wearing matching sunglasses on the Gotham pier, Bruce is sipping another coffee while Dick eats from a comically large ice cream cone. A second photo shows Dick offering some to Bruce, which he accepts
Bruce retying Dick’s tie in the middle of another charity gala (for the children’s hospital)
Dick doing a cartwheel in the park while Bruce looks at him with the fondest look humanly possible
Bruce and Dick in a convenience store at 10pm (on a Friday) wearing matching oversized Nirvana shirts and pajama pants, it looks like they’re having a movie marathon (it’s Grey Ghost reruns <3)
pspspspsps @bruciemilf
Battinson being a complete child magnet.
He is so done with being a CEO with Responsibilities and would rather just hang out with his neighbors' kids and play with legos or color or some shit, and kids are incredibly perceptive to this.
They can tell when an Adult isn’t an Adult Adult. And Battinson is barely an Adult in any right. At best, he’s an angsty teenager in a 28yo body. So when they see him on the street looking like he would rather be watching cartoons than go to work at nine in the morning, they just run up to him and say, “Wanna see the chalk art I made?!” or “What’s your favorite animal? Mine’s a porcupine :)” and their parents do not understand why.
They just can’t grasp how every single child has decided that Bruce is their best friend. They try to stop their little rascals from walking up to Bruce Wayne who probably has places to be at any time of day, but Bruce just goes with it because of course he wants to see their chalk art. It’s better than going to Stupid Meetings.
He is happy to follow some random toddler who grabbed his hand and won’t stop babbling on about nonsense. Some kid wants him to join their tea party? Bruce is honored. He will never turn down the opportunity to play hide and seek with the family across the street.
Bruce gradually becomes the parent/older sibling/friend type for like every single child in Gotham. He is the Go To Babysitter for like half his block (but if we’re being honest, it’s really Alfred. Bruce is just the playmate yk?) Every kid at school is soooo jealous of Dick because his dad is that cool rich guy that buys everyone ice cream at the park and braids their hair on Career Day and will sneak them candy from the top shelf when their parents aren’t looking.
He just has that EnergyTM with kids. Bruce is not a guardian figure. He’s one of them. He’s their imaginary friend come to life. He is an Adult Child, and he has money to spend, and he knows exactly how they feel, and he is completely down to making a castle out of marshmallows instead of Doing Work.
Then one day, some middle schooler meets Batman, gets the exact same vibe from him, and goes, “Wait a minute.”
Battinson on SNL
Idk how popular Saturday Night Live is outside of the US so there will be some links for context. That said, as a New Jersey native, I think Battinson would totally watch the show. And since he's a celebrity...👀
SO
To promote WE’s newest charity fund, Alfred signs Bruce up to be a guest host on SNL (à la this post) The announcement is made, and everyone’s like “oh this is going to be a disaster. That man can’t even hold eye contact or speak a full sentence without crying.”
But oh, that’s why it’s so funny.
Now, hear me out. Bruce’s strengths are displayed best when he’s himself. That’s why he’s so popular in Gotham. That’s why the internet calls him Relatable TM and a Disaster (Affectionate) and “Poor Little Meow Meow.” It’s his ✨ essence ✨
But he tends to get overwhelmed or self-conscious onstage, right? Because he can’t be Himself himself if he has time to overthink something. So after a few meetings with Bruce, the writers of SNL figure out the perfect way to keep Bruce from getting anxious.
They decide to load this episode with as many skits where Bruce plays different caricature-like versions of himself as possible. The objective? Make him break character and laugh so he doesn’t overthink. And if he breaks character, he’ll still technically be in character because he’s playing himself, you know? Genius.
So that’s how they go about structuring the show. During the few days they have to write, they decide to take everything about Bruce’s public image and either ramp it up to 11 or turn it on its head.
He speaks quietly? Turn it into a running gag. He dresses in all black? Make him emo. He tips well? Add that in too. He’s “depressed” and “sad?” Literally, all he does on screen is laugh and break character. What’s not to love?
Of course, Bruce also gets to decide what skits are in each episode as well. (Refer to this if you have no idea how SNL works.) He loves the idea, though, and he has a surprisingly dark sense of humor which bleeds into some of the sketches. They add in a few skits without him, and they’ve got their lineup.
It’s the wildest episode of the season. Here are the highlights:
OPENING MONOLOGUE
It’s the big night, everyone’s excited to see Bruce Wayne hosting a live sketch comedy show with no idea how it will turn out.
To begin his monologue, Bruce walks on, opens his mouth to start talking, and immediately two cast members appear as stagehands to set up six microphones in front of him. He is already struggling to keep himself together.
Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m host- Cast Member: *adds one more tiny microphone to his chest* Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m hosting tonight.”
It’s working. The audience loves it.
Halfway through, Kate McKinnon comes out in a dark cloak with a chalice. “Your sustenance, my lord.” *sees camera* “Oh. Sorry. Carry on.” And she shambles off. Bruce has to take a second before continuing.
Bruce knows when (most of) the jokes come. It’s literally on the cue cards, but he still falls into a fit of giggles.
There are a few more gags, including Lex Luthor peeking out from behind the band set-up, all teasing the show to come.
Overall, an amazing way to set the tone for the episode. Expectations have been set. Then the skits begin!
(Oh but before I forget: During every single live skit with Bruce, the writers have scheduled for one of the cast members to run in dressed as a stagehand and put an extra mic on him. They do not tell him when it will happen.)
SKIT #1
Between the monologue and the first skit, he has to do a really fast quick change, but to everyone’s surprise, Bruce is a natural. (Huh, wonder why.)
The skit is called Gotham PTA Meeting. We open in a meeting room full of stereotypical PTA moms setting down baked goods and gossiping. And apparently, there is a new PTA member attending today 👀
Right as the meeting starts, he enters. Bruce walks in wearing the most emo get-up imaginable. He’s got a Nirvana shirt, a comical amount of eyeliner, black skinny jeans, chain accessories, metal rings, AND a clip-in extension to give him fringe.
Someone immediately runs in and puts another mic on him.
PTA Mom: “Oh, Bruce! You made it! Did you bring a snack?” Bruce: “I brought lemon bars.” PTA Mom: “Why are they black?” Bruce: “They match my soul…they’re also vegan.”
He talks like a moody teenager. HE CONSTANTLY has to brush the fringe off to the side to read the cue cards. And because there’s so much eyeliner and he’s sweating a bit from the lights, it starts running everywhere.
PTA Mom: “Bruce, you’re a little quiet. What are your thoughts on increasing the school lunch budget?” Bruce: *eyeliner dripping down his chin* “I think it’s a great idea.”
SKIT #2
For a pre-filmed skit, they bring back the Chad character with Pete Davidson.
It’s 2 am, and Chad is working at a 24hr drug store in Gotham. He’s reading Twilight (the book is upside down) when the lights begin to flicker.
He turns around and tries the light switch, turns back around, and JUMPSCARE it’s Bruce dressed as Edward from Twilight.
Yes, he IS sparkly.
Bruce is awkwardly holding a bunch of items, all concerning. He plops down a few knives, several raw meats, Sudafed. Chad: “Oh hey.” Bruce: O_O “I’d like to check out please.” Chad: “Lit.”
Chad’s “No Fucks Given” energy and Bruce’s “Please Do Not Perceive Me” energy clash like titans. The whole skit centers around it.
Bruce: *sweating bullets* “Oh. You’re reading Twilight?” Chad: “Just the title.” Bruce: *throws the book through the window at lightning speed* “It’s not very good. You should probably read something else.” Chad: *shrugs* “Okay.”
Chad: “ID?” Bruce: “ID? For what?” Chad: “Sudafed.” Bruce: “Oh. I don’t really need that, actually.” Chad: “Already scanned it.” Bruce: “Haha. Of course.” *awkwardly produces a scroll from his pocket that says Bruce Wayne DOB: 1901* Chad: “Okay.”
Bruce checks out, Chad picks up a porno mag or something, and we see Bruce turn into a bat and fly off through the window behind him.
SKIT #3
The next skit they have is Celebrity Family Feud: Billionaires Edition. Again, Bruce plays himself, but he’s more of a background character. Instead, the skit makes fun of billionaires as a whole.
Bruce’s team consists of Kylie Jenner, Lex Luthor, and Oliver Queen. So just imagine three Lucille Bluths standing beside one another.
Bruce’s bit? He just keeps handing cash to Steve Harvey every time he breathes in his direction.
Host: "We got the richest man in the world: Bruce Wayne!" Bruce: *hands him a roll of cash* Host: "Oh, what’s this for?" Bruce: "It’s your tip. I always tip." Host: "Oh, Mr. Wayne, you don’t usually tip the show host. I’m also a millionaire myself." Lex Luthor: *snatches it* "Well, if you’re not going to use it, I will…for charity, of course." Host: "Uh huh, whatever helps you sleep at night."
Just a ton of fun quips, the usual.
At some point, Harvey says, “That’s batty.” Bruce: *ducks* “Where?!” Host: “Oh, I don’t mean Batman. He’s not here.” Bruce: “You don’t know that.”
This time, the mic bit is a bit different.
Host: “We asked 100 billionaires: How much does a loaf of bread cost? Top three answers are on the board.” Bruce: *hits buzzer* Host: Bruce, your answer is? Cast Member: *runs in with a megaphone and holds it in front of Bruce* Bruce: “TEN DOLLARS?”
Board dings! That was the #1 answer
Brucie Wayne for the win
SKIT #4
Next is a skit that dares to ask Gotham, “Why would anyone live here?”
The skit begins with someone opening a press conference for Wayne Enterprises. “And now presenting: Bruce Wayne!” Bruce walks in…
But it’s not him. Instead, it’s one of the cast members dressed in a black suit with horribly gelled brown hair.
Everyone in the audience is wondering where the actual Bruce is before another cast member runs onstage crying, “Help! Help! I’ve just been robbed! Somebody call Batman!”
A mini version of the bat-signal lights up…
We hear some generic hero music play…
And there he is: Bruce Wayne dressed in a horribly cheap Batman costume
(They got the cowl ALL wrong btw)
Bruce puts his hands on his hips in a weird superhero pose. Bruce: “I’m Batm-” Cast Member: *runs out to attach another mic to his costume* Bruce: “….I’m Batman!”
Cue all of the gags and digs against Batman. The fake Bruce faints then starts crying under a table. Someone calls Batman a furry. Bruce is barely keeping it together the whole time. Lord help him, but he asked for it. He approved the skit.
Bruce: “Looks like a job for my bat taser!” Cast Member: “Isn’t that just a taser with a bat on it?” Bruce: *whispers* “You shut your mouth.”
He saves the day, the police take the thief into custody, then Batman myStErioUsly disappears. Bruce: “Look over there!” *runs off* Cast Member: “Oh my gooood, how did he do that?”
CLOSING SEGMENT
Finally, they have the Weekend Update where Bruce comes on as himself for the final time.
Since they got his permission, the writers switch out some of Bruce’s jokes last minute. (Think Bill Hader’s Stefon which notoriously caused him to break character because the writers would mess with his cue cards.)
News Anchor: “Here to promote his newest humanitarian project: Bruce Wayne!” “Mr. Wayne, what a pleasure to see you today.” Bruce: “Thank you. This is probably the longest I’ve been out of the house.” News Anchor: “Since the Riddler catastrophe?” Bruce: “Since ever.”
News Anchor: “So Mr. Wayne! Before you make your announcement, any life updates?” Bruce: “Yes, actually. Just a few days ago, I adopted five- *starts losing it* five more children.” News Anchor: “Wow, really? So you have eight kids now.” Bruce: “Uh huh. *tears streaming down his face* One more orphan and I get the tenth one free.”
News Anchor: “So where can people find you online?” Bruce: “Well, I don’t have social media because I’m afraid of people, but sometimes I’m on Twitter.” News Anchor: “What about a phone call?” Bruce: “Oh no, phone calls- *giggle* phone calls give me fainting spells.”
It’s a great way of finishing the show, with the most genuine version of Bruce. Then, he gets to what’s really important!
News Anchor: “So if they can’t reach you on social media or on the phone, what else can our viewers do, Mr. Wayne?” Bruce: “They can donate to the Wayne Foundation’s newest charity called The Arts Initiative. It funds programs for the arts in underdeveloped school districts nationwide. I’ve already donated $30 million, and I’ve pledged to match every dollar donated within the next week.”
And that’s what he’s here for :) They share a link for where and how to donate. The anchors praise him for his charity, which he deflects because he can definitely afford this, and the 90-minute broadcast is over.
The camera pans away with the whole cast waving goodbye, and Bruce is seen keeling over with laughter.
Along with some of the other skits, these four specifically go viral. WE raises a fuck ton of money, and everyone loves Bruce.
THE END
LOVE YOU ALL!! Let me know what you think :D
(take these in any direction)
popular interview styles, stuff like:
the buzzfeed puppy interview or 73 questions, or if your feeling chaotic, celebrity skin care routines or something else entirely…
(Please excuse how long this took. I ended up watching a lot of these interviews so I could get the format down. It is very chaotic. Anyway—)
SO THERE’S THIS FUNKY LITTLE AURA TO EVERY BRUCE WAYNE INTERVIEW
And that aura is a trembling little chihuahua in a sweater. Let’s begin :)
There are multiple compilations of Bruce Wayne looking uncomfortable or awkward in interviews. It’s become a meme in Gotham.
He doesn’t know how not to be awkward. Let’s put it that way.
They always have to double mic him because he mumbles so much.
99% of the time, he looks like would rather be anywhere but in that chair.
So why do them? Two reasons:
1. to promote any charity or other humanitarian project that Wayne Enterprises is leading
2. he lost a bet to Alfred
The first reason is just business ofc, but interviewers will STILL always try to get something out of him. (It never works.)
“So Mr. Wayne, the public’s dying to know. Are you dating anyone?” Bruce, frantically eyeing his notecards: “The turtles are going extinct.”
The second one is much funnier because Alfred takes the liberty of signing him up for the most interesting one he can find.
LIKE???
WIRED: “Autocomplete Interview”
The first of this betting tradition gone wrong.
He’s just so pure in this one
“Did Bruce Wayne adopt a son?” “Yes! His name is Richard, Dick for short, and he is the light of my life.”
“Does Bruce Wayne run Wayne Enterprises?” “Yes, but I tend to put most of my time into Wayne Tech and the Wayne Foundation.”
“How much does Bruce Wayne tip?” “I usually just ask if they have any debt they need help with or what their rent is. It’s really no bother. I like to help :)”
“How did Bruce Wayne become rich?” “I inherited a lot of money at a young age. *whispering* Please don’t ask me for financial advice.”
“Where does Bruce Wayne live?” Gotham City, New Jersey! Lovely place…just don’t look at the crime rate.”
“Are Bruce Wayne and Batman dating?” “….What the fuck?”
“Is Bruce Wayne vegetarian?” “Yes. I don’t like killing things :(“
“Bruce Wayne…parents.” “…this isn’t a question-“
VOGUE: “24 Hours with Bruce Wayne”
Alfred was SO WRONG FOR THIS ONE
“So this is my living room…I really like black.”
There’s a little counter in the corner of the video for how much he spends in a day (99% is just tipping and donating)
They attend meetings with him for the latest charity campaign.
They ask him questions while he’s being styled for a photoshoot.
The juicy bits come when night falls
He keeps trying to get away so he can do Batman things
“Oh would you look at the time! I’m going to bed.” “Isn’t your room that way?” “Wow! You’re right! I completely forgot.”
He insists that the news stays on in the background while they film the late night portion
*bat screeches in the distance* “Those darn…mice.”
Police sirens can be heard in the distance, and Bruce just so happens to go to the bathroom for an hour.
Alfred (bless him, he feels horrible for organizing this) does his Absolute Best to distract the crew
“Master Wayne, there’s a foreign investor on the phone.”
“Master Wayne, why don’t you help me prepare a late night snack for our guests?”
“Master Wayne, your son would like you to read him another bedtime story.”
“Master Wayne, your friends here seem a bit tired. Why don’t you all take a break?”
When Bruce comes back, he has this weird black residue clumped in his eyelashes. Also, he has a fresh bruise on his face? “I slipped in the shower.”
BuzzFeed: “Thirst Tweets”
(Do you really think I wouldn’t include this? Have you met me?)
Bruce thought he was doing the Puppy Interview. He was too scared to correct them.
He tries to be polite the whole time, but he’s just…so flustered.
As usual, it starts out pretty tame and wholesome
“I just wanna boop him on the nose and snuggle him in a blanket and make him hot chocolate.” “Thank you :) I do like hot chocolate.”
“Bruce Wayne is so babygirl I just wanna ball him up and chew him like bubblegum” “I don’t think I understand the first part?”
“Why aren’t we talking about how gorgeous Bruce Wayne? Nobody talks enough about how gorgeous Bruce Wayne is. He is gorgeous. Bruce Wayne. Did you know how gorgeous Bruce Wayne is?” Bruce just hides his face behind his hands and mumbles, “Thanks.”
Then it gets worse :)
“Bruce Wayne could literally snap me in half and use me as a glow stick” Slightly concerned, “I don’t want to snap anyone in half.”
“Yes, the rumors are true. I am a sl- can I read that? A [redacted] for Bruce Wayne.” “Are you sure I’m allowed to say that?”
“Bruce Wayne can suffocate me and I’d resurrect just to say thank you” “Wait no, but that’s bad. Please don’t thank me :(”
“I would eat Bruce Wayne’s ass so hard. I would do anything he asked of me” “I…I will not be asking that. What-”
“I want to suck the soul out of Bruce Wayne’s [redacted] like a gogurt.” “…is this…a public twitter account??”
“I wanna bend- …oh.” “I wanna bend Bruce Wayne over, pull his hair, make him arch his back and wreck…him like an iron fist going through a wet sheet of paper.” *blushing furiously* “…That’s a really vivid metaphor.”
BBC 1: “Kids Ask Difficult Questions”
Underrated, honestly
I have a lot feelings about this one.
As usual, their starting line is, “Of course, if you refuse any of these questions, it means you hate children.” Bruce looks terribly distraught at that notion and tries to be honest as possible
Starts with cute stuff, and he MELTS at the kids’ cute voices
“Hi, Bruce Wayne! My name’s Katelyn, and my favorite fruit is pineapple. What’s the best birthday party you ever had?” “I don’t really like parties, but my son, Dick, and I went to the zoo for my 30th birthday :) We had a lot of fun.”
“My name’s Patrick. I’m eight, and I love legos. Have you ever worked with anybody you didn’t like?” *nods furiously* “I work with a lot of people I don’t like.”
“Who would win in a fight, Batman or Superman?” *makes a face* “Batman, obviously.”
“My name’s Emily, and I love arts and crafts. What’s the last lie you’ve told?” “…I don’t hate children. I promise you, I don’t-”
“Hi Bruce! My name’s Jack, and I’m 7 year olds. How much money do you have, and can I borrow some for the book fair?” *producing his wallet out of habit* “Too much! Is like £100 enough?”
“Hi Bruce! My name’s Kitty, and I’m 8 years old :) What’s your biggest regret in life?” “I have so many regrets. *long pause* My emo phase.” “Oh, really? When was that.” “…two years ago.”
The last one breaks your heart oh god
“Hi Bruce, my name’s Darna, and I’m six. My mum told me about what happened when you were a kid. My friend’s mum just passed away, and I want to ask: What should I do to make her happy again?” Bruce gets really quiet for a moment then gently talks about grief in a kid-friendly manner. He talks about how, sometimes, it’s okay to be sad, but with the help of others, their friend can hopefully process it and move forward. “Encourage them to talk to someone if it they are still having a bad time. Thank you for trying to help your friend, Darna.”
Wayne Health just so happens to offer free grief counseling in their London and Manchester offices that same year.
First We Feast: “HOT ONES”
He suffers, and he suffers BAD
Like yes, he’s pretty good with spices (cuz he’s trained in a lot of places where spicy food is the Norm TM so he had to assimilate pretty quickly)
But he is also exactly the kind of person who would accidentally touch his face
He’s doing pretty well, barely flinching at the halfway point. Sean Evans is pretty impressed when Da Bomb is next, and Bruce barely reacts.
“How are you doing?” “Pretty good, I think? I mean, that one surprised me, but I’m fine.” “You are tearing up a little bit.” “Oh, really?” *rubs eyes without thinking*
The room goes dead quiet.
Bruce: “…[REDACTED].”
THE PAIN
Bruce freaks out and pours ice water over his eyes to flush out the heat.
It does. Not. work!!
The crew frantically tries to help but it’s too late and he’s got ice cold water all down his face and shirt now
Also he can no longer feel his eyes.
In the end, he just quietly suffers through the rest while looking like a drowned cat
Sean, worried: “Are you sure it doesn’t hurt too bad? You took that…surprisingly well.”
Bruce, in excruciating pain, tears running down his face: “I’m fine.”
Anthony Padilla: “I SPENT A DAY WITH THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD”
Down-to-earth is how I’d describe this one
Anthony is just magical
He is great at matching his interviewee’s energy. It’s probably the most proper interview with Bruce Wayne that doesn’t end in disaster.
How does he do it?
Gossip.
“Now, would you say this feud Lex Luthor has started is mutual or one-sided?” “Definitely one-sided.” “Really? Do you have an idea as to why he keeps trying to slander you?” “I don’t know, but I wouldn’t consider him the most honest guy.” “What makes you say that?” “He’s made a lot of empty promises to Metropolis about improving the economy.” “*gasp* What kind of promises?” “It’s been how many years since he promised to donate $10 million to Metropolis public schools?” “Not the children!” “I KNOW!!”
“What are your thoughts on Gotham City’s famous vigilante, Batman, and his particular brand of justice?” “I think that Batman is doing the best he can for Gotham.” “Do you approve or disapprove of any of his practices?” “I don’t like when he was so violent :/“
“So I heard that you’ve become a sort of meme in Gotham.” “Oh no.” “For this segment, we’ll be going through some of the most viral photos of you on the internet. And there are a lot.” “Oh god.” “Why don’t you explain this photo and the context behind it?” *dying inside*
“Which would you say is your favorite charity to work with?” “Well, I have a lot of favorites! There is the Gotham City Disaster Relief Fund, The Real Change Foundation with Mayor Real, Food for Thought which provides free school lunches across the country. The Wayne Foundation is donating to just about everything under the sun. The Children’s Recreation Project gives money to rec centers in underdeveloped neighborhoods-“
Bruce is so relaxed by the end. A complete breath of fresh air
Anthony Padilla, bless him, is really gentle about the topic of Bruce’s parents. They only cover it for like one question, then move on, but the question is, “How has the death of your parents influenced your perspective on the world today?”
Bruce goes into a monologue about how he now has a much more personal perspective on both politics and greed. He’s made it his quest to lower the crime rate in Gotham City through his positive influence on the community: supporting the Justice system, connecting with local communities, closing the wealth gap by personally donating to homeless shelters, soup kitchens, crisis centers, and educational funds. “I used to believe that seeking retribution would take away the grief that I feel. But after the flood two years ago, and Gotham City experienced this sort of collective loss, I realized that what we need is hope for a better tomorrow. And love is always stronger than hatred.”
It’s really sweet :(
Buzzfeed: “PUPPY INTERVIEW”
This was Alfred’s apology for Hot Ones
Bruce is literally vibrating with excitement
“Where’s the puppy?” “They’re coming.” “…There’s more than one?!”
He gets trampled by them
He literally can’t breathe for a minute from how happy he is.
You know when you’re voice goes higher up in pitch the more excited you get? They literally can’t hear him. Only the dogs can.
He talks to them like they understand him, like he uses a baby voice, but it’s a completely normal conversation, but for some reason they always understand him
“Come here. Wanna sit in my lap?” “That one’s actually a bit timid.” *puppy gently tumbles into his lap* “…okay.”
*puppy yapping over Bruce’s answer* “Shhhhh…inside voice, please.” Puppy immediately quiets down to the surprise of the whole staff
What I’m trying to say is Disney Princess Bruce Wayne, OKAY??
He’s just laying on the floor the whole time while they climb all over him
“I’m sorry, what was the question?”
Watching one gnaw on his finger like a chew toy “Oh, you’re so big and strong.”
“I forgot the question. Can you repeat that?”
“And what’s your name?” “I’m gonna call you Princess :D”
They are ripping his sweater to shreds. (It costs more than a car, but does he give a shit? NO.)
Actually trying to answer the question for once: “I think I would maybe go into…” *puppy licks his face* “*tearing up* oh my god”
One of them falls asleep in his HANDS
The older dogs come in later (all courtesy of a nearby shelter) and he is so kind and gentle with them :(
They’re queuing up the next question, and Bruce literally falls asleep with a big fluffy senior dog on his chest.
(They have to wake him up. He is very groggy for the rest of the interview, but it just makes his baby voice cuter.)
“Can I adopt all of them?” Alfred, off screen: “No.” “Why not?”
He’s pouting up a goddamn storm when he is told that he can’t adopt Princess
Until, “There’s a kitten interview??!!?!? Can I do that too?”
Hence the first time ever that Bruce volunteers to be interviewed
OKAY THAT’S ALL I HAVE THIS WAS A LOT OF WORK SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ISTG I READ YOUR GUYS’ TAGS LIKE THE MORNING PAPER
Thank you for coming to my TedTalk :DDDD
Bruce Wayne, sitting in a cute eco-friendly cafe while on a video call with Tim: Oh Noooo, are you sure there’s no way the board of directors will let us get rid of this old decrepit Wayne Factory building that is unsafe for our workers and also for the surrounding environment?
CEO Tim, with equal gravitas: No, I’m afraid they just won’t budge. It technically meets legal requirements on paper, and we can’t prove that the chemicals affecting the local ecosystem that have no other possible source are from the out-of-date drainage system… they’re saying it would cost too much to fix the place up too, which is ridiculous, because we’re us, but our hands are tied…
Bruce, full Brucie himbo mode: Oh I just feel so SAD for all the sweet fluffy animals and the pretty flowers and especially our hard workers dealing with such unsafe conditions… I think I’ll give them all a nice short vacation this weekend, so the ENTIRE PLACE will be EMPTY and SHUT DOWN from FRIDAY TO TUESDAY, the SECURITY SYSTEM WILL BE DOWN because it’s just so GLITCHY, I’m sure nothing will happen to the ENVIRONMENTAL STAIN ON OUR COMPANIES NAME THAT WILL BE COMPLETELY ABANDONED FROM FRIDAY TO TUESDAY- Timmy do you think I’m being too subtle?
Tim, snickering: no no you’re doing great Bruce I’m sure they’ve got it
Poison Ivy, on a date the next table over: ( ‘-‘)-☕️
Harley, through tears of repressed laughter: so… we doing anythin’ this weekend?
I feel like Bruce Wayne projects the kind of amiable playboy 'fun' vibe that he'd be the type of celebrity that certain interviewers feel comfortable surprising with puppies.
You know the kind of shows I mean.
The late-night talk show situations where they're making benign small talk with their smiling guest, and there's a segment where animals get brought out, usually to talk about some sort of ecological relief effort.
So you're watching your trash TV talk show late at night, and you get to watch billionaire pretty boy Bruce Wayne be begrudgingly talked into holding a (relatively) harmless creature which inevitably gets a lot of delighted shrieks from the audience as it starts being a lot more active than the handler promised. And to his credit, Bruce doesn't flinch, he doesn't freak out. But his eyes are a little wide, and his voice a little tight as the smile on his face takes on a slight rictus quality before he's inevitably rescued by an apologetic handler who is also laughing because they all know there was no real danger, it was just funny to put Bruce, who is an undeniable good sport and already laughing along, out of his comfort zone for the sake of charity.
Meanwhile, up in the Justice League headquarters, several founding members of the League are wondering how fast they can get a fake Oscar award shipped to the space station because fuck off. Absolutely fuck off, Bruce. Where the fuck did he study? Juilliard? (Probably.)
(Clark ends up going to a novelty store during the commercial break. It's faster than trying to get anything shipped, even with the infrastructure Bats built for them. He finds it several days later taped to his console in a conspicuously empty briefing room. It's gaudy and awful, the words "Best Actor" engraved on the plaque. No one's around to see him smile. No one comments when it vanishes. Everyone thinks it's been yeeted out an airlock. Dick absolutely comments when it shows up in the manor, stashed in one of the trophy cases that sprung up for all the bat kids' school awards. Bruce has no idea how it got there. Must have been Alfred. (It was not.))
Anyway, consider, for your amusement, Bruce Wayne getting highjacked on The Gotham Toight Show with a handful of wriggling puppies and, for a split second, not having to pretend he's delighted to be there.
this is one of the funniest ninjago clips to me. everyone else pack it up and go home
This is crazy
I wish Americans fucked with more foreign music. You don’t have to know the language to appreciate a good record. Folks in other countries listen to our music and don’t speak a lick of english. Music needs no translator
never forget that despite being the younger of two shows by 2 years, ninjago has more seasons than rupauls drag race.
never forget that despite only airing in 2011, ninjago has been around longer than the official legalization of gay marriage in the u.s..
never forget that despite only being 12 years old, ninjago has lasted longer than the confederacy.
New Coraline design drop
Felt that it’s important to share videos like this too.
bruce could 100% be just a code name but i’m very fond of the idea that bruce could be a native english speaker because holy fuck the comedy of that. him forgetting a word in japanese and instead just saying something extremely vulgar in frustration and not caring because nobody there (besides maybe kudou) would understand him.
him and yoichi are like driving somewhere for supplies or something and bruce is just “hey can i play some western songs.” and yoichi’s just “omg yeah sure” and it’s the most. heinously inappropriate thing on the planet and he has to pretend like he isn’t on the verge of laughter because yoichi is just “:) wow what a nice song.”
I WANT ONE. A shark or a dinosaur or even like a duck.
FINALLY some good fucking feature ideas from the tumblr devs. tamagotchi renaissance now
Movie list tag. You're going to the movies, and these top 26 are going with you
Tag the first person for each letter of the alphabet
Mine: @amazinglybeautifulphotography , @breathtakingdestinations , @color-palettes , @drawingden , @everydaylouie , @fullcravings , @ginger-ale-official , @huyandere , @ikimaru , @junkmixart , @kawacy , @loish, @moringmark , @nasa , @one-time-i-dreamt , @pukicho , @quirkwizard , @re-unknown , @sweetoothgirl , @thatsthat24 , @unofficial-starter-packs , @vampiresconce , @writing-prompt-s , @xenvitavt, @yamujiburo , @zoe-oneesama
So what movie are we seeing? 😀
world_of_engineering_75 on Instagram
I had to see this image so now you do, too.
Me, refusing to leave tumblr: sir, this is my emotional support hellsite
Hey also you know that post about getting better at cooking and handling meat and stuff?
Meat is really expensive and it goes bad pretty quickly.
If you're a new cook and you're trying to figure out how to pan-fry something so that it tastes good, might I recommend tofu?
I'm not saying "treat tofu like meat and try to replace all your favorite meat dishes with tofu" (though, I mean, if that sounds good - go for it), I'm saying "it's a lot easier to practice heating a pan and flipping objects in a pan for a meal and seasoning objects in a pan when the objects in the pan cost two dollars instead of ten dollars."
Tofu lasts a lot longer in the fridge than meat does, is easy to season, and you can easily learn how to pan-fry it into a tasty snack (or main course) and only requires a little extra prep. You can also pretend that the tofu is raw meat (the texture isn't dissimilar) and start practicing for things like how to take it out of a package or cut it on a sanitizable surface, etc.
My favorite way to cook tofu is to press extra firm tofu for at least half an hour (you can get a cheap tofu press for around ten dollars, or you can put it between two plates with some books on the top plate - this is that extra prep i was talking about - tofu cooks best if you press the excess water out), then slice a 14oz cake of it into 8 slices. I lay these flat and sprinkle cayenne pepper, mushroom powder, and smoked paprika on all of the slices, then I rub it in and flip the slices and season the other side the same way. I cook it in a frying pan with a thin layer of avocado or olive oil over medium heat, flipping every two minutes until the flat sides start to crisp up a little. Just before the last flip I add about a tablespoon of tamari sauce (you can use soy sauce, I've just got allergies) to the pan, sprinkling it over the tofu so that both sides get a little bit of sauce on them.
I have that with steamed vegetables and with jasmine rice (with two teaspoons of rice wine vinegar per 3 cups of dry rice and 4.5 cups of water). I also make a honey-siracha-mayo sauce that I dip the tofu in.
It's really good. And now I end up eating leftover rice and sauce with fried eggs for lunch at least two days a week and that's also really good.
This has become one of my go-to low spoon foods because it's so easy to make, it's filling, it tastes good to me, and it has become extremely easy for me to keep a stock of tofu in the fridge compared to the effort of keeping un-expired meat in the fridge.
I find that a 14oz pack of tofu feeds two adults for one meal, though I can stretch that to three meals if I'm the only one eating.
It makes a very cheap, filling, easy dinner that I can keep the ingredients around for without too much concern for food waste or anything going bad (the tofu that I get lasts about a month in the fridge and these days I just buy three packs every time I'm at aldi and cycle in new stock - it costs $1.50 per pack)
If you're interested in becoming a better cook, rather than worrying about actual high-risk products like raw chicken that can be seriously dangerous and also cost a fair amount, tofu has a pretty low barrier to entry while also being a good way to learn on a new ingredient that has some similar properties to raw meat.
Ecosocialist praxis
i think their locker elevators are funny